


hAppiness

by MomoMoose



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Blood, Claude is a sweetheart, Cutting, Depression, Developing Friendships, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd is a Mess, Eventual Fluff, Fluff, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Not Beta Read, Rating May Change, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Build, Slow Romance, Strangers to Lovers, Suicidal Thoughts, Texting, irregular updates i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 135,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26562979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MomoMoose/pseuds/MomoMoose
Summary: Dimitri is a 19-year old student who, after tragically losing his parents, completely isolated himself from the world.The few friends and family he had, he pushed away and so he's been living his life in solitude and loneliness.His step-sister, who he barely ever saw, eventually decided that enough was enough, and she'd sent him to see a psychiatrist.Ultimately, the psychiatrist was the one to bring a change into his lonesome life, by offering him the chance to beta-test a new App that was being developed.And one challenge from the App was all it took to completely turn Dimitri's self-destructive life around.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 215
Kudos: 220





	1. Unhappy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cordeliasept](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cordeliasept/gifts).



> HELLOOOO welcome to my newest fic!! 
> 
> I'm super excited to post this bc the idea has been stuck in my head for a while and I just want to get it out as fast as possible 
> 
> ALSO I'm gifting this work to my dearest reader cordeliasept, mainly bc it's bc of them that I stayed in the FE3H fandom <3  
> It's not going to be as angsty as my first fic, but I still hope you'll enjoy it :) 
> 
> And if there's anyone else who'll enjoy it, that'd make me superduper happy!!

Another gust of wind hits Dimitri's face like a slap of cold air. He buries his face further into the high collar of his wintercoat.

Even though the weather is cold, freezing even, Dimitri doesn't mind. He much prefers winter over the scorching heat of summer.

Finally, the lone abandoned bus stop he's been heading towards comes into vision. In all honesty, he considered cancelling the appointment with his psychiatrist multiple times today, but the idea of making the phone call churns his stomach.

He knows it's an unreasonable anxiety; making and taking phone calls, but he can't help himself. Whenever he sees the calling button appear on his cellphone, his heartbeat will pick up and his hands will get clammy.

And that's all just from the thought of doing it.

After all, the last time he took a phone call, it was when 'that' had happened.

He won't risk it again. He's probably better off not knowing what the person on the other side has to say, anyway.

He stops walking as soon as he's reached the bus stop. There is one much closer to his home, but that one already had other people waiting in front of it.

It isn't that he has something against other people, not at all. They're the ones who have something against him, he's sure of it. He feels incredibly uncomfortable with being around other people. Especially strangers. He can't help but feel like they'll be staring at him, silently judging him. He's willing to go through great lengths in order to avoid any such situation.

He takes a deep breath through his nose, the cold burning in his nostrils. It isn't a nice feeling, but it comforts him somehow. He has been feeling numb for so long, that the only feeling he can feel now is pain. He doesn't mind. It's something, at least.

But his step-sister Edelgard didn't share that idea. She was the one who sent him to a psychiatrist in the first place, after she saw what he's been doing to himself. Had she not done that, well, Dimitri doesn't know where he'd be right now. He doesn't like to think about it.

But he wouldn't say he's thankful to her at all. It's her fault that he has to take this bus every Wednesday afternoon and go further into town just to see his psychiatrist. He doesn't like it.

He'd much rather just spend his afternoon studying and doing homework. Quietly, in his own apartment, where there is no one to bother him.

That sounds a lot better than stepping into this bus full of strangers, and then heading over to the psychiatrist's office.

He thinks he can just feel the strangers' stares burning into his entire being as he steps into the large vehicle.

"Ticket?" The busdriver asks.

Damn it, how could Dimitri have forgotten to take out his ticket before he stepped into the bus? He usually makes sure to be well-prepared so that he doesn't have to interact with anyone. Now he'll need to search for it in front of all the piercing eyes of the other passengers.

He quickly shrugs off his backpack from his shoulders to rummage in it. His cold fingers make it more difficult to find his wallet than it should be.

"I-I'm sorry," Dimitri stutters. "It's in here somewhere."

He rummages a bit more, messing up his papers.

"I don't have all day, boy. Hurry it along." The busdriver sighs as he sticks out his hand, ready to receive Dimitri's bus ticket.

Dimitri can feel heat rise up to his cheeks. He's very much aware of the irritation in the busdriver's voice, and likely the irritation all the other passengers are feeling now because of his negligence.

He digs to the bottom of his bag, but his wallet is still nowhere to be found. He can feel the shame coloring his cheeks even more, to the point where he can feel his back becoming hot and clammy.

"I'm really sorry, I must have forgotten my wallet at home. My apologies." Dimitri doesn't look up or think anymore as he turns around and literally flees right out of the bus, almost tripping over his own feet in his hurry.

Once more, it was his anxiety that had gotten the better of him. Not that Dimitri himself could think of a better solution, this was definitely the best way to have gone about this. He didn't want to bother the busdriver even more than he already had done. He quite literally had to stop in his tracks for nothing, after all.

The doors close behind his back and the bus takes off. When he looks, he can still see the busdriver shake his head as he drives off.

Well, that's all for today. Dimitri's embarrassed himself enough now. It's time to go home, appointment or not.

It isn't like he doesn't have the money to miss such an expensive appointment anyway. His parents have left him everything they owned, huge bank account included.

Dimitri is actually one of the small amount of people who understands that money really does not buy happiness. He could buy likely eighty percent of all things that are for sale, but he could never buy the possibility to see his parents again.

It's a terribly sad thought.

The cold winter air relieves the heat on his still hot cheeks a little bit. He waits a moment to try and forget about the humiliating scene from just now, but he knows he can't. He knows he's going to think about it, ponder it over and over tonight while he's supposed to be sleeping.

He already starts with preparing himself for another sleepless night. It's nothing new.

His psychiatrist had prescribed him sleeping medicine before, but he's scared to take them. What if he doesn't wake up in time to go to school? He doesn't have anybody around to wake him up. He can't take the risk. Better to just play it safe and not get any sleep.

His sleeping habits are pretty simple like that. He either sleeps fourteen hours in one go, or he doesn't sleep at all.

When he feels like he's ready to make the twenty-minute trip back to his apartment, he starts walking again.

He looks at his feet as he makes his way over the sidewalk. It's because the wind is cold in his eyes, he reasons, but he knows he does it because of his low self-esteem.

At least, that's what others have told him. 'Stand up straight. Keep your head up. Make eye contact when you're having a conversation.'

Dimitri never even realized he doesn't do any of those things until his psychiatrist pointed it out to him.

He tries it for a moment, to walk with his head held high. His range of vision expands greatly.

He's not sure if he likes that or not. And the cold wind still makes his eyes tear up.

He suddenly notices a pedestrian passing him with quick steps.

"Hello," the person greets, but Dimitri doesn't say anything back.

He's worried that his voice will sound weird, or that the other person won't hear him, so he won't use it. Instead, he changes the angle of his head again, going back to looking at his feet as he walks.

This is better. This is safe. Now he won't look approachable, so no one will greet him again. And he won't have to greet anyone either, since he can't see them.

When he reaches the end of the sidewalk, he takes a brief moment to look out for any cars. As attractive as it may sound, he'd rather not be run over by one. He wouldn't want to accidentally survive and turn out being disabled for the rest of his already miserable and pathetic life.

He waits for two cars to pass before he crosses the street. The rest of the walk back to his apartment goes by uneventfully.

He's glad about that. Now he can just lock himself back inside his small apartment and have some peace of mind. His day in school had been shitty, and now the bus thing happened as well.

He wants it all to just be over already. How easy that would be. To just let go, to take the easy way out...

But his father would not have wanted that for him. His father, who always had such high hopes for his dear and only son.

Dimitri was supposed to take over his father's company when he turned eighteen. He'd have finished high school and he'd get to learn everything he needed to know from his own father.

But all that got ruined on that fateful day. That, along with the rest of him.

Now he has decided to go to college to earn a degree. He hasn't planned ahead any further than that. He never expected to still be around for so long in the first place.

He steps into the apartment complex' elevator and presses on the button for floor number seven. He quickly follows that up with a fairly large number of presses on the close-elevator-button, but alas. The middle-aged woman with a dark purple mohawk and a tattoo in her neck just manages to stick her manicured hand in front of the sensor, causing the door to open again.

"Whew, barely made it," she says cheerfully as she joins Dimitri in the otherwise empty elevator.

Dimitri doesn't know what to say to that, so he stays silent. At least she didn't see he was trying to make sure she wouldn't have 'barely made it'.

The woman presses her finger against the button for the eleventh floor and leans back against the wall behind her. She looks Dimitri over once, which makes him feel very uncomfortable.

He shifts his gaze to his left, so that she disappears from his vision completely, but seeing his own face in the mirror that is placed inconveniently close to him isn't a much better option.

He sees now that he could really use a shower.

How long had it even been? He should probably take better care of himself. This greasy hair looks gross, even to the owner.

He gazes away from his reflection, instead choosing his safest option; staring at the floor as if it actually looks anything better than dirty and old.

"You look familiar," she starts. "Do I know you?"

Dimitri receives that question a lot. And that's because he was on the news when his father, a fairly important and well-known businessman, and his stepmother had lost their lives in a tragic car accident. Dimitri, being the one who was left from the Blaiddyd family, had gotten a huge amount of attention from the media. It's settled down over the few years that passed since then, but some people still recognize him. Even though he's currently growing his hair in an attempt to look less familiar.

The woman squints her eyes at him, likely because he's been ignoring her for the past half minute.

"U-uhm, no. You're mistaking me for someone else." His cheeks start coloring pink again and he feels the usual stickiness appearing on the palms of his hands.

He did not expect her to start talking to him so suddenly, so he didn't have any time to mentally prepare himself for a conversation. And he needs that time desperately. If he doesn't get the preparation time, his body acts up like this. It's incredibly annoying, but he simply doesn't know how to stop doing it. Other than the preparation time, anyway.

He checks the floor indicator above the elevator doors. It's about to pass the fifth floor, so he'll be able to leave this small space soon.

He focuses hard on trying to seem casual, but she keeps staring at him. He doesn't like it.

"No, I'm sure I've seen you before. Do you live here or something?"

Just then, the redeeming sound of the elevator chimes. It's arrived on the seventh floor. Dimitri doesn't know how fast he has to get out of the elevator once the doors start to open.

He keeps rushing until he's opened the frontdoor to his own apartment and entered the dark hall. Immediately after he enters, he closes the door again and locks it behind his back.

For the second time now, he shrugs his backpack off his shoulders. He takes off his coat and hangs it up before he grabs his bag off the floor. He then heads into the small second bedroom he turned into his study to start doing his homework. The papers he messed up before, he takes out of his bag and spreads them across his desk to sort them out again.

Now that he's finally back inside his own, comfortable home, he feels he can finally breathe again and relax a little. This is where he really is and wants to be the most.

He wasn't always like this. He didn't always lock himself up inside his room, with only himself to keep him company.

He actually had friends, quite a lot of them too. And his step-sister, Edelgard, was with his family very often. She used to spend a week with them and the other week with her father, who remained by himself after the divorce.

Edelgard stopped visiting after her mother died. Dimitri doesn't blame her for moving on. He just blames her for leaving him behind. Just like all of his other friends did. Because they didn't understand Dimitri.

No one understands Dimitri.

They kept telling him to stop running from his feelings. To stop hiding from what happened, so that he could face his demons and drown them. But Dimitri isn't hiding, nor running.

He's still here, after all. He wouldn't be if he were running.

Edelgard, however, recovered from losing her mother fairly quickly, so she didn't have any reason to still bother with Dimitri. If only she actually stayed away after leaving him behind.

A few weeks ago, she came to visit again after a while. At a very undesirable moment too; Dimitri had been in his bathroom, relieving himself from the numbness he constantly felt.

He agrees that his way isn't the best way, but he just doesn't know how else he's supposed to deal with himself. And besides, he's not hurting anyone with it.

He hurts no one but himself, which is fine. The wounds on his lower arm will heal in due time, so what does it matter?

But Edelgard couldn't understand.

She had demanded he open the door right away for she claimed she had an emergency, which caused him to have barely enough time to properly cover the cuts with a bandaid.

The blood had seeped through, and of course Edelgard had seen. Her face became extremely pale at the sight of it, and her eyes glistened with tears.

"You're getting help," she had told him. "And you're not refusing me. I'll take care of everything, all you have to do is go where I'll tell you to go. I'll text you any details. Let me just see your wounds first."

She had practically pulled him back into his bathroom and cleaned his wounds for him, along with the rest of the bloody mess he'd left behind in his rush. She hadn't said a word as she treated all the cuts on his left lower arm. There were quite a few, and he was honestly terribly embarrassed about Edelgard seeing them.

No one was meant to find out about the cuts, but especially not her. She's not the kind of person to easily let go of something. And Dimitri is not the kind of person who's strong enough to stand his ground, so he complied with all of her demands.

She had made all the phonecalls for him, arranged everything with his insurance and even accompanied him to his first few appointments with the psychiatrist she had approached for him.

Ah, right, he should probably let Edelgard know that he won't make it to the appointment today. He takes his phone from his pocket to send her a text.

* * *

_**Edelgard** _

_**Me** : I'm sorry, El. I can't make it to the appointment today._

_**15:38** _

* * *

There, that's fine. Now he can go back to organizing his books and papers for the so manieth time.

He never messes them up so bad that he has to organize them every day, but he has too much time and too little to do to fill it all up.

He takes a pen from his pencil case and starts writing down notes for his English homework, which is due to next Monday. It's probably enough to fill up the time he gained by missing his appointment, but it leaves a gap tomorrow evening, when he originally planned to complete this task.

He'll just wallow in self-pity tomorrow then. He could do that for hours and hours. Or he could take his razorblade and…

No, he could not. He had promised Edelgard that he would stop the self-harm. He hasn't done it since she caught him, so he won't succumb now.

Maybe he could just take a walk and sniff in some more cold air. That hurts plenty too.

His phone buzzes, indicating he received a message.

* * *

_**Edelgard** _

_**Edelgard** : I see. I'll make a new one right away. I do want an explanation for why you missed this one, though._

_**15:41** _

* * *

He doesn't feel like telling her about what happened in the bus. She'll just ridicule and belittle him, like she always does when he feels he encountered a serious problem.

Simply because she doesn't understand how much he struggles with literally almost everything. In all honesty, the only thing actually going well in his life are his grades in school. But that's because he simply has nothing else to do other than study and do his homework.

* * *

**_Edelgard_ **

_**Me** : Something came up, so I missed the bus. I'll go to the following appointment next week._

**_15:43_ **

* * *

He wonders if that'll be enough to appease her. Probably not. Edelgard just isn't pleased with tiny bits. She always has to have all she can get.

Shortly after his text was sent, his phone buzzes once again.

* * *

**_Edelgard_ **

_**Edelgard** : That won't do, Dimitri. You need to have these conversations. I'll call Mrs. Casagranda right away for a new appointment. I'll get back to you._

**_15:44_ **

* * *

He sighs deeply. He wishes Edelgard would just leave him be, like everyone else did.

Then at least he wouldn't have to feel guilty about disappointing anyone. His phone buzzes once more from a text from Edelgard.

* * *

**Edelgard**

_**Edelgard** : I just called mrs. Casagranda. She said she'll make some time for you after her hours. You can go and see her at 5 p.m. Don't be late this time._

**_15:48_ **

* * *

He puts his phone away again. There went the last of his hope of having a quiet evening. He doesn't mind the conversations with mrs. Manuela much though. She, at least, seems to understand his feelings a little.

But the idea of riding the bus back home just doesn't sit well with him. He feels nervous already, just thinking about how filled with passengers the bus will be right after six.

He can already foresee what's bound to happen. He'll have to wait at the bus stop, along with too many people for comfort. He'll get in last, because he always stays behind everyone. And then he'll be uncomfortable during the whole ride because someone will be standing too close to him.

Today really isn't a good day.

He hopes that mrs. Manuela can fix his mood a little. Maybe she'll finally prescribe him some medication that will help him deal with his depression a little.

After sighing once, he runs a hand through his greasy hair. He considers having a quick shower before he leaves his home again, but then decides against it.

Because, what's the point? He doesn't even have the energy right now. And who even cares, anyway? As long as Dimitri himself doesn't look at his reflection, he can't be bothered by it.

He checks his phone again. Maybe Edelgard had sent another message and he hadn't felt the buzz.

His screen lights up, but there aren't any new notifications.

He doesn't know why he feels a bit disappointed about that. It's not like it's common for her to send a message at all.

If anything, they only exchange words when she wants to, not when he needs it. Of course, she does respond when he tells her something she doesn't enjoy. But even a simple greeting gets ignored most of the time.

These are really the times when he realizes just how alone he is. He doesn't have any friends, he has no family, and he doesn't even like himself as company.

Good thing there's one person he can talk to regularly. Even if she only listens to him because he pays her, she still listens. If only it wasn't such a hassle to get to her every single time.

Oh, right. Maybe he should look for his wallet first before he leaves his apartment again. He really does not want to repeat the scene from earlier.

He gets up from his deskchair to start the search for his wallet. It's still a confusing matter, since he's certain he took it with him to school today. He always has his wallet with him, because his ID card is in it.

Just in case he might get involved in an 'accident'. At least it will be easy for whoever finds him to identify him. It might save them a lot of trouble.

He decides to search the pockets in his coat first. He knows he should have been able to feel the weight of his wallet as he wore the coat today, and he didn't, but he still checks it just to be sure. As expected though, it's not in any of his pockets. And it wasn't in his bag either.

So then… someone must have stolen it in school. Someone took it, likely because they figured out Dimitri has a lot of money.

But when? He always carries his bag with him, no matter where he goes. Even when he has to use the bathroom, he takes it into the stall with him. Although he receives a lot of mean and rude comments about that, such as other guys asking him if he's on his period and if he needs some extra pads or tampons.

It always leaves with a feeling of shame and humiliation. Why do they need to pick on him, when he does nothing wrong? He doesn't even talk to anyone! It's not fair. Can't bullies just bother other bullies and leave innocent people out of it?

Either way, he suspects one of his bullies has actually stolen his wallet. He'll have to call his bank and have them block his bank card.

Call the bank and block his card… Call the bank… Call... His heart starts beating loudly at the thought.

Nope, not happening. He doesn't care even if the thief spends all of the money that's in his account right now. He doesn't even know how much that is. He doesn't really care either. Money isn't that important to him.

Because, when you have money, but you're terrified to go out and spend it, what good is it? He'd much rather just have someone. A friend, perhaps. Or maybe just a stranger he can talk to ever so often.

Just someone he can feel comfortable with. Someone who wouldn't judge him for who he is. Maybe someone who can get him back on his feet.

Psh, who is he kidding? He already has someone like that; mrs. Manuela. Yet none of her efforts can satisfy him. And if she, a professional psychiatrist can't even save him, who can?

No one. Dimitri is all alone in this world, left behind by those he loves the most. And he wonders if he'll ever be able to move on.

Rather than keeping up the search for his pretty important wallet, he decides to text Edelgard once more to let her know of his new predicament. Surely she wouldn't blame him for having his wallet stolen. It's not his fault.

* * *

**_Edelgard_ **

_**Me** : Sorry to bother once more, but I can't make it to the appointment today. It seems my wallet was stolen in school_

**_16:01_ **

* * *

There. She can't argue with that. And best of all, she can't force him to go if he doesn't have what he needs to make it to mrs. Manuela's office.

He puts his phone away again, silently waiting for Edelgard's response. Dimitri fully believes that she'll give up and leave him be. It's only for the better. Mrs. Manuela shouldn't stay late just for him anyway. He isn't worth the trouble. He'll see her next week, so why the rush?

It's not like another week could make a difference to his mental state. One week's conversation can't give him enough confidence to last until the next.

* * *

_**Edelgard** _

_**Edelgard** : Oh my god, Dimitri. Stop making up excuses! I arranged FOR YOU that you could go and see mrs. Casagranda today, so you're going and that's the end of it. Do you realize she's actually sacrificing her free time for your sake? Take some responsibility._

**_16:04_ **

* * *

Dimitri's a bit taken aback by her response. Did she really think he lied about his wallet being stolen? He can't just conjure his wallet back! But at the same time, she's right. Mrs. Manuela was kind enough to stay behind today to wait for him, so it'd be terribly rude and disrespecting not to go.

His phone buzzes once more and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't hoping it's Edelgard again to let him know the appointment is cancelled after all.

* * *

_**Edelgard** _

_**Edelgard** : By the way, did you check the front pocket of your bag? I believe I saw you put your wallet in there._

**_16:06_ **

* * *

The front pocket..? No, he hadn't searched that one yet. He walks over to his study again and picks up his bag once more, only to actually have it reveal the wallet in its front pocket, like Edelgard mentioned.

How is her memory so great?

He picks up his phone to thank her. Despite his desire to cancel the appointment, he's still very relieved to know he doesn't have to call the bank or visit the city hall because he lost his important cards.

* * *

_**Edelgard** _

_**Me:** Thank you very much. I hadn't thought of that yet. Your memory is as great as ever!_

_**16:07** _

* * *

Satisfied with his response, he lays down his phone again. He's subconsciously waiting for another reply from Edelgard, silently hoping the conversation will keep going.

Yet, she doesn't seem to feel the same way. It's been six minutes and his phone has remained silent the whole time. He decides to check his messages to find out that his previous message has been read, but not replied to. He probably really annoyed her with his 'excuses'.

Since it's almost a quarter past four, and his appointment is at five, he should probably get going. He tries not to feel down because he failed to keep his conversation with Edelgard alive, but it's not working at all.

What should he have said differently? He wasn't trying to make up excuses, he really thought his wallet was gone, so…

It's his fault. He's too boring, too depressing to talk to. No matter when he and Edelgard talk, his problems always become the topic of their conversation. She must be completely fed up with him by now, and he honestly doesn't even blame her.

She has every right to leave him behind. But he really does want a friend. Someone to hold his head above the water he's slowly drowning in.

But it seems that's too much to ask. He himself is shy, not at all talkative and extremely bland. All of his classmates already found out about that when he had to introduce himself at the beginning of the school year. He had nothing interesting to say about himself, which led to him already being the outcast of his class.

Almost no one bothered to talk to him anymore after that, and those who did try, were chased off by his inability to hold a proper conversation. It's not that he doesn't want to, he just doesn't know how to.

He spends too much time staying silent and thinking about a proper response, which leads to the other person becoming bored with him in less than two seconds. They give up on the conversation, or just won't bother to try it again after he finally decided on a reply. And those replies are usually so impersonal that they're just too difficult for the other party to respond to.

He knows what he has to change, it's so painfully obvious. But it's not possible for him. If he doesn't take the time to think about a proper reply, he might say something embarrassing. And that's even worse than people not talking to him. He hates that feeling of shame, which he's become so very used to by now.

His cheeks will turn red, and the other person will know he's embarrassed. He's been laughed at and made fun of so many times, just because of his blushing. He hates it.

With a heavy body, he finally decides to grab his things and head outside again, back into the coldness of the winter. At least when he's cold, his thoughts stop racing. He won't be able to focus on anything but his cold body and trying to warm up again, so that's good.

He glances over at the bus stop at the end of his street to see how crowded it is right now. He can see the shapes of three individuals standing there and waiting for the bus to appear.

Only three… That isn't so bad, thankfully. He won't make it in time to mrs. Manuela's office if he has to walk to the other stop first. Even though he is sure that there won't be anyone waiting there.

He still isn't sure why he settled on an apartment on a busy street. It sounded convenient, since he'd be close enough to walk to most of his regular destinations. But what he hadn't considered were the crowds of people everywhere. Even in his apartment complex alone, he constantly hears the voices of his neighbors.

But moving is too much of an effort, so he forgets about the idea completely.

He silently joins the three people near the bus stop, but he makes sure to stay a distance away from them. They haven't spotted him, so that's great.

He takes out his phone from his pocket to check the time. It's sixteen minutes past four, so his bus will arrive in approximately nine minutes.

There still isn't a reply from Edelgard either.

He takes a deep breath, feeling the sharp cold sting in his airways. He repeats the action a few times, until he feels he's calm enough to accept the fact that Edelgard shut him out.

A few more hours until today is over. Surely he can manage that long. Tomorrow a new day, hopefully with some sort of medication to deal with his anxieties better. He's scared to ask mrs. Manuela directly, but he'll hint at it.

The wait seems much longer than it is, and Dimitri occupies himself by opening and closing apps on his phone. He hasn't installed any games on it, because mrs. Manuela warned him that he's extremely vulnerable to addictions. And the last thing he needs is to get addicted and waste time on something useless.

Finally, the bus turns the corner to his street. In order to prevent another humiliating scene from happening, he takes his wallet from his bag before the bus comes to a halt. As usual, Dimitri waits until the other passengers have entered before he makes a move to get inside.

"Ticket?" The busdriver asks.

Without a word, Dimitri gives him his ticket. The busdriver nods as he returns it.

To Dimitri's relief, the bus is still relatively empty. He takes a seat on an empty chair as close to the busdriver as possible. He hates having to make his way past the occupied seats, so he prefers sitting near the busdriver's seat.

He's sitting next to an elderly woman who has to get off two stops before his, so he gets up from his seat to let her pass. She's struggling a little, and Dimitri acts without thinking. He surprises himself as he takes a gentle hold of her hand and guides her out of the vehicle.

When she steps out, she turns to him. "Thank you very much, young man. It's always such a hassle to get out of the bus. You see, I recently had a knee surgery, so I can't move as well as I used to anymore. It doesn't really hurt normally, but it feels incredibly stiff. The doctor told me to keep exercising, but that's when it does start hurting…"

The elderly woman keeps talking about her knee, and Dimitri isn't rude, so he keeps listening. He gives her the occasional smile and nod to indicate he hears her, but inwardly he's panicking.

He needs to cut this conversation short and get back on the bus. But how does he tell her that?

"Uhm…" He cuts her off mid-sentence and gestures to the vehicle that's still waiting for him, hoping the woman understands what he means.

"Oh, oh, pardon me. I got completely carried away! Here, let me at least thank you for the help."

She sticks her hand into the pocket of her coat to take something before she takes Dimitri's hand and opens it.

"Here, you can buy some candy with it," she tells him with a huge smile.

She patters off and Dimitri hurries back into the vehicle, apologizing to the busdriver as he takes back his seat. To his surprise, the man doesn't even mind and compliments him for his efforts of helping the lady.

It feels nice to be appreciated and Dimitri can't help the smile that starts to form on his face. When he checks his closed hand to see what the elderly woman gave him, he feels a huffy laugh escape his nose.

She actually gave him a two-euro coin. How sweet of her, although completely unneeded. She probably needs her money much more than he does. If he had more time, he would have thankfully refused her money, but he was in too much of a hurry.

Still, it feels great to have done something nice for somebody else. He'd do it more often, if he wasn't so scared. For some reason, the elderly woman didn't trigger any anxieties, so he could act the way he wanted to. Old people tend to have that effect on him, unless they're rude of course.

Maybe he should work in a retirement home. But that means he'd have to switch classes, so he decides against it. He doesn't feel like starting everything over again.

The rest of the busride goes by uneventfully, and even the walk towards mrs. Manuela's office passes without any incidents. He's thankful, even more when he realizes the office building is completely empty already.

Before he enters mrs. Manuela's personal office, he gently knocks on the door.

"Come in," she says in her usual sing-songy voice.

He does, and he takes a seat at her desk immediately.

"So, Dimitri, what happened? Edelgard told me you missed the bus."

He braces himself before he answers. He knows he can tell her everything, including his unreasonable anxieties and ideas. But it's embarrassing to say it out loud, because he knows they're unreasonable.

"Well, I didn't… technically… miss the bus."

She nods encouragingly, spurring him on to continue.

"I made the bus, but I forgot to take my wallet, so when the busdriver asked for my ticket, I didn't have it ready yet. And then it took too long before I found my wallet and I panicked so I left the bus again and then I didn't want to come here anymore. I know it's stupid, and I'm sorry for wanting to miss our appointment for that reason but I just didn't know what else to do."

"Hmm, I see. You told me before that you struggle with the other passengers in a bus, so why don't you go for your own driver's license? You wouldn't have to worry about other people if you can travel independently." She picks up her pen and plays with it, patiently awaiting Dimitri's answer.

This is the reason he appreciates her. She gives him solutions, but also allows him to consider them instead of forcing them on him.

"I don't know. I just… I don't know who to talk to, or how to start or stuff like that."

She writes down something on an empty sheet of paper, but Dimitri can't read exactly what.

"Alright, how about next time, we look up some drive instructors? We can decide together who'll be a good match for you. Today, I actually have something I've been wanting to talk to you about, but I want you to listen first, and then judge, okay?"

"Okay, I'll try." He and mrs. Manuela both know that Dimitri is exactly the type of person to reject an idea that he doesn't initially feel comfortable with, despite the many things he could gain from it.

"Perfect. So here's the thing; I would like you to try something new. You see, some time ago, a few psychiatrists and technical developers have started to work on a new App, and the beta-version is finally ready to be tried out. I think it'll be perfect for you to test. The concept is pretty simple, every day the App will give you one challenge to complete. Those challenges will help you overcome your anxieties and insecurities. For example, the App will challenge you to… to simply greet somebody. And for every completed challenge, you'll receive points which will unlock even more challenges to try out. It's even possible to postpone, reschedule or skip a challenge you don't feel up to doing. Of course, this App requires its user to be perfectly honest about the completed challenges, or else it won't work. The reason I signed you up as a beta tester, is because I really believe that this could help you. And the best thing is that you have nothing to lose. If you haven't managed to complete the challenge, the App will automatically reschedule it, either randomly or you can decide when you want to try it again. Doesn't that sound promising?"

That was a lot to take in, so Dimitri feels a bit taken aback by it. An App that will challenge him to overcome his anxieties? Doesn't that seem a bit too simple? And the idea of even more challenges as a reward for his efforts doesn't really sound very motivating. Should he tell her that?

"Uhm, well…"

She waits until he's collected his thoughts.

"I'm not sure if… I mean… Doesn't that sound a bit… simple? I don't know if it'll really work, I struggle with a lot of things, so…"

"I know, honey, I know. But that's why this would be a good thing to try. It does sound simple, but a large amount of things you struggle with are covered with lots of different types of challenges. It won't hurt to try, will it? How about we try it for just a week? Next appointment you can tell me if you want to continue using it or if you feel like it really won't work."

He considers it. He's not sure if it really won't hurt to try it. What if he fails a challenge? What if he fails continuous challenges in a row? What if he can't even complete one challenge? That would be extremely disappointing.

"What's on your mind, darling?"

He looks up from where he was gazing at his hands underneath mrs. Manuela's desk. "I was just thinking that… maybe I won't be able to complete any challenges at all."

"That's alright. You shouldn't worry about disappointing anyone, since it's just technology. In fact, if you can't complete any challenges at all, I'll just send that to the developers as feedback for making the challenges too difficult. They'll fix it, and if you'll be up for it, you could try again."

What she says makes perfect sense, but Dimitri still has doubts. If an App could really cure his depression, wouldn't that be too good to be true?

"Isn't there something else that could… help me with my anxieties? M-Maybe make me feel calmer?" He hopes he can have some anti-depressants now. He's sure they will work much better than an App.

"You know I'm not a fan of those… Okay, let's agree on something. If you install the App and try it for one week, earnestly try it, and it doesn't work for you, I'll prescribe you something to help the anxious feelings."

He takes a deep breath as he imagines all the scenarios that can go wrong when he tries a challenge. It doesn't motivate him at all, but surely he can put up with it for one week. If he can just receive some medications, he'll feel better, he's sure of it.

"Uhm, okay. I'll try it."

A smile graces mrs. Manuela's delicate face. She looks a lot younger when she smiles, he notices.

"Thank you, Dimitri. And let me tell you once again, you don't have to worry about disappointing anyone when you're using the App. Although, would you like to set a goal for yourself, and work towards that? We can start with, let's say… two challenges before next week?"

This is going way too fast for Dimitri. He's still thinking about all the things that could go wrong.

"T-Two sounds alright…"

"I'm very proud of you, darling. I know it was hard to decide this right here, right now, but you still did. Good job. May I see your phone for just a second? Just to install the App, of course." She giggles softly.

He unlocks his phone before he hands it over to her. She explains something about needing a code to login, but Dimitri is only half listening. What in the world has he gotten himself into?

He's not ready, he knows he isn't. Talking to strangers and who knows what else? Mrs. Manuela may say that he can't disappoint anyone, but that's completely untrue. He is perfectly capable of disappointing himself, and that's a terrible feeling.

Sure, the goal of completing two challenges doesn't sound like too much, but he's already nervous about finding out what he'll have to do.

"It's alright, honey. No need to stress about this. We'll get through it together, okay? Next week, you can tell me all about how it went, what was difficult, and things that went well. I'm sure you'll do just fine."

He nods hesitantly. "Yeah, okay…"

She hands him back his phone, which now has a new icon on his homescreen.

'hAppiness', it's called, and the icon consists of just a square with a smileyface.

"Now honey, why don't you tell me about your week?"

And Dimitri does, but his attention keeps drifting to the new App that's installed on his phone.

An App that will change his life around, it's just too good to be true, right?


	2. hAppy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooooo !!
> 
> Tbh I'm not TOO proud of this chap but I just wanted to get it out as quickly as possible bc after this one, the REAL story starts so until now was just meeting our mc and seeing into his mind and stuff 
> 
> Bear with me guys, it'll get better! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy nevertheless :) 
> 
> (Also holy crap those kudos came in like ka-ching i didn't know what i was seeing thank you all so much <3)

As soon as he gets home, Dimitri opens the App that was installed on his phone by his psychiatrist. 

It starts loading, which takes about forty seconds. Despite that he's feeling incredibly sceptical about this concept, he is curious to see what his first challenge will be. 

Will it really be something simple like mrs. Manuela said? To just greet somebody? He feels he can do that if he really puts his head to it. 

The screen changes from the loading screen to… the same smileyface that was on the icon before. Except it's much larger, and it speaks. 

'Hi there! My name is hAppy and I will be your personality assistant starting today! Together, you and I will tackle multiple obstacles that will help you change yourself. Now, before we get started, what's your name?' 

Dimitri fills in his name in the designated blank space. Meanwhile, he walks over to his living room to sit on his couch. He feels he'll be spending quite some time on this App, so he might as well get comfortable.

'Nice to meet you, Dimitri! I hope we'll get along! I'd like to get started right away, but first, I need a bit more information about who you are. What are things you struggle with, or things about yourself you'd like to work on?' 

A list with multiple options appears on his screen. A couple of words catch his attention immediately, so he ticks them.

'You picked: _depression, (social) anxiety, loneliness, communicating with others, self-esteem, insomnia_. Is that correct?' 

He picks 'yes'. It's a bit weird to see a list of all things that are wrong with him. It makes him feel as if he's a downright failure on every aspect.

'Thank you for your honesty! Please give me some time to filter and organize the challenges…'

It starts loading again, so Dimitri takes this small break to rub both his eyes. He's tired, extremely so. Maybe the App will give him a challenge that will make him sleep easy. Now that's something that would help.

He picks up his phone from his lap again to find that the loading screen has disappeared and hAppy is talking to him again. 

'Would you like to prioritize any of your selections?' 

The list, now much smaller than the first, reappears and Dimitri is given the choice to either set numbers to prioritize selections, or not to. 

He chooses not to prioritize anything, because he struggles with everything equally much. 

The App starts loading again. 

'Okay, done! I have shuffled all challenges regarding your selections. But before we start, how about I explain how I work?' 

Once more, he is given a choice. He can either see the tutorial, or skip it. Even though mrs. Manuela explained the larger part already, he still chooses to see the tutorial. 

'Great! Now, this will be quite a lot of information, so if you can't remember it all, or missed something, you can read it again in the **help** menu. 

As was mentioned before, we will work with challenges. Every day a new one! It will be possible to set the time for you to receive your daily challenge in the **options** menu later. 

First, you'll get to see what the challenge is, and then you'll be shown three options. You can either _take on_ the challenge, _skip_ the challenge, or _reschedule_ it. 

When you _take on_ the challenge, you will have an amount of time, chosen by yourself, to complete the challenge. Once you decide to do the challenge, again, you'll be shown some options. This time, it's _challenge cleared_ or _challenge failed_.

When you clear a challenge, you will receive ten clearance points! Check the **points** menu to see your rewards. Also, when the time you've given yourself runs out before you've cleared your challenge, it will automatically be rescheduled to a different day, so keep that in mind!

Next, I'll explain the _skip_ challenge button. This speaks for itself, but in case it's not entirely clear, this option means that you will skip this challenge and it will not be shown to you again, unless you enable this challenge to appear again in the **challenges** menu. 

And last but not least, the _reschedule_ option. Unlike the _skip_ option, with this option you will be able to set another day to complete the challenge, or you can set it to random and then I'll pick a new day to challenge you again! 

Phew, that was a lot, but that covers the biggest part. Was that clear, or would you like to read it again?' 

That really was a lot, but Dimitri thinks he got the gist of it. He chooses 'clear'.

HAppy nods before it jumps over to the corner of the screen to explain the lay-out of the main screen. 

At the top right corner, there's a small button that folds and unfolds the menu. At the top left corner is a small clock that indicates how much time is left to complete a challenge once Dimitri chooses to take it on. In the middle of the screen, there's a blank slate that will show the challenge once it appears, and underneath it are three for now empty slots that will contain _take on_ , _skip_ , and _reschedule_. 

'Was that clear, or would you like to read it again?' 

Again, Dimitri presses 'clear'. It all sounds pretty simple. He supposes he'll really be the one who has to do the real work. 

'Almost there now, but let's set up the App first. Please set the time on which you'll receive your daily challenge.' 

He is shown a clock which resembles his alarm. He has his morning alarm set at five-thirty a.m., so he sets the App alarm at six a.m. At least he'll have thirty minutes of peace and calm before he has to stress about the challenge he's going to receive. 

Dimitri isn't one to lie, not even to himself, so he's willing to admit he does feel a little excited to see what his first challenge will be. HAppy's done a great job in piquing his interest, and now he feels like he doesn't even want to wait for tomorrow. 

Unfortunately, he still has a few hours to kill until his bedtime. And it's only then that he realizes it's already past seven p.m. and he hasn't eaten yet. To be fair, he hasn't eaten since this morning, and that was only one slice of bread to prevent his stomach from making sounds during class.

He hates when that happens; it always draws everyone's attention to him. He'll get embarrassed, his cheeks will get flushed and people will laugh at it. 

But he just can't eat. His throat feels tight almost constantly and he feels he'll get nauseous if he so much as smells food. His kitchen cabinets are empty for the most part, and there isn't much in his fridge either. He wonders why he even has a kitchen in the first place.

He was never taught how to cook food, and he can't find the energy to teach himself. All Dimitri does is order food and groceries online that he can last quite some time with, so he can limit the human interaction to a bare minimum. 

He picks up his phone again to finish off installing the rest of the settings and to check out the menu of the app. 

He sets a time of twelve hours for him to complete his challenges. That means he'll have from six a.m. until six p.m. to, for example, greet somebody. 

That's plenty of time, he reasons. Since it's usually the only time he spends outside of his apartment. School and mrs. Manuela's office are the only places he visits in a week. 

When even was the last time he went anywhere for fun? He can't remember. Likely when he still hung out with his old friends after school, but that hasn't happened in a while. 

Over three years, to be exact. That's how long he's had to miss the reliable presence of another person by his side. 

Dimitri still feels bitter about the fact that even his three best friends left him behind as they moved on with their lives, not even looking back at him once. 

Why couldn't they have stayed? Why couldn't they keep looking after him, especially when he needed them most? It broke his heart at the time, and now there's nothing left but bitterness. 

His improving mood goes back downhill fast when his mind unwillingly recalls some of the happiest memories he shares with those best friends. They did everything together, visited each other's houses whenever they liked and there was no room for secrets between any of them. 

But all that changed when Dimitri had received the dreadful phone call. They had been hanging out and watching movies together at Dimitri's house at the exact moment. When he hung up the phone and burst out in tears, they offered to stay with him, so he wouldn't be alone. 

He had refused. He wanted nothing but to be alone, scream until his throat felt raw and cry until he fell asleep. 

The next time, they offered for him to stay at one of their places instead, so he wouldn't be alone. But he had refused once more. He didn't want to be a bother to them and their families, because Dimitri knew they all had their own troubles. He would manage on his own, and then no one would be around to see him cry.

Then, they once offered to head into town together, just to hang out and have fun with each other, and he refused again. He didn't want to kill the good mood with his own gloominess. 

It had already been two weeks then, since he last saw them, but they texted him ever so often to ask how he was doing. Sometimes he'd reply, but most times he didn't feel like it. His answer never changed anyway; it was always just 'bad'. They couldn't lift his spirits, no matter what they tried.

And eventually they stopped trying altogether. They moved on. Of course, not without telling Dimitri that he needed to 'just move on' too. 

He didn't take that comment well. He got angry, furious even. He called them names, blamed them for his terrible life and then never spoke to them again. He ignored their texts, didn't pick up his phone anymore whenever a call came in. And like that, they were gone. 

He misses them, but he knows it's too late to reach out to them now. They probably hate him, despise him, maybe even wish he'd been inside the car with his parents when they crashed. 

He wishes it too.

His eyes start burning, but no tears come out. Dimitri likes to believe he cried out all of his tears a long time ago, and that they're just empty of any fluid right now. 

Maybe it's best if he tried to get some sleep, despite that it's still early. He already knows he won't do tomorrow's challenge, not when he feels this shitty. He'll need a good day if he wants to complete at least one challenge. 

But he feels like he's tired enough to get some sleep now. He hasn't slept since the day before yesterday, so hopefully he can finally grant his body the rest it desperately craves. 

With a heavy heart, he picks himself up from the couch and drags himself over to his bedroom. He doesn't feel like brushing his teeth or changing into pajamas, so he just slips off his shoes, socks and pants and crawls under his covers, still wearing his shirt. 

Maybe he'll change it tomorrow morning, but he already suspects that he won't. There's no one he needs to dress nicely for, so he doesn't ever bother. 

As if a miracle happens, as soon as his head touches his pillow, drowsiness starts clouding his head. Before he drifts off, he says a silent prayer for himself. 

'May I please stay asleep this time?' 

But alas, no one hears his quiet plea. 

.

No one but his loyal alarm clock, which wakes him the following morning at five-thirty a.m., just like every day. 

His eyes struggle with opening, but even more with staying open. The alarm keeps on ringing relentlessly, worsening his already throbbing headache. Morning has come, and Dimitri had sleep, but now he wishes he hadn't. 

The hours of sleep he got weren't enough to satisfy his still worn out body, and he will know that by experiencing one of the worst headaches in headache-history. If only he could just stay in bed all day and catch up on some more much needed sleep. 

But he can't, because there isn't anyone around to call the school to let them know he'll be absent today. And there is absolutely no way he'll do it himself, so that's not an option either. 

Reluctantly, he shuts off his alarm and rolls out of bed. Time to start another shitty day. 

At least most of today's classes are bearable, but still, he hopes today will pass quickly. The weekend is right around the corner. Not that he has any exciting plans, but he likes to be on his own in his apartment. He won't have to see any other person's face, or deal with his bullies in school. 

Yes, the weekend is definitely his favorite time of the week. Too bad it's just so short. 

He briefly considers changing his shirt, and after smelling it, he decides that it's still passable. He does change his underwear and then heads into his bathroom to brush his teeth. 

Or, well, that was the idea, but as soon as he steps into his bathroom and looks in the mirror, he freezes. He looks like an absolute trainwreck. The horrible sight shocks even himself. 

His hair is as greasy as it's ever been, the bags under his eyes are huge and his too big shirt looks terrible on his slim figure. He lost a lot of weight recently, but it hasn't bothered him until now. Fuck, he looks terrible. 

Is this why people keep staring at him? Is it because he looks as awful as he feels? But then, would they stop if he looked… normal? What even is normal? How did he used to look? 

He used to look like Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, but now he doesn't know who he's staring at. Who the person is that's staring right back at him. That person with the unhealthy pale skin, the hollow cheeks and the empty blue eyes. 

That can't be him. Dimitri was always told he took so much after his father, yet the person in the mirror looks nothing like him. 

Perhaps it really is time to make a change, but where does he start? Will a shower make him feel better? He'll still be skinny. Should he start eating more then? But even that won't bring any light to his eyes. 

It's just no use. No matter what he does, he will never get better. He will forever be a failure, a loser. He can't change, no matter who gets involved or what they make him do. He should do the whole world a favor and just end his pathetic existe-

His phone pings from where he left it in his bedroom. He hasn't heard the particular sound yet, but then he remembers it's probably hAppy, sending him his first challenge. 

Those challenges… Mrs. Manuela said they'll help him with his anxieties. Can he believe her? 'It won't hurt to try', she said. 

She hasn't lied to him before. Not even when she told him that he reflects his own mood on other people. He thought it was silly, because people feel the way they feel, not how somebody else feels. But whenever he does speak to someone, as rare as it may be, their moods do seem to get worse.

And it's all his fault. It's because he can't stop feeling like a pathetic nobody. 

Maybe hAppiness is what he needs. Maybe it's the start he's looking for. 

He gathers all of his energy, which isn't a lot, his courage and motivation as he steps back into his bedroom, heading straight for his phone. 

As he suspected, his lock screen shows a notification from hAppy. 

'Are you ready for your next challenge?' It says. 

No, Dimitri is not, but he's reached a new low and he's desperate to crawl back up now. He can't go to school like this. No one should ever have to see him like this, it'll hurt their eyes. 

So he unlocks his phone and opens hAppiness. 

'It's time to receive your daily challenge!' HAppy announces. 

A button with the word 'receive' appears and he presses it. 

'Well then, here goes! Today, I challenge you to…' 

It loads for a second before a single line of text appears in the slot that was empty before. 

'Make yourself feel as beautiful or handsome as you can today.' 

_Take on, skip,_ or _reschedule?_

He doesn't need a lot of time to think about this one. It's as obvious as the nose on a face. 

And he chooses…

_Take on challenge_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, so, so much for reading!! 
> 
> I love you all


	3. The road towards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY Y'ALL 
> 
> this chapter is dark  
> Really dark
> 
> BUT that means it's only going to get better for our most precious dima from here on out
> 
> ***Warning for self-harm***
> 
> Hope you enjoy!! :) <3

_'Make yourself feel as beautiful or handsome as you can today.'_

That's the challenge Dimitri has to complete, before six p.m. tonight. To 'make himself feel as beautiful as he can'. 

But how does one do that? Dimitri never thought of himself as beautiful or handsome. But it's not about _being_ beautiful, right? 

He has to _feel_ beautiful.

...

...Why is he doing this to himself? 

He should have skipped. He should have skipped and never enabled this challenge to appear again. 

He takes a deep breath to try and get himself together. 

Alright, this shouldn't be so hard. Dimitri's standards are extremely low anyway, so a flower in his hair could probably make him feel beautiful. Too bad he doesn't own any flowers. 

So, for now, he'll just have the shower he's been considering for some time. Maybe that will make him feel 'beautiful', although he doubts it. A shower hasn't made him feel beautiful ever before, so why would now be different?

With quick footsteps, he returns to his bathroom and locks the door behind him before he strips down. This time, he avoids looking in the mirror as if he'll summon a demon out of it if he does it again. 

The demon that calls itself Dimitri, perhaps. 

No, no, he shouldn't think like that. If he's honestly going to start changing himself, he'll have to start on his inside. Mainly, his self-degrading thoughts. Mrs. Manuela has tried cognitive behavioral therapy with him before, but he never actually believed that it could make a big difference. 

He doesn't know how he got that idea either.

So he'll try it out now. Instead of insulting himself, he'll try to twist his mind to thinking about something positive. Something positive about himself… 

Something… 

Anything..? 

Well, his teeth are straight... That's something, right? Yeah, his teeth look pretty nice. His braces in middle school did him well. 

He'd think of something else, but it's a lot harder than mrs. Manuela made it seem back in her office. She told him there are a lot of good things about him, but he can't recall any of them. Likely because he didn't believe her in the slightest. 

He literally pays her to make him feel better about himself, so she might have exaggerated quite a bit. 

He steps into his shower and waits for the water to turn warm. It's a good thing he always wakes up two hours before he has to leave for school, since now he'll have plenty of time to make himself feel beautiful. 

He still doesn't know how to do that though, or what feeling beautiful even is like, but he'll try. Because then he can complete his challenge and show mrs. Manuela that he tried earnestly. Hopefully, she'll prescribe him medications. 

That's really all he wants; to not feel this miserable anymore. It's way too much effort to change himself, so why can't mrs. Manuela understand that? It's impossible for Dimitri to change and that's because of one reason only; His life won't change, even if he does. His parents will still be gone, the people he used to call friends will still hate him. His future will still be one big blank space.

There's just no point. But mrs. Manuela said before that she doesn't like medications much. She keeps talking about possible side-effects, the chance of getting addicted and apparently it's a big deal if he forgets to take his medicine even once. 

But Dimitri wouldn't forget. He's been craving a bit of joy, so it'd be plain silly to think he'd forget to take a daily dose of good feelings. 

He wets his hair, which is a lot more difficult than it should be because of how oily it is. He decides to shampoo his hair twice for that reason. Just to make sure he actually thoroughly washes his hair. Next, he scrubs down his whole body. That, too, he does twice, to be sure that he didn't miss anything. 

Showering is always so much work, he finds. He starts drying off, and then dries the showercabin as well. He passes the mirror, again without looking in it, as he heads over to his bedroom again. 

The first thing he does is put on underwear. Being naked makes him extremely self-conscious. 

Time to put on some more clothes, which will hopefully get him a little closer to the feeling he's after. 

His wardrobe is filled with clothes that are at least a few years old. Dimitri just doesn't bother with buying new clothes. There's no one he needs to impress, anyway. 

But what could make him _feel_ beautiful, he wonders. He's not a girl, he can't make himself look pretty with makeup.

At least five minutes are spent just staring at the clothes in his wardrobe. Dimitri has no clue about what clothes even still fit him, not to mention actually look good on him. 

Let's see… Jeans? Jeans and maybe… a T-shirt? No, absolutely not. No T-shirts, ever. He immediately contemplates throwing those out as soon as possible. 

T-shirts show his lower arms, after all. No one should see that. 

So he'll go for a sweater again, like every day. But a clean one this time. One that doesn't smell yet. 

He picks a grey sweater and tries it on. He remembers he wore it a lot before because Ingrid liked it. It made his eyes pop, she always told him with a smile.

...Maybe this sweater isn't the one after all. Too many memories are attached to it. 

He swaps it for a dark blue hoodie. It's not pretty, but it's comfortable. Dimitri likes comfortable. The hoodie is quite big on his frame, but that's okay because it also hides just how thin he is right now. And the sleeves are long, so he doesn't have to worry about the scars on his wrists. 

He still takes the jeans he wanted to wear. ...And maybe a belt as well. The jeans drop from his slim waist right away, even when he buttons them. 

He looks over the inside of his closet for a belt, but he doesn't spot one so easily. Well then, no belt. But he can't wear the jeans without a belt, so… sweatpants? Sweatpants always fit, even on his slender waist. 

Then that's settled! 

He returns to the bathroom to try and comb his hair. He hasn't tried that in a while, so there are a lot of knots, but he hopes the conditioner he used can somehow help his hairbrush glide through his hair. 

A shower really helps, he realizes. He should do that more often, despite how much energy it may cost. 

After he's dressed and his hair deems passable, Dimitri walks over to his kitchen to prepare breakfast. Usually, he just eats a single slice of bread, but not today. Today, he is changing his ways, so he has a single slice of bread, but with cheese this time. 

Boy, is he changing himself for the better. 

He grabs the pair of shoes he always wears, because those are most comfortable. Then he remembers he hasn't brushed his teeth yet, so that's what he does next. 

When he enters his bathroom for the last time this morning, he can't help but look in the mirror. 

What he sees is almost laughable, if it wasn't so terribly sad at the same time. 

Dimitri feels like he tried really hard, but he doesn't look any different than usual. The same baggy clothes, the same hair but washed now, the same skinny body and the same exhausted face. 

Nothing has changed. 

He's naive, it seems. Naive enough to believe that he could actually make himself feel beautiful. Dimitri could never feel beautiful, not as long as he's inside his own skin. 

He feels incredibly stupid for believing in mrs. Manuela and for believing in hAppy, but most of all, for believing in himself. 

He should know by now that he only delivers disappointments. 

Despite how depressed he feels again, he still brushes his teeth and prepares his bag before he leaves for school. This is nothing new, he's used to disappointing himself. 

He'll just keep dragging himself forward, onto his next failure. 

For a moment, he considers lying and still pretend he completed his challenge, but he can't. He's too honest to lie about it, so he opens hAppiness and presses _challenge failed._

'Aw, darn! I hope tomorrow's challenge will go better!' hAppy states with a cheerful smile. 

It makes Dimitri want to smash his phone into pieces. He's frustrated and angry. He really felt like he made a big difference today, yet the results are downright devastating. 

But hey, at least his hair smells nice. 

He already can't wait to take the bus back home at half past three this afternoon. Especially when he sees that there are more than two people waiting at the bus stop. 

Should he risk walking over to the other bus stop? He might not be on time for the bus, but at least he can wait alone, without having to face all those strangers. And he honestly wouldn't mind missing the bus and not going to school today. 

Despite that nothing's changed, he still feels as if everyone can see how badly he failed to improve himself. As if it's just so painfully obvious that they immediately have a bad opinion on him. 

It makes him want to crawl away into a dark hole and never see a glint of sunlight again. 

But despite that, no one says anything to him. Except the busdriver, who asks for his ticket like always.

He hands it over and takes it back after the driver registered it. 

"You have six more rides on this card. Wanna buy a new one now or wait?" 

That was an unexpected question. Dimitri stays quiet as he silently repeats the busdriver's words in his head. His cheeks feel warm already, so he answers quickly.

"U-uhm, I'll wait. Thank you." 

He hurries further into the vehicle, carefully scanning the seats for an empty one near the front. 

There are a few of which one seat is empty, but the other is occupied by a student. He knows students don't appreciate anyone sitting next to them when there are still seats open. At least, Dimitri knows he doesn't. So he heads straight for an empty seat near the other set of doors. 

These seats are usually empty when the weather's cold, since a chilly wind enters the bus whenever these doors open. Dimitri only finds it convenient; he doesn't mind the cold air. Not as much as bothering other people anyway.

He flops down on the seat and sets his backpack on the seat next to his. There, now no one will sit next to him without asking. 

But if someone does want to sit next to him, and they'll ask, he'll get flustered. 

So he sets his backpack on the floor instead, right between his feet. He'll just stare out the window, and then he won't even notice if someone sits next to him. 

But at the same time, the chances of someone sitting next to him are slim, because he sits near the doors. 

What the hell should he do?! This shouldn't even be something to be worrying about, yet he just can't seem to decide on what to do. Bag on or off the seat? Does it even matter? 

Why, yes. Of course it matters. 

He'll just keep the bag between his feet, so that if anyone needs a seat, they can sit down. 

The busride is about forty minutes. Normally, he'd use that time to revise some material before a test, or check the answers on his homework, but today he just doesn't feel like it. He's unmotivated, even more so than usual. 

About two stops after he got in, another passenger actually sits down on the seat next to Dimitri. The person, Dimitri refuses to look who it might be, puts their bag between their legs as they take out their phone and puts on some music. Dimitri can faintly hear the melody as it's playing through their earphones. 

He relaxes a little when he realizes the person next to him has no intention of saying anything to Dimitri. He focuses on the scenery outside the window, which passes by quickly. 

Hopefully today will pass by quickly as well. And hopefully he'll have a better challenge tomorrow. This one was just too much to start off with. He'll tell mrs. Manuela, so she can tell the developers that hAppiness needs an easy mode. 

The bus comes to a stop and it's time for Dimitri to step out. As he crosses the schoolyard, he can already see his bullies watching him. 

Great, here we go again. 

He tries his best to block out the view of them, as well as the words the guys are saying, but he hears them loud and clear.

"Oh, look! Stinky does have a shower!" One of them says. 

The others laugh loudly, like it's the funniest thing they've ever heard. 

Dimitri can't laugh with it. He hates them, maybe even more than himself. And that's a lot. 

He hurries to get inside the school building before he hears any more insults. Thankfully, the group isn't following him. He quickly walks to his classroom, where he'll have maths the first hour. 

His maths teacher is professor Hanneman, an old and friendly man. The only thing Dimitri really dislikes about him, is the fact that he always, _always_ asks why Dimitri is early, and if he shouldn't still be hanging out with his friends until class starts. 

Nevertheless, Dimitri will never stop being early. Because he doesn't have friends to hang out with. He has bullies that enjoy making his life even worse than it already is. 

He takes his usual seat, in the back and near the wall instead of the window. It's a rather isolated corner, but he knows his classmates prefer sitting near the window on the other side. 

When professor Hanneman enters the classroom, about six minutes before class starts, he performs his usual routine. 

First, he pretends to be surprised to see Dimitri so early. Then; "Good morning! You're early again today." After that, it's time for today's joke; "Did your friends grow tired of you already?" And then he laughs at his joke, because he's his own biggest fan.

Dimitri won't answer, but he'll pretend to smile just to be polite. And this is what they do every Tuesday and Thursday morning. It's become routine by now. 

The classroom slowly becomes more crowded as student after student enters. Some groan because they hate maths, others groan because it's still not the weekend yet. 

And there's even one girl who's always excited, no matter the day, no matter the class. Dimitri envies her; the small girl with the ginger pigtails. Her blue eyes sparkle all the time and her voice is loud from sheer excitement. 

Why can't Dimitri be like that? Oh, right, probably because his parents died and hers didn't. 

He may envy the girl, but that doesn't mean he likes her. It's just unfair that his life is complete shit while she can afford to be worried about the color of the glaze on her cupcakes. 

How he wishes that would ever be his greatest worry. 

Mr. Hanneman starts class by collecting the homework that was due to today. Of course, Dimitri made it. He'd completed this particular task the day they got it, which was last Friday. He can't imagine the stress it would give him to leave his homework until the very last moment, like his other classmates always do. 

He's always been the organized type, and even more so when he lost his purpose of living. If he loses the only sense of structure he has left, he's sure he'll lose his mind too. 

The rest of Dimitri's classes are uneventful, and he'd daresay boring. Even the ride back home passes by without anything special happening and before he knows it, he's back in his own study, preparing his English homework. 

He makes sure to spend as much time as possible on it, so he won't have to be bored the rest of the evening. A total of five and a half hours is spent on an essay of three pages. If Dimitri is being honest, he still doesn't know if it's actually a good essay. He rewrote it four times, yet it's still not good enough in his opinion.

Nothing is ever good enough for Dimitri. Nothing satisfies him anymore, there's nothing about him that brings him a sense of fulfilment. 

If only he could just… talk to someone. He's so painfully lonely. 

Would Edelgard spare a moment for him?

* * *

**_Edelgard_ **

**_Me_ ** **:** _Hey, Edelgard? Do you have a moment?_

* * *

Would that be okay to send? She could easily tell him "no", and that would be the end of it. 

So he deletes the message and tries again. He needs something that will draw her attention, something she won't ignore. 

* * *

**_Edelgard_ **

**_Me:_ ** _I need your help._

* * *

But does he need her help? If she asks what, he won't have anything to say. 

He deletes the message again, but then decides to retype it into the message box. He may not have anything he needs her help with right now, but he can get himself into some kind of trouble she surely wouldn't ignore. Something that involves a blade and his forearm. 

He could really use some tension release right now. It's been so long, so it's okay to reward himself for his good efforts. 

He sends the message and right after, he heads into his bedroom. He takes his phone with him, so he can hear when Edelgard replies. In the meantime, he desinfects his good old razor blade before he'll use it. 

See, he takes good care of himself. 

In order to prevent bleeding all over his comfortable sweater, he takes it off. He's feeling strangely excited now. As if cutting himself again is going to magically solve all of his problems.

Well, who knows? Maybe they will. He hasn't tried it in a while. 

With trembling fingers, he takes hold of the thin blade and slowly slides it across his skin. It stings, and then burns, but it feels so good. He feels as if he's in some sort of trance as he watches the blood seep out of the fresh wound. 

He really missed this, as sick as it may sound. 

There's nothing else but the pain in his arm and the sight of a red fluid. His apartment is dead silent. 

Before his first wound has stopped bleeding, he already makes a second cut. A bigger one this time. One that will hurt for a longer time than the first, which is now just a dull throbbing in his skin.

Once more, the blood that appears captivates him. It leaves a trail of red down his arm, all the way to the crook of his arm where it forms a growing puddle.

The buzz of his phone scares the shit out of him, so much that he accidentally drops his blade and cuts his fingers in the movement. 

Before he takes his phone, he rinses his hands so he can wipe up the blood on his arm. Meanwhile, his phone buzzes again. Edelgard will have to wait though, he's still sort of revelling in the sick feeling of self-mutilation.

At long last, his wounds have both stopped bleeding. Now it's time to wrap a clean bandage around his wrist so make sure the cuts don't open again. 

He finally reads Edelgard's messages.

* * *

**_Edelgard_ **

**_Edelgard:_ ** _What is it now, Dimitri?_

_22:48_

* * *

**_Edelgard:_ ** _I'm not in the mood for this right now. Say what it is you need._

_22:53_

* * *

**_Edelgard:_ ** _Dimitri? Answer me, now._

_22:57_

* * *

**_Edelgard:_ ** _If you don't respond within the next minute, I will call you. And you WILL pick up._

_22:59_

* * *

**_Edelgard:_ ** _Okay, that's it._

_23:01_

* * *

_Two missed phone calls from:_ **_Edelgard_ **

_23:09_

* * *

**_Edelgard:_ ** _I'm coming over._

_23:09_

* * *

  
  


Wait, what? No, no she can't come over! When did she even send so many texts? He hasn't heard that many! Was he in that deep? Did he seriously lose complete sense of his surroundings? 

This was not what he wanted. She's going to be furious with him, he's sure. And she has every right to be, he broke his promise after all. 

But he needed it so bad. To just… feel. 

Shit, what time is it? When did Edelgard send that text?

...Twelve minutes ago. She should be here any moment now. Dimitri supposes there isn't much use in texting her now that he's okay and that she doesn't need to come over for him. Then he'll just wait for his judgment to arrive. 

Well, he at least managed to get her attention, so that worked. 

Three loud bangs on his door reveal the presence of a seemingly agitated person. 

Can he even deal with her right now? Maybe he can just pretend to have fallen asleep and wait until she leaves again.

Three more bangs on his door. "Dimitri! Open the door or I'm going to call emergency services!" 

Emergency..? 

Hold on… Is she worried about him? Is that why she sounds panicked, rather than angry? Are her knocks desperate instead of aggressive? 

He exits his bathroom to walk over to his front door to open it. Obviously, Edelgard is standing there. What he didn't expect though, are the tears that make her eyes glisten. 

He feels like such an idiot for pulling this stunt on her. Honestly, what did he even expect? Of course she would assume something terrible had happened. 

"I'm sorry," he croaks. His rough voice surprises him, but not any more than the sudden lump of emotion forming in his throat. 

"I'm so sorry, El…" He bursts into tears then. Something he hasn't done in a long time. 

"Don't ever do that again, you hear?" In contrast to her stern tone, the way she puts her arms around his shoulders is soft and warm.

She reminds him so much of his step-mother, that he can't help but sob loudly and squeeze her tiny frame with his frail arms.

How he's been craving attention like this. Some form of affection, kindness, endearment. A sign that someone still cares, even if he doesn't. 

He accepts it all.

"I'm sorry too, Dimitri." 

Did-did he hear that correctly? Did Edelgard just apologize to him? 

"B-But why?" 

"Because of how I've been treating you." She lets go of him and he feels cold instantly. "In all honesty, I didn't know what to do about you. I thought that, if I sent you to see a professional, you'd be your old self again in no time. That's how simple I thought it was. And I… God, how selfish of me, but I was glad it wasn't me who had to deal with you anymore. I just don't understand you. You were always too emotional for my liking. I set you aside so somebody else could look after you. But I'm all you have, and I never realized until you sent me that text just now. So, Dimitri, I'm sorry. Please forgive me, so that we can start to move forward, together." 

Quite frankly, Dimitri is speechless after hearing that. 

Basically what she's saying is; she thought there was no hope for him, so she left him in somebody else's care. And now that she sees that that care doesn't meet her expectations, she _pities_ him for it.

Edelgard pities him, because he's too emotional. Because he isn't as strong as her. Because he lost both his parents, his sister, his friends, his whole life and his future… And she didn't. 

He stays silent. What is he supposed to say? That, yes, he'll forgive her for dumping him like trash? That he's grateful that she finally realized he's slowly drowning, but only because he made it seem as if something terrible had happened? That he's glad she took the effort to come over and check if he's actually still breathing? 

Is she being serious? 

Dimitri always knew Edelgard was a selfish and greedy young woman. She learned it from her father. But he never expected her to be so bluntly honest about it. 

"Why would you tell me all that?" He was better off not knowing. He would have preferred to be clueless about her true feelings. 

"Why shouldn't I? I want to help you, Dimitri. I should have been here for you, but I wasn't. Give me a chance to make up for my mistake."

Mistake? _Mistake?_ Dimitri literally has a death wish because of her mistake! And now she wants to make up for that? 

"Bullshit. You probably just wanna write it down on your resume or something. Because saving your brother from committing suicide is definitely everyone should know about. They'll praise you into the heavens, because that's what you're doing this for. This isn't about me. It's always all about you. What would people say if your depressed brother took his life? People would associate you with a failure. What a disaster. You know, _El?_ Why don't I help you? I'll never reach out to you again, how's that? You can keep pretending you don't know me, and I'll do the same! Oh, but isn't that what we already do? You never talk to me in school. You don't even spare me a glance when you see me. You just act as if I don't exist. And now you're sorry? ...Get out. Just-just get out." 

The first time he speaks up for himself, but he can't even say it feels good. He's broken once again, and this time is not even himself who's causing it. 

"I'm sorry you feel that way. I never intended to give you the idea that I pretend you don't exist. Judging from the bandage on your arm, I think it's safe to say you had a bad day. You should make an extra appointment with mrs. Casagranda and talk to her about it. Well then, I'll be off. Try to get some sleep." 

And like that, she turns around and exits. It makes Dimitri feel as if he imagined her being here in the first place.

He didn't miss how she said that _he_ should make an appointment with mrs. Manuela. So Edelgard is stepping out of his life completely.

What has he done? Why would he say all that? 

But most of all, if she knows he had a bad day, why couldn't she go easier on him? 

He's all alone now. Completely by himself, no matter what. No one to talk to, no one to rely on. No one to care for, and no one to care for him. 

Good job, Dimitri. 

Without a second thought, he heads back into his bathroom. He picks up his blade once more and cuts away into his arm and watches his blood, until he hears the ping sound come from his phone again the next morning. 

'It's time to receive your daily challenge!' hAppy tells him with its signature smile.

Boy, is Dimitri excited to find out what it'll be.

"Can't you challenge me to kill myself?" He wonders aloud. "I'm sure I could complete that one." 

'Today, I challenge you to…' 

"To kill myself," Dimitri repeats.

'To compliment a stranger!' 

Is hAppy fucking kidding right now? 

_Take on, skip,_ or _reschedule?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER ALERT
> 
> Le sunny boy will make his appearance next chap, I know you're waiting for him ehehehe


	4. To compliment a stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I can safely say that from this point out, things will get better for our lovely boi
> 
> Not like perfect yet, but better
> 
> Hope you enjoy!! :)

Is hAppy actually being serious? Dimitri has to compliment a stranger? What good would that do? 

No strangers ever compliment him either. 

This is ridiculous. Did mrs. Manuela actually believe he would be able to cope with the disappointing feeling of failing a challenge? 

Look where that got him. 

His arm is once again covered in cuts, some deep and some small, but they all hurt the same. His eyes burn from either lack of sleep or the crying he's been doing ever since he kicked out Edelgard. He's not sure. 

So what now? Should he get ready for school? Suffer another terrible day with horrible people in the place he possibly hates most of all? 

No, he won't. He's not going to go to school today. Maybe he won't go to school ever again. It's not like he needs a job to earn a living anyway. 

He'll just go for a walk around the block. It's a little past six a.m. now, so it's unlikely that he'll cross paths with anyone. Maybe some fresh air could clear his mind a little. 

Or maybe he could stay out and freeze to death. Whoever finds him hopefully won't be shocked by his body as much as they would if he were to jump in front of a train. 

Either way, he just wants to get out of his apartment right now. He can't stop thinking about Edelgard's presence and the things he said to her. Was he rude? Is he to blame for her leaving him? He probably is. Edelgard actually came here to check on him, and he sent her off without even a thank-you. 

He could send her a text with an apology, but she likely won't accept that. If she hasn't actually blocked him already. 

Once more, he runs a cloth with disinfectant over his mutilated arm before he wraps a bandage around it. It stopped bleeding a while ago, thankfully, but he really doesn't want to risk the wounds getting infected. He'll have to visit his family doctor, explain what happened, and likely go back for check-ups regularly. 

That'd be annoying. It's better if he just takes good care of his wounds himself instead. 

When he's satisfied, he walks over to his front door, puts on his coat and heads outside. 

His breath forms a small misty cloud when he exhales, which evaporates quickly. It's cold, very much so, especially because it's still so early. 

He simply starts walking with no clear destination in mind. All he wants is to clear his head and hopefully get over yesterday's disappointment. 

Dimitri could never make himself feel beautiful. He didn't know how to, nor did he know what the feeling is even like. But his false hope gave him the idea that he could do it. Stupid, stupid, stupid! 

And now today's challenge is to _compliment a stranger_. How is he supposed to do that? Just walk up to someone and tell them they look nice today? They would definitely think something's wrong with Dimitri. What normal person would do that? 

Personally, he has no problems thinking of compliments he can give to someone. After all, Dimitri was a very nice and kind person before the accident. He'd compliment his close friends and family wherever he saw fit, with no filter at all.

Only now he doesn't have anyone to compliment. Just the stranger from his challenge. 

But does he actually want to try for this one? He does need to show mrs. Manuela that he tried. Although… His arm is probably enough proof to show her that this whole hAppiness thing isn't going to work for him. She said that he can't disappoint anyone, but that was definitely a lie to comfort him. 

He's not feeling confident or motivated in the slightest. If he tries, and today's challenge will fail again, he doesn't know what he'll do. Will he lose himself again? He might not survive next time, but… he doesn't really mind that outcome, does he? 

Dimitri takes a deep breath as he keeps walking. He wanted to clear his head, not make himself feel even worse. Whenever another thought pops up, he tries his hardest to shut it out. Surprisingly, it actually works. 

He walks for about an hour before he returns to his apartment. His fingers are freezing and he can't feel his toes, but he's finally tired. At least, he feels tired enough to try and get some sleep. 

If the school calls because of his absence, he already knows he won't pick up, so he sets his phone to silent. He'd like some uninterrupted rest this time, without the risk of anything waking him. And, if he doesn't complete or fail his challenge before six p.m. tonight, the challenge will be postponed anyway. 

Nothing to lose for him this time. 

He takes off his clothes and crawls into his bed, which is completely cold. He hasn't used it all night, after all. Warming up under these chilly blankets will be hard, but he has all the time he needs. 

He should definitely just quit school forever and rot away in his apartment quietly. No one would miss him, so it's okay. 

As expected, Dimitri doesn't feel warm until light starts creeping through his blinds. He briefly wonders if he can fall asleep like this, but he loses consciousness before he realizes. 

Just as well.

.

When his eyes crack open, the sun is starting to set again. An orange glow lights up his bedroom. 

Damn, Dimitri feels like shit. His arm hurts terribly, throbbing and burning and he wonders if one of the cuts got infected. Does he really have to go and see a doctor now? He really doesn't feel like it. 

His phone is laying beside him, and unsurprisingly, the school has called him quite a few times. It's too late to call back now, and even if it wasn't, he still knows he wouldn't make the phone call. 

He rubs both his eyes. What's he going to do now? Should he study or something? But it's Friday, and there isn't much to do. 

Then… Maybe he could eat something. He's not particularly hungry, but his stomach feels empty. 

Getting up from his warm bed proves harder than he thought, so he decides to stay in it a little while longer. It feels pretty nice to not have any obligations, but it's so easy to get lost in time. 

He should make some sort of schedule with things he can still do today, before he allows himself to waste hours and hours on doing nothing at all. 

Okay, so… Maybe he can read a book, or at least start with reading a few chapters. Dimitri enjoys reading, because it allows his thoughts to drift off to a completely different universe. It's just that sometimes he tends to get sucked in so deeply, that he can't seem to get back to reality. It leaves him confused and even more depressed about the reality he'll have to face again eventually. 

He'll just start with eating something, and then he'll find a book to read. There, that's simple enough. Not even Dimitri can mess up those two things. 

With great reluctance, he steps out of bed, puts on some comfortable clothes and heads into the kitchen for something to eat. He notices that his loaf of bread is getting moldy, so he throws that out first. He knows he has to keep it in the freezer, but if he has to go through the effort of fetching his one slice of bread from the freezer everytime, he'd probably end up not eating anything. 

Instead of taking a new loaf of bread out of his freezer, he checks his cupboards. He remembers he ordered some cups of instant noodles with his groceries a while ago, so he'll go for that. One portion should be small enough for Dimitri's stomach to handle. 

It's about time he got some carbs anyway. 

He pours water into the cup and places it in the microwave. Meanwhile, his thoughts keep going back to today's challenge. 

There should be an easy way to complete these challenges. Yes, sure, he could lie and pretend he completed the challenge, but even Dimitri knows that wouldn't do any good. It's about growth and development, and pretending he's growing won't actually make him grow. 

So how can he complete this challenge without having to actually go outside and talk to someone he's never seen before? 

He thinks about it as he takes his cup of noodles out of the microwave and sits down to eat. The scent of the spices make him hungry and his stomach growls loudly. 

If only he could actually taste the flavor. Dimitri was born without the sense of taste, so he can only guess what food tastes like. He doesn't really know what he's missing, since he never experienced tasting a flavor, but he knows he's missing out on something big. 

He can't ever enjoy food the way other people can. It can't comfort him.

But still, the spices smell good and the food entering his stomach feels great, so he can't complain. 

Now, back to the challenge. Dimitri is sure he would feel better if he could actually complete this challenge, so he wants to try. He has approximately forty-five minutes left to complete it, but that should be plenty to just get one sentence out. 

First, he should decide on the compliment. He can't say anything about a stranger's behavior or attitude, so all that's left is commenting on their looks. 

'You look good', is something he could say, but that's definitely a weird thing to say. 

Then, perhaps 'you look good today', would be a better option. But that inclines that the person looks good today only, or even that Dimitri spends his time looking at the person every day. 

No, he wouldn't appreciate if a stranger walked up to him and casually told him that he looks good. It's just too… personal.

Hmm, this is proving to be complicated. How about clothing? People like to be complimented on their clothing, right? He'll just tell someone they have nice shoes or whatever. 

Yeah, that'll work! He'll just go outside, walk up to someone, tell them their shoes look nice, get embarrassed for talking to a stranger, turn completely red and sweaty, be unable to hear what their answer is and then he'll walk away awkwardly in the middle of a conversation.

…

...forget it. This could never work. Dimitri needs an easy way out of this challenge, and tackling it head-on is _not_ the easy way. 

In fact, talking to literally anyone is not easy for him. He's much more comfortable talking to someone when he can't see or hear them, and they can't hear or see him. 

Like when he's texting someone. He'll have plenty of time to think of a response, and the other person can't see whenever Dimitri gets embarrassed. And the best thing; Dimitri doesn't know it if the other person is laughing at him. He can actually pretend he isn't weird, and the other person has no choice but to believe Dimitri's pretendings. 

If he could just do that; text someone, it would be so much easier. 

Actually, why shouldn't he just do that? 

He grabs his phone and goes straight to his contacts. There aren't many, and he almost forgets that the point is to compliment a _complete stranger._

So, does he just text a random number? But what if he'll text someone from a different country who doesn't know English? 

That won't do. He'll play it safe; he'll use his own number, but he'll change the last digit. He double checks his contacts to see if it really is a stranger, which it is. 

Oh boy, here he goes. If only his heart could calm down and his hands could get less sweaty, that'd be great. Now that he's made up his mind about texting, he doesn't even want to know how his body would react if he had actually decided to talk to a stranger on the streets. 

This is definitely much safer. 

With trembling thumbs, he starts to type a message in the message box. Should he say greeting first? Or just send the compliment and be done with it?

Why is he even overthinking this? He can just send the message and block the person right after. That way, he won't have to worry about the dreaded questions which he'll definitely receive; 'who are you and how did you get my number?' 

He doesn't even know how he'd answer that. 'My name is Dimitri and I'm depressed but by complimenting you, a stranger, I'm a bit closer to getting antidepressants from my therapist so thanks for that!' 

Yeah… no. That's just… awful, really. 

Should he really go on with this? He could just not do this challenge and wait for tomorrow's. 

What even is the point of this challenge? Dimitri can understand why making himself feel beautiful would help him. It would boost his confidence if he could actually pull it off, but this? Isn't he supposed to be the one who needs compliments? But now he has to go and compliment somebody else, a complete stranger at that. 

What good could that possibly do? Will it make Dimitri feel better if he can say something nice to somebody? Or is it about making contact with an unfamiliar person? 

Dimitri doesn't know and honestly, he can't say he cares either. He'll just do this to get his meds, that's all he needs. And if he can somehow make this stranger happy with his words, then that's even better, though he doubts he really could.

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Me:_ ** _You're beautiful._

_17:33_

* * *

There he goes. Despite the sweaty hands and rapidly beating heart, this wasn't even all that bad. 

He puts his phone away again so he can spend his time throwing away the plastic cup he had his noodles in and wash and dry off his used fork. He tries to not expect an answer, but he catches himself perking up his ears so he can hear the buzz his phone makes when he gets a new message. 

He shakes his head. By now, Dimitri should know better than to expect good things, so why is he so eager for this stranger to reply? 

Well, there is a chance that this could be a nice person, right? Is that what he's hoping for? It couldn't really be that easy. He refuses to believe that. There's no way you can make friends with a person you send a random text to. 

But how nice would it be if this stranger could become a person Dimitri can talk to often? 

It would be absolutely amazing, but that's too much to ask. Because Dimitri isn't a good friend either. He hurts people because he's hurting. 

Instead of wasting more time hanging around his phone and waiting for a reply he'll likely never receive, he decides to find a book he'd like to read tonight. Since he slept for so long during the day, he doubts he'll be sleeping tonight. A book would be the perfect way to spend a few hours and hopefully grow tired once again. 

He picks a novel he's read before, just so he's sure he won't be disappointed, and settles on his couch. His phone is still lying on the kitchen counter, right where he left it. 

Even though he's trying to focus really hard on the words that are written on the paper, his mind keeps drifting to the object he left in the kitchen. Could it be he didn't hear the sound? Maybe he should get up and check, just to be sure he hadn't missed it. 

No, no. He needs to stop getting distracted. If he keeps getting his hopes up, he'll only be more disappointed when his expectations aren't met. He refocuses on the exact line which he's been reading for the past two minutes, but he just can't concentrate. 

He checks his clock instead, and notices that it's less than five minutes to six. Six p.m…. What was it about that number again..? 

Oh! hAppy's challenge! 

Now he has a real reason to grab his phone, so he hurries over to the kitchen. To his surprise, he already received a reply to his text twenty minutes ago. 

But how..? Ah, right. He set his phone to silent before he went to sleep. He sets the settings back to how they were before. 

He also sees a notification from hAppy, which he opens first. Saving the best for last, he hopes. 

'You have only ten minutes left to complete today's challenge! Hurry, hurry!' 

He presses _challenge cleared_ as quickly as the screen loads. 

He has to admit it, damn that feels good to do. 

'Amazing job, Dimitri! I knew you could do it! Let's keep it up!' 

He touches the screen to skip the message.

'Now, for this challenge, you have received _10_ points! Go check out what your reward is in the _points_ menu!' 

Go to _points_?

He presses 'no', because Dimitri isn't interested in unlocking more challenges right now. 

His thoughts are still completely stuck on the reply he got from the stranger, so he's going to read it right now. 

He closes hAppiness and opens his texts straight away. 

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Unknown number_ ** _: thank u, georgeus! :)_

_17:36_

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _gorgeous* spelling is hard lol_

_17:36_

* * *

Dimitri can't believe his eyes. This person just… thanked him. No, more than that, this person complimented him right back. 

That's not possible, right? That has to be a joke. Before he realizes it, he's typed another message and sends it.

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Me:_ ** _Do you really think so?_

_18:02_

* * *

Wow, that sounds terribly desperate. Not to mention that this person has never, ever even seen Dimitri and that they were likely just being friendly. 

Dimitri could absolutely smack himself in the head right now. In fact, why doesn't he? He deserves to be smacked in the head for asking such a dumb question.

And this is why Dimitri doesn't have friends. It's a rather painfully embarrassing reminder, but at least he knows his place again. He shouldn't get ahead of himself and think he could actually make friends by messaging a total stranger. 

He's about to put his phone away again, when he sees he stupidly left the chat open and that the stranger already replied to his devastating, weird question. He actually holds his breath before he forces himself to read the words. 

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Unknown number:_ ** _well yea u sexy af hahah did u really mean it too? am i really beautiful? (*ﾟｪﾟ*)_

_18:03_

* * *

Dimitri isn't quite sure what to say to that. He's absolutely positive that he doesn't know who this person is, and that this person doesn't know him. But they seem so confident that Dimitri is starting to doubt himself.

Does Dimitri really not know this person? One way to find out, probably. 

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Me:_ ** _Not to be rude, but is there a chance we might know each other?_

_18:04_

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _duh, ur hilda and u think u can prank me by speaking so fancy_

_18:04_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _guess what tho, i know its u bitch_

_18:05_

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _treat me to coffee tmrw and ill forgive u for being a shitty prankster_

_18:05_

* * *

Saying that Dimitri is confused by this is a severe understatement. Hilda? Prankster? Dimitri is neither of those. 

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Me:_ ** _I'm actually not Hilda… or a prankster for that matter._

_18:06_

* * *

Dimitri wonders who exactly he's talking to right now. Given that this person talks like that to what Dimitri assumes is their friend, this person might not be very friendly after all. Dimitri couldn't imagine himself calling his friend a 'bitch' or 'shitty', although he hears a lot of girls call each other that. 

So, is this person a girl then? It's not impossible, since they used that weird emoji as well. 

Subconsciously, Dimitri walks back over to his couch and settles back on it, with his phone in his hand this time. Whether he spends time reading or talking to this person doesn't really matter, does it? He's read the book before anyway. 

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Unknown number:_ ** _oh shit, ur not? HAHAHAHA omfg thats terrible im so sorry_

_18:07_

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _wait tho, if ur not hilda, then who?_

_18:07_

* * *

Ah, the question Dimitri has been fearing. Is it too late to block this person now? But… he doesn't really want to. Without Edelgard, he's all alone. Maybe he could somehow seem less like a creep and get this person to stick around for a little longer.

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ah nvm i know who u are_

_18:08_

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ur lorenz, arent u? u fancy speaking tea drinking dick_

_18:08_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Uhm… no, not exactly. I'm not sure how to explain so that it makes sense, but I just texted a random number which turned out to be you. I'm really sorry for bothering you. Have a nice evening_

_18:10_

* * *

Well, what else could Dimitri have said? He didn't want to get inbetween this person and her friendships. 

And also, he just panicked, so he chose the easy way out. Now, surely this person will understand, think Dimitri is weird, possibly call him creepy or a stalker and then they'll block him. 

No big deal. He was planning on reading the book tonight anyway. 

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Unknown number:_ ** _no wait dont leave! U cant first tell me im beautiful and then just go dude thats not how it works_

_18:11_

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _also im bored bc ive nothing to do so wont u pleaaaase talk to me_

_18:12_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Ah, right, sorry. I suppose I could keep you company. How come you have nothing to do?_

_18:12_

* * *

Is Dimitri really doing this? Is he actually having a decent conversation with another person? Unbelievable. 

Who knew he could? Although, he'd have to admit that this is really because of hAppy. Well, not like that matters. For now, Dimitri will try his hardest to talk to this person and hopefully they won't get bored with him. 

Perhaps he could try and seem a bit more interesting than he truly is. 

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Unknown number:_ ** _thank u thats rlly nice of u_

_18:13_

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ive nothing to do bc my stinky friends wanted to go out and party but i wasnt up to it so i stayed home_

_18:13_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _and instead of being good friends they just ditched me and went anyway so yeah_

_18:14_

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _sadlife i know but hey hows ur evening going_

_18:14_

* * *

Ah, now Dimitri understands why this person talked so bad about Hilda and Lorenz before. If what he's assuming is correct, it's them who decided to leave this person on their own on a Friday night.

For some reason, Dimitri has calmed down somewhat during their conversation. He thinks he can say with confidence that this other person loves to talk, so all Dimitri has to do is ask questions and respond properly so the conversation won't die yet. 

And he'd really like this person to keep talking to him. 

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Me:_ ** _Sorry to hear about your friends. And my evening is honestly not any better than yours, I hope that makes you feel a tiny bit better._

_18:15_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _oof even worse than mine? U poor thing_

_18:16_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _guess we can keep each other company then (･ω <) _

_18:16_

* * *

That's a winky face, right? Is- Is this person flirting with Dimitri?! Oh, no. No, that can't be right, they don't know each other. They're perfect strangers, so why would Dimitri even think that? Stupid, stupid! 

But despite knowing that, his cheeks are still feeling warm. He probably completely misunderstood their intentions, but something inside of him still wishes that he didn't. 

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Me:_ ** _I would actually like that a lot._

_18:17_

* * *

That was way too straightforward and honest, even for Dimitri. The temperature on his cheeks rises even higher as he thinks of something else he can say that wouldn't sound so extremely desperate. 

But what? 'Just kidding'? No, that would be rude. Maybe he could just apologize. 

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Me:_ ** _Uhm, sorry! That came out wromg. I just meant that I appreciate your kinndess_

_18:17_

* * *

Great, and now he made typos too. Could this get any more embarrassing? And what's even worse, the other person had been typing before, but now it only shows they're online. They don't know what to say anymore.

Now he knows he messed up good. Should he apologize again? At least for the spelling mistakes? Or maybe he should accept defeat and live with the fact that he literally scared off the only person willing to talk to him. 

"Why am I like this?" He wonders aloud.

To his relief however, the other person started typing again. Probably just to tell Dimitri that they found something better to do and kindly leave him again. 

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Unknown number:_ ** _dude its fine lol no need to get all antsy hahaha_

_18:18_

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _anyway what u doing this fine evening_

_18:18_

* * *

Should he be honest now, or try to impress them by pretending he's doing something cool? He could just say that he's busy, but then this person might feel like they're interrupting. 

Okay, fine. He'll just be honest and a nerd.

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Me:_ ** _Sorry about that, and I was just reading a book. What about you?_

_18:19_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _what a way to spend ur friday night lol be careful u dont go too wild_

_18:20_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _and well i was just being all lonely and sad until u made my day by saying im beautiful so tyvm (*´∀`*)_

_18:20_

* * *

Did Dimitri really do that? Make someone's day, just by giving a compliment? No, surely they're exaggerating. 

After all, Dimitri doesn't even know what this person looks like, so he couldn't actually be genuine. But now he's getting curious to what they do look like. 

If they believe Dimitri so easily, could it be they're actually really insecure about their looks? 

A wave of sympathy washes over him at the thought. He knows really well what that feels like and if he can make this person feel just a little bit better about themselves, he'd gladly do it.

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Me:_ ** _I'm really glad I could help with that._

_18:20_

* * *

That's… a bad answer. The other person can't really reply to that, so Dimitri should say something else. What should he say? They'll leave him on read if he waits too long. 

He starts feeling stressed. His brains are being uncooperative, not giving him any sort of hint at what else he could say to keep this conversation alive. 

Should he block them now? Now would be a good time to leave and never speak to this person again. Surely they wouldn't mind, they're only strangers to each other. 

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Unknown number:_ ** _aww, arent u a cutie_

_18:21_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _what book were u reading?_

_18:21_

* * *

Dimitri once more can't believe his eyes. They actually replied. They kept the conversation going. He hates how hopeful he's feeling, but what if this person could actually be the kind of friend he's been longing for? 

Someone he would talk to when he's lonely, and who'll reply. Someone who'll delight Dimitri with stories of their lives, so he'll be distracted from his own terrible one. 

Oh, what Dimitri would give for that to be true. He knows he'll have to try his hardest to keep this person interested in him, but he's willing to. He has all weekend to talk to them after all, and hopefully they'll stay. 

They keep talking and talking, until the other person finally decides to go to sleep. 

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Unknown number:_ ** _hey, sorry chap but imma go to sleep now_

_2:16_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _u should probs get some sleep too tho_

_2:16_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Yes, you're right. It's gotten really late. I'll try to sleep._

_2:17_

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _aight, sleep tight_

_2:17_

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _heh that rhymes gosh im such a poet_

_2:17_

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _tty tmrw tho, ciaoo o(^▽^)o_

_2:18_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Good night! :)_

_2:18_

* * *

  
  


They said they'll talk to him tomorrow. 

They really said they'll talk to him tomorrow. 

Dimitri reads the message over and over, just to try to find something to misunderstand in the mix of letters. 

But he can't find anything. They really want to talk to Dimitri again tomorrow. 

He feels as if he's in heaven. It's not like he has any idea of who exactly he's been talking to, but he knows he's hooked. Up to now, he can safely say that this other person is everything Dimitri isn't.

Cheerful, energetic, social, very charming and surprisingly confident after all. 

But it's exactly those things that draw Dimitri in. He's impressed, captivated and also a little jealous, but even that's okay. A person this amazing actually wasted their time and attention on some _thing_ like Dimitri.

And they said they'll do it again tomorrow. 

Because he told them he'd try to get some sleep, he heads over to his bedroom again and crawls under his sheets after he stripped down. 

He's well aware that he won't fall asleep anytime soon, not while he still feels as if he's floating. He'll revel in this feeling as long as it lasts, because he also knows it can be over in a moment. 

With warm cheeks and a genuine smile on his face, Dimitri rereads their conversation. Over and over, and he doesn't get tired of it at all. He smiles bigger when the other person has made a joke, and his cheeks grow more red whenever he realizes what they said could come across as flirty. 

He tries to imagine what they might look like, and he can't shake the image of them being a beautiful girl, probably around his age, with a bright smile and shiny colorful eyes.

For the first time since many nights, Dimitri prays for something other than a painless death before he closes his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope I gave Dimitri's love interest the right kind of personality  
> Gosh they're hard to write hahah


	5. Treat yourself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hellooooo 
> 
> I'm honestly so happy with this chappie (it rhymes i'm such a poet) bc i had such a good time writing it and i didn't want to stop hahah 
> 
> So therefore it's a bit longer but i hope y'all don't mind :) 
> 
> Please enjoy!

After what feels like barely an hour of sleep, Dimitri wakes up. To his surprise, however, light is already entering his bedroom through his blinds.

He blinks his eyes open and then remembers something very important. 

The stranger.

Immediately, he grabs his phone. Only to discover that he forgot to charge it overnight. Or well, what was left of his night. 

Memories of his hours-long conversation with the stranger surface and he feels his cheeks warm up almost right away. He really needs to turn on his phone so he can see if they sent him another message. 

Because they did say they'd talk to him again today. He already can't wait. But because his phone is turned off, he doesn't even know what time it is. 

They might not even be awake yet. Should Dimitri send the first message then? It would increase the chance of a new conversation. 

Yeah, he'll do that. 

But… won't he seem desperate? He doesn't want them to think he is. 

He won't send a message then. 

Unless it takes too long, then he'll send one. 

No, not even then. Dimitri is patient enough. He can wait. 

His own brains are driving him crazy with all the overthinking. 

After he's plugged in his phone, he gets up from his bed to start his day. He's not sure of what he should do today, other than wait for the stranger to wake up and text him. 

Is his existence really that pathetic? Simply put; yes, it is. 

Currently, the only thing that somewhat delights him is the conversation he had last night. He'd do a lot just to experience that again. And so he'll wait for the stranger.

Hold on… It was because of hAppiness that he started talking to the stranger in the first place. Maybe today's challenge will be just as good! 

Dimitri rushes back into his bedroom. The screen of his phone shows that his battery is at two percent and charging, so that's plenty to start it up again. 

Secretly he's hoping more for a good-morning text from a certain person, but he'll shove that to the background of his mind for now. He'll receive his challenge first. 

His phone starts up, way too slow for Dimitri's liking, but he waits patiently until it's done. Perhaps it's time to buy a new one, since this one is really becoming slow. 

But then he has to transfer all of his data to his new phone, and that's just way too much work. 

When his phone is finished with initializing apps and files, he opens hAppiness to receive today's challenge. 

'Today, I challenge you to…' 

He taps the screen. 

'...to treat yourself to something nice!' 

To treat himself..? 

To treat himself… to something nice. 

His mind starts racing. What is 'something nice'? What can he possibly please himself with? 

He remembers hAppy asking to set an amount of money he's willing to spend on his challenges. He put in a fairly large amount, so that's probably why such a challenge showed up already. 

Although, he can't imagine such a challenge helping someone who already has a spending problem. But he supposes that doesn't apply to him, so there's no need to worry about that. 

He taps  _ accept _ once again, and he briefly wonders why he doesn't just skip the challenges immediately. Where did all that confidence come from? Does he really believe that he can complete them? 

Or is he just that eager to finally get the badly desired medications from mrs. Manuela? 

The latter, obviously. No doubts there. 

Either way, if he can complete this next challenge, he's already fulfilled the requirements mrs. Manuela set for him. 

HAppy wishes him luck and with that, he closes the App again. To his huge disappointment, it's only about half past six and the stranger hasn't messaged him. 

Not really that strange, given how early it is, but still disappointing. 

Dimitri tries hard not to let it get to him. It's not personal, he tells himself. They're just not awake yet. 

Since the stranger isn't up yet, Dimitri figures he can read his book now. He leaves his phone in his bedroom to charge, but turns on the sound for notifications so he'll hear when he receives a text. 

Nothing is more important to him currently than that single text. 

He settles on his couch again and picks up the book he left there last night. It's a strange feeling, but Dimitri isn't tired. He actually feels energetic for once, despite not having eaten much. 

He should probably eat. And wash. And brush his teeth. And change his underwear. And put on clean clothes. 

Yeah, he should just get to his morning routine. No excuses. 

Reluctantly, he gets up from his couch to head into the bathroom first thing. 

'What if the stranger could see me?' The thought keeps circling through his head. He wouldn't want them to see him actually look like the wreck that is called Dimitri. 

He wants them to see he takes care of himself. That he is normal, just like everyone else. Just like them. 

No, scratch the last part. They are anything but normal. They are the kind of person the normals think of as special. They're those who lift the spirits of others, those who carry expectations with ease and them who simply bring joy to everyone around them just by being there. 

If Dimitri can manage to at least seem normal to a person like that, he feels he's done an amazing job. 

He brushes his hair, his teeth and then moves to his bedroom for fresh clothes. When he sees his old clothes in his wardrobe, he considers 'treating himself' by buying new clothes. But if he orders them now, he still won't be able to wear them today, so that wouldn't do much. 

He'll stick to his usual; an oversized sweater with sweatpants. Those fit the best, after all. 

When he's dressed, he decides to have breakfast. Eating the noodles yesterday helped a bit with his stomach, he feels, so today he'll try to eat more than one slice of bread. 

He'll try one and a half. With cheese for the necessary fatty acids. 

The last thing he wants is to repeat what happened last time he gave in to his hunger for food. He ate and ate, until merely fifteen minutes later, he puked it all back out in his toilet. It was a horrible experience.

Needless to say, he didn't try that again. Instead, he went to the other extreme and starved himself. That way, he'd never puke from eating too much again, but he didn't consider the effects that would have on his body. 

One of those effects is that he just can't eat a whole meal in one go anymore, simply because his stomach is too small to bear with it. 

He should try to stretch his stomach, little by little, so he can fit in more food. He's sure that if he might ever come across the stranger, they'd appreciate a well-fed body more than seeing a walking skeleton. 

Anyone would, for that matter. 

How peculiar that one single conversation with someone could change Dimitri's whole train of thoughts. 

How come he never felt the great urge to change after a conversation with Edelgard? Or mrs. Manuela, even? 

He decides not to dwell on it too much. Although he's slightly aware of why, he doesn't want to admit it to himself yet. 

Because, who falls in love after one conversation? That's plain silly. 

Instead of acknowledging the actual reason, he decides it's because he doesn't have a forced connection with the stranger. 

With Edelgard, it's their familial matters that bind them. And with mrs. Manuela, it's literally his money that forms their connection. But the stranger kept talking to him, because they- they wanted to. 

A tiny smile graces Dimitri's features. He really can't wait to talk to them again today. 

He takes his plate with the slices of bread and sits down on his couch. Now all that's left is to wait. 

The longer he sits on the couch and waits for the relieving sound of a text notification, the more ridiculous he feels. 

Did he really make himself look proper to have a text conversation? If anyone could follow Dimitri's antics, they'd put him in a mental hospital for sure. They'd be convinced he completely lost his mind and honestly, who's to say he hasn't? 

As he looks at his lower left arm, he doesn't deny the idea. Thankfully the throbbing feeling in some cuts ebbed away sometime yesterday, so the chances of infection are pretty slim. 

But it's really not a pretty sight at all. For now, he'll keep the bandages around his arm, but they will have to come off eventually. It's not difficult to imagine the amount of red, angry cuts covering his skin amongst the already healed, white scars. 

Why did he do that to himself again? Oh, right… He couldn't make himself feel beautiful, and then Edelgard had told him she practically sees him as a nuisance, rather than a brother. 

The words she told him sting. But the words he told her sting even more. Because if he's being honest, it wasn't her who walked out on him. It was him, who sent her out of his life. He literally told her he wouldn't reach out to her anymore. And she accepted that. 

Deep inside, Dimitri feels Edelgard might have been hoping for this. She already explained how she felt that he was a hopeless case, so maybe now she's glad that she has nothing to do with him anymore. She can focus solely on the thing she loves and values the most; herself. 

Dimitri was stupid for thinking he could get inbetween her and the love she has for herself.

But hey, at least he learned now. And the cuts on his arm are proof of the closure of chapter Edelgard. Freedom at last, to dive headfirst into chapter Stranger. 

He feels that this chapter will be much, much more satisfying. It's a shame the cuts also represent the start of the new chapter in his life, but there isn't much to do about that anymore now. 

That was definitely the last time, Dimitri promises to himself. 

But what if the stranger will want to meet one day? What if they're going to see each other and she won't like what she sees? Uhm,  _ they _ , he means. Although, he is pretty certain that they're female. 

There's just no other way. The way they talked, the choice of words… It has to be. So, it'll be safe for him to think of them as she and her now, right? He believes so. 

So what if she would want to meet? He couldn't hide himself and his terrible habits. He's going to have to quit all of them, if such a time will ever come. 

To meet with her… The thought scares him, but not to the point where he wants to run and hide, like the thought of doing shopping in a store or whatever. He's definitely curious about this girl, curious enough to even consider asking her for a picture of herself. 

Not that he ever would! No, no. That's terrifying and too blunt. Of course, if she offers, he would accept without a doubt. 

But that might mean she'd expect a picture of him in return. 

Oh dear. Absolutely not. He has to delay it for as long as he can. No pictures. And definitely no meet-ups. 

They can just talk over texts, right? He doesn't need any more than someone to talk to. It might be a little selfish, but she does have other friends she can meet up with. Dimitri will just be her online friend, nothing more. And that's fine. 

What could her name be? Probably something beautiful, just like herself. Dimitri imagines a short girl, with long hair and big, colorful eyes. A huge, bright smile that would blind him if he looked too long. Maybe she'd be a little chubby too. It'd be really cute if she were. 

And her personality… It's even more perfect than her looks, Dimitri believes. Cheerful, funny, confident. And much, much more than that. She's sure talkative, that he's certain of. But he also thinks she's the kind of person who knows exactly when to keep quiet too. 

If he had to compare her to any of the close friends he used to have, she'd be the closest to Sylvain. He used to talk a lot too, and he was very confident in himself. Maybe a bit too confident at times. But even Sylvain was cheerful, goodlooking, but no-homo about that, and he was also very charming. 

Dimitri suddenly feels as if Sylvain would be a much better match for this girl than Dimitri. Despite having been out of contact with Sylvain for years, he still feels close with him for some reason. 

Maybe because Sylvain is the kind of guy who just doesn't change. He'd been the same person throughout all the years their friendship lasted, so Dimitri can't even imagine a Sylvain that isn't a complete womanizer. 

He smiles at the memories of Sylvain trying to teach Dimitri how to flirt. Mind the  _ trying _ , because Dimitri was absolutely terrible at it. One girl he had been 'flirting' with, even asked him why he didn't have a boyfriend yet, because he was such a cute gay disaster. 

The smile leaves his lips again. That particular case wasn't even the worst, but he doesn't want to go down that lane. It's not that Dimitri had never had any success with any girls, it's just that he took longer to get a connection with them. 

Where Sylvain was able to get a girl into his bed within twenty minutes, it took Dimitri two and a half years to be able to give Ingrid a kiss on her cheek after a date. 

Ingrid and he had dated for a total of three whole months when the four of them, Sylvain and Felix included, had decided they were too weird as a couple and they should just go back to being friends. 

That was the beginning and the end of his first and only relationship. Thankfully, he did manage to get some experience with Ingrid. At least he's not a nineteen year old virgin. 

Now, that's enough memories of the past for today. He doesn't want to be stuck on those anymore, so he closes off that section of his brains. 

He decides to finally focus on reading his book, rather than think the whole time. Dimitri thinks, and overthinks to the point where he can ruin his day for a week straight. 

So instead, he dives into the story of a young woman who has always dreamed of going to space, and finds a way to make that a reality. 

Whenever Dimitri reads books like these, it makes him wish he had some sort of dream to work towards. Instead, when Dimitri tries to imagine his life in ten years, he can't see anything. There's nothing. 

He isn't sure whether it's because he believes he might not be around anymore by then, or if it's the fact that he doesn't have any desires like starting a family. 

A partner would be nice, Dimitri decides, so that's something. But he isn't anywhere near dating anyone, so he'll just postpone that idea to about fifteen years from now. 

He'll be thirty-four then. Surely he'll be able to find a woman before that. 

By the time Dimitri has become tired of reading, he realizes it's already past ten. He's certain he hasn't heard his phone, but he still gets up to check if he received a message. 

No new notifications, except hAppy reminding him that he has yet to exchange his points for a reward. 

Dimitri supposes he can just check out the point menu then, since he doesn't have anything better to do anyway. 

'Welcome to the  _ points _ menu! Here, you can exchange your obtained points for rewards!' 

He continues on.

'Because you completed your first challenge, I'll give you your first reward for free! No need to sacrifice those precious clearance points just yet. So, here goes!' 

A small white box, graced with a red ribbon on top appears on the screen. Dimitri briefly wonders if this App is developed for children as well, but that isn't relevant right now. 

When he waits too long with opening the present, a small text box appears near it, saying ' _ tap to open _ '. 

So, he does. 

'Congratulations! You have unlocked the  _ tips _ option! Would you like an explanation of what you can do with  _ tips _ ?' 

Dimitri chooses yes. 

'With  _ tips _ , you ask me for advice or tips on how you can complete your challenge! I'll give you ideas or some extra inspiration to make the challenge easier for you. But be careful, you can only use one hint every three challenges. Use them wisely!' 

And like that, hAppy disappears again and Dimitri is left in the  _ points  _ menu. 

_ Twenty points until your next reward, _ it says on the screen. 

So he basically receives a new set reward with every amount of challenges he clears, he can't pick what reward he wants to spend points on. The developers should probably fix that. 

But still, the tips might come in handy for when he isn't sure on how to take on a challenge. Like today's. 

What is he supposed to do to treat himself? 

He goes back to the main screen, which tells him he has less than eight hours to complete his challenge, and what the challenge is. 

_ 'Treat yourself to something nice!' _

Only now, there's a small button with a lightbulb right next to the challenge. 

He's aware that he can only use one hint every three challenges, but if he clears this challenge, he's done. Two challenges was all he needed to complete for mrs. Manuela.

He considers it for one more second before he presses the lightbulb after all. 

'Are you sure you'd like to use  _ tips _ ?'

Yes. 

'When treating yourself, it's not only buying yourself a gift. Spending time doing something you enjoy, or even eating or drinking something you like counts too! All that matters is that you take some extra time to do something nice for you and you alone. It's okay to be selfish sometimes! :)' 

It's okay to be selfish? That can't be right. But he honestly hadn't considered those tips hAppy just gave him. Although, even with those tips, he still doesn't know what to do. 

It's likely that he'll talk to the stranger again today, but that's not treating himself, is it? He already knew he would talk to her again, so it's not like he's doing it especially to complete the challenge. 

Oh well, he still has about seven and a half hours to complete the challenge, that's plenty. 

Just out of curiosity, he opens his conversation with the stranger. There isn't a new message, obviously, but he's practically dying to see if she's online. 

To his surprise, however, it says that the last time she'd been online was about an hour ago. 

She's awake, been online, but hasn't sent him a text. 

Dimitri can't help but feel disappointed. He'd been so eager to receive a greeting, and she didn't send one. 

But she really said she'll talk to him again today, he's reading it right now. 

'Tty tmrw', it says. Today is tmrw, so why? Or did she mean tomorrow instead of today, since it was sent after 12 p.m.? But that doesn't make sense. 

She should have sent a message, period. Dimitri is feeling kinda upset because of her negligence. It could be that she just forgot, or that she only replied to a message that was already sent to her and then went back to sleep. 

See, he should have said good morning instead of waiting for her. But it's not too late yet; he can still send a message. 

* * *

**_Unknown number_ **

**_Me:_ ** _ Good morning! I saw you've been online, but you haven't texted me _

* * *

That's... kinda weird to say, isn't it? Maybe he shouldn't mention that he saw her. 

He deletes the words, and starts over.

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ Good morning, how was your sleep? _

_ 10:41 _

* * *

There, that's better. He's still feeling a little upset that she didn't text him first thing in the morning, but as the last-seen-when-message on her profile changes to  _ online _ , he forgets all about it. 

She starts typing right away, and it's not long before he has an answer to his text. 

Upset? When was he ever upset? Dimitri has no idea anymore when he finds himself sucked into the new conversation already. 

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ hey u! I slept great, tho it was kinda short (´ω｀*) _

_ 10:41 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ tbh i thought ud be sleeping longer so i waited with texting _

_ 10:41 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ but seems ur up early too, howd u sleep?  _

_ 10:42 _

* * *

Oh, so Dimitri was wrong. She didn't forget, she was actually being thoughtful of him. 

How embarrassing. He can't stop his cheeks from turning pink at her remark. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ Oh, I'm sorry about that, I don't seem to be able to sleep in. I did sleep nicely, though. _

_ 10:43 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ hey can u stop doing that _

_ 10:43 _

* * *

What? What did he do wrong? Oh, no. He messed up already. He rereads his texts, all of them, to find out what exactly she might mean. Unhelpfully, she doesn't elaborate either. Where she normally sends at least two or three messages at once, she leaves it at the one that has Dimitri worried to no end. 

After reading and thinking for at least a few minutes, he still doesn't know what she might mean. He's been correct, respectful and friendly in every single one of his messages. Right? 

Once more, he rereads them all, but he can't find it. 

And then the panic starts. He's obviously doing something wrong, something that she doesn't like, and he doesn't see it. As flustered as he is, he decides to just ask her. At least he'll be able to change it once he knows for sure what it is he's doing wrong.

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ Uhm, I'm really sorry, but I'm not sure what you mean. Could you please elaborate? _

_ 10:52 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ see, that right there _

_ 10:52 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ those apologies, why do u be like that _

_ 10:53 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ no ones mad, so can u pls stop that? _

_ 10:53 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ i mean theres literally no need, see im not scary so you dont need to feel bad all the time okay? _

_ 10:53 _

* * *

Dimitri apologises frequently? He hasn't even realized, but when he rereads one final time, he finally sees what she means. He apologises so often, it annoys even him. 

How did he never notice that?

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ Sorry, I didn't even realize. I'll try not to do it again, or at least this often. I just can't help but apologize when I feel like I said something weird _

_ 10:54 _

* * *

He just apologised again. Great going, Dimitri. And now he starts to wonder if he maybe shouldn't have added the last part. What's wrong with him? Now she'll surely think he's some kind of weirdo. 

This is definitely nothing Sylvain taught him before. How stupid is he? 

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ oh, i know lol its so obvious  _

_ 10:54 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ in fact i actually know exactly what kinda guy u are, thats how obvious _

_ 10:55 _

* * *

Dimitri's mouth goes completely dry when he reads that message. She figured him out that easily? No, that can't be. Just that he apologized often doesn't give away everything else. Right?

She's still typing, but Dimitri doesn't want to read what she's going to tell him. He closes the conversation and lays his phone on the couch next to him. Even when his phone dings to announce a new notification, he doesn't feel like opening it. 

Maybe he's overreacting. Maybe she's completely wrong. No, he doesn't really doubt her words. He noticed before that she's incredibly perceptive and she doesn't fear speaking what's on her mind. He admired it before, but now he wishes she did have some sort of filter on her mouth. Or well, her fingers. 

Another ding from his phone. 

Dimitri is honestly such a coward. He knows he should just face whatever version of him this stranger just laid out for him. And is there really a problem in her knowing what kind of person Dimitri is? It only means that, despite that she knows, she still wants to talk with him. 

Yes, that's right. He shouldn't run and hide this time. He can deal with it. She can't see him anyway.

When he reaches for his phone, he holds his breath until he's opened the new messages.

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ for example i know ur apologizing a lot bc ur scared of what ill think of u, and im pretty sure u talk so fancy bc u just dont know whats okay to say to anyone in general and thats okay u know, not everyone is good talking with other ppl  _

_ 10:55 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ also u dont need to take all this from me so feel free to correct me if im wrong, but i kinda have the idea ur a little desperate for contact with someone which makes me think ur really lonely. All that added up gets me thinking u might have some sort of social anxiety that u dont know how to deal with and thats why u dont have anyone to talk to, so now all of that focus and attention is on me bc i do talk to u  _

_ 10:56 _

* * *

**_Unknown number_ ** _ : dont get me wrong tho im not complaining lol ill be ur friend if u like so u can vent to me and talk to me and stuff, but i would advise u to see a therapist or smth if u arent already _

_ 10:56 _

* * *

Dimitri was aware of her perceptiveness, but this exceeds his expectations. Her accuracy is just plain scary, and now he has no idea what to say to that. 

She is offering to be his friend though, which is something he's incredibly grateful for. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ It's a little unsettling, how accurate your description is, I can't deny any of it. It's true that I don't have anyone besides you to talk to and that I'm lonely, but I don't want to force my presence on you or anything. Please don't feel obliged to be nice and talk to me just because I'm struggling. I've managed by myself until now. And also, I'm seeing a therapist, but thank you for telling me anyway :)  _

_ 11:02 _

* * *

When he presses send, he decides that he isn't happy with that response at all. She was being extremely kind, even offering to be his friend, and he just shot her down. What a terrible person he is. 

Well then, he just screwed up his only chance of making a friend anytime soon. Props to Dimitri for ruining his life yet again. 

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ ahhhh okay okay, i just realized ur probs super insecure and u hate urself and u dont allow urself to have nice things bc of that _

_ 11:03 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ idk what that therapist is doing with u but they should reconsider their priorities bc ur perfectly vulnerable for becoming self destructive if u arent already _

_ 11:03 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ u know, im somewhat of a therapist myself hehe im a spychology student so i kinda know what im talking about so fr just talk to me when u need to ill try to help with all the knowledge i have _

_ 11:04 _

* * *

  
  


Frankly, after reading all that, Dimitri doesn't know what to say anymore. This person is really willing to help him when he's not doing okay? No, surely she's really just being nice. No one would willingly take care of a depressed person. It's a lot of responsibility, and apparently, if he can believe Edelgard, also a nuisance. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ I'm honestly at a loss for words. That's incredibly kind of you to offer. Thank you very much.  _

_ 11:05 _

* * *

Even though Dimitri knows he won't make use of the stranger's kindness, he does feel grateful to her. But she shouldn't have to go out of her way just to appease Dimitri when he's struggling with another ridiculous thing. 

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ heh ikr, im really just that great _

_ 11:05 _

* * *

Dimitri doesn't doubt that for even a second. 

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ try me, tell me something ur struggling with and ill help _

_ 11:05 _

* * *

Where would he even begin? In all honesty, Dimitri doesn't want her to know all the things he's struggling with. There's simply too much and the last thing he wants is to bare all of his inner thoughts and feelings to someone he's actually trying to impress. 

Although… there is one thing in particular that he's been wondering about today. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ Well, since you asked… To what nice thing would you treat yourself if you were told to do so? _

_ 11:06 _

* * *

Now he's curious to see what the answer will be. He waits patiently for the stranger to start typing. 

It's a good thing this person is quick with responding. Dimitri doesn't have to wait long for a new message to appear. 

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ hmm that's a good one, can i choose whatever i like or am i limited to certain options _

_ 11:06 _

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ You're free to pick whatever you like. Even if it's very expensive. _

_ 11:07 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ oooo that sounds neat, okay how about new shoes, i love shoes  _

_ 11:08 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ or new clothes, clothes are always good _

_ 11:08 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ OR WHAT ABOUT A WHOLE DAY IN A WELLNESS RESORT OMG  _

_ 11:08 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ yeah thats what id do, massages are the best thing ever _

_ 11:08 _

* * *

A wellness resort? Dimitri cringes at the thought. Just the idea of people touching him and massaging him disgusts him to the point where he wonders if this person is actually okay. 

Who would willingly go to a wellness resort and enjoy it? 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ Those are some interesting ideas. I'll consider them _

_ 11:09 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ oh u want ideas for treating urself HAHAHAHA forgive me u obviously dont like those things, lemme think for a sec _

_ 11:09 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ so u probs dont like too much contact with other ppl but how do u feel about going out for coffee or smth _

_ 11:10 _

* * *

Dimitri's cheeks start coloring again. But that's not all; his heart is hammering and his palms are getting sweaty. 

She just asked to go out for coffee with him. 

What does he say? He isn't ready yet. Not ready at all, but this is really happening right now. He should try to let her down easy without shutting her up completely. The last thing he wants is to ruin any chance of going out with her in the future.

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ Uhm… I don't know if we live close to each other though, so drinking coffee together might not be doable right now… But thank you for inviting me! I'd love to another time maybe. _

_ 11:12 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ wait what _

_ 11:12 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ oh no ahahah i didnt mean with me lol i already have plans today sorry _

_ 11:13 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ but ill drink coffee with u another time if u want, no objections here _

_ 11:13 _

* * *

Ah, he misunderstood. Of course she didn't mean with him. How could he be that stupid to think she actually invited him out for coffee? He wants to crawl into a hole and die already. 

It actually takes him a few seconds to gather enough courage to face the conversation again. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ I'm so sorry, I completely misunderstood. I'll be going now, I wouldn't want to keep you from your plans. Have fun today!  _

_ 11:14 _

* * *

Smooth, very smooth. He's obviously running away right now, but he honestly doesn't really care. He's made a fool out of himself enough. 

But even still, after he's put away his phone again, he hears the sound that indicates a new notification from another message. 

She's just telling him to have a good day as well, that's all. Or perhaps just a 'goodbye'. She knows by now what an idiot Dimitri is, and he doesn't blame her for being repelled by his weird behavior. 

How could he misunderstand such a thing? And the way he responded… So arrogant. God, he rejected her before she even asked anything. What is wrong with him? 

Well, at least he won't have to wonder if he has a chance with a girl like her. If he even did before, he certainly doesn't anymore now. How embarrassing. 

Another ding comes from his phone and Dimitri can't resist peeking at it. He has three new messages from the unknown number. 

Maybe he should add her number to his contacts. Just to be rid of the weird unknown number thing, he reasons, but he also wants to give her some kind of nickname.

Or he could ask for her real name. 

No, he couldn't. He quickly erases the thought from his head again. If she asked his first, he might ask hers in return, but he's not initiating the subject. She might think he's planning on stalking her or something, with the odd behavior he's shown her. 

A nickname for her… What should he pick? Something that suits her, but not anything that would be weird. 

The only things he can think of consist of nicknames one would reserve for their loved one, so he decides to wait with naming her contact. Unknown number is just fine. 

Subconsciously, he opens the messages she sent to him. He doesn't register it until he's reading them though, and he feels awkward once again when he reads his own misunderstanding. 

And he apologized in that message too. He'd been trying so hard to resist making apologies, but that one slipped through without meaning to. It just shows how incapable he is of something as simple as that. 

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ no its fine, i said it wrong lol i wouldve misunderstood a msg like that too _

_ 11:14 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ wait ur actually leaving? Fuck no dont do that, ill feel bad  _

_ 11:15 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ kind sir, pls dont go yet i wont be busy with anything before 2pm so thats plenty of time for us to move on from that awkward scene just now _

_ 11:15 _

* * *

  
  


She's actually asking him to stay and talk to her? So, she's not angry or weirded out by him? He'll still ask, just to be sure.

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ You don't hate me?  _

_ 11:19 _

* * *

Surprisingly, the stranger doesn't come back online immediately when he sent the message. She did say she wouldn't be busy yet though, so why not? 

Maybe she wasn't angry before, but she is now because he left her like that. God, why is he so stupid? Can't he ever do anything right? Of course she'd be upset, she didn't do anything wrong. Dimitri was the one who jumped to wrong conclusions. 

He waits a bit longer, but gives up when the stranger hasn't come back online even after a few minutes pass. 

What should he do now? He'd been planning on spending his whole day talking to her, but now that she's busy, he has nothing else to do. 

Maybe he'll think about how to clear his challenge instead. He wouldn't say the stranger wasn't helpful, but her ideas weren't his kind of nice. He also doesn't even like coffee. The beverage itself smells good, but he knows it leaves a bad smell coming from his mouth. Dimitri would say he's more of a tea-person, but going out just to drink a cup of tea sounds more like a chore than a treat. 

What else could he treat himself to? He literally has no idea. 

He picks up his phone to start browsing the internet for some clothing websites. As he's typing it into Google, his phone buzzes. He nearly drops the device from the scare. 

Unknown number sent him another message. And another one. And even more. She really does like sending one message per sentence. 

Before he opens the messages, he takes a deep breath. For some reason, he expects her to tell him just exactly how much she does hate him, but that she sticks around because he doesn't have anyone else. 

Just like Edelgard did. 

What he reads however, makes his heartbeat pick up. 

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ hate u? Ur so melodramatic oml hahahaha i dont hate u silly, i actually kinda like u ur really funny bc u dont mean to be _

_ 11:27 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ no i was actually just a little surprised by ur directiveness but thats a good thing, ppl cant usually surprise me _

_ 11:28 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ but hey i was looking up some things u could treat urself to and while i didnt really find anything for u personally, i did find some 'nice activities for introverts' and thats also u so hear me out _

_ 11:28 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ so idrk what u like, and u probs dont even know what u like if there even is anything u like, so imma just name a few things i think could be of help for u _

_ 11:29 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ how do u feel about writing smth? Or watching a movie, or maybe u like gardening, u know, flowers and stuff _

_ 11:29 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ oh hey this one sounds like fun, u could volunteer to help out at an animal shelter to take care of the animals, barely any humans are involved its perfect for u _

_ 11:30 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ gosh that actually really sounds awesome i might do that myself one day, u know when im not in dire need of money to pay off my student loan debts lol _

_ 11:30 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ but yeah those are a few things u could do, idk if theyre much help but thats up to u to decide _

_ 11:30 _

* * *

Wow, she went through all that trouble just for him? He can't get over how kind this stranger has been to him until now, even though they barely know each other. And she's so casual about it too. She doesn't treat him like some kind of fragile person made out of glass that could shatter at any wrong word said. 

He can't even express how grateful he feels about that. Mrs. Manuela always talks to him as if he'd burst into tears if she said even one thing that might offend him, but this stranger is so natural. 

So perfect. 

Yet, as he mulls over things she's done for him, he can't remember him doing anything for her. In fact, he barely knows anything about this person, while she seems to know him inside-out.

They've talked for hours, yet he has no idea who he's talking to. All he does know for sure is that she's a psychology student, and that's only because she confirmed it for him.

He smirks to himself as he remembers that she called it 'spychology'. Maybe she pronounces it that way too. How cute. It makes him wonder what her voice sounds like. 

He'd really like to hear it. But that's probably impossible if they don't call each other and talk over the phone. 

...

Nope, not happening. He is not making a phone call to anyone, and definitely not this girl. He would rather meet with her in person than call her. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ Thank you, honestly, for all you do for me. You're really so kind, I find it hard to believe you're actually real. I'll consider all of the things you suggested. I'm sure there's at least one thing I'll like :) Thank you once more. _

_ 11:33 _

* * *

At least, that's what he tells her, but is there really a thing he'll consider as 'treating himself'? Gardening requires garden equipment and working at an animal shelter requires well, an animal shelter.

Dimitri doesn't even know if there is a store with gardening equipment or an animal shelter near him. So that would leave watching a movie or writing something. 

He's seen all the movies he owns at least twice, so that isn't something he'll enjoy much. So writing something is all that's left. 

What in the world do people write when they write? Does he write about his life? He'd never do that. Then, does he write about his fantasies? 

He'll end up with a story about two strangers that accidentally meet by a wrong number text and fall in love with each other. 

And let's say he does end up writing something, what is he to do with that after? Does he let someone read it? Does he post it online? Throw it away? Burn it? But then what's the point? 

Why is everything so difficult?! 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ What should I write about? _

_ 11:34 _

* * *

Dimitri always considered it rude to send another message before the other person could respond to the first one, but the stranger's done it countless times, so it's okay if he sends two messages in a row, right? 

The stranger isn't online right now, so Dimitri thinks more on what he could write about. Back when he was a child, he'd be the one to make up the stories of his and his friends' games of make-believe. They'd spend hours and hours in the fantasy world he created with his imagination. 

But most of that creativity is gone now. He still remembers some games of pretend they played, but most of that is stuffed with memories of his old friends. He doesn't like remembering the past, because the happy times of back then will never return. 

His phone buzzes. 

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ oooo u gonna write huh, sounds awesome _

_ 11:36 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ well u can do 2 things rn, 1 u can make this some exercise to collect ur thoughts and feelings and write them down so u can clear ur head or 2 u can just write whatever u like and have fun _

_ 11:37 _

* * *

Ah, mrs. Manuela had suggested that before. That he write down everything that happened in his day so he can learn to let things go. He hasn't tried it, because he doesn't consider it his way of coping. 

Not like his way of coping is any better though, but that's just a small detail. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ I'd like to write something to pass the time a little without getting depressed again. _

_ 11:37 _

* * *

He'd sent that message before he even registered what it said, and the warm feeling of embarrassment coats his cheeks already as he sees the words on his screen. 

The stranger's words were 'to have fun' and he completely twisted it to match his dark and brooding mind. He's such a great conversationalist. 

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ hahahaha understandable really, why not just start with like a short story to see if u like writing _

_ 11:38 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ maybe ur actually really good at it, wouldnt that be awesome _

_ 11:38 _

* * *

That would be nice, to find something Dimitri is good at. Whenever anyone asks that particular question, Dimitri can never answer it. 

There just isn't anything Dimitri is good at. 

He's also feeling strangely glad that he didn't manage to scare away the stranger with his weird message. Instead, she actually laughed it off. Not because she doesn't take him seriously, but probably because he said he didn't want to get depressed again. She kept the mood light for him, so he wouldn't be uncomfortable. 

She really is incredibly thoughtful.

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ I'll try that, thank you! Although I still don't know what exactly I could write about… _

_ 11:39 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ hmm, good one _

_ 11:39 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ maybe like a happy memory? Or just smth completely made up if u dont wanna write about urself _

_ 11:40 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ idk if u like dragons but dragons are pretty neat _

_ 11:40 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ or dinosaurs! Man i love dinosaurs they were great _

_ 11:40 _

* * *

So far, what Dimitri knows about this person is that she likes shoes, clothes, dragons and dinosaurs. That's a strange combination of things, but still interesting to Dimitri. He liked dinosaurs too, when he was younger. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ I'll see if I can write something about dinosaurs.  _

_ 11:41 _

* * *

He does have the knowledge, after all. 

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ damn thats great, can i read when its finished i wanna know ur opinion on dinosaurs _

_ 11:41 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ u see i dont believe they really looked the way they do in movies like maybe they were actually round and bouncy _

_ 11:41 _

* * *

That's… definitely an interesting theory, Dimitri finds. Although he doesn't doubt the scientists who've thoroughly researched the discovered bones. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ I'll make them round and bouncy. _

_ 11:42 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ hahahahaha awesome, cant wait (*≧∀≦*) _

_ 11:42 _

* * *

Wait, hold on. Dimitri never said she could read it! Oh no, he gave off the impression that she could. 

Oh no, oh no, oh no. He couldn't possibly write something interesting enough to entertain her. He has to find a way out of this. Surely he can just tell her he couldn't do it. But then she might ask to still read whatever he did come up with. 

And why did he agree to write about bouncy dinosaurs?! 

Well, that's not a difficult question. To please her, obviously. He's still eager to impress her, with whatever he has available, even if that's something as weird as bouncy dinosaurs. 

While Dimitri can overthink this particular thing for hours, he figures that there isn't really much use in that. He already decided he would try out the writing thing, so he will. 

He closes the messaging app and heads into his study to turn on his laptop. When it's done with its starting-up-ritual, he opens an empty Word document.

So, how does he start this thing? Maybe by explaining where the story will take place. 

Beginning his short story about bouncy dinosaurs starts off more roughly than he would have liked to, but it doesn't take long until he's gotten the hang of it. It's become a cliche story, about a small bouncy dinosaur who accidentally bounced off a cliff and now he has to find a way to reach his mother and friends again. 

He makes sure the bouncy part is very apparent, so that the stranger hopefully has no complaints about a lack of the subject. 

But instead of making it a short story like he intended to, it becomes longer and longer as he adds more content. He describes the small dinosaur's feelings, what kinds of other bouncy dinosaurs it meets, how it almost falls prey to a dinosaur that just happens to not be bouncy and how it barely manages to escape it. 

And a few hours later, Dimitri has written a story of nearly four-thousand words. 

How the hell did that happen? He checks the time in the lower right corner of his laptop screen and notices that it's already past three. 

The stranger is probably gone now, busy with whatever plans they had made for today. And he completely forgot to tell them bye. 

In Dimitri's defense though, he never expected to spend so many hours on writing a simple short story about bouncy dinosaurs. 

But still, he feels guilty for leaving her hanging the way he did, so he fetches his phone again from his living room. 

She actually sent him some messages while he was busy, and he hadn't heard a single notification. 

How very peculiar. 

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ well seems uve gotten real busy all of a sudden so imma leave you be so u can concentrate _

_ 12:14 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ lol i like that u take this so seriously like fr good for you, just dont forget to take a break sometimes to eat or drink smth, breaks are important!  _

_ 13:38 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ either way imma start getting dressed for today so ill probably not talk to u anymore until im back later, try not to miss me too much lol _

_ 13:39 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ im jk u can still text me if u need me for emergencies, just text me twice in a row so ill surely notice it _

_ 13:39 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ wow whos attached now lol i promise its u and not me but anyway byebye have fun and im really excited to read what you came up with later (* >ω<) _

_ 13:40 _

* * *

What a subtle reminder that Dimitri is really supposed to let her read his silly story. Either way, reading the messages makes him overjoyed. He didn't expect her to actually genuinely like talking to him, so this is a very welcome, but also unfamiliar feeling.

The more often he reads the last messages she sent to him, the more confident he gets in her sincerity. Maybe a friendship really is blooming between them. 

The thought makes him smile. He'd really, really like that. 

And if they really are friends, surely he can't write a disappointing story for her. He'll make it great, just for her. Hopefully she'll like it. 

But before he gets back behind his laptop, he sends a message back to the stranger, eats a single slice of dry bread because she told him to and notifies hAppy that he cleared today's challenge. 

Once more, he receives ten clearance points and a compliment from hAppy, and he's genuinely proud of himself for once. 

When he gets back behind his laptop, he cracks his knuckles before he gets back to reading his story to look for things he can edit or improve. As well as more content, he includes more details on surroundings, more inner dialogue of the small bouncy dinosaur and extra conversations between the other dinosaurs around the small one. 

It really amazes him how quickly time passes when he's busy writing. But he's even more amazed at what his brains have managed to produce so far. It's as if he's on autopilot and before he realizes, he's written close to nine-thousand words. 

Nine-thousand words about one small bouncy dinosaur. Who would have ever thought? 

Surely not Dimitri, and yet here he is. 

Where he was panicked and embarrassed about the idea of the stranger reading his story, he now feels almost  _ eager  _ for her to read it. 

Will she like it? He sure hopes so. He saves the file on his laptop, and then shares it to his email address so he can open it on his phone as well. 

It's already a quarter to seven, and the stranger hasn't read his last text yet, but he wants to share the file with her now that he still feels confident. He knows that, once he starts overthinking, he'll lose any and all courage to show it to her. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ Thank you for being so considerate of my needs, I really appreciate it. Also, writing is a lot easier than I thought it would be. And I daresay I'm even enjoying it a little too :) _

_ 15:11 _

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ Here you go, I really hope you'll like it. It's a bit longer than expected though, I hope you don't mind.  _

_ 18:44 _

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ Bouncy Dinosaurs.DOC _

_ 18:44 _

* * *

He wonders what the stranger is up to today, but he'd been scared to ask before. He wouldn't want to pry, and if she was eager to share she would have told him what she'd planned. 

All that's left now is to wait for her to come back and read what his brains produced today. He hopes she'll enjoy it, even if it was written poorly. While Dimitri gets good grades in English class, he isn't very confident in his writing skills. 

But all is fine as long as she'll enjoy it. He'll write countless stories about bouncy dinosaurs for her. Or about whatever she likes, really. 

He'd have no problem dedicating all of his free time to pleasing her, but he still refuses to acknowledge why that is. Even if it's becoming more and more apparent. 

He absolutely refuses to acknowledge he's seriously falling for this stranger. 


	6. A friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooooooo dear readers :)
> 
> So first of all, I'm so amazed by the fact that I have over 60 kudos already like oml y'all are too good to me <333
> 
> AND NOW about the chapter, I honestly wanted to write the big reveal in this chappie but I decided against it bc i thought they needed to be closer first
> 
> So it's pretty much just Dimitri and the stranger building a friendship, hopefully it's okay 
> 
> (Also i am not a therapist, psychiatrist or doctor, so anything written about meds, brains and all that good stuff is made up or written from personal experience) 
> 
> Also small warning for a tiny bit of self-harm but it's really lowkey
> 
> Please enjoy!!

Dimitri's leg bounces up and down nervously as he waits for a text back. He's not sure what the stranger is up to right now, or if she even has time to read his whole story, but he hopes she has time. 

Her having time is one of the many things he's hoping for right at this moment. 

Most of all, he just hopes she'll enjoy what he wrote for her, even if just a tiny bit. 

But the longer it takes for the stranger to come online, the more anxious Dimitri gets. 

Why did he send the file? Wasn't he going to somehow avoid having her read it? What has gotten into him? Dimitri knows better than to try and impress someone with something _he_ did himself. 

Isn't there a way to delete it from her chat? But wouldn't it be weird if he first announces that he sent it, and then deleted it? Should he delete both messages? But will she even text him again if he does? 

Why is everything so difficult? 

God, Dimitri wishes he could just think like a normal person for once. Then he'd be glad to show the stranger his efforts, and he'd be _expecting_ a compliment because he'd _know_ it's good. 

But Dimitri isn't like that. Dimitri has doubts, many of them, and constantly criticizes himself for the smallest and most irrelevant things. 

And then he doesn't even improve the things he criticizes himself for. 

It's just too difficult. He sees so clearly what's wrong with him, but he doesn't make an effort to change himself at all. And every time he questions himself why he doesn't, he can't even find an answer. 

As his thoughts spiral down in his emotional rollercoaster, his phone dings in his hand. 

Within mere seconds, he's unlocked the device and opened his chat messages. 

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _yo wtf u scared me oml_

_19:57_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _but i suppose bouncy dinosaurs are an emergency in their own rights_

_19:57_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ill read your story when i get home tho bc i dont really have time rn even tho i wish i did_

_19:58_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _do u think u can wait that long lol ill be home around ten thirty_

_19:58_

* * *

For a second, Dimitri is very confused. That is until he realizes that she told him to message twice in a row if he had an emergency. 

He fucked up again.

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _I'm so very sorry, it slipped my mind completely that two messages meant emergency. God I feel like such an idiot, I hope I didn't interrupt anything important._

_20:00_

* * *

His cheeks feel incredibly hot from embarrassment and shame. While he was stoked to receive a message from her at all, he really wishes it wasn't under these circumstances. 

She must have been worried that he did something to himself, like what he did when he messaged Edelgard last time. 

But she doesn't really know about that, right? He didn't let anything slip about his self-harm. 

Although, she might have already figured out anyway because he's so 'obvious'. It still bothers him a lot more than he'd like to admit. He tries so hard to hide his nature and habits, yet she saw through him so easily. 

And he still doesn't know anything about her. He really doesn't want to complain, but he does think it's a bit frustrating.

Would it be rude to ask what she's up to this evening? It probably would; no one likes a stranger sticking their nose into their business. 

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _depends on what ud call important lol i think ppl complaining about their potatosalad being too mayo-y isnt all that major_

_20:00_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _is that even a word_

_20:00_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _idk but there was too much mayo and then u messaged so i said i had explosive diarrhea to escape them and i literally had to make a fart sound to get them to let me go_

_20:01_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _and then my table actually asked for a different server so i suppose i owe u thanks bc now i got me a fifteen minute toilet break + nothing to do when i go back out front (⊙ꇴ⊙)_

_20:01_

* * *

Dimitri snorts, actually _snorts_ when he reads the messages. Seems like he was getting nosy about nothing; she's just working a part-time job as a server. He should have known, given she complained about student loan debts before. 

Maybe he should help her out with that. It's not like he'll miss the money, and she seems like she could really use it. But wouldn't it be weird if he offered to pay her debts out of nowhere?

Yeah she'd probably find it weird. Maybe if they know each other a bit better, she'd allow it more easily.

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Sounds like you've got it really rough there. I'm sorry, but it made me laugh a little. I hope you'll get a table with nicer people next._

_20:02_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _lol u dont need to feel sorry for laughing, u have no idea how hard my colleagues laughed at me just now_

_20:02_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _but thanks for the sympathy, u have the decency to at least apologize_

_20:02_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _hey so did u like writing? Im so goddamn curious to read it but i cant :( comfort me_

_20:03_

* * *

Dimitri just blinks at first. Then reads it again. 'Comfort me', it says. 

He blinks once more before he closes his slightly parted lips. What is he supposed to do to comfort her? He finds it very hard to believe she's genuinely upset about not being able to read his creation in the first place.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Uhm… well, I could summarize the story for you if that helps?_

_20:05_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _hahaha wow i really thought u weren't gonna answer that msg anymore but seems ur quite the bold one after all_

_20:05_

* * *

In Dimitri's defense, he is blushing like crazy and his heart feels like it's about to bust his ribcage. Calling him a bold one is quite the overestimation. Surely she knows that too; nothing Dimitri's said or done up to now has indicated that he's bold. 

How nice it would be if he were though. He'd ask for her name, maybe even a picture of her. Perhaps send one of himself in return. He'd surprise her with a phone call instead of a lame message. He'd be the one to invite her to go and drink coffee with him sometime. 

He'd tell her exactly how she's been making him feel since they first started talking. 

The thought itself makes Dimitri's hands clammy. He couldn't confess his feelings to her, not now and not in a very long time. It's disturbing; how fast Dimitri caught feelings for this stranger. What kinds of feelings, he'd rather not think about, but he is willing to admit to himself that she is becoming important to him. 

If he didn't have her to talk to, especially after what happened Thursday, he doesn't know what state he would be in right now. 

He'd be feeling empty, hollow. His mind would be stuffed with thoughts of what a failure he is, how much he hates himself and what would be the best and most convenient way of ending everything. 

And yet, it's all barely there now. Sure, he knows his depression and suicidal thoughts aren't going to be stopped just like that. But he thinks this stranger has a huge influence on his mood. 

And that's a good start, isn't it? If he can just stay out of that mood where he hates himself so much, he wants nothing more than to die? And if she is the one who can keep his head above the water, then that's okay, right? 

Dimitri wants to believe so, and so he messages her while she still has a bit of time for him. 

And when she leaves again, Dimitri waits patiently until it's half past ten, when she said she'd be home again. In the meantime, he reads his story about the bouncy dinosaurs once more. He discovers a few things that don't really add up in a logical manner, and other things that could use some more explanation, but that might also just be his own mind doubting and criticizing himself again.

He's decided that he'll simply await the stranger's reaction. Hopefully she won't lie to him just to make him feel more secure. False confidence isn't the way to go either. 

As he waits for the stranger to let him know she's back home, he's itching for something to do. What does he normally do on a Saturday night? 

Well, quite frankly, nothing. He usually entertains himself by reading or doing homework, but somehow those two things can't tempt him tonight. They just seem so… _minor_ compared to talking to the stranger. 

Everything seems minor compared to her. And that's why he settles for reading over their whole conversation again. It's as if he's reading it for the first time, the way he smiles and blushes at her comments. Dimitri himself was just like always; bland, impersonal, polite. But at times, he notices, he let himself go a bit and sent something rather daring for his doing. 

It's embarrassing for him, but her reactions are completely worth it. Whenever she laughed at something he said, he feels a sense of pride and delight well up inside his chest. How he'd love to hear her laugh. To see the smile that goes with it, the slightly pink cheeks, and the sparkle in her eyes. 

It's not hard to reach the conclusion that Dimitri really does want to meet up with her, somewhere deep inside. Despite his anxiety, despite his fear, low self-esteem and depression, he finds that meeting this stranger is something he _wants._ And Dimitri hasn't wanted anything in a long time. 

Greed. That's what it is Dimitri is feeling. The stranger is already giving him so much; her time, her attention, and everything more. But it's simply not enough for him. He wants more than just to chat with her whenever she has a bit of time for him. He'd like more than to just send a few words over text, and then anxiously await an answer that might not ever come. Dimitri isn't satisfied with not knowing who he's talking to. 

He wants more than what he is asking her for, much more, but how does he tell her that? Would it even be okay to tell her that he wants to know more about her? Or should he just take everything as it comes, and be patient to find out what comes next? 

If there's anything Dimitri is not, it's impatient. He can wait for hours on end, without losing focus or interest. And yet he's struggling so much right now; while he's waiting for _her_. This is a side of himself that he hasn't discovered before. He's never hasty, or impulsive, but he somehow feels like he's running out of time. 

As if she'll lose interest in him sometime soon if he doesn't step up his game. And then she'll leave him and he'll be alone again. 

The thought scares him more than anything. Edelgard is gone, he has no other friends, and no intention of going back to school. What is he gonna do if the stranger leaves him now? 

He can't sit around and wait for that moment to come. He has to prevent it somehow, make sure he'll become someone important to her. Someone she can't lose, just like what she has become to him. 

But she isn't alone like Dimitri. She has friends, and likely a family. She has a job with colleagues. She's a student, who has classes with classmates. And he refuses to let his thoughts go down the she-might-have-a-boyfriend-lane. 

Either way, she's practically never on her own, and Dimitri is just some texting-buddy to her. Someone to talk to when she has nothing else to do. He's literally in last place in her list of social contacts.

What a motivating thought, but it's true. Dimitri could never become someone important to anyone. If he were, he wouldn't be so alone right now in the first place. His friends would have tried harder, Edelgard wouldn't have given up so easily. 

He simply isn't worth it. 

With that realization, Dimitri fears the days where the stranger will be in school and he'll be in his home with nothing to do. She won't look for any time to talk to him, and he'll be left with only himself as company. 

Well, maybe hAppy has a challenge for him that could keep him busy. Or at least his thoughts. The thoughts Dimitri has when he's alone are dangerous. 

He looks back at his screen, and the first thing he sees is the message where the stranger told him she'll help him whenever he's struggling with something. 

Does his current predicament count too? Could he just come clean with her and tell her exactly what he's fearing? She may be a psychology student, but even still… 

He doesn't want her to think he's pathetic on his own. Even though he is. 

What does it even matter? She already knows how much he hates himself, and she offered to help, so Dimitri should just tell her. 

He should just bother her with his problems and make her feel guilty for not being able to talk to him 24/7. Right. That's definitely the way to go. 

As he looks at the time on his screen, it's already a few minutes past thirty. The stranger hasn't been online yet since they last talked, but he still feels uneasy. She should be home already, so why hasn't she been online? 

Is she trying to avoid talking with Dimitri? Is that why she's not coming online anymore? Maybe that's what she was doing this morning too, but he forced her to recognize him by messaging her. She waved it off easily when she said she was just giving him plenty of time to wake up, but it wasn't even that early. 

She doesn't want to talk to him. She's just being nice by messaging him back, but she hasn't started any conversation yet. Dimitri is vaguely aware that the guy should always start the conversations, but that just doesn't seem fair. 

How is he supposed to know if he's bothering her when he's the one who always has to send the first message?

 _Or_ he has to constantly send the first message because she doesn't even _want_ to talk to him. 

That's probably it. No, scratch the 'probably'. That has to be it. There is no mistake here. How could he not see that before? Of course a stranger wouldn't enjoy talking to Dimitri. 

And like that, he locks his phone and throws it to the other side of the couch. His thoughts are racing. He should just give up. What's the point in trying when nothing ever works out for him in the first place? 

He's promised himself that he wouldn't cut anymore, but he's craving some sort of way to cope. In an attempt to feel the sense of pain that usually seems to make himself feel better, he stretches out his left arm. The bandage around it is tight, but he can somewhat feel the stretching of his wounds trying to re-open. It helps. He keeps a close eye on his sleeve to see if any blood starts seeping through, but that isn't the case. 

As he stretches his arm once more, his phone makes a sound. He received a notification. 

It can't be hAppy, he already cleared his challenge today. So… could it be a message from her then? Dimitri wants it to be her so badly, it hurts more than his arm right now. 

With his uninjured arm, he reaches for the device he threw away just now. When he's unlocked his phone, he sees he did receive a message from the unknown number. 

Was he wrong before? Could it be that she does want to talk to Dimitri? 

With trembling hands, he opens the chat-app and reads over the past messages. 

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _goddamn i gtg again, boss is yelling_

_20:06_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _oh shit he mad lol ill tty later_

_20:07_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _be good til im back okay? Byebye ＾ω＾_

_20:07_

* * *

  
  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Alright. I hope the rest of your shift goes by easy. Bye :)_

_20:08_

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _dude u should totally have that story be made into a child book that was amazing_

_22:47_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _and like im not even exaggerating here that was seriously good_

_22:47_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _i especially liked the part where the little bouncy dino just went bouncy bounce bitch cant catch me lol with that t rex_

_22:48_

* * *

  
  


She… genuinely liked his story? And could it be that she was late with replying because she was reading? 

Dimitri bites his lip, and bites it hard. But the relief he feels is undeniable, and the tears that come out of his eyes are inevitable. They leave a wet, hot stream of different emotions down his cheeks. 

There might be a chance she isn't tired of him yet and it completely stirs him up inside. The cuts on his arm burn and he hates that he pulled a few of them open just now. But what else was he supposed to do? 

He'll just ask her. He can't control his negative thoughts himself anymore, and his next appointment with mrs. Manuela isn't within another few days. Hopefully the stranger won't judge him, or worse; laugh at him. Ridicule him for thinking such weird things, or maybe be repulsed by his way of handling himself. 

For a second, he feels he shouldn't tell her. She'll think he's a hopeless case, he's sure of it. But he's too emotional to give that thought much mind. What Dimitri needs right now is reassurance. Clarity in where he and the stranger stand. No more doubts, at least for the time being. 

It's clear as day he'll find something new to worry about sooner or later, but he'll think about it when the time comes. 

For now, he just needs reassurance from her, so he'll ask. As desperate as it makes him seem. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I'm sotry to bother you with this, but I'm having a little problem right now. Do yoy maybe have some advoce?_

_22:52_

* * *

  
  


Through the blurriness in his eyes, he didn't even see the typos before he pressed send. He tries to blink away the tears, but more tears keep replacing the ones that run down his face. 

What a mess.

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _yea of course, what's up buttercup_

_22:52_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Again, I'm realky sorry to bother you with this but I'm just not doing well right now. I feel like I bother you and everyone else I talk to because I'm just hopelesd with everything that I do and I promised myself I wouldn't hurt myself anymore but I was getting really anxious because you hadn't been online yet and I thought you didn't want to talk to me anymote and I felt so alone and I really hate how pathetic I am and I hate that you're going to fine me pathetic too and I just want to be normal and happt and I can't no matter what I do because I always ruin it for myself by overthinking and jumping to wrong conxlusions and pardon my typos but I can't see well because I'm crying and I can't stop and I'm sorry for the long text and the ranting but I don't know what to do anymore, I'm just so tertibly sad and unhappy all the time and talking to you has been so amazing because you're amazing but now I just feel like I'm the only one who thinks that and that you just see me as spme loser which you're not wrong about but I wanted to impress you and maube be friends with you and now you're probably going to find me weird and I don't blame ypu for that but please don't cut me off just yet, I promise I'll get better eventually so please and I'm really sorry for the mess I am this shpuldn't be your problem to desl with but I just don't have anybody else and I'm sorry_

_22:55_

* * *

  
  


That's just… embarrassing. Dimitri wants to take back the whole message right away and just put a 'never mind' instead, but she's still online and she's already seen it. With his sleeve he wipes his face and eyes dry so he can see his screen better. The venting helped him quite a bit actually, but god, at what cost? 

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _woah shit thats long gimme a sec to read properly_

_22:55_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _okay lets just try to calm down for a moment. seems uve been dealing with quite some things for a while, how long have u been seeing ur therapist?_

_22:57_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _A few weeks, I think five at max, and one appointment every week._

_22:57_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _damn uve been in that situation for way too long_

_22:57_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _hey is it okay if i call u? Its easier to talk than typing_

_22:58_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Uhm, it's nothing personal, I promise, but I just don't feel comfortable talking on the phone_

_22:59_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ah, okay thats fine, typing is fine too but itll just take a bit longer to get where i wanna be with u right now_

_22:59_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I don't mind, I have insomnia too if you'd like to add that to the things that are wrong with me._

_22:59_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _nothing is wrong with u, somethings wrong with ur way of thinking, like ur brains are dysfunctioning bc of ur depression_

_23:00_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _okay so the thing im most worried about rn is u saying u promised u wouldnt hurt urself anymore, but u got anxious bc i was slow. Did u do anything to hurt urself? And u don't need to feel embarrassed about admitting it to me, okay? I want to help u, not judge_

_23:00_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Well, I made a fairly large amount of cuts on my arm Thursday, and they haven't healed yet, so I pulled a few open. I'm sorry, I know it's wrong but I just couldn't help it. I needed distraction._

_23:02_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _are they bleeding? U need to treat them if ur bleeding. And if ur feeling lightheaded its best to lie down somewhere in case ur gonna pass out_

_23:03_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _i guess its safe to assume ur not taking antidepressants, is that ur own choice?_

_23:03_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Please h_ _old on, I'll go check on my wounds first._

_23:03_

* * *

He was already aware that his wounds weren't bleeding, at least not badly, but he doesn't want to disappoint the stranger right now. While she hasn't really said anything comforting, her calmness is rather infectious. It makes him a lot calmer too. 

And while he's busy unwrapping the bandage from his arm, he feels as if he's made a mistake by refusing the phone call. Hearing her voice is something he's been longing for, and he has no doubts that listening to her calmness could have an even better effect on his own state of mind. 

But it's just terrifying. He'll postpone the phone call to a time where he's more confident with himself. If that time ever comes. 

For now, he'll follow her instructions, answer her questions and hopefully she can make him feel a bit better with her presence. 

The cuts aren't bleeding badly, but he still runs a cotton pad with disinfectant over his arm. He only now realizes that he directly admitted to hurting himself. God, what would she think of him right now? He feels lucky she's still willing to talk to him at all after that outburst. 

She definitely didn't expect it, that he's sure of. 

When he's finished bandaging his arm again, Dimitri returns to his living room and sits back on his couch as he opens the conversation again. She's still online, actually waiting for him to come back. She's so incredibly kind. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _It wasn't bleeding badly. And no, it's not my own choice, my therapist isn't a fan of medications so she hasn't prescribed me any yet._

_23:17_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _wow awards for best therapist_

_23:17_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _sorry about that, nows not the time. So what i wanted to say is that while i think ur coping ways arent approvable, i do think ur really strong for still being here. And im proud of u for that. While idk what exactly caused ur depression, ur in it really deep and im glad that u havent given up yet. Thats an amazing feat all on its own. And u dont need to be worried about me thinking anything bad about u at all, if anything i respect u and ur courage for telling me all this even tho u tend to feel ashamed of urself and ur feelings_

_23:19_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _uve nothing, absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Bc ur sweet, ur funny and ur really kind and smart and yes ur a bit awkward sometimes but thats just really endearing imo. Ur not a loser, ur just struggling and ur not weird, ur just too stuck in ur negative thoughts._

_23:20_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _theres not really much i can do for u bc were just texting buddies now and pretty much still strangers to each other, but u can absolutely see me as ur friend u know, like not even ur therapist i can be more than that. U can tell me about ur struggles, ur feelings, ur doubts, whatever u wanna share and ill gladly help u however i can. I understand more than just the surface of ur problems and i promise that im not gonna leave u until u urself tell me to_

_23:22_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I'm crying again, but thank you. I really needed that, even if I'm not going to make use of your kind offer._

_23:23_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _thats okay, would it work better if i just ask u how ur feeling? Then u dont have to 'bother' me since u feel like u are_

_23:23_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _which u arent btw, just to be clear about that. U deserve the help u need_

_23:24_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Not to be rude, but why would you go that far for a mere stranger?_

_23:25_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _bc i dont see a reason why i shouldnt_

_23:25_

* * *

That answer leaves Dimitri completely speechless. There's no assurance towards Dimitri; not about their current relationship, not about Dimitri's feelings or the state he's in. Instead, it tells everything Dimitri would ever need to know about her personally. 

As simple as the answer may be to anyone, maybe sounding even a bit nonchalant, it holds so much depth. She's willing to help him because she wants to. Because of the kindness in her heart. Simply because she doesn't see a reason why she shouldn't. 

She looks past the failures, the hardships, the effort, and straight towards the finish line; a healthy Dimitri. 

He'll definitely have to find something close to perfect to pay her back for all she's doing for him. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I hope you at least understand that I tend to mess things up rather frequently. Not on purpose, but I'll apologize in advance. I'm really sorry._

_23:26_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _hahah thats fine dont worry, but since u apologized now u wont have to apologize again (⌒∇⌒)_

_23:26_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _That sounds fair, haha, I'll try. Thank you so very much for everything, you're an amazing person._

_23:26_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ur so very welcome, ur also amazing_

_23:27_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _go on say it, say ur an amazing person_

_23:27_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _You want me to say it?_

_23:27_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _yes, say it_

_23:28_

* * *

Dimitri doesn't want to say it. He's sure the stranger knows that, which is probably why she told him to in the first place. 

It just doesn't feel right. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _I'm a good person_

_23:30_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _Yes u are, but thats not what i asked lol_

_23:30_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _im hardly ever wrong so u can believe me when i say ur amazing so u can say it about urself, its okay go ahead_

_23:31_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Sorry, it just doesn't feel right. Maybe if I ever feel more confident, I'll say it._

_23:31_

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _lol okay but then ull have to say it to my face and not via chat_

_23:31_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Uhm… I don't know if I can do that._

_23:32_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _okay oaky fine then for now, but ull tell me one day ill make that my personal mission_

_23:32_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _u said u have insomnia right, do u have meds for that at least?_

_23:32_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I haven't been diagnosed but I do have sleeping problems. And I do, but I'm a bit scared to take them to be honest._

_23:33_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _i see, u should be okay as long as u dont take them every night tho, that way u wont get addicted but i think itd be a good idea to take them rn bc u cried and sleeping after u cried just hits differently_

_23:33_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _It's not that I'm scared of getting addicted, it's more that I'm scared I won't be able to wake up when I'd like to._

_23:34_

* * *

  
  


Sleeping after crying… She said it so casually, but she pretty much admitted she's done that before. She at least knows how it feels, anyway. Dimitri sympathizes with her, despite not even knowing why she'd need to cry. She's so amazing, but he supposes there are plenty of people that find it necessary to hurt people that are perfect, just to bring them down.

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ohhhh but its sunday tomorrow so ull be fine lol just try them once to see how they work and if u like the effect_

_23:34_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I suppose you're right, but then I can't talk to you anymore. I'd rather talk to you than sleep, if I'm being honest. Sorry if that's too straightforward._

_23:35_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _aw haha u cutie but its okay, ill be here and talk to u until the moment u fall asleep and i might actually be up by the time u wake up again_

_23:35_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I'm actually not sure… Mrs. Manuela said medications have side-effects and I'd rather not be physically unwell as well as mentally, if that makes sense._

_23:36_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _well mrs manuela needs to learn to put herself in ur shoes and stop looking down on medications that will actually help u feel better, both mentally AND physically_

_23:36_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _just try it once, for me? Im definitely peer pressuring u but i know what im talking about, just trust me_

_23:36_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _if u dont like it after all, ill never ever bring it up again_

_23:37_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Okay, if you insist. I'll go and take them now._

_23:37_

* * *

  
  


With reluctance, Dimitri actually does as he said and gets up to take his sleeping pills. The bottle is still sealed shut, proving to Dimitri that he really hasn't tried to take them before. While he knows what dosage was prescribed to him, he still reads the leaflet that comes with these specific meds. 

As he already knew, he has to take two pills with water about an hour before he's supposed to go to sleep. Mrs. Manuela told him it's best to lie in bed right away after he takes them, so that he won't fall asleep in an uncomfortable place. 

So he swallows them, then fetches his phone from the living room and then gets comfortable for bed.

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _thank u, i promise ull feel all energized and refreshed when u wake up tmrw_

_23:38_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I took them just now, so I hope you're right. It should take about an hour before I can fall asleep, but if you're tired you can get some rest. You worked hard today after all :)_

_23:39_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _i dont work hard but thanks for ur concern hahahah im really good at looking like im working hard so my boss leaves me alone but even that costs way more energy than it should_

_23:39_

* * *

  
  


The conversation lasts until Dimitri falls asleep, which is less than fifty minutes after he took the pills. He hadn't felt it coming, so he couldn't warn the stranger in time. 

But when he wakes up the following morning and checks his messages, the first expression he wears is a smile as he reads the last messages she sent to him.

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _aw, looks like u fell asleep. I hope ull get some good rest, u really deserve it after everything. And seriously, dont ever doubt that i want u around bc i honestly do_

_00:18_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _like trust me i know im a secretive person but its not on purpose so im really glad ur not too bothered by it, it makes me feel really comfortable talking with u :) thanks for that_

_00:19_

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _either way sleep tight, dream nice and i promise ill tty tmrw so dont worry okay? Goodnight kind stranger_

_00:19_

* * *

Boy, is Dimitri glad he hadn't mentioned her secretive behavior. Hopefully, one day she'll feel comfortable enough to open up to him, and maybe then he'll become someone important to her as well. He sure hopes so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure yet if I want to make this a fic of just Dimitri getting together with Claude and end it there, or if I should make this a longer fic where he'll build a friendship with (hopefully all) other fe3h characters. 
> 
> What do y'all think? Lmk! :)


	7. Me, she ...he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooooooo :)) 
> 
> THE BIG REVEAL Y'ALL
> 
> I hope I didn't mess up 
> 
> Also I tried to do something like what you see in mangas sometimes? Like at the end, you just see some extra content that didn't make it to the main storyline or something  
> I tried it, lmk if y'all like it or not so I'll do it more often or never again
> 
> ALSO thanks to ALL OF YOU LOVELY COMMENTERS (seriously I loved every single comment) I have decided that I'll make it a long and detailed fic of Dimitri growing into a normally functioning human being, so I hope y'all are here for it :) <3
> 
> The end of the rant (rhyming just comes naturally to me hahah)

Dimitri rolls onto his back as he starts typing a reply to the stranger. But hold on, she said she'll message him first. Should he wait then? Or should he let her know he's up? 

Or he could go back to sleep; his body would sure like that. But it'd be rude to leave her on read, so he should say something at least. But it's no use to tell her he's up when he's going to go back to sleep again. 

Unbelievable. He hasn't been awake for two minutes and he's already overthinking. 

His brains are way too tired for this. Before he's even checked the time, he falls asleep again, phone resting in his hand. 

.

When he awakes once more, the light in his room seems to blind him with its brightness. It takes a few tries before he manages to actually keep his eyes open. 

Not gonna lie, he slept like a baby. The stranger was right about the medications after all. 

But as he checks the time on his phone, he concludes that he will not take the pills when he's supposed to get up early the day after. It's already past two p.m.

He has multiple notifications, one from hAppy and a few messages from the stranger, just like she promised. 

Leaving the best for last, he decides to open hAppiness first to receive today's challenge. It's not like he's that eager to complete it, he'd much rather spend the rest of the day talking to his new friend.

Because that's what she is now, she's confirmed it for him. 

Well technically, he did complete the two challenges mrs. Manuela asked him to, so he's done with the App for now. At least until he's shown his results to mrs. Manuela anyway. 

'It's time to receive your daily challenge! hAppy announces. 

He taps the screen to continue. 

'Today, I challenge you to…'

He touches the screen once more. 

'...To lend a helping hand to someone who needs it!' 

_ Accept, skip  _ or  _ reschedule?  _

And just for the sake of it, Dimitri presses  _ skip _ for the very first time. He then realizes it would have been better to reschedule it instead, but he supposes it's just as well. He can always enable the challenge to appear again in one of the menus. 

Now, onto the good part. He closes hAppiness and opens the new messages he received while he was asleep.

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ hey good morning u, ur awake really early lol  _

_ 10:09 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ oh u went off again hahaha see i knew it was early, no way of filling me _

_ 10:11 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ HAHAHA OMFG I CANT fooling* my apologies i turned on autocorrect last night to make sure i wouldn't make embarrassing typos during such a crucial moment but imma go turn it off again b.C. this is even worse _

_ 10:12 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_** _lol not_ _before christ but thats pretty funny still, either way i hope my bzbzz wont wake u bc its not like that hasnt happened before_

_ 10:14 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ my friends love me for my inability to send one long text with important info instead of many short messages filled with bs but hey what can i say its a talent all on its own _

_ 10:14 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ and i only now realize that i am in fact still messaging u, but pls stay asleep and ill tty when u wake up（^ヮ^） _

_ 10:15 _

* * *

Dimitri can't help the smile that makes its way onto his face. She's so charming and funny, and it just comes so natural to her. He briefly wonders if she knows what effect she has on him, and likely other people she talks to. 

Surely she has many friends, other than Lorenz and Hilda. There just isn't any other way. 

Dimitri needs to find a way to stand out from the rest of her friends. And preferably not only because he's suicidal. But how? 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Good afternoon. How is your day going?  _

_ 14:37 _

* * *

  
  


Dimitri isn't specifically funny, even if she said he is. And he's also not particularly interesting, he's pretty boring. And the cherry on top; he's shy and anxious all the time, so even if he did have anything interesting to say, he wouldn't have the courage to bring it up himself. 

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ hey there! Howd u sleep? I bet it was great and my day is going pretty awful  _

_ 14:38 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ i had so little to do that i actually picked up one of my textbooks and started studying and that never happens _

_ 14:39 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ but now im so confused bc im looking at this stuff and i swear ive never seen any of this before, i dont even understand what it says _

_ 14:39 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Maybe you were absent for a while and you missed some hours of class?  _

_ 14:40 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ no i havent been absent that cant be it and i didnt sleep during this class either i only do that in maths  _

_ 14:40 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ oh hold on _

_ 14:41 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ oml im so dumb _

_ 14:41 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Is everything alright?  _

_ 14:41 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ no everything is not alright i reached a new low today _

_ 14:41 _

* * *

  
  


Reading that worries Dimitri. He knows like no other what it's like to disappoint yourself, and he hates the idea of this beautiful person getting upset. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ What's going on? Can I help you somehow? Please talk to me _

_ 14:42 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ omfg do u have any idea how sweet u are _

_ 14:42 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ ur struggling with ur own problems so bad and here u are asking if u can help me  _

_ 14:42 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ im really just a fucking idiot thats all really, theres no helping that but if there is one thing u can do to help me it is to never tell my mom that i was reading my textbook upside down _

_ 14:43 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ shes been telling me forever that i need to get my blind eyes checked but i  _

_ 14:43 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ im not a goddamn mole u know, i dont want glasses ;-; _

_ 14:43 _

* * *

For a second, Dimitri has no idea what to say. His heartbeat is still sped up from the panic he was starting to feel at her words, but it seems he was getting scared for nothing. He really is too emotional. But despite the scare, he still can't help but laugh.

Who manages to read their textbook upside-down? How is that even possible? And why does Dimitri find that adorable? 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ There's nothing wrong with glasses, why do you dislike them?  _

_ 14:44 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ bc theyre a sign of weakness _

_ 14:44 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ my enemies will take one single look at me and know that all they need is to take my glasses to leave me completely vulnerable and incapacitated _

_ 14:45 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ its a risk im just not willing to take _

_ 14:45 _

* * *

Dimitri can't make up his mind about whether she's serious or not. This is the same kind of situation as when she said she thought dinosaurs could have been bouncy. Where does she get those weird ideas? Should Dimitri try to convince her that there really isn't anything wrong with glasses? Realistically speaking, if she actually has any enemies that want to incapacitate her, surely they can think of more effective ways than stealing her glasses. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ Wouldn't you consider not being able to see well as more of a weakness?  _

_ 14:45 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ uh _

_ 14:46 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ are u trying to prove me wrong with logic that makes perfect sense _

_ 14:46 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ bc its working and i dont like it  _

_ 14:47 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Oh, forgive me. Glasses are definitely a sign of weakness, you're absolutely right. I can't imagine the torture of having to clean the eyeglass after your enemies pressed their dirty fingers against it. _

_ 14:48 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ did u _

_ 14:49 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ did u just make a joke _

_ 14:49 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ bc that seriously made me laugh so hard i spit out my milk _

_ 14:50 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ goddamn my whole desk is wet  _

_ 14:50 _

* * *

Dimitri did that? With a silly comment like his? He can't believe it. Dimitri would never say he understands humor very well, but this stranger seems to think he's funny plenty of times. 

It gives him a nice feeling; one of accomplishment. He'd say he feels satisfied, if only it weren't for the red cheeks and sense of embarrassment. 

He can never seem to get rid of that feeling of shame. How do normal people deal with that? Do they even feel it? Dimitri has no idea. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make your desk all wet.  _

_ 14:51 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ HAHAHAHAHAH THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID _

_ 14:51 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ sorry that was a little inappropriate but im laughing so hard oml _

_ 14:51 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ ill just go dry off my desk and my tears now pls excuse me for a bit _

_ 14:52 _

* * *

And it's even worse now. Dimitri's face feels hot, all the way to the tip of his ears. Why did he have to send a message like that? What a way to make himself look stupid  _ again.  _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I'm so sorry that came out all wrong. I really didn't mean to make it sound dirty or anything _

_ 14:52 _

* * *

The stranger went offline, so she hasn't read his apology yet. He just keeps doing it; apologizing. Despite that she literally asked him to stop, he just can't seem to fulfill her wish. Not as long as he feels embarrassed by every single thing he does or says. 

Is there even a way to get rid of that? Would it stop once he gets more confident? Should he talk to the stranger until he feels comfortable enough to say whatever he'd like? 

He'd sure like that; to be able to talk to her until he feels comfortable saying whatever he'd want to. He just wonders if she'd be patient enough and give him the time he needs to reach that point. 

The stranger comes back online and they talk, just like the day before, until this time, she needs to go to sleep.

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ Can I ask you a question?  _

_ 22:24 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ sure, fire away  _

_ 22:24 _

* * *

  
  


So, how does he ask, without sounding desperate, mind you, how long it'll take before one can waste time on Dimitri again on a workday? The last thing he wants is for this stranger to feel obligated to talk to Dimitri every spare moment she has, but there's nothing Dimitri would rather have than that. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ Uhm, not to be sounding needy, but what time do your classes start? And end?  _

_ 22:25 _

* * *

It sounds even needier now that he mentioned he didn't want to sound needy. Certainly she'll notice it too. She might actually lie to get a break from him. 

Why couldn't he just wait, rather than ask directly?

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ hahaha no worries ur fine, my classes tomorrow start at 9 and end at 3  _

_ 22:25 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ and my lunchbreak is from 12 till 1  _

_ 22:25 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Oh, that sounds nice. Is it okay if I text you tomorrow morning? You can say no if you'd rather I don't.  _

_ 22:26 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ yea of course lol u dont even need to ask _

_ 22:26  _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ dont u have class or work urself tho  _

_ 22:27 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Oh, uhm… I do have class but I'm not sure if I should go, since I'm not really feeling up to it yet _

_ 22:27 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ oh _

_ 22:27 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ do u not like going? _

_ 22:28 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Not really, no. I don't enjoy my degree course, nor do I have anyone to hang out with _

_ 22:28 _

* * *

Dimitri doesn't want to elaborate on his bullies. He feels as if he'll admit to being weak if he tells her, even though she probably already thinks of him as a wuss. 

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ id say switch courses but im guessing ur anxieties wouldnt let u  _

_ 22:28 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ but u could try to make friends in ur class, i bet ull have more fun then _

_ 22:29 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Perhaps, but I'm not exactly skilled at making friends, or literally talking to anybody in general _

_ 22:29 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ u should practice talking with me sometime ☆⌒(≧▽° ) _

_ 22:30 _

* * *

  
  


Doesn't Dimitri already do that? Or does she mean… talk to her in person? Oh, no. He couldn't do that, he's not nearly ready yet. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Thank you for the kind and generous offer, but I'm afraid I'll have to decline _

_ 22:30 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ but if u cant make a phone call, howd u wanna call in sick tomorrow?  _

_ 22:31 _

* * *

  
  


Well, shit. Dimitri hadn't even thought of that. The school will undeniably call him again tomorrow to see where he's at, just like they did last Friday. And there's a big chance that they might even send someone to his home to check on him. Especially because they are aware of Dimitri's family matters. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ I haven't considered that yet, but I hope I'll manage to pick up if the school calls me tomorrow. There's a small chance I won't have a panic attack, so I suppose I'll risk it _

_ 22:31 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ im glad ur confident but u could get in trouble for not letting them know, or what if u get a seizure or something from the phone call lol  _

_ 22:31 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ how about i call in sick for u? Ill be up around 7 anyway  _

_ 22:32 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ You would really do that for me? That would be absolutely amazing _

_ 22:32 _

* * *

Dimitri is certain he just fell even more in love with this girl. The amount of understanding she has for his problems is just unreal. Edelgard would never be able to empathize with him, not like this. 

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ yea of course, easypeasy lol _

_ 22:33 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ u can give me the details tmrw bc i really need to sleep rn or ill be a zombie tmrw hahaha  _

_ 22:33 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ goodnight, kind stranger（*´▽`*) _

_ 22:33 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Thank you so, incredibly much. You're an amazing and kind person. I'll spend my night thinking of a way to pay you back for all you've done to me up to now. I hope you get enough rest :) Good night. _

_ 22:34 _

* * *

Once more, Dimitri feels as if he's floating. This stranger has been such an angel, it's as if they descended to earth just to pull Dimitri out of his hole of despair and into the clouds, along with her. 

And it's actually working. No matter the mystery around her identity, what Dimitri knows about her right now is plenty. She's simply the most perfect person in existence, regardless of how she looks.

He's long since forgotten about imagining what she looks like; he'll never be able to come up with the kind of perfection that comes with her anyway. If he'll ever get the chance to see her, he feels his imagination wouldn't have done her justice in the slightest. 

Right now, he's just anxious to know the guy she imagines he is. He's been wanting to impress her, but by now it's obvious she probably sees him as a giant baby. A baby that can't make a phone call by himself. 

No, no. Stop. Don't get depressed about that now. Dimitri should just be grateful that she's willing to do this for him. And he is, but he feels he should show it more. 

While she just texted him that he didn't need to worry about payback and that she's happy to help him, he disagrees strongly. 

She deserves all he has to give, whether that's undivided time and attention or all the gifts and money she could possibly wish for. 

Maybe he could start off by buying her a gift as thanks. She likes shoes and clothes, so that makes the choice a lot easier to make. 

Maybe he'll buy her clothes  _ and  _ shoes. He'll buy her a whole outfit. But what kinds of clothes should he give her? Stuff he likes on a girl, or things she likes to wear? Something beautiful or comfortable? 

All Dimitri knows is that it has to be expensive. Very, very expensive. Because she's worth every penny, as many as it may be. 

Would she wear dresses, paired with high heels? Or would she dress more casually? Dimitri would think the latter, but she goes out to party sometimes. At least, that's what he got from their first conversation. 

He twists and turns under his blankets as he thinks of various pieces of clothing a girl would like.

Maybe she'd like makeup too. And hairpieces. Or perhaps jewelry as well. 

Hours pass, and Dimitri can't rip his thoughts away from gift ideas anymore. And his ideas are slowly getting out of hand. 

Would she like a pet? She did mention she'd adore volunteering in an animal shelter. A puppy, or maybe a kitten? Oh, but what if she's allergic? Bad idea.

Hold on, maybe she'd like a car! While Dimitri doesn't know how old she is exactly, she probably is above the age of eighteen. So even if she doesn't have a driver's license, having a car would be handy either way. For her parents. 

But then it's not a gift for _ her,  _ he reasons, so he should pay for driving lessons and her license, along with the car. In case she doesn't have a license, he means. 

Or what if she'd like to move to a bigger place? Since she's a student, it's hard to imagine her having the kind of money to afford a luxurious place. If she even lives on her own. Maybe she still lives at her parent's house and she'd like a space of her own. 

She could come live close to Dimitri. 

When he rereads their last conversation once more to try and discover something she'd like, he notices it's past three a.m. already. 

Where has the time gone? Did he really spend all those hours just thinking of a gift for her? He doesn't remember ever spending that much time deciding on a birthday gift for his friends. He knew exactly what to buy them; new technology always did the trick. Whether that was a new phone, gaming console or anything else they didn't have yet. 

But he just doesn't _know_ her well enough. He doesn't know where she lives, what phone she's using or if she drives a car. 

Maybe Dimitri should wait a bit before buying her a gift. If anything, he can always offer to pay off her debts. There's no way she'd be displeased about that. 

As his eyes scan over the messages from last night, he sees something he finds he doesn't like very much. 

While he's extremely grateful she offered to call in sick for him, he doesn't look forward to having to give her  _ the details _ . It's perfectly obvious what that means; she'll need his name, and likely even more than that. 

Dimitri has to be the first one to share. Will she share hers too? For some reason, Dimitri doesn't want to know hers anymore, now that it's getting this close. 

He's obviously been yearning for her, but knowing her name sort of makes it all…  _ real. _ As if knowing her name will make Dimitri realize that she is, in fact, another person. Another human being, just like Dimitri himself. She's not some angel on a mission to save him, or a fairy tale Dimitri has dreamt about. 

She is real. 

Does he really want that? He much prefers the thought of her being an angel, or some other creature that's his, and only his to talk to. A being that Dimitri somehow managed to make contact with, and only Dimitri is able to communicate with it.

But that's all just silly thinking. No foreign creature would know how a phone works, much less the human brain. 

Why that thought gets him down, Dimitri has no idea. But it does, so he tosses and turns some more before he settles on just lying on his back, one arm under his head and scrolling through the conversation with his free hand. 

But no matter how many times he reads, he can't seem to find any clues on other things she might like, or need. She truly is a mysterious person, even if she says it's unintentional. 

Is it really unintentional? Or is she being cautious? Could it be that she's scared of Dimitri after all? She might really think he'd stalk her if he ever finds out anything personal about her. 

But Dimitri wouldn't. Dimitri wouldn't become so obsessed with someone that he'd follow and watch them constantly. 

…would he? 

No, no. Of course not. While Dimitri is indeed capable of having intense focus on a single object, he wouldn't go as far as to say he can become obsessed by it. 

Even if that object is nothing short of a goddess. 

No, Dimitri would be too scared to even go near her, let alone follow her around for a long time, risking her seeing him too. 

And she wouldn't be a good target in the first place. She's way too observant, too perceptive to be stalked. 

…

What even is he thinking about?! 

What is wrong with him? He should never evaluate anyone on their vulnerability to being stalked ever again. What is he, a sociopath now? 

He squeezes his eyes shut in a frustrated manner. He needs to sleep, that's all. He's just tired. 

No, he isn't. Who is he kidding? He's slept so much the past time, he has to catch up on sleepless hours. The medicine definitely helped with feeling well-rested, but now he's wide awake. 

Should he take them again? But he was told that he shouldn't take them every day, or he might become addicted. 

So, should he just wait until it's dawn? So he can start his day by telling the stranger- no, his  _ friend _ \- the  _ details _ ? 

Ugh, he is really not looking forward to that. And he can't even lie about his name, because then the school won't know who she'd be talking about. 

And that becomes his new predicament to worry about, until his alarm rings a few hours later. 

It's half past five, and it's time for Dimitri to get up and start his day. A day without his new friend to talk to every minute. A full day of being home with absolutely nothing to do.

It would probably be a good idea to just go to school today. He'd be rid of having to share the  _ details,  _ he wouldn't be all on his own and he would have something to distract himself during the moments she can't be online. 

She said she's be up around seven, so he'll just tell her then. First thing. He will not be convinced. 

And thus, Dimitri gets up after lying awake a whole night. The soreness in his body becomes very apparent as he walks into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He's been in need of a new mattress for a while now, but going to a mattress store and trying out different kinds just isn't his idea of a nice way to spend a day. 

If possible, he'd just order a random one online and have it be delivered to his place. But then he wouldn't know what to do with his old mattress and he doesn't know who to ask, so he leaves it as it is; very uncomfortable.

His phone makes the sound that announces a notification from hAppy. A reminder that he skipped yesterday's challenge pops up in his mind. He'll enable that challenge to appear again when he accepts today's. 

Or should he skip today's as well? If he'll be going to school, chances are he won't have time to complete it. 

He'll first see what the challenge is, and then he'll decide. Simple as that. 

So he walks back into his bedroom, gets dressed, and then checks his daily challenge.

'It's time to receive your daily challenge!'

He taps the screen as he enters his kitchen to grab breakfast.

'Today, I challenge you to…' 

Breakfast this morning consists of a dry cracker, since his bread was moldy and Dimitri doesn't feel like thawing out a new loaf. 

'...To spend extra time with some who is dear to you!' 

…just great.

Dimitri has no one who is dear to him that he can spend extra time with. What a shitty challenge. He deliberately presses  _ skip _ this time, because he has no idea when he ever will have someone dear to spend time with. 

And when he's back in the main menu, he switches over to  **challenges** to enable yesterday's challenge to appear again. 

_ To lend a helping hand to someone who needs it _

Dimitri can't think of anything he could be of use with, but it's the thought that counts. It could be something as silly as telling someone their eyelash is about to fall into their eye. 

Surely Dimitri can do that. 

While he's sitting at his dining table with a freshly made cup of chamomile tea, he's subconsiously waiting for the time to reach seven a.m. 

As soon as it does, he starts typing the message that's been itching his mind. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ Good morning! I hope you slept well. I hope I'm not overwhelming you right away, but I wanted to let you know that you don't have to call my school today. I've decided to go after all, but thank you very much for offering. _

_ 7:01 _

* * *

  
  


Satisfied with his message and relieved to have sent it, he lays his phone next to his cup of tea. Like always, it doesn't take long before he's received an answer.

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ gppf mprnomg _

_ 7:01 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ pmfg ots sp esrly govr mr a sec _

_ 7:01 _

* * *

It takes a bit longer than Dimitri would have liked to decipher what exactly those texts say, but he firmly believes it's a 'good morning' and then 'omfg it's so early give me a sec'. 

And he can't help but think of it as cute. 

Dimitri has never had any trouble waking up or getting up in the morning, but he knows many people struggle with it. He isn't one to judge, though. And in her defense, he hasn't slept at all, so it's only logical that he's more awake than her. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ Oh, sorry. I'm not in any hurry, so please take as much time as you need.  _

_ 7:02 _

* * *

  
  


Patiently, he awaits the moment she's freshed herself up enough to be able to type coherently. 

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ whew hello good morning _

_ 7:08 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ are u sure tho? Ur msg i mean _

_ 7:08 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ bc i really dont mind making the call for u _

_ 7:08 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I believe you, but I don't think it'd be a good idea for me to miss any more days and I'm not feeling as crappy as I was yesterday. _

_ 7:09 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ ohhh if thats all lol i thought ud be scared for having to tell me ur name and school _

_ 7:09 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ bc if that bothered u, ill tell u mine too _

_ 7:09 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ but thatll be up to u tho altho i would like to name u something other than emotional potatotional _

_ 7:10 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ and yes thats really the name i gave ur contact _

_ 7:10 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ IMG_8745.JPG _

_ 7:11 _

* * *

  
  


Dimitri opens the file she sent, and true to her words, his contact is really saved as 'emotional potatotional'. It's a little embarrassing.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Why though?  _

_ 7:11 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ hey dont judge my namegiving abilities, im creative but not good at it lol  _

_ 7:12 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ and i thought emo potato sounded a bit too dark for u but emotional potato doesnt really have a nice ring to it _

_ 7:12 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ so therefore emotional potatotional _

_ 7:12 _

* * *

Now that he's talking to her again, the desire to know more of her starts to rise again. Where he first felt that he'd rather keep the mystery around her, he is now back to wanting to know her personally. 

If he lets her make the phone call, he'll have to tell her his name and probably more. But she'll give hers in return, and that's what he's been curious about for a while. 

So, should he just go with it? He doesn't mind staying home today anymore, at least not as much as he did about two hours ago. 

She really does have a great influence on his mood. As soon as his phone buzzed from her message, he felt his heart buzz along with it. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Do you really not mind calling my school for me?  _

_ 7:13 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ lol no not at all, im the one who offered in the first place remember _

_ 7:13 _

* * *

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ just think about it a bit longer and lemme know okay? Im gonna wash and eat something _

_ 7:13 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Alright, thank you. _

_ 7:13 _

* * *

Okay, he'll do it. He'll just be the bold person he wishes he is. He'll skip school today and he'll have his friend call in sick for him. 

And what kinds of friends are they if they don't know each other's names? It's ridiculous. If Dimitri really wants to call this angel his friend, he should at least give her his name, and get to know hers in return. 

So that's what he'll do, and then he'll still have a reason to give her a thank-you gift. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ If it's really not too much trouble, I would very much appreciate you making the phone call for me. _

_ 7:15 _

* * *

Dimitri is amazed at himself for making the decision. He'd been mulling it over for quite some minutes, but now he finally made up his mind about it. 

Now he only hopes he won't start to regret it once the time comes for him to share his  _ details. _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ hahaha nice, i knew it no one can resist a day off from class _

_ 7:27 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ what time does ur school take phone calls?  _

_ 7:27 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I believe half past seven, but I'm not completely sure of that. _

_ 7:28 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ aight then u can just tell me what school ill be calling to and ur name _

_ 7:28 _

* * *

  
  


Oh, boy. Here goes. 

Dimitri first sends a message with his school, which isn't really that scary. But then it's time to reveal his name, and it makes his heart beat incredibly fast.

This shouldn't even be that hard, so why is he making such a big deal of it? It's just his name, so why does his mouth feel dry? 

Deep inside, Dimitri knows why he's struggling. It's because his last name is known, and he fears she might recognize it. Why that idea terrifies him so, he isn't sure of, but it does. It really scares him to think she might look him up and get to know him behind his back. He wouldn't get a chance to explain anything.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ And my name is Dimitri Blaiddyd _

_ 7:30 _

* * *

  
  


He feels as if he can't breathe. There's a sense of immediate regret, mingled together with fear of not knowing what's going to happen next. 

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ oh hello dimitri, nice to finally meet you σ(^○^) _

_ 7:30 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ oh before i forget, whats ur dads name?  _

_ 7:31 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ My what? _

_ 7:31 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ ur dads name lol sorry but i wont make a convincing parent if i cant give them a name _

_ 7:31 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ 'hello this is dimitris dad speaking' sounds too amateurish _

_ 7:32 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ No, I understand that. But why my dad?  _

_ 7:33 _

* * *

Is this really happening? No, surely she just made a mistake. She'll tell him right now that 'oh, sorry I meant ur mom' and then everything will be fine. 

He tries to ignore his rapidly beating heart. He wipes his sweaty hands off on his pants in an attempt to pretend they aren't sweating at all. He's fine. He's absolutely fine, she just made a mistake. 

There is no way he mistook this person for the wrong gender. She's a girl, a beautiful one. She's an angel, a goddess. She's not… 

She's not a he. 

That can't be. 

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ oh would u rather have me reenact ur mom?  _

_ 7:33 _

* * *

See, there we go. Dimitri's heart calms down somewhat until;

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ bc then ur gonna have to wait til hildas here but i promise shes just as good at this as i am _

_ 7:34 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ trust me she imitates my own mom all the time lol _

_ 7:34 _

* * *

  
  


No. No, no. No, this is all wrong. This isn't what was supposed to happen. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ You haven't told me your name yet. _

_ 7:35 _

* * *

She's… pranking him. She's just messing with him, obviously. This is all a stupid joke. Can they move on already? This isn't really Dimitri's idea of a funny prank.

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ whoops pardon my rudeness ur absolutely right _

_ 7:35 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ names claude, nice to meet u 米＾－＾米 _

_ 7:36 _

* * *

Claude. Her name is Claude. She is good at imitating grown men. She can't help that either. It's not her fault that her parents gave her a male name, or that she was born with a very low voice. 

…

Who is he kidding? Who is he even trying to fool? Dimitri already figured it out the second he read that she wanted to know his father's name. 

The entire image he had of her, the angel, the goddess, the perfect being, it completely shatters at the realization that this person is in fact none of those things. 

This person named Claude isn't even close to any of it. 

He locks his phone and throws it through the space, where it hits a wall and breaks into pieces before they all fall to the ground.

His hands find their way into his hair and he grips it tightly, not letting go until his scalp is hurting. Tears of disappointment burn in his eyes, and one by one, they land on his dining table. 

He cries quietly, allowing his eyes to empty themselves without restraint. And when he's done, he picks himself up and heads back to bed. 

There's a chance this is all just a nightmare, right? It's perfectly possible that he did fall asleep, and that he'll wake up soon. 

There's no way she'd been fooling him all this time. 

Because why would she? For a good laugh with Hilda? Has she been fooling him on purpose to laugh at him behind her screen? 

No, she wouldn't. Because she's still the angel he believed she is and when he wakes up, he'll see. She'd sent him a message with her name, a  _ feminine name _ , and then he'll tell her his in return. 

Her name is not Claude. He refuses to believe she'd been lying to him. 

He crawls back into bed and closes his now heavy eyes. For a few seconds, his eyes burn from the contact with his eyelids, but it settles down quickly enough. But as much as he wants it to, sleep just doesn't come for him yet.

Did he miss something? Why was he so convinced that she was a girl in the first place? It's not like she ever dropped any obvious hints; he knows that by now because he's read their conversations so often. 

So could it be that  _ Claude  _ wasn't trying to fool him into thinking he was a girl? 

But then why was Dimitri so convinced? Did he just want Claude to be a girl so bad that his brains automatically filled it in for him? 

Whatever the reason, Dimitri can't help but feel betrayed. Whether by Claude or his own brain, he doesn't even know. All he does know is that it hurts. 

His body curls up into a ball under his blankets and he forces his eyes to stay closed while he waits for sleep to come. It takes a long time, but it finally works.

.

When he wakes up again, his room is dark again. This is so not good for his sleeping schedule, he believes. But at least he can take the sleeping pills again today, so hopefully that helps. 

Maybe he'll ask his friend if it'd be a good idea to take them. 

Hold on, where is his phone? His hand moves over the space besides his pillow, but the device is not there. 

How is he supposed to know what time it is now? He'll just have to get up to start his search for his phone. 

So he does, puts his clothes back on and heads into the living space where he finds his phone, shattered in pieces near the wall. 

At first, he just blinks at the view. His mind is a little groggy, but then the grogginess and confusion fades. He remembers everything clearly now.

_ Claude. _

That's right, his friend turned out not to be the deity he believed she was. 

With a sigh, Dimitri crouches down to collect the scattered pieces that were once his cellphone and puts them back together.

There's a large crack in his screen, and two of the corners of the backside are chipped away, but it still works when he tries to turn it on.

Perks of having an older model, Dimitri reasons. Although that stunt probably costs him a new phone now.

He inserts his password and the usual starting-up-ritual starts. 

The device is left on his kitchen counter while Dimitri himself looks for something to eat. He checks his cupboards and settles for a cup of instant noodles again. 

It's the last cup, so the first thing Dimitri does once he's put in the water is order new groceries online.

He goes for the usual, so he's done quickly enough. It'll take two days before his groceries will be delivered, it says. 

That's fine. Everything is fine. 

After he's paid the groceries, he browses a few websites that sell electronics. Dimitri doesn't really care about high or low prices, nor does he know much about good or bad brands, so he settles for a phone of the same brand he's always had, but the newest model.

His order will arrive tomorrow, so that's another two days he can't leave his apartment. 

Not that he was going to, but now he has a real reason to stay indoors.

He's been deliberately ignoring the new-text-message-icons at the top of his screen, but he finds that he can't hold his curiosity any longer. 

Maybe, just maybe,  _ Claude _ will admit that it was all a joke and that Dimitri really fell for it.

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ u there?  _

_ 7:40 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ should i still call or _

_ 7:43 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ dimitri? Did u fall asleep or smth _

_ 7:49 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ ill call just to be sure, dont go to school tho lol idk what ur doing rn _

_ 7:49 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ omfg dimitri im so sorry, i had no idea ur dad passed fuck im sorry for mentioning him _

_ 8:04 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ god i hate myself for this but pls forgive me, i really didnt know _

_ 8:13 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ okay im just gonna hope u fell asleep instead of ignoring me bc ur mad _

_ 8:18 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ if u are mad, feel free to yell at me bc i totally deserve it. Anyway if u need me, ill still be here but ill just give u space and stuff _

_ 8:26 _

* * *

And that's the end of it. No matter how hard Dimitri tries, he cannot read the words in the female voice he imagined her, no  _ Claude _ to have. 

He hates it. 

For better or worse, he decides to send one simple message back before he opens a new conversation. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ Mrs. Manuela, I'm really sorry to use your personal number at this hour, but I'm afraid I have something that I really need to talk with you about. Is there a moment you can spare for me tomorrow, please? The time doesn't matter, I'll be there. _

_ 20:26 _

* * *

  
  


Unsurprisingly, the first response he gets is from  _ Claude,  _ and not mrs. Manuela. 

Unwillingly, Dimitri opens the conversation and his eyes run over the new text within a milisecond.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ It's okay, don't worry about it. _

_ 20:24 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ omg dimitri u had me scared dude are u okay?  _

_ 20:26 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Yes. _

_ 20:27 _

* * *

Curse this man's ability to keep a conversation going even when Dimitri tries to cut him short. He appreciated it before, back when he was talking to an angel, but now he hates it. 

_ Claude  _ is already typing a new message, but all Dimitri wants is to leave the conversation and never open it again. He doesn't feel like confronting him about his real issue, which is not the fact that  _ Claude  _ mentioned his father. 

Alas, before Dimitri's managed to close his phone, a new message pops up. 

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ im so glad _

_ 20:27 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ i was seriously worried about u u know _

_ 20:27 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ like fr pls dont disappear on me like that again  _

_ 20:28 _

* * *

Dimitri refuses to believe it.  _ Claude  _ isn't worried about him.  _ Claude  _ is a liar. A secret keeper.  _ Claude  _ was having fun laughing at Dimitri's naivety. 

_ Claude  _ isn't his friend. 

Something Dimitri's never done on purpose before is leave somebody on read, yet that's exactly what he's doing now. 

Until he's talked about this situation with mrs. Manuela, Dimitri will not open the conversation with  _ Claude _ again. 

And, luckily for Dimitri, a message from mrs. Manuela just came in. 

* * *

  
  


**_Mrs. Manuela:_ ** _ That's quite alright, darling. I just checked for you, and I do have a small gap for you tomorrow morning at 9:30. Will that work for you? It's only thirty minutes, but I believe it's better than nothing. ;) _

_ 20:31 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Thank you so, so much. I'm very grateful. Tomorrow at 9:30 is perfectly fine. Thank you once again and have a good evening.  _

_ 20:32 _

* * *

He's glad that he can see her in the morning. His new phone will arrive somewhere after twelve, so this is perfect. 

His phone buzzed a few times to indicate he received another few messages, but he doesn't open them anymore. Instead, he heads straight for his bathroom to take two sleeping pills out of the bottle. 

Surely he can wake up in time tomorrow if he goes to sleep right now. But just to be sure, he sets multiple alarms. 

He wishes mrs. Manuela can bring some clarity into his head, because all Dimitri can think about is that he's rejecting someone who is earnestly trying to be his friend.

* * *

**_Extra_ **

"Claude, stop being busy on your phone and give me attention," Hilda whines. 

Claude first finishes typing another message before he turns to her.

"I can't," he answers with a sly smile. "I'm in some serious business here." 

Her eyebrows raise high into her forehead. "You? You're involved in  _ serious _ business? That can't be good." 

Claude raises his eyebrows as well in an attempt to mock Hilda's genuinely surprised face. Hers quickly return to their natural state at the sight of him. 

"Don't be like that, Hilda. I know what I'm doing. Have some confidence in good ol' Claude." 

She snorts mockingly before returning to her own phone. She's watching some video on how to apply highlighter, but Claude doesn't really care. 

He really is busy after all. Has been since Friday evening. And now he's finally learned this stranger's name. 

_ Dimitri,  _ he reads. 

Claude is proud of Dimitri, for having the courage to tell him first. 

"Are you still talking to that random dude?" Hilda asks without looking away from her phone. 

Her screen is now showing how to best blend foundation on your skin or something. 

"Why, yes. Don't talk so condescendingly about us. It's nice to be appreciated by someone for once." 

She merely shrugs, and so Claude turns his attention back to his phone. For some reason, Dimitri went offline and hasn't come back on. 

Weird, he thinks. It's not like he said anything outrageous. And he still doesn't have the name of his father. Oh well. This is not the hardest thing Claude's ever had to do.

"Hilda, be quiet for a bit." 

She blinks a few times. "I didn't even say anyt-" 

"Hilda," Claude warns. He presses his index finger to his lips to gesture for her to be quiet. 

"Whatever," she says as she rolls her eyes. She still smirks though, so Claude isn't bothered.

He lifts his phone to his ear and waits for the person on the other side to pick up. 

"Oh? Are you calling someone? Claude, baby, faster! Harder, Claude!" Hilda's voice is loud and if Claude was calling for himself, he'd laugh at it. 

But he's currently calling in sick for Dimitri, so he grabs Hilda's soft cheeks and squeezes them together to keep her quiet. She sputters something incoherent, but he can't afford to rejoice in the funny sounds she makes right now.

Thankfully, the person on the other side has only just picked up, so they didn't hear Hilda. Claude did miss their indroduction though. But no matter, he knows he called the right number. 

"Hi, good morning," he starts. "I'm calling to let you know that my son Dimitri Blaiddyd won't be in school today. He's in bed with a fever." 

" _ Dimitri Blaiddyd, you say?"  _

"That's right." 

"That's illegal," Claude can hear Hilda say from her seat besides his. 

He just gives her another smirk before he returns his attention to his phone. 

_ "And… You're his father?" _

Claude's eyebrows scrunch up briefly. That's not a normal question, not the way she asked it. She stressed the 'father' too much. 

He briefly considers if he should switch identities, but if he did that, nothing he said would make sense anymore. 

"Yes." 

" _ That's very odd. I don't know who you are, but if you think this is funny, something is terribly wrong with you. Dimitri already has enough trouble, the last thing he needs is someone making fun of his family."  _

Wait, what? Claude isn't making fun of anything, especially not Dimitri's family. 

"Sorry, no, you're right. I'm a terrible person. Mind telling me what I'm making fun of?"

_ "A dead person. I'm writing down your number and if you ever call again, I will call the police. Good day, sir."  _

"Well okay, sounds good but write down as well that Dimitri isn't coming to school toda-" 

_ Beep. Beep. Beep. _

Goddamn. Cut off. 

What a weird woman. As if the police would do anything about Claude calling. Either way, this was something Claude didn't see coming. 

He quickly starts typing an apology to Dimitri, hoping he'll at least read that. 

"Hilda, I fucked up." 

"I'm so shocked right now. Oh my god. Who could have ever seen that coming? Not me, I certainly didn't call it either." 

"Can you like, not be annoying right now? I seriously did something stupid." 

She tries to morph her face into something serious when she turns to face Claude again. 

"Okay, what did you do now?" 

"His dad's dead." 

"His dad's dad?" 

"Dead." 

"Dad?" 

"Dead." 

"Sorry, is this some kind of dad joke I'm too daughter for to understand?" 

"Oh my fucking god, Hilda! His father has passed. He ascended. His spirit left his body. He's dead!" 

"Oh. Then just say so, jeez. It's your fault for speaking with an accent." 

"Screw you." 

"Scroo you," she copies. 

"I don't even talk like that." 

"Yeah you do. Mind explaining where the fuck up is though? Or did you kill the doode yourself?" 

Claude just gives her a glare, at which she giggles. 

A finger with perfect nailpolish is pointed at his face. "You're the one who fucked up, not me. See, this is why I don't take care of stressy depressies." 

"You shouldn't take care of stressy depressies when you yourself are a messy sassy. See, that's why I take care of you too." 

She glares at him now, at which Claude shrugs. 

"Well, you just fucked up with your stressy depressy, so fix that and leave me and my perfect imperfections alone," she retorts. 

He huffs a laugh before he turns to his conversation with Dimitri. He still hasn't come back online, so his apology hasn't been read either. Maybe he fell asleep after all? Another message then, hopefully he'll wake up from it.

"Not to be rude, but you're seeming a tad desperate, sending so many messages at once." 

"I don't really care. He already thinks the world of me, so I doubt he'd mind. I'm just worried I might have said something wrong." 

Claude sends another message, but his hopes of Dimitri coming back online are slowly fading. 

"Wait, do you have a picture? You have his name right? Oh my god, look him up, maybe he's cute." 

It's not like Claude hadn't thought of doing that the second he saw Dimitri's name pop up. But now that Hilda's suggested it, he doesn't want to do it anymore.

"I'm not looking him up." He glances over to her phone. "And you can't look him up either. Stop that." 

He reaches for her phone and grabs it before he closes the Facebook app. 

"Wow, stingy. Hey, if he does turn out to be cute, can I have his number? Since you're not interested in that anyway." 

It's true, Claude isn't interested in a relationship with a guy, cute as they may be. But the idea of Hilda getting in a relationship with Dimitri instead doesn't sit well with him either.

"No." 

"Oh my god, you don't even want him! And give me my phone back." 

She reaches for her device, which Claude pulls away from her again. 

"And you couldn't deal with him." 

"Uhm, hello? I have boobs, remember?" Her arm reaches for her phone in Claude's hand once more, but she's too short to reach it. 

"Oh, I remember them, alright. A bit uneven in size, leading to your nipples being crooked. Slightly hangy because they're so big, but nothing a booblift couldn't fix." 

She gives him the most unimpressed glare he's ever gotten from her before, which makes him laugh out loud. 

"You didn't need to go into so much detail. Just give me my phone back." 

"Oh, are you angry now?" 

"Yes, give it back! Before I start insulting your balls." 

He hands her phone back. "My balls are perfect, I don't know what you're talking about." 

She glares at him still, before relenting. "Okay yeah, you're right. Your balls are literally flawless. But I'll think of something to hurt your feelings with, don't you worry." 

"Oh, no. Please, have mercy." 

"Earn it." 

"Your boobs are pretty, despite being uneven?" 

"Ugh, stop about the boobs! Oh my god." 

"You two are in a library! Keep it down, or I'll write down your names!" 

Both Claude and Hilda look over at the old teacher, who just tried to shut them up.

"Let's just go bicker somewhere else," Hilda suggests. 

"Yeah, sure. Wanna skip first class?" 

"Well, duh!"


	8. Realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey heyyy!! :) 
> 
> So today is a looooooong chap bc once again I didn't want to stop writing and I just HAD to include the last part that was my goal 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

The walk to mrs. Manuela's office is a short, but very cold one. Multiple times, Dimitri breathes hot air into his freezing fingers in a fruitless attempt to warm them, even a little. 

It seems his coat alone isn't enough to keep him warm anymore, which Dimitri is not pleased with. 

Somewhere in his apartment, he still has the thick scarf his father used to wear during the winter, but it doesn't feel right for Dimitri to touch it. He can't even bear to look at it. 

He'll just suffer from the cold. No matter. 

When he steps into the office building, he looks straight to his feet, avoiding all and any eye contact with whoever is inside. Someone behind the desk greets him formally, but Dimitri doesn't reply. 

Instead, he heads straight for the set of stairs that lead to the waiting room for mrs. Manuela's office. 

The space is much too crowded for his liking. He swallows thickly as he steps into the room that four adults, one girl around his age, and two playing children are already occupying. 

There is no empty chair left that isn't adjacent to where somebody else is sitting already, and inwardly Dimitri panics.

Should he just stand and lean against the wall he's near? Or should he cross the space and sit in the chair next to the girl? She doesn't seem scary, not at all. Her light-blue colored hair is up in an elegant updo and her fringes cover her eyes. He can still see the dark bags under her eyes though. 

One of the adult women has been eyeing him suspiciously ever since he walked in, so he decides to just go and sit next to the girl. The chair is close to the door that leads to the psychiatrist's offices, which he's glad about. 

As soon as he sits down, the girl next to him starts to shift in her seat. She leans towards the far end of her chair, and Dimitri is worried she might fall off if she scoots away even a centimeter further. 

Perhaps sitting next to her wasn't a good idea after all. He's made her uncomfortable with his presence, and now he feels extremely guilty about it. 

Without thinking, he actually opens his mouth to try and talk to her.

"I'm sorry for sitting here," he whispers to her. "But that woman made me uncomfortable so I didn't want to be near her and you didn't seem scary to me." 

Her hands clench together briefly before she relaxes a bit again. She actually takes a deep breath before she as well opens her mouth to say something. 

"I-it's okay..." Her voice is extremely soft, even without whispering. Dimitri has to strain his ears to make up the words. "...I a-actually thought she was a bit scary too." 

She thought the same thing? So Dimitri isn't the only one who's so scared of other people? But this girl isn't scary, not at all. He'd daresay she's even more nervous to be here than he is, which is strangely comforting to him. He actually feels like it'd be okay for him to try and comfort her, especially because he's usually the one who needs comfort from other people.

She still looks tense, so Dimitri isn't sure about whether he should keep the conversation going or if he should scoot away from her as well. 

"M-my name is Dimitri. What's yours?" Is this really the right thing to do? She actually jolted when he spoke again. 

"Marianne," she whispers back to him.

"Nice to meet you, Marianne." 

Her hands clench together again, and Dimitri briefly wonders if it's because she's afraid to use her voice, just like he is so very often. 

So should Dimitri say something again? 

"I actually thought I was the only one who felt so uncomfortable around other people," he admits. 

Maybe if he explains that they're in the same boat, she'd be a bit more comfortable. He may not be as good as  _ Claude _ when it comes to keeping a conversation going, but he has the ability to relate to her fears, which he finds is a valuable asset too. 

She smiles briefly and Dimitri feels weirdly fulfilled at the sight. He did something right. 

"N-no, you're not… I don't like coming here at all. But if I don't, I'm afraid things will get worse…" 

Dimitri nods in understanding. "It helps to have someone to talk to." 

She nods as well. "I think so too." 

Right then, mrs. Manuela opens the door and calls out Dimitri's name as she lets her previous appointment through. 

"Oh, that's me," Dimitri tells Marianne. "Thank you for talking to me, it must have taken a lot of courage." 

She looks up at him and he sees her face properly for the first time. She looks extremely tired, but her large brown eyes are kind. 

"Thank you too… Bye." 

Instead of answering, Dimitri waves at her as he walks ahead of mrs. Manuela.

"Oh, look at that. Made a friend, did you?" Mrs. Manuela's teasing voice sounds from behind him and he can't help the pink blush from covering his cheeks. 

Dimitri decides not to answer that. He isn't sure if he could call Marianne his friend now, especially because she still didn't seem comfortable in his presence, but he still feels proud of himself for talking to her. 

"Okay, alright. I get it. Come on, I'll open the door." Mrs. Manuela brushes past him to unlock the door to her office.

Dimitri lets her enter first at which she smiles, before he follows after her and sits down at her desk. 

"So, Dimitri," she starts. "You said you have something urgent to talk about, but might I say you actually look better than you normally do when you're here?" 

"I did get a lot of sleep," he admits sheepishly.

She shakes her head. "No, that's not quite what I mean. How can I explain it… It's as if there's more light in your eyes. More life in you, if you will." 

Once more, Dimitri feels the warmth of embarrassment creep onto his cheeks. 

"Oh?" Is all mrs. Manuela says, yet that's enough to make Dimitri a full blushing mess. 

He takes a deep breath before he starts the explanation of what exactly he's struggling with. 

"Actually… I thought I had an emergency yesterday, but I woke up feeling a lot better today, so I'm sorry for using your personal number last night. It seems it wasn't so urgent after all." 

She's grabbed her notebook again and started scribbling something on a blank page. "No, that's alright. I'm glad you took the measures you thought you needed this time. It's better to take precautions to prevent damage, rather than fix up the damage when it's too late. But tell me, honey, what was the problem you thought you were having?" 

"Well, see, I tried one of hAppy's challenges and it was to compliment a stranger. So I kind of took the easy way out and texted a random number." He looks up to see mrs. Manuela's reaction to his way of 'cheating', but her eyes seem to be sparkling. 

She nods to encourage him to continue. 

"So the person I texted turned out to be incredibly wonderful and amazing, in every single aspect. She was kind, funny, cheerful, all of that. She was perfect and I… I think I was starting to… to fall for her… But I didn't tell her that or anything! I know it's weird to have feelings for someone you never met or even talked to in person, but I just couldn't help it… So we talked a lot, hours and hours and I felt so extremely happy." He takes a break after admitting all that. 

He hadn't been willing to admit his feelings directly to himself, and now he's admitted it to both himself  _ and  _ mrs. Manuela. It's terribly embarrassing, but mrs. Manuela doesn't seem to be fazed at all. 

If anything, the smile on her face shows she's genuinely happy for him. 

"Sounds like quite the girl you managed to dig up, huh?" She wrote down something on her paper while she spoke. 

Dimitri nods eagerly. "Yes, she truly is one of a kind. She listens to my problems and tries to help me any way possible and she doesn't judge me for my struggles at all! If anything, she's incredibly understanding and thoughtful and considerate. And she-" 

And then the realization downs on him. There is no 'she' to speak of. He had planned to talk in past tense and only confess the truth about Claude's true identity to mrs. Manuela when she asked, but he got so swept away in his story that he reverted back. 

"What's wrong, darling? Why'd you stop?" 

He fidgets with his fingers. 

"Because she's not real," he confesses with a lump in his throat. 

He was feeling better when he woke up this morning, but now that he laid it all out in front of himself, the feelings of disappointment and betrayal return to him full force. 

Mrs. Manuela's earlier smile shifts into something more compassionate. "Aw, honey. What happened? You can tell me." 

He takes a deep breath, then breathes out. He repeats the same motion a few times until the lump in his throat has almost disappeared. 

"She's not… I mean, she is real, she is a person, but she's not what I thought she was. Because… She's actually a guy, whose name is Claude and… I'm honestly just confused about what to do now. We're friends, he said we are, but somehow that doesn't seem real anymore now that he's not who I thought he was and I-I just don't know. I've been ignoring him since yesterday because I wanted to talk about it with you first so that I won't do anything I might regret someday." 

She nods, writes down something and then looks him straight in the eyes. 

"Okay, so if I understand correctly, Claude has been pretending to be a girl, got you to fall for him, and… what now? Did he want something from you?" 

Dimitri's eyebrows scrunch up and then he shakes his head. "No, that's not really what happened. He didn't pretend to be a girl, he was just really secretive about himself, so I somehow drew the wrong conclusion about him. He was going to call in sick for me, and that's how I found out about his gender, since he needed my father's name. He thinks he upset me by mentioning my father, but I think it'd be weird if I told him what I'm really struggling with." 

She nods once more. "Okay… So practically, this is all because of one big misunderstanding then." 

She waits for Dimitri to confirm before she continues. 

"And because Claude isn't what you expected him to be, you don't know what to do about him anymore."

Dimitri nods his head. 

"When you talked to…  _ her, _ did you envision who you might have been talking to? As in, did you have an image in your head of who she was?" 

"Yes. Yes, I did." 

"Would you mind describing that image for me? And no need to be embarrassed, I won't laugh." She winks at him. 

Even if she says that, it still doesn't help calm him down.

"Uhm, well… I imagined her as a short, maybe chubby girl, with long hair and… a really bright and beautiful smile and colorful eyes." His whole face feels hot and his back is sweating. 

Mrs. Manuela doesn't pay any mind to his state, which he's grateful for. 

"Hmm. Sounds like a beauty. But what if  _ she _ was, let's say… tall? Tall, and maybe skinny, with short hair instead of long. With brown eyes. And maybe a little embarrassed to smile brightly because she'd have crooked teeth. Would you have reacted the same way? Would you have rejected her then too?" 

Dimitri lets the idea sink into his mind for a moment. Would he have reacted the same way? She'd still be a she, but completely different from his imagination. 

"I-I'm not sure… Actually, no. No, I don't think I would have. I knew it was unrealistic to think she'd look exactly like I imagined her to."

Her smile returns to her face. "So, it actually didn't really matter what she looked like in the first place. Because she'd still be that kind, thoughtful and funny person, right?" 

"And smart too," Dimitri adds.

"And smart. Right?" She repeats. 

Dimitri can already see where she's going with this, so he nods and waits for her next words. 

"So, what if that  _ person _ were to be... taller? What if they had short hair? Maybe they'd be more on the muscular side, or they could also still be chubby. Maybe they would have bright eyes, and a huge happy smile. But maybe they wouldn't have all that and look completely different. But would all that really matter? You fell for them not knowing what they looked like in the first place. Isn't that amazing all on its own? In the end, it's their inside that's important, surely you realize that by now. I think you should embrace the feelings you've developed for Claude and see where they take you." 

Embrace his feelings for Claude? Does Dimitri have feelings for Claude? No, surely that's not right. Dimitri had feelings for the stranger, not the man named Claude. 

But… Claude  _ is  _ the stranger he became so attracted to. Just different than what he imagined, like mrs. Manuela said. 

And he'd already let go of the image he had of the stranger, because he knew it was unrealistic. It all makes perfect sense, but… 

There's still something that's itching him right now.

"But we're both… I mean… He's a  _ guy  _ and I'm…"

She giggles softly. "Yes, that much is obvious. But what's wrong with that? If you like him, you like him. Simple as that. Doesn't he make you happy?" 

"He does, he truly does. But what if he… What if he doesn't feel the same way..?" 

"Oh, that's what you're worried about. That's definitely something to consider. But Dimitri, darling, even if he doesn't, he can still be your friend. Until now, that's what he's been to you. So nothing would change between you two, even if he doesn't share your feelings." 

They could still be friends, even if Claude doesn't return his feelings. If Dimitri is being honest, he's really appreciated having Claude to talk to. To have Claude be his friend and nothing more, that's not a bad thing. He never considered being with a guy before anyway.

Claude doesn't need to know how Dimitri feels about him. But can Dimitri really go back to being Claude's friend? Claude won't act any different than he has to Dimitri, not as long as he doesn't know what Dimitri's been struggling with. 

But somehow it doesn't feel right to let Claude think he did something wrong by mentioning his dad, because that's not at all what upset him so bad that he didn't want to talk anymore. He has to come clean. 

"What's on your mind, darling?" 

"I was just thinking that I should tell him. Since he feels he upset me by talking about my dad, and that just isn't right." 

She chuckles. "Oh my, Dimitri. You're probably the most honest person I've ever had in my office. We still have a few minutes, so why don't we write the message together? Would you like that?" 

Dimitri nods. He would feel more comfortable knowing she'll help, rather than doubting and questioning whether he worded everything correctly. 

He takes his phone out of his pocket and opens his chat with Claude, simultaneously getting to read the messages he'd sent after Dimitri put his phone away.

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ i get it if ur still mad  _

_ 20:30 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ but would u pls talk to me once ur feeling better _

_ 20:31 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ maybe im overreacting but id seriously hate it if u broke the promise u made to urself bc of smth i said _

_ 20:32 _

* * *

Dimitri hadn't read the messages before, and the sincerity of Claude's words make his throat feel tight. He was worried Dimitri would hurt himself because of his mistake. 

"He does seem pretty genuine. I understand now why you wouldn't want to worry him any longer. How about you start with changing his contact name? We'll think of a message after." 

"Uhm, yeah, okay." He edits the contact and changes the name to  _ Claude.  _ It looks almost foreign to see Claude's name in his contacts.

"It'll help you accept him easier if you see his name whenever you talk to him," she explains. "Now, then. How about you start, and when you're finished, I'll read it for you?" 

Dimitri nods before he starts typing.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Good morning. I want to apologize for the way I behaved yesterday. I promise that you did nothing wrong, I made a mistake and I didn't realize until yesterday. I hope you can forgive me. _

* * *

  
  


When he's done, he shows mrs. Manuela.

"It's… rather vague. Wouldn't you agree that it's best to lay out the truth? Like this, he might still get the wrong idea of what it's about. For example, he might think you feel like you made a mistake by asking him for help."

But that's not at all what Dimitri wanted! He wants to assure Claude that nothing about this incident is his fault. 

He deletes the message and starts again. Before he gets the chance to type the first word, mrs. Manuela stops him.

"And maybe you could try to make it a bit more personal," she suggests with a smile. 

Well, it's true Dimitri isn't personal. He always tries to leave things as shallow as possible, so there isn't anything he can be judged for. 

But he supposes mrs. Manuela is right. Claude is his friend, and Claude hasn't judged him for anything, so Claude deserves to know what's going on inside Dimitri's head.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Good morning, Claude. I hope you slept well. I know you're probably in class, but I'd like to explain my odd behavior yesterday. You see, I had no idea you were a guy, so this whole time I'd been thinking of you as a girl. Silly me. Finding out that you aren't the person I envisioned was quite a shock to me, but I think I'm okay now. I'm sorry you thought you did something wrong, but you didn't, so please don't worry. I'm not upset anymore, and I'm terribly sorry for not telling you sooner. _

* * *

Feeling much more satisfied, he hands his phone over to mrs. Manuela once more. He anxiously watches her face to see if he did a good job this time. 

"That's much better. Are you satisfied too?" 

Dimitri nods as he's being handed back his phone again. "Yes, I think I'll send this. I just hope he's not angry with me now, because I haven't responded anymore." 

"I don't think you have anything to worry about, darling. He seems like a sweetheart, just like yourself." 

Hearing that makes Dimitri smile. He too thinks Claude is a sweetheart, and Claude has told him multiple times that he's sweet as well. 

So, before he changes his mind, he presses send. 

"It seems we're out of time today. Will I still see you tomorrow?" 

Tomorrow? Oh, right. Dimitri's weekly appointment is tomorrow. 

"Oh... I really could have just waited until tomorrow's appointment. I'm so sorry." 

She gestures that it's fine, so Dimitri lets it go. He's glad to have had this talk with mrs. Manuela, and it was better to have it sooner rather than later. 

He half-expects a new message from Claude within the next minute, even though he knows he's in class right now. But even as he says his goodbyes to mrs. Manuela, he keeps a close eye on his phone. 

When he walks out of her office and heads to the stairs, he briefly checks the waiting room to see if Marianne is still sitting inside, but she's not there anymore. Hopefully her session today can help her a little bit.

He exits the building and walks back to the bus stop, which is about five minutes away. He'll take the bus towards the stop that's further away from his home this time; he feels like walking a little despite the cold weather. Talking with mrs. Manuela really helped ease his anxieties about Claude.

He keeps his phone in his hand inside his pocket, so he feels the vibration once he gets a text back. 

It feels strangely satisfying to be able to link the stranger to a name now. Claude… Dimitri feels terribly guilty about the way he treated him yesterday. Hopefully Claude will forgive him and they can move on from the incident. 

But now, is Dimitri really falling for a guy? He's never really considered any guy attractive. Well, aside from Sylvain, but Dimitri wasn't the only one who thought Sylvain was good-looking. 

But apart from that, Dimitri really hasn't ever considered the idea of dating another boy. He isn't particularly disgusted or repelled by the thought, which surprises him. Although, Dimitri can say with certainty that that's likely because of who exactly the guy is that he caught special feelings for.

And now Dimitri is curious to see what Claude looks like. Would Claude be curious about him too? Would knowing Claude's gender change anything between them? And what is Claude going to think about Dimitri's stupid mistake? 

He's a bit scared he'll laugh. Well, it was silly of him to blindly assume that Claude would be a girl, without having any information to go on. Even Dimitri can see that.

While he waits for the bus to arrive, his phone vibrates in his hand. And then again. Dimitri is almost certain it's Claude, but now he knows better than to assume. 

Still, he quickly unlocks his phone and opens his messages. 

It was Claude after all, he sees his name, and Dimitri's body reacts in a way it hasn't reacted before. 

His stomach actually  _ tingles. _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ ur not just saying that right _

_ 10:07 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ u dont need to lie to make me feel better _

_ 10:07 _

* * *

  
  


Before Dimitri starts typing a response, he needs a few seconds to calm down and think of a good reply. Mrs. Manuela told him to be more personal, so he'll try to tell Claude exactly what's on his mind. Claude will know how to handle it, he always knows.

And Dimitri's stomach feels even funnier, which he's now starting to worry about. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I promise I'm telling the truth. Hopefully you still want to be my friend, even though I wasn't being a very good friend to you. _

_ 10:09 _

* * *

  
  


Did he eat something bad? But Dimitri doesn't usually eat anything that can go bad in the first place. So, is he hungry then? But his stomach now feels different than when he's hungry. Please don't say he's getting sick. He should definitely start to dress warmer when he goes out.

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ oof thank god lol i cant remember the last time i was this scared i made someone mad and i make ppl mad on a daily basis _

_ 10:10 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ wait tho why did u think i was a girl _

_ 10:10 _

* * *

  
  


Why  _ did _ Dimitri think he was a girl? He still hasn't found out the exact reason himself.

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ I'm honestly not even sure myself… Maybe because you said you like shoes? And the emojis threw me off a little too. I'm sorry, I should have just asked, or not assumed anything in the first place. _

_ 10:12 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ oh lol i guess that makes sense then _

_ 10:12 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ at least i know now i wont be using those faces anymore lol _

_ 10:13 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ so are u really okay? Ur not stressed out or anything? _

_ 10:13 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Yes, I think I'm fine. Although I'm still struggling a little bit with comprehending you're really not who I thought you were, but I'm sure that will pass eventually. Hopefully sometime soon. _

_ 10:14 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ well idk if it could help u, but maybe we can talk on the phone later? U dont have to say anything just listen to my voice, maybe that'll make it more real for u and easier to accept maybe _

_ 10:14 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ but its okay too if u dont wanna, either way just think about it and u can tell me when im on my lunchbreak at 12 bc i gotta get back to class rn _

_ 10:15 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ byebye dimitri, thanks for still being my friend! :) im proud of u _

_ 10:15 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Oh okay, bye! _

_ 10:16 _

* * *

  
  


Before Dimitri's even sent that short message, Claude already went offline again. He's not entirely happy with his answer, but Claude's own hastiness got to him. He'll just send another message, surely Claude wouldn't mind being double texted.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ And thank you too for still wanting to talk to me, even after all of my weird antics. You really have the patience of a saint.  _

_ 10:17 _

* * *

Seeing Claude's last-online-at-10:15-status gives Dimitri a weird feeling. What is he supposed to do while Claude isn't able to talk to him? For now, he'll just make his way home, but after that? He'll have about an hour to waste before Claude's break, so perhaps he could clean his apartment. It's been a while.

Or maybe he can catch up on his homework instead. In case he does relent and goes back to school like the good boy Dimitri is. Not tomorrow though, because his groceries arrive tomorrow. 

Dimitri is faintly aware of what he's trying to do; he's desperately trying not to think about the phone call Claude suggested they make later. 

Talking on the phone with Claude is still something he's not sure about doing. The thought scares him, really, but when he refused before, he felt bummed out afterwards. As if he was really missing out on something.

And now, knowing that Claude is a guy, he can't make up his mind about it either. A small part of him still feels as if Claude is a different person from the stranger he's been texting the past days. But maybe that's exactly what Claude meant by saying it'd be more real to Dimitri if he hears his voice. 

Hearing Claude's voice… Dimitri knows he shouldn't expect it to sound female, yet his brains just can't decide. This whole time, Dimitri has read every single one of Claude's messages in a female voice. And now he's supposed to switch it all over, every message, every word. 

Maybe it would help him deal with it better once he hears Claude really is a Claude. And Claude said he won't have to say anything, just listen to Claude talking. He can do that. Hopefully. 

The bus finally arrives at the stop, and Dimitri has been so occupied by his thoughts, that he completely forgot to take his bus ticket from his wallet.  _ And  _ there's also the issue that he has to renew his credit soon. 

He could just do that now and get it over with, so he won't be surprised when he takes the bus next time. 

As he steps into the vehicle, he takes a few calming breaths. The busdriver, as usual, asks for his ticket. Dimitri fiddles a little with his wallet before he manages to take out the piece of paper. His hands tremble, knowing what's to come, but he's rehearsed the line in his head so he's prepared. At least, he likes to think he is. 

"Your card is about to expire," the man tells Dimitri. "Want new credit? You have four more rides." 

"U-uhm, yes. I'd like to buy extra. For thirty rides, please." As he says it, he takes his bank card from his wallet as well. 

The bus driver nods before he takes out a PIN-code reader and lets Dimitri use it to pay. 

There, that actually wasn't so bad at all. His hands still tremble, but his voice didn't stutter as much as it usually does. With a relieved feeling, he sits down on one of the empty seats near the front. 

He uses the rest of the ride to calm down and overthink the phone call with Claude a bit more before he gets off again. 

Dimitri is in a strangely good mood for once, and it feels genuinely nice. And though his stomach felt like it was acting up earlier, even that has settled down in the meantime. Today really feels like a good day. 

If he hadn't already rescheduled today's challenge from hAppy, he might have actually tried that out too. 

But  _ 'To reach out to an old friend'  _ was just a bit too scary of an idea when he read it, so he didn't dare. Maybe next time it comes around, Dimitri would consider it more seriously.

Maybe he could give that as feedback on the App; to be able to recover your challenge in case you accidentally press skip or reschedule. Or to make it possible to pick between multiple challenges, to increase the chances of completing at least one.

But that would probably defeat its purpose. Dimitri is supposed to  _ challenge _ himself, not take the easy way out. 

The walk back to his apartment takes a bit longer than usual, because Dimitri is actually taking his time. The outside air feels nice somewhat, and he almost considers it a shame he has to go back to his dark and cramped home. 

What in the world is going on with him today? He's not complaining, not at all, but he is confused. Not once has he considered himself a failure, and it's already nearing eleven o'clock. 

He almost can't believe himself. 

With new awareness of his current state, Dimitri becomes even more cautious of things that could get his good mood down. He shouldn't try anything he'll probably fail at, nor should he engage in something he doesn't like. 

Does the phone call fall under that category? While he's scared and nervous, he doesn't feel like he'll be doing it against his will. 

Okay, let's try something mrs. Manuela suggested before. 'What's the worst that could happen?' Maybe… Claude would say something he doesn't like? No, Dimitri couldn't imagine Claude would do that. 

Is that really all? Just that Claude might say something he wouldn't appreciate? That's not even that bad. 

While Dimitri could think of millions of other things that could go wrong, none of those weigh up to the idea of Claude being rude to him. 

Well then. Dimitri will just tell Claude that they can talk on the phone later. Or, rather that Claude can talk to him on the phone while he listens. 

He steps into the elevator and presses the button with number seven on it. No one else joins him in the small space, which he is glad about. As much he appreciated the outside air for a bit, Dimitri finds he is still relieved to open his front door and enter his apartment. 

He still has about forty-five minutes to spend until Claude is available to talk again, so he decides to clean his apartment after all. He vacuums the floors, dusts off a few cabinets that aren't too much trouble to reach, and puts some cleaning product in his toilet. 

By the time he's done, it's already a few minutes past twelve, so he rushes over to his phone to tell Claude about his decision to have the phone call. 

He's feeling weirdly excited about it. 

When he unlocks his phone, he sees Claude's already replied to his previous messages. The weird feeling in his stomach returns, but he finds there are more important things going on right now.

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _ dont say that lol im just glad ur still okay _

_ 12:01 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ and its not like i have this kinda patience with everyone _

_ 12:02 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ only ppl that're worth it ;)  _

_ 12:02 _

* * *

For a long moment, Dimitri stares at the message. He has no idea what to even make of it, but a small voice in his head tells him that's a lie. Dimitri isn't special enough to be worth something so valuable. And on top of that, there's a winky face. Winky faces mean jokes. 

Right. Claude is just kidding. Even though Dimitri can't laugh with a joke like that, he'll pretend he thought it was funny. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Haha, that was funny. I've thought about your suggestion regarding the phone call, and I'd like to try it. But only if I really don't have to say anything. I'm scared I'll panic otherwise. _

_ 12:11 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ huh whats funny? And thats awesome! Ur doing so good _

_ 12:11 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Your joke was funny, and I think you're right about me hearing your voice will help _

_ 12:12 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ im a little confused bc i didnt make a joke _

_ 12:12 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ but so when do u have time tonight? I feel its better to pick a set time so u can prepare better _

_ 12:12 _

* * *

Now it's Dimitri who's confused. If he wasn't joking, then… 

Dimitri doesn't even know what conclusion to draw. He's feeling awkward. Hopefully Claude isn't feeling awkward as well.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Uhm, when do you have time? I mean, I'm never busy, so you can choose the time _

_ 12:13 _

* * *

  
  


Why would he say that? How embarrassing. He could just smack himself right now.

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _ hahahah well okay sounds fair, how about after dinner? Like lets say six-ish _

_ 12:13 _

* * *

  
  


That's too long, Dimitri finds. That means he'll have several hours to change his mind and chicken out, which he'll undoubtedly do. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ That sounds okay, but do you maybe know of some way to keep my thoughts distracted until then? I'm afraid I might change my mind _

_ 12:14 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm good one _

_ 12:14 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ OH didnt u like to write? Maybe u can just write something again in the meantime _

_ 12:14 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Oh, that's right. I completely forgot that was an option. Thank you :) _

_ 12:15 _

* * *

  
  


And that's not even a lie. Since he found out that Claude is a guy, he's been unable to focus on literally anything besides that. But now comes the next issue.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ What should I write about?  _

_ 12:15 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ HAHAHAHAHA another good one give me a moment ill ask hilda _

_ 12:15 _

* * *

Hilda? Why would he ask her? The idea of Claude sharing Dimitri's troubles with somebody else irks him. Could it be that Claude's been letting Hilda read through their conversations? 

Dimitri doesn't like that. In fact, he hates it. He doesn't want Claude to share their private conversations with his friends. Should he tell him that? But what if he'll laugh and call him weird for being so private about it? What if Claude thinks it's  _ not a big deal? _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ okay nvm im not asking her for advice again _

_ 12:16 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ she said u should just write good porn and then ull have plenty of readers _

_ 12:16 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ but in case thats not ur idea of a nice subject to write about, maybe u could first decide what genre u wanna write _

_ 12:17 _

* * *

  
  


Well, no. Sex is not a subject Dimitri is comfortable with expressing, not even on paper where no one can ever read it. 

However before he's willing to guide his thoughts down the suggestion Claude just made, he types in his earlier predicament. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Do you usually ask and tell Hilda about things I struggle with?  _

_ 12:18 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ there have been times where i asked and told her things, but nothing personal about u _

_ 12:18 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ just general things like "what do introverts like to do"  _

_ 12:18 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ oh and i sent her a ss of ur joke bc i loved that _

_ 12:19 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ screenshot*  _

_ 12:19 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I would appreciate if you wouldn't. _

_ 12:19 _

* * *

  
  


After sending the message, Dimitri regrets expressing the words. There's an accidental underlying venom in that message that Dimitri never intended to allow to slip in.

But, the cat is still out of the bag, and hopefully Claude won't take it as an offense.

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ oh, okay i understand _

_ 12:20 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ sorry i didnt think ud mind since i didnt tell her ur name or anything but i wont do it anymore _

_ 12:20 _

* * *

  
  


Is this what he wanted? To make Claude apologize to him and likely make him feel guilty? God, Dimitri is an idiot. Who even cares if he tells Hilda? It's not like Dimitri will ever have to face her.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ No, I'm sorry. I don't know why that even bothered me. I hope you're not angry. _

_ 12:21 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ hahahaha no lol im not mad _

_ 12:21 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i mean it makes sense u wouldnt wanna be talked about _

_ 12:21 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I'm glad you don't hate me, I never meant to sound hostile or anything. I'll leave you to your break so you can have some peace away from me before you go back to class. I'll try to write something nice, hopefully you'll like it. _

_ 12:22 _

* * *

  
  


Yes, Dimitri is running away. And yes, he is aware. And no, he's not trying to be subtle about it. He locks his phone and lays it next to him on the couch. Even when his phone buzzes to indicate he's received a message, he doesn't check it anymore. 

Despite that Claude said it wasn't any problem, Dimitri still feels as if a rock made its home in his stomach. A big one, with many sharp edges. It feels incredibly uncomfortable, and once more Dimitri wonders what is up with his stomach today. 

Maybe the phone call later isn't a good idea. Not anymore now that he made such a blunder.  _ And  _ the fact that he just fled like a bird doesn't make it any better. 

What would Claude think of him now? Surely nothing good. There just isn't anything good about Dimitri. He's sensitive, sees problems where there are literally none and he always lets his emotions take over when his mind gives him trouble. And he has many of those; both emotions and troubles.

He physically shakes his head in an attempt to rid it of the negative thoughts that crept inside. His day had been going so well, and now he's ruined it for himself. 

No, Claude ruined it. No, Dimitri did himself. Claude did nothing wrong. Except he could have also just not told Hilda anything. Why would he even tell her? What's the point in asking her for her opinion while Claude's is the only one that matters to Dimitri in the first place? 

What if it was Hilda who suggested that he should write? Could Claude have let her read his story about the bouncy dinosaurs? Does Hilda help Claude write his messages the same way mrs. Manuela helped Dimitri earlier? 

What if he'd been talking to both Claude  _ and  _ Hilda at times? 

Once more, he shakes his head. More vigorously this time. He really needs to stop thinking before he gets into one of his moods again. 

Let's see… Writing something. Write something nice that Claude would like to read. That's what he should focus on now. No more overthinking. 

Without picking up his phone, Dimitri makes his way over to his study and settles behind his laptop to turn it on. It takes a bit of time, but Dimitri isn't in any hurry. He's decided that he'll read Claude's last sent messages a few minutes after one. That's safe. Claude can't be online after his lunch break. 

While his laptop is starting up, Dimitri thinks about what he could possibly write about. 

He considers writing about dinosaurs again, but he feels as though that's a rather stale subject now that he's explored it a bit already. Claude had given him more ideas before, which Dimitri is trying to recall. 

Should he write about his feelings? Would that really help? Or happy memories of his past? No, never the latter. That's too painful a thing to express so detailed, and to let Claude read it. 

Oh, right. He implied that Claude could read it. So he shouldn't write down his feelings. Not if he wants Claude to stay oblivious to the ones he's directly involved in.

Claude suggested he'd think about the genre first. So Dimitri will try that before he settles on a subject. He knows that he isn't interested in writing about his own life, or anything he can relate to, so he decides on writing a fantasy story again. 

A fantasy story with made up characters, in a made up place. The idea faintly reminds him of the games of make-believe his friends and he used to play when they were children. One in particular stands out to him. 

The one where a mercenary somehow ends up at an old monastery filled with students from all over the continent and has to become a teacher there. 

Felix used to want to be the mercenary, of course, while Ingrid wanted to be the teacher. That obviously didn't work, so they split the character in two separates to avoid the inevitable bickering between them. Dimitri would be a student, a crown prince, and Sylvain would be his loyal helper, who married about every single female character they added in order to progress through the story. 

And like that, they spent hours and hours listening to Ingrid's teachings, watching Felix use branches to fight the trees they belonged to, dressing Dimitri in his father's most fancy and expensive clothing and listening to Sylvain's terrible flirting. Although they listened to Sylvain's terrible flirting on an hourly basis.

That was Dimitri's favorite setting, always had been. 

Maybe he could use the idea and expand it greatly. Memory after nostalgic memory floods back and Dimitri can't shut off that part of his brain anymore. Who could have thought that their years of friendship would end so abruptly? Dimitri always thought they'd always be friends and stay together forever. 

Fate really did him dirty like that. 

He glances over his laptop screen and notices the time. It's a few minutes after one, so Dimitri decides to delay the writing for now and distract his nostalgic thoughts with Claude's messages. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ no hang on im not mad i promise _

_ 12:22 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ dimitri pls come back i dont need a break from u if thats what u think _

_ 12:22 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ ugh look im sorry, it was my bad i shouldnt have told hilda about u but she got jealous when i was busy talking to u instead of her and she kept nagging me _

_ 12:23 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ pls dont be mad im really sorry _

_ 12:24 _

* * *

  
  


The painful pang of guilt makes Dimitri squirm in his chair. He knows it's all his fault that Claude apologized to him so often, while Claude didn't even do anything wrong. This is just like when Dimitri discovered Claude's gender. 

He just keeps messing it up. Would Claude forgive him if he tells Claude that he's sorry? Obviously, Dimitri apologizes way too often already, but he truly is sorry. 

Would Claude even believe him after he's apologized so often already? Should Dimitri try something else to show his remorse? But what? 

Maybe… Maybe he could  _ say _ sorry to Claude. Tell him by using his voice when they're talking on the phone later. That would prove Dimitri truly is sorry, right? Claude knows he's not comfortable talking on the phone, and this way, he'll show he's willing to go through that discomfort to make up for his mistake. 

Yes, that's what he'll do. Hopefully Claude will still talk to him later though, so he'll have at least the chance to apologize properly. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ I'm not mad. At least not at you, I mean. I'm upset with myself for overreacting about something so minor. If it's okay with you, I'd like to apologize when we talk on the phone later, so I'm sorry for not apologizing yet right now but I promise I will once we talk _

_ 13:09 _

* * *

  
  


Did Dimitri just… 

Apologize for not apologizing? What is wrong with him? Who does that? This has got to stop.

While he absentmindedly reads over his text once more, contemplating whether he should delete it or not, his phone buzzes lightly to announce he's got a new message. 

He nearly drops his phone, but just manages to catch it before it falls to the floor. The device probably couldn't handle another fall, lest it breaks down completely.

He adjusts his phone in his hand and sees that Claude actually responded. Shouldn't he be in class right now? Why is Claude online? This was not what was supposed to happen. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ oml dimitri did u seriously just apologize for not apologizing? Thats pretty impressive in its own peculiar way but god dont do that again _

_ 13:10 _

* * *

  
  


Why, yes, Dimitri seriously did that. And while he doesn't find it impressive, he does hope he won't stoop  _ that  _ low again. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ but yeah if ur really okay with it, of course u can talk to me  _

_ 13:10 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ im actually rather curious to hear ur voice too u know ;)  _

_ 13:10 _

* * *

  
  


Hearing Dimitri's voice..? Oh god, of course he'll hear Dimitri's voice if Dimitri speaks. Why does Claude always manage to bring light to the anxieties Dimitri wasn't even considering? 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Aren't you supposed to be in class?  _

_ 13:10 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ lol sure go ahead and ignore the subject at hand thats fine _

_ 13:11 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ but yeah im in class but teach isnt paying attention to me for once  _

_ 13:11 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Oh, I see. I think I found something I'd like to write about but it's going to be much longer than my first try. Hope you don't mind. _

_ 13:12 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ wow ur so good at deflecting im amazed _

_ 13:12 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ but no thats fine, if its okay with u id like to read whatever u finish today ur stories are great _

_ 13:12 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Of course. I'm really glad you enjoy :)  _

_ 13:13 _

* * *

  
  


Right now, Dimitri is feeling a lot of things. For one, he feels busted for actually deflecting the subject of talking to Claude. He's also still surprised that Claude managed to sneak online during class, but most of all, Dimitri's heart is pounding because of the compliment he received. Claude really enjoyed his story. Dimitri can't help but feel overjoyed at the idea, and he keeps reading the message over and over. 

It's hard to ignore the rapidly beating muscle in his chest along with the warmth on his face, but he's just too happy to mind it right now. 

So, without further ado, Dimitri starts his newest project. He decides that the main character will be the mercenary, but he's not sure of what kind of personality to give them yet. Or what gender. Or their name, appearance or backstory. 

He'll leave it a blank for now. He'll just start with the beginning of the story, which is something he never gave much thought before; the reason why exactly the mercenary becomes a teacher at the monastery in the first place. 

It takes a lot of thinking, and like before, he starts off roughly. But as he recalls memories of playing with his friends, he finds they've already given him plenty of inspiration. 

Sometime during his afternoon, his doorbell rings. Dimitri has a mini heart-attack before he realizes it's probably the mailman who's coming by to deliver his new phone. Reluctantly, Dimitri gets up and heads over to the door to receive his package. 

He closes the door quickly and opens the package on his way back to his study. He's feeling strangely excited to see the new, and much larger device sitting in the box. He hurries to turn it on and transfer the data from his old to his new phone before he gets back to his writing.

Hours are put into his new story, yet he still thinks it's not quite what he's after. He's already decided that the storyline is too complicated to start writing when he hasn't figured out the details of the imaginary world, so all he has for now are notes on what the environment will be like. 

And he's still missing too much details to launch an actual storyline. 

Maybe he's bitten off more than he can chew. He'll leave it for what it is now, and maybe he'll continue it another time. It's almost a quarter to six, and he hasn't talked to Claude anymore. For good measures, he checks his phone to see what Claude is up to. The earlier they can start the phone call, the sooner it'll be over too. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ hey so is this another one of ur moments where all u focus on is ur writing _

_ 15:23 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ bc thats cool, no prob ill just do homework or smth _

_ 15:23 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ lol can u believe me doing homework _

_ 15:23 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ yeah me neither ill just bother hilda instead _

_ 15:23 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ ooooo or lorenz hes always fun to annoy bc he hates me _

_ 15:24 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ either way have fun and if u need help with whatever u can ask me, tho idk if ill be of much help but it sounds fun _

_ 15:24 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Sorry, I was indeed having a moment, but I've decided to stop for today. It's a lot more work than I expected at first, so if you really don't mind, I'd like to ask you for ideas sometime _

_ 17:43 _

* * *

Hopefully Claude has time now. A quarter to six is around six-ish. Dimitri's heart is pounding once again as he waits for Claude to come online. 

It takes him about seven minutes to read and reply to Dimitri's message, and Dimitri hasn't gone offline for a second during that time. It had seemed endless, but it's finally time. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ oh lol there u are _

_ 17:50 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ are u ready freddy or do u want those extra ten mins _

_ 17:50 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I'd like to think I'm ready, but I doubt I ever will be. Please don't mind if I don't talk immediately, I might need some time to calm down. _

_ 17:51 _

* * *

  
  


And that's a fact. He is already nervous, even more now that he knows it's really going to happen. He's really going to talk to Claude.

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ thats okay, dont mind _

_ 17:51 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ remember that the original plan was just for me to talk to u and we can revert to that if u feel more comfortable with it _

_ 17:52 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Thank you, that really helps.  _

_ 17:52 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ of course, so can i call u now? _

_ 17:53 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Yes, that's alright. _

_ 17:53 _

* * *

No, it's not, but Dimitri can't back down now. He still has to apologize for what he did this afternoon. His phone starts buzzing and a rather unfamiliar message pops up on his screen.

  
  


**Incoming call:** **_Claude_ **

  
  


This is it. This is when Dimitri is supposed to drag the green icon to the 'pick up' slot so the call connects. 

And yet, all Dimitri does is wait until it disappears again. He's a coward, he's aware, but he can't help himself. His hands are sweaty and trembling and his heart hammers in his chest. He can't do this. He can't pick up the phone. 

  
  


**1 missed call(s) from:** **_Claude_ **

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ u know, ur supposed to pick up to be able to talk lol u good?  _

_ 17:57 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I'm sorry, I don't seem to be able to talk right now after all. I'm too nervous _

_ 17:58 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ hey calm down, its okay _

_ 17:58 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i promise u dont need to talk at all, just leave it all to me _

_ 17:58 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I know, I trust you, but I'm really scared _

_ 17:59 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ thank u that means a lot _

_ 17:59 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ but if u trust me, wont u please try one more time? Maybe close ur eyes when u do it  _

_ 17:59  _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I'm not sure if that would help, but I'll try once more _

_ 18:00 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ awesome! Ur amazing :) ill try once more, if its too much we can try again another time _

_ 18:00 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i dont wanna force u after all and the last thing i want is to make u uncomfortable when u talk with me _

_ 18:00 _

* * *

Claude really is considerate, Dimitri feels. He wants to pick up the phone, even if it's just so that Claude will be proud of him again. 

He'll make Claude proud this time. 

The first incoming call came as a big surprise, even if he was expecting it, but Dimitri feels like he's better prepared now. 

Okay, this time for real. 

  
  


**Incoming call:** **_Claude_ **

  
  


The switch of the screen makes his heart skip a beat once more, but this time he tries to calm down before he throws his phone away from him. Deep breath in, deep breath out. 

Like before, Claude waits, so Dimitri doesn't feel too much time pressure. 

When he thinks he's finally ready to take the call, he slides the green phone icon up.

Instead of putting the device to his ear, he puts it on speaker and lays it down on his desk. He's not sure if he'd be okay holding the phone in his trembling hand right now. 

" _ Hello? You there?"  _ Claude's voice comes through clearly, and it's nothing like Dimitri imagined. 

It's a bit scratchy, it's friendly and the sound is so  _ warm.  _

_ "Oh, right, I was going to do all the talking."  _ He chuckles softly and Dimitri immediately finds it the most endearing laugh he's ever heard before. He never wants to stop hearing it.

_ "So, my name is Claude. It's really nice to meet you. And talk to you. You know, using actual words. I mean we always used words but like, with a voice. Verbally I mean, that's the word I was searching for."  _

Dimitri finds it oddly comforting to listen to Claude's rambling. He was already aware he talked a lot, but Dimitri says more over a text than he would in real life. Somehow he expected Claude to be the same, but he's glad he was wrong about that. 

_ "I'm actually feeling a little awkward. I never feel awkward. What are you doing to me?"  _ Another laugh, a bit louder this time. 

Dimitri hasn't realized how hard he was clenching his fingers together until he relaxes his muscles. 

It's just Claude, he tells himself. It's just the person he's been talking to and confiding in the past week. It's just the guy he's fallen in love with. 

Wait.

The guy… he's fallen in love with..? Dimitri is listening to the voice of the guy he's in love with. 

It all finally comes together; the sudden nervousness he felt when messaging Claude, the funny feeling in his stomach, the fear that he messed up again. 

He's genuinely in love with Claude. And he can't speak a word to him.

_ "So that's pretty much how I found out about your dad. I know you would have probably wanted to tell me yourself, but like she literally threatened to call the police on me. Which I still find weird, because it's not like the police can do anything. Except maybe confiscate my cell but that's just weird because my mom can do that too."  _

When Dimitri zones back in, he realizes he hasn't been listening to Claude's story. He's just been focusing on his light and hearty voice, his word pronunciation which he notices is slightly different from his, and how smoothly and naturally and fast-paced he speaks. 

And of course, the realization that Dimitri really is in love with this person. 

_ "Oh, by the way, can you like, still access your apps and stuff? Because maybe you can just use the chat to reply to me instead of with words. Verbally, I mean. Stupid word."  _

It takes a moment too long to realize Claude is requesting something, and Dimitri literally jolts into action. With still trembling fingers, he presses the home-button and finds that it doesn't end the call. 

That's good. Now he could reply to Claude. Surely Claude is feeling awkward because he feels he's talking to a damn wall. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Ah, yes, this works. I'm really sorry for not being able to say anything, I'm just really nervous. _

_ 18:08 _

* * *

  
  


A soft laugh sounds through his speakers.  _ "That's okay, I was a little nervous too. But hey, at least I don't need to call you an ambulance because you're having a seizure."  _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Calling me Dimitri is fine, no need for the ambulance thing. _

_ 18:09 _

* * *

As Dimitri was hoping, Claude laughs genuinely and loudly and it makes Dimitri's heart flutter. And his stomach, and pretty much all of his insides. 

Realizing that he really is in love with Claude has released quite some different feelings in him, and while it's scary, he's also relieved to be able to give it a label. 

_ "Your jokes are terrible and yet I love them all the same. You should make them more often. Oh, also, I've been wanting to ask you something but I never quite got the timing right. Can I ask you now?"  _

Dimitri's heart starts hammering once again. What does Claude want to ask? Can he even answer it? Hopefully it has nothing to do with Dimitri's newfound feelings because he is  _ not  _ ready to talk about those.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Oh, sure. Ask away _

_ 18:11 _

* * *

_ "Right. So, there's two things I'm wondering about. First, you texted a compliment to a random number, and then you were going on about trying to treat yourself. You never mentioned either of those things again, so it's okay to assume those were both a one-time thing, right? You did both those things even though they're not things you would probably try out for fun. So what's up with that?"  _

Ah, right. Dimitri hasn't told Claude about hAppiness. It couldn't hurt to tell him, Dimitri believes. After all, Claude is studying psychology so he might have to work with the App in the future. 

So Dimitri explains the general concept, about the challenges and how it's supposed to help Dimitri overcome his anxieties.

_ "Oh, okay. That's pretty interesting. So you practically challenge yourself to overcome your fears. So how many have you completed yet?"  _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Uhm, well I haven't had the App for that long yet, but I managed to complete two _

_ 18:16 _

* * *

He feels strangely self-conscious about admitting that. Two isn't all that many, and if he tried, he could have completed more. But two was all he needed to receive medications, so he shouldn't feel guilty. 

_ "Hey, two is pretty good! Did you fail any?"  _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Uhm, well, yes. The challenge I received before the one that told me to compliment a stranger.  _

_ 18:17 _

* * *

  
  


_ "Oh. What was the challenge? If you don't mind me asking."  _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I was supposed to make myself feel beautiful, but I couldn't manage that. _

_ 18:17 _

* * *

_ "Aw. Did you try?"  _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I did, but it was kind of in vain. I felt very disappointed after too. It wasn't a good day for me _

_ 18:18 _

* * *

_ "I believe you. Man, that's kinda a bad thing, isn't it? I mean, isn't it more important that you try, rather than succeed? I can imagine the bitterness and disappointment about trying really hard to complete your challenge, and then having to even physically register that you failed to do it right. Especially if you're already insecure about yourself. I mean, it's honestly a terrible way to build confidence, since you don't have any control over what challenge appears and when. I'd say it's more suited for people who already have some self-confidence."  _

  
  


That actually makes a lot of sense. Dimitri lost the motivation and confidence to try any challenge that actually  _ challenged  _ him right after the incident on Thursday. He'd been scared to try anything daring, because of the possibility that he'd fail. Claude is completely right; hAppiness is more suited for someone who already has some confidence.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ You're absolutely right, I hadn't looked at it that way yet. I think I'll tell mrs. Manuela tomorrow. _

_ 18:21 _

* * *

_ "No, hold on. I'm not saying you should quit, but like… let's just change the rules a little. Right now, you're only supposed to register that you completed your challenge once you've actually completed it, right? So why don't we just change that to… you can register you completed your challenge if you've tried to? I mean, that way, you won't be feeling as disappointed when you do try and you don't succeed. And of course, if you don't even try, you fail the challenge. Wanna try that instead?"  _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Actually… Yes, I would like to try that instead. If I'm being honest, I've only been trying the challenges that were easy to complete because I was scared I'd fail again. Your concept would help more, I'm sure. Thank you so much. :) _

_ 18:24 _

* * *

Another soft chuckle.  _ "You're welcome, obviously. I'm happy to help, but I hope you know that by now. I know I shouldn't ask, and you shouldn't feel pressured, but would you say one word? Just one?"  _

That pleading tone is going to be the end of Dimitri, he's sure of it. His cheeks grow warm and the inside panic starts to surge through his body. The last thing he wants is to disappoint Claude, but he just doesn't know if he'll be able to say something.  _ Anything. _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Uhm, I'll try. What would you like me to say?  _

_ 18:25 _

* * *

_ "How about… I don't know, my name? Or yours? Or pineapple. Your pick."  _ He laughs again and Dimitri feels even hotter. 

He takes a moment to try and calm down, and Claude waits patiently on the other end. What is he even going to say? He has three options, and none of them sit well with him. But those three choices are all he has, because his brain is incapable of thinking of anything else to say. 

"...C-Claude." He stuttered. He stuttered and his voice was raspy and he pronounced it  _ way  _ differently than Claude did when he introduced himself once more.

He messed up again and Claude isn't saying anything and Dimitri is blushing and he's panicking and doesn't know what to do so he hangs up. There, done. 

No more phone calls.

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ aw, whyd u hang up? I was just about to say ur voice is really nice  _

_ 18:27 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ its so smooth and lowpitched and damn _

_ 18:27 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ uhm i mean _

_ 18:27 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i didnt expect u to sound like that, lets just leave it at that lol _

_ 18:28 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I'm so sorry, I panicked. And I just realized I should have said sorry instead, but my mind went empty for a second. _

_ 18:29 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ lol okay yeah that makes sense but hey its not too late yet u know _

_ 18:29 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i can call u again and then u can tell me ;)  _

_ 18:29 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I… Think I'll pass. But thank you for the offer :)  _

_ 18:30 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ lol okay but is it okay to talk again some other time? If u want to tho i just think its easier and faster than typing _

_ 18:30 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ as u probs already figured i try to shorten stuff but u know, i just dont think it actually makes that much of a difference in the end _

_ 18:30 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ You type quicker than me, so I think it does make a difference _

_ 18:31 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ yeah but even then i just end up waiting for ur answer so i spend all of that free time i saved by shortening things on u anyway  _

_ 18:31 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ You could also spend it waterskiing or something _

_ 18:32 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ HAHAHAHAH sure, will u come with me tho bc idk how to  _

_ 18:32 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Oh, no. I don't know how to waterski either. _

_ 18:32 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ oh, then i have a way better idea _

_ 18:33 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ u in? _

_ 18:33 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Uhm, okay, I'm in. As long as it's not talking on the phone _

_ 18:34 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ no, no nothing like that _

_ 18:34 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ were just gonna drink coffee together this weekend :) and u said ur in so no going back _

_ 18:34 _

* * *

They're going to what? 


	9. Progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooooooly crap y'all this chapter is HUGE have fun reading this 17k beauty HAHAHAHA
> 
> Lots of ups and downs in this one, showing that while Dimitri is definitely making progress, he still isnt nearly there yet
> 
> Also you may or may not have noticed but i am TERRIBLE when it comes to making up names and thats why i just skip over them the whole time hahaha
> 
> Btw disclaiming again; i am NOT a doctor, therapist  
> whatsoever so any and every advice that is given is made up
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!

They're going to _what?_

Dimitri repeats the message over and over. _'We're going to drink coffee together this weekend :) no going back'._ That added smiley face will haunt Dimitri's nightmares.

Claude fooled him. He laid out a trap and Dimitri fell right into it. 

Dimitri noticed it before, but now it's becoming more and more clear; Claude is acting different than he did at first. Back in the beginning, Claude was careful, overly friendly and simply too good to be true. But now, Claude is starting to show his real face. 

And Claude proves to be a dirty and crafty man. Not in a bad way, Dimitri is actually impressed by how easily Claude can manipulate his mind; asking him to talk with him over the phone, even getting him to say something. 

Secretly, Dimitri hopes Claude's change in behavior has to do with him getting more comfortable with Dimitri. He's actually allowing his personality to come through in their conversations, which Dimitri thinks he didn't notice him do before. 

But meeting him already, _upcoming weekend_ at that, is too soon. Much too soon. He's stressing out at the idea itself. Claude should know that too, right? Surely he's just trying to lure out a reaction, nothing more. He's just joking. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _That's hardly fair, you didn't tell me what I was getting into._

_18:36_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _yeah i know im a genius like that_

_18:36_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _dont u agree? :)_

_18:36_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I'm sure you are but I'd like to go back :)_

_18:37_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _HAHAHAHAHA wow i had no idea u could be sassy this is awesome_

_18:37_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _but u managed a phone call with me AND u even said something so why not?_

_18:38_

* * *

  
  


That's true, but _meeting_ Claude is completely different. Dimitri will see Claude, and Claude will _see_ Dimitri. And Dimitri isn't a joy to look at. He's still too skinny, too pale, he doesn't have nice clothes to wear… Should he go on? Those are plenty of reasons to understand that Dimitri is _nowhere near_ ready. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Because I'm a wreck and I don't want you to see me_

_18:39_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _u still have 5 or 6 days to change that :)_

_18:39_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I've been a wreck for years, I'll need a bit more than six days to change :)_

_18:39_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _wow u are SO triggered lmao_

_18:40_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _i didnt know that was even possible_

_18:40_

* * *

  
  


Is Claude amused by the idea of Dimitri being triggered? Because Dimitri isn't really enjoying himself right now. Claude talks as if it's so easy to change his appearance, but it's not. If it were, Dimitri wouldn't have been in the state he is in right now. 

But he supposes this might have been what Claude meant when he'd said he makes people mad on a daily basis. Should he just tolerate it then? If Claude is enjoying this, surely Dimitri can put up with it. At least Claude doesn't seem like he's making fun of him. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _It's true that I rarely get triggered. But I really don't think I'm ready to meet you yet, so can we please postpone that idea?_

_18:40_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _but u already said u were in, i made a screenshot :(_

_18:41_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _hold on, what are u worried about? Maybe i can ease those a bit_

_18:41_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _You should probably ask what I'm not worried about, that list would be much shorter. But if I had to take my biggest issues, it's that I'm severely underweight, I have no nice clothes that fit, my skin is sickly pale and I'm honest to god not a joy to be around_

_18:42_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _im sure the last part isnt even true, so you can tick that one off ur list_

_18:42_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _the underweight thing, yeah thatll take some time to fix but if u like i can find u some ways to gain weight quickly but still in a healthy way_

_18:42_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _and i think if u start eating more and better ur skin will look healthier too_

_18:43_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _and if u like we can spend the day shopping for new clothes :)_

_18:43_

* * *

  
  


Dimitri is left speechless. While he still feels this weekend is much too soon, Claude doesn't seem to think there's any problem at all. There wasn't even an outing of disgust regarding Dimitri's descriptions. 

Claude is once again offering to help him with his struggles, and Dimitri would be a complete idiot not to accept his help. But it's _too soon._

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _I appreciate your help, I really do, but I'm just not sure if I could muster up the courage to meet you yet._

_18:44_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _hmmmmm well okay, we still have a few days so maybe ull change ur mind_

_18:44_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I'm doubtful, sorry_

_18:45_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _no dont say that the week is still young i still have plenty of time to change ur mind ;)_

_18:45_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Once again, doubtful_

_18:46_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _aw come on gimme a break here lol_

_18:46_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _i know phone calls trigger an anxiety all on their own but maybe ur more comfortable meeting face to face so its worth trying out isnt it_

_18:46_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _since ur just cooped up in your home all the time maybe hanging out with a friend will make u feel better :)_

_18:47_

* * *

  
  


That's a valid point. Dimitri really does nothing but spend time on his own inside of his apartment. When Claude puts it like that, it's pretty clear that it would be a good idea to hang out with a friend. 

But it's _terrifying._ And he still thinks it's too soon. They've only talked for less than a week. 

Then again, how long should they talk until Dimitri feels it's okay to meet? Two weeks? Three weeks? Would those extra days really make a difference? There's a chance Dimitri will be too used to chatting with Claude that meeting him will be even harder. But isn't he already used to chatting with Claude?

_What is he supposed to do?_

Logically speaking; yes, it would be good for Dimitri to go out and spend a day with Claude, his friend. But Dimitri hasn't been with friends in a _long_ time, what if he's forgotten how to be social? Claude seems like he could light up a room by walking in, while Dimitri makes children cry by looking at them. They're too different, there's no way it'll go well. He'll ruin Claude.

And like that, Dimitri's earlier good mood is racing downhill.

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _I'm just not sure if it's a good idea. I don't think I'll be ready to meet by this weekend, even if you try to convince me. It's not because of you, though, so please don't take it personally. I'm sorry._

_18:49_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _okay i respect that, but that doesnt stop me from trying anyway_

_18:50_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _u deserve to have a fun day being out with a friend bc how long has it been since u hung out with anyone for fun?_

_18:50_

* * *

  
  


How long it's been since Dimitri hung out with someone? Not once since his friendship with Felix, Ingrid and Sylvain ended. And that was over three years ago. And he's never hung out with Edelgard as if they were friends. Sure, they spent a lot of time together back then and sometimes she'd even play with the rest of them. But after his parents died, those times died right along with them. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _I haven't in over three years_

_18:52_

* * *

  
  


It hurts. It really hurts to admit that. He's been alone for so long, that he's become afraid to mess up his only chance at a friendship. He won't take any risks. And that risk is meeting up with Claude. He can't risk it, because he's certain he'll disappoint Claude. Dimitri is a terrible conversationalist, his constant sour moods ruin other's good ones, and nothing makes him happy, ever. He overthinks, is constantly ashamed of himself and everything he says or does, he's weird, he's bland, he's boring. 

Simply put; he isn't worth it. He's not worth the time, he's not worth the effort, he's not worth Claude's friendship. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _see thats what i mean!_

_18:52_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _itll be good for u_

_18:52_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _and no worries, ill ease u into it u wont have any insecurities by saturday_

_18:53_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _No, it's okay. I wouldn't want you to waste your weekend on me. Or any more time for that matter. You don't have to try so hard for me, I'm fine. I've been comfortable alone because that way I can't ruin anything. I know it's for the better like this, so you don't have to feel bad for me or anything. If you even do, haha. It's what I'm used to anyway. I'm getting a bit tired so I'll be going to sleep now. Good night and have a nice evening :)_

_18:54_

* * *

  
  


He wipes his eyes, which have started to tear up after he sent the last message. It's not fair to Claude, he knows that. Claude is trying so hard and Dimitri is disregarding all of it. But it's better this way, because he doesn't want to disappoint Claude any more than he already does. Where Claude goes out of his way to help Dimitri, Dimitri pays it no heed. Claude deserves better than that. Claude deserves everything Dimitri is not. 

He still lingers around his phone for a few seconds, waiting for some sort of sign that he's making a mistake by leaving Claude like this. Guilt is gnawing at his heart, but he ignores it. Claude will get over it. He'll forget about Dimitri soon enough.

Once more, he uses his sleeve to absorb the liquid running down his cheeks. How did it get to this? He was having a good day, and now everything has crumbled to pieces. He's not feeling good anymore, his usual affection for Claude is hard to find and he wants nothing more than to shut out the whole world. 

Perhaps that's the best thing to do now too. He'll take the sleeping pills and drift off to sleep, where at least he'll be unable to think or feel anymore. 

He barely registers that his phone has been buzzing continuously. One glance at the device adds more anxiety onto the pile of emotions he's already struggling with. 

  
  


**Incoming call:** **_Claude_ **

  
  


Does Claude really think Dimitri will pick up? Right after he just ruined their first phone call? Why does Claude even try when it's already evident Dimitri will mess up again? Did he not believe it when Dimitri said he'd go?

The buzzing stops abruptly, but it picks back up just as quickly. 

  
  


**Incoming call:** **_Claude_ **

  
  


Why won't he _stop_? Dimitri isn't worth all the trouble.

But then why can't Dimitri walk away? Why is he hesitating? He knows he won't talk to Claude, he won't say what's wrong with him. But maybe Claude has something he wants to say, so shouldn't Dimitri at least give him a chance to talk? 

He deserves at least that much. 

With trembling fingers, Dimitri takes hold of his cellphone again. It almost slips out of his unsteady hold, but he manages not to drop it. With a jerky and shaky motion, he once more drags the green icon upwards and presses the speaker button.

_"Dimitri? Are you okay? Look, we don't have to meet for coffee this weekend. I didn't mean to put any pressure on you, I'm sorry. That was plain stupid of me, I shouldn't have assumed you'd be okay with meeting right after you only got past the first hurdle. You can take all the time you need, and I'll wait. I'm patient as a saint, remember? I won't rush you anymore, so please don't shut me out. Can you please let me know if you're okay? Or just tell me if there's something I can do to make you feel better?"_

Unable to stop himself, Dimitri sobs loudly. He'd be surprised if Claude didn't hear that, and he feels a wave of shame wash over him. Claude doesn't say anything about it.

"I'm s-sorry. I'm just… I'm such a mess. I'm sorry. You don't have to bother anymore, so…" Dimitri's voice breaks about every word he manages to utter.

_"Don't say that. Don't talk as if you're a lost cause. And don't ever apologize for who you are. It's not your fault, none of this. You have nothing to apologize for. And look at you! You've made so much progress in such little time, I'm immensely proud of you. I know you're trying, and I know you're struggling and honestly I feel so fucking stupid for pushing you out of your comfortzone, but please give me another chance. I don't know what you're thinking about right now and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. All I ask is that you don't go to sleep feeling like shit. Can we please try to fix you up a little? Together?"_

Dimitri is too far gone to be fixed up. He doesn't even know how Claude thinks he can try to fix him up. A few words aren't enough to change Dimitri's mindset. Claude might disagree, but Dimitri truly is a lost cause. 

Despite that, he doesn't hang up the phone. He sobs, keeps sobbing and Claude waits. He stays completely silent as Dimitri tries to get a hold of himself, which takes more than just a couple of minutes. 

God, he really is a mess. Why can't he just be normal? Why is it so hard to be okay and feel alright? What did Dimitri ever do to deserve this life? 

Instead of trying to formulate an answer, Dimitri just cries harder. He lays his phone back on his desk before he wipes at his eyes once more. The sensitive skin around them is starting to hurt from the rough rubbing, but nothing hurts more than his heart right now. 

He really needs to cope. He'll lose himself if he doesn't. It's as if he's falling and falling into a dark hole full of negativity that swallows him whole and there's no way out. It's suffocating and he needs to breathe, but all he can do is choke on his own disgusting sobs. 

"I'm sorry, I'm s-so sorry." He repeats the words over and over.

Is he talking to Claude? Or himself? He has no idea. Perhaps he's apologizing to his dead parents, all three of them, including his biological mother whose face is a giant blur in his mind. Or to his friends, who he's shut out of his life as if they didn't even matter to him. Maybe Edelgard, who he kicked out without a second thought when she tried to lend a hand. 

It's all his fault. He lost everyone because he fucked up. He should have gone on that trip with his parents when they asked him the first time, rather than making them wait a day to give Dimitri a chance to change his mind. He already knew he wouldn't be going. He should have answered his friends' texts and calls, even if the only answer he could ever give them was 'no'. They would never tire of asking either way. He should have let Edelgard in when she offered to instead of turning her away with harsh words. She didn't deserve that at all.

And now he'll lose Claude too, because he's shutting him out. Claude did nothing wrong, but Dimitri just doesn't know how to be thankful. He's rude, has no manners, he's a horrible person. Claude shouldn't be inconvenienced by him. Because that's really all Dimitri is; an inconvenience to anyone he comes in contact with. 

Edelgard said so too. 

_"Dimitri, please stop. Don't apologize anymore. Can you hear me? Dimitri, please. Take a deep breath. Just take a few deep breaths, you're panicking. Breathe, okay? For me. Just breathe, please."_

Breathe..? Is he not breathing then? 

When he finally seems to come back to his senses somewhat, he realizes what Claude was trying to point out. His throat is extremely tight, not allowing any bit of oxygen to pass. He gasps for much needed air, but it still feels as if he's choking. He coughs in an attempt to clear his throat, which only results in more coughing.

_"Dimitri, hang on. Can you hold your breath for a second? Then breathe with me. Just listen to me, okay? Hold in your breath."_

No, he can't hold his breath, he'll suffocate. Is Claude trying to kill him? 

_"Dimitri, hold in your breath. Just for one second. You're going to pass out like this. Just- Okay, this is hard, I know, but stop thinking for a bit. Just listen to me, to my voice. Just do what I'm telling you. Hold in your breath for one second."_

Claude isn't making any sense. But still, Dimitri tries to follow the order. What else is he supposed to do? He can't breathe, no matter how much air he seems to swallow. 

As hard as it is, he manages to hold his breath after a few tries. His lungs burn, his throat is tight and his eyes and cheeks are wet. But he's finally holding his breath, like Claude told him to.

_"Okay, good. Good job. Now exhale as much air as you can. Just blow it all out through your mouth."_

He obeys once more, letting out every bit of air he has left in his body until his chest clenches. As much as possible, he tries to focus his attention on Claude. 

_"That's a good boy. Now inhale, deeply. Through your nose. Follow my lead, alright?"_

Claude demonstrates for Dimitri how to breathe, which honestly sounds stupid, but Dimitri finds that it helps. Together with Claude, he breathes in and holds it, until Claude tells him it's okay to exhale again. 

They repeat the motion a couple times, together, and Dimitri's head finally clears up a little. 

What in the world just happened? He's never struggled with breathing like that before. 

_"There we go. You did great, good job. Are you feeling a bit better?"_

"W-what was… that?" He's still so confused. His head feels like a big groggy mess and his insides hurt everywhere. Every part of his body trembles like a leaf.

_"I'm pretty sure you just had a panic attack. But it seems it was a rather light one, thankfully. Seriously though, you need to get those medications soon. Who knows what could have happened if I wasn't here to calm you down? Although… I'm probably the cause of the problem in the first place, aren't I? Yeah, that was another stupid thing to say. Look, either way, just-"_

"You aren't," Dimitri quickly interrupts. Claude doesn't need to feel guilty because Dimitri is a wreck. That's all on Dimitri himself. 

_"You aren't either."_

It's as if Claude can read minds. Or perhaps it's entirely clear that Dimitri is blaming himself. 

He doesn't really know what to say to that, so Dimitri stays quiet. 

_"How's your throat? Did you drink anything? It might help."_

"Oh… No, I haven't. I'll go do that now." 

It's true; Dimitri's throat is burning still. Hopefully some water will help. The glass shakes in his unstable hold.

_"Okay. Hey did you know that the dinosaur with the longest name is called micropachycephalosaurus? And yes, I practiced saying that more often than I'm willing to admit."_

A small smile manages to break through and form on Dimitri's face. Only briefly, but it was a smile. When he catches himself, he quickly wipes it off again. He shouldn't be smiling when he's fucking up his life.

"I knew that one already," he replies with a soft voice. It's true, but he somehow feels like he ruined Claude's joy in trying to distract Dimitri. 

_"Oh. Then… the shortest one is-"_

"A Yi, I knew that too." 

_"Goddamn, looks like I got myself a rival in dinosaur facts here. That's never happened before."_

Dimitri knows those facts, and while he still very much appreciates the distractions Claude is offering, he'd prefer finding out something he doesn't already know.

"Well, maybe…" Dimitri cuts himself off, knowing that what he was about to suggest would be terribly rude. 

But if Claude is sharing random facts, he could share some about himself instead. 

_"Maybe what?"_

Should he say it? No, it's too rude. Dimitri has to show patience, like Claude has shown him too. 

But he's so _curious._ There is so much he'd like to know about Claude. How old is he? Where does he live? Why does he have an accent? 

Why does he keep bothering with Dimitri? 

What does he look like? How many friends does he have? What does he do when he hangs out with them? Hobbies? Interests? Childhood memories? Favorite color? Things he likes and dislikes?

Literally _anything_ would soothe his undying interest. 

_"Why're you quiet now? You can tell me what's on your mind, you know. I like hearing you talk, makes me feel like I made a huge accomplishment."_

If that's really true, then… Should he just come forward and ask? Dimitri likes hearing Claude talk too, after all, but not for the same reason.

"W-well, I was just… you know… thinking." 

Great start. 

Claude chuckles softly. _"Okay. About what?"_

"Uhm… Well… You don't have to answer or anything, or comply, but I was just thinking that… maybe… you could share some facts about… uhm, yourself… maybe." 

Wow, the confidence just _oozes_ off that sentence. Can Claude please ignore that whole scene and continue sharing facts about dinosaurs?

God, why did Dimitri ever open his mouth? Why couldn't he have stayed the panicky anxious little quiet man he was during their first call? 

_"Hmm. Well, alright. What do you wanna know?"_

Dimitri gulps, audibly, which earns him another chuckle from Claude. And of course, his cheeks grow red from embarrassment. 

"Oh, uhm… I-I hadn't thought ahead that far yet…" That's a total lie, he had a bunch of questions ready. His brains just pulled a blank on him.

Claude laughs genuinely this time, and the red that stains Dimitri's face expands further, all the way to his neck. It's a good thing Claude can't see him.

_"Do you need a moment? Or should I just tell you something random?"_

No, nothing random. Dimitri wants to decide what Claude is going to give away about himself. 

"Uhm… a m-moment please." 

And now that he has a moment, his mind slowly clears up. More than anything, Dimitri wants to know _why_ Claude wants to meet him so badly.

"I think I have something… I-if it's okay with you to ask." 

_"Sure. Go ahead."_

"Okay, well… Why are you so keen on meeting me so soon? I-I mean… If it was really for my sake, you would have accepted my refusal, right? At least that's what I think! I might be wrong, but… I was really just wondering… Sorry if I'm completely off track." 

_"Wow, I didn't think you were that observant. That's a big miscalculation on my part. Okay, well, no, you're right. I have an underlying reason to meet you and I wasn't going to tell you that because it's honestly kind of a painful subject to me. That's why I'm just going to give you the reason, but not any details, okay?"_

Just the reason, but not any details? What does that even mean? And what's that about a painful subject? The last thing Dimitri would want is to bring light to something Claude suffers from.

"Oh. Alright, that's fine. But only if you're okay with telling me that much." 

_"I'm okay with it, otherwise I wouldn't have offered that bit of information. So the actual reason why I want to meet with you is because I want to know if you'll still be fond of me_ after _you've seen me. And if you wanna know why I wonder that in the first place, you'll just have to meet with me. You'll see right away."_

Honestly, Dimitri has no idea what to make of that. Why would Claude be worried that Dimitri won't be fond of him once they meet? 

Could it be he's handicapped? Maybe he's missing an arm or a leg. Or maybe he looks deformed. That's possible, isn't it? 

But is that a reason for Dimitri to reject Claude? 

No. It's not. Simple as that. No matter what Claude is like, Dimitri will accept him. He's already realized his feelings for Claude, accepted them and even embraced them, so nothing could change those feelings anymore. 

"You have nothing to worry about," Dimitri tries to assure. It's not like any of Dimitri's statements are comforting, because he lacks any and every sense of confidence, but he tries. 

Hopefully Claude believes him. 

_"Aw, you're seriously so sweet. We'll just have to see though, hopefully soon. Because even if I have my own reason, I still think it'd be good for you too. I'm not going to say any more than that, because I somehow triggered a panic attack before. But I do think that. It'll be up to you though."_

Dimitri _hates_ when things are up to him. Making decisions has never come easy, especially not when his feelings aren't clear. A part of him wants to meet, but the bigger part of him says no. But since the smaller part and Claude have teamed up, it's just too hard to decide. 

Leaving Claude to make the decision isn't an option either. That'd be a definite yes and Dimitri would have no way of getting out of it.

And was Claude indirectly asking why Dimitri panicked? He does feel like he owes Claude an explanation. 

"Uhm… Can I tell you why? The panic attack, I mean. I mean, I would like to talk about my thoughts when I had the attack. I-if that's okay with you, I mean. I didn't mean to be so straightforward, I'm sorry." 

_"You're really not a talker, huh?"_ He laughs and Dimitri feels embarrassed once more. _"But yeah, of course you can tell me. I wanted to ask but I felt that'd be inappropriate so I'm glad you offered at all. Just take a deep breath and don't mind it if you stutter or you struggle with your words. Take your time. It'll be okay, I promise."_

Easier said than done, Dimitri thinks, but he takes the promise into account nevertheless. 

"Okay, well… Uhm… I'm not really sure how to even start. I, uhm, when you said you wanted to meet, I was just… well, I was scared that I'd… you know, ruin you. With my moods. Because you're so... cheerful and energetic and I'm dull and gloomy and everything alike, and I just thought that I'd stain your beautiful personality with mine. I don't want to ruin you, because you're so… well, yeah. And then I started thinking about how I always mess up my relationships with others, and that our friendship would be no different than the ones I had before. I-I actually had friends! Three. Three friends. And I messed up so they left me. And I also have a step-sister. Or, well, had… She also left me because I'm a terrible person to be around. And my parents, they… That. And it was all my fault. All of it. And I just can't let go of that." 

It stays silent on the other end of the line. Dimitri's anxiety evolves slowly; first it's the cheeks, then the clammy hands, and now he's suffering from a sweaty back and trembling fingers. 

What has he done? Should he just have stayed quiet about it all? Does Claude see him as some kind of… _weirdo?_ To be fair, he is a weirdo. But he doesn't want Claude to think that! 

What is he going to do now? Should he hang up again? That's the best course to take, obviously. 

_"So… You were scared that you'd…_ ruin _me? If you'd said that in a different context, I'd have felt threatened."_ And then he laughs. It's loud and boisterous and hearty. 

Dimitri doesn't understand why that's funny, though. He's on the verge of feeling insulted, which presses the urge to hang up. 

_"Sorry, sorry. In all seriousness now. What I'm getting from your story is that you tend to fill in other people's thoughts and feelings. You say you're the reason they left you, but have they actually told you that? Have they said explicitly that your behavior was why they didn't want to put up with you anymore?"_

Dimitri considers it. If he remembers correctly, no one told him that literally, but it's obvious they left because of him. Why would Claude try to convince him otherwise? Isn't it a good thing that Dimitri is realistic, and that he doesn't lie to make himself feel better? He should face his problems, not deny them.

"Well, no. They haven't said it explicitly. But it's obvious that it was because of me that-" 

_"What made it obvious? Sorry, I know I'm not supposed to interrupt when you're talking."_

"Well… everything. I said something, or I didn't say anything, and then they were gone. So it was my fault." 

_"May I disagree? I believe there is a possibility that your words might have struck a nerve, and they got upset by the truthfulness. That's their own fault, not yours. And I'm convinced that you wouldn't say anything hurtful plain out of spite."_

Was Edelgard upset because Dimitri hit a nerve? He can't say now, that whole scene was just messed up from beginning to end and he's been trying hard to forget about it. 

"Maybe… But what about my friends then? I ignored them, so they stopped bothering." 

_"They might have felt helpless. They couldn't find anything to help you, so they chose the easy way out. They left you. That's not your fault, that's theirs. They made the decision."_

"But it was my behavior that caused them to feel helpless in the first place." Why can't Claude understand that? Is it so difficult? 

_"Why do you want the blame so bad?"_

"I-I… I don't want… I honestly have no idea."

That thought has never even crossed his mind. 

_"I think you want the blame because you see it as a sort of punishment. Like… You think you're responsible, so you're giving yourself the feeling of guilt, which in turn won't allow you to feel any happy feelings, because you think you're responsible for the bad things that happened to you. You're in an endless circle of despair. If you ever want to be happy, you have to break through that circle. There's no other way to attain that. App that helps you overcome your fears or not."_

So… in order for Dimitri to become happy, he has to let go of his feelings of guilt? How does he do that? Just put the blame on someone else? 

"I can't just… blame _them_ for my mistakes. That's impossible." 

_"I'm not saying you need to put the blame on someone else. You just have to stop blaming yourself. What happened was unfortunate, very much so, but that's no reason for you to feel guilty for being here. The most ideal situation would be for you to be able to give it a place in your heart and move on from it. Which, of course, is easier said than done. But what you're doing right now is definitely not helping in your favor. There might be a way for you to make up for your so-called mistakes. But we'll have to find that way first. And well, before I can help you with that, I'll need to know exactly what happened. With your parents, your step-sister and your friends. But that's for another day, I think you've had your share of pain for today."_

Dimitri wholeheartedly agrees with the last part. Thankfully, though, his mood has lifted a little compared to before. Claude makes a lot of sense with everything he says, and Dimitri finds that hearing Claude talk relaxes him. 

Why can't mrs. Manuela talk to him like that? He always feels tense and uncomfortable during their sessions. 

"I'm sorry for bothering you with my problems. I'm sure this wasn't really your idea of spending your evening…" 

_"Don't even worry about that, silly. This isn't about me or whatever. I'm just glad if I can do anything to help you. Did I help?"_

It's hard to ignore the hopeful tone in Claude's voice. While Dimitri doesn't know if he even helped, it would hurt his heart to tell Claude 'no'. 

"Yes, I think you did. I am feeling a bit better." 

_"Whew, thank god. Man I felt so terribly guilty when you went into panic mode because of me. Holy shit. Hey so what are your thoughts on meeting me? Have they changed now that you know I'm really a good guy?"_

"...really?" 

Claude laughs again and while Dimitri does not find anything funny, he still enjoys listening to the sound. It makes his stomach feel funny and his heart flutter. 

_"Okay, fine, I get it. I won't press it anymore. But you'll meet me someday, right? At least?"_

There's that pleading tone again. Dimitri closes his eyes in an attempt to shut it out, but he still can't find it in him to say no. 

"Yes, I'll meet you someday." When that will be, however, he doesn't know. 

_"Yes! Awesome! Don't think I'll let you forget about this because I have a memory of steel. Or whatever the saying is. It sounded better in my head. But either way, do you want me to remind you or should I just wait until you decide you're ready? We'll have to keep in mind my work schedule though."_

In all honesty, neither of those sounds attractive to Dimitri. He doesn't want to be reminded constantly; that'll just put unwanted pressure on his shoulders. But at the same time, he doesn't want to be the one to make the call; he knows he never would when he's left to his own devices. 

"Actually…" Is he really going to do this? "Maybe we could…" There has to be something wrong with him. "...meet this weekend after all…" 

Yup, he must have suffered from lack of oxygen before because this is not Dimitri speaking. 

_"What, seriously? You mean it?"_

Good thing for Claude that Dimitri can't say no to him. "Uhm… Yes, I think so. I doubt I'd ever find the courage in me to ask you to meet anyway." 

_"Oh my god, I did it. I can't believe I did it. Okay, you know what? Especially for you, I'll come and meet you. You don't have to travel at all. Just text me where you live and what time you wanna meet."_

Claude is… definitely a dirty man, Dimitri discovers once more. He'd been planning on convincing Dimitri from the start, and Dimitri let him. 

_And_ Claude doesn't want Dimitri to know where he lives. He makes it sound as if he's doing a favor by coming here, but it's really just another way of hiding information. 

Should Dimitri mind that? Or could he be wrong about Claude's intentions? 

He's probably wrong. What a horrible thing to do; question Claude's sincerity. But on the other hand, it's because Claude's been so secretive up to now that Dimitri even has doubts to begin with. 

"I'd like that," is what he eventually settles on. 

It doesn't matter to Dimitri if Claude knows where he lives. And it is a plus that Dimitri won't have to travel. The idea of taking a bus to a place Dimitri's likely never been before makes his stomach clench in discomfort. 

_"Perfect. Oh man, I'm all excited now. And don't worry about your earlier issues, okay? I sorta know what to expect now, so I promise I won't say anything about the way you look."_

Earlier issues..? _Oh, right._ The skinny, pale, unhealthy, ugly thing. 

"Can I please go back?" 

The laugh that sounds through his speakers once more makes his heart pound. It's so charming and cute and lovely, Dimitri could listen to it all day and longer. 

_"I just said you don't have to worry about any of that. Wanna go clothes shopping?"_

He asked before, but it only now occurs to Dimitri that that isn't really a normal question. He can't remember once when Felix or Sylvain proposed to go shopping for clothes together. And Sylvain complained about his lack of nice clothes _a lot._

So, does that mean Claude is just really helpful? Or does it have to do with his interests instead? He did mention that he likes shoes and clothes. 

Maybe Dimitri is just overthinking it all. 

"Uhm…" 

_"Or we can decide then. That's fine too. But we're definitely drinking coffee together."_

At least Claude didn't lie when he said he was excited. His volume increased and he seems much more energetic than minutes earlier. 

Is that really because of Dimitri? 

But what if Claude's really excited now and he won't be anymore once they see each other? What if Dimitri disappoints him after all? 

Oh, no. There comes the anxiety again. For once, can Dimitri just let go of his worries? Just one time? 

_"Do you know of a good coffee shop near you? Or should I look one up later?"_

And it's still _days_ before it's time. Days filled with worries, irrational fears and unimaginable scenarios of things that could go wrong. Except Dimitri can imagine those quite well. 

_"What time do you want to meet? Like afternoon, or in the morning? I guess that would depend on how much time you actually wanna spend together. I'm fine with either, really."_

And Claude won't let him cancel. He's doomed, that much is obvious. Maybe he'll 'forget' to give Claude his address. No, that wouldn't work. Claude would just ask, obviously. Dimitri can't run away from that forever. 

Maybe he could pretend to be sick instead! 

_"Dimitri? You there buddy?"_

"What?"

_"Oh, you haven't been listening. That's fine, just heartbreaking. I was asking when you wanted to meet. Like Saturday or Sunday?"_

"Oh, I-I'm so sorry! I was distracted… kind of. Uhm, whatever you prefer." 

_"Hmm. Well, I do have to work Saturday and Sunday evening, but my shifts start at eight. I don't know if that's a problem. Oh, but it might be because I don't know how long I'll be travelling to get to you and home again. Wait, are you free on Friday? My classes end at two on Friday and I don't work then."_

Friday?! That's in… three days! No, impossible. That isn't nearly enough time to prepare. Claude will just have to leave early if he wants to be back in time for his shift. 

_"I can literally sense you freaking out right now. Just be calm though. If it's short-notice, at least you won't have to be anxious for days on end. Wouldn't that be better?"_

Once more, Dimitri is in conflict between two problems. Sure, if it's short-notice, Dimitri won't have to wait for too long, which will reduce his anxiety time. _But_ if he doesn't have enough time to mentally prepare, that gives a different kind of anxiety altogether. 

"M-maybe." What is he supposed to do? 

He doesn't want to meet anymore. He'd rather suffer through Claude's nagging. 

_"You'll be fine! Let's just meet on Friday."_

"B-but won't it be almost dark by the time you're here? I-I mean… I don't know…" 

_"That's a possibility, but I don't mind. I like how there are still Christmas lights everywhere, they just make everything better."_

Damn the end of the month of January.

Okay, then… Something else that might put off Claude. What about… 

Oh, Claude did mention he wonders if Dimitri will still be fond of him after he sees him. 

But Dimitri could never intentionally bring that up just to have Claude change his mind. That'd be a cruel thing to do. 

"They do look nice…" Pfft, as if Dimitri's seen them up close. He hardly ever heads further into town, into the shopping district. Only when he needs something he can't order online, which is a bare minimum of items.

_"See, I knew it… Oh, hang on, my mom is calling for me."_

In the background, Dimitri can hear a woman's voice telling Claude something, but he can't understand what she says for the life of him. 

He just waits until Claude's mother leaves again, which takes less than two minutes. 

_"My mom just came in to tell me that it's really late and that I need to go to sleep. I honestly didn't even realize we'd been talking for so long, but it's seriously been over three hours. Time flies, huh? I'm sorry though, I don't wanna leave you hanging like this but I desperately need my beauty sleep. Text me your address, okay? Or just the name of your city or whatever. I promise I won't use it for any surprise visits."_ A soft chuckle follows.

Now Dimitri's even more reluctant to send his details. Claude wouldn't just come here unannounced, right? He'll just have to believe he wouldn't.

"Uhm, yeah. I'll text you. Have a good night." 

_"Good night! Oh, and don't worry so much, okay? You'll get wrinkles."_

Gee, thanks. 

Claude is the first to hang up, so Dimitri doesn't have to do anything to end the call. Once it's over, a huge wave of relief washes over him. He was on edge during the entirety of the call, but he can finally relax again. 

It isn't as if the call was that bad, not at all. He finds he really likes Claude's voice and his way of speaking. But verbal conversations always take such a toll on his energy, so he'd rather avoid them completely. 

Dimitri believes another phone call is inevitable, especially now that Claude knows Dimitri _can_ talk to him. Would Dimitri pick up, though? If Claude called again? 

He likely would. 

Especially because now that Claude's voice isn't sounding through his speakers anymore, his apartment feels so eerily quiet. So lifeless. And that's not just his apartment; his whole body feels lifeless without Claude's energy. There's a term that perfectly describes the way Dimitri is feeling right now. 

He misses Claude. 

Maybe… Unlikely, but still, maybe… If he texts Claude his details, maybe he can get another response from him.

He types in his address, not city, because he feels as if Claude would appreciate that more, and then sends it. 

Restlessly he waits for Claude to come online and reply, despite that Claude's likely gone to bed by now. But just a few minutes couldn't hurt, right? 

Meanwhile, he gets up from his chair and heads into the kitchen to grab something to eat. Now that his body isn't on high-alert anymore, he finds that he's gotten pretty hungry. 

In his cabinets, he discovers a can of tomato soup, so that'll be his meal today. He pours it into a bowl which he then puts inside the microwave to heat it. And while he waits, his phone buzzes. 

Nearly dropping the empty can, he races over to where he left his phone to see his new message. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _aight awesome thats like a 30 min drive_

_22:16_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ill just take my moms car i dont think shed mind_

_22:16_

* * *

  
  


So he does have a driver's license, but not his own car. That means Dimitri could gift him one! That's perfect! Surely a car would be enough to pay him back for all he's done for Dimitri. 

And if it's not, well, Dimitri will have to find something else. At least he knows he won't have to consider dresses and makeup. 

Unless… 

Unless that's what Claude is embarrassed about! Maybe he does wear makeup and he's worried that Dimitri will hate him for it. It would explain why Claude offered to go shopping. 

Just when Dimitri thinks he's fitted the pieces together, he remembers the last time he assumed something. That was anything but a success. 

He'll just wait and see what Claude meant. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Really? Just thirty minutes? You could come on Saturday too. Or Sunday._

_22:17_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _or friday ;)_

_22:17_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _arent u tired btw_

_22:17_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _No, not really. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight._

_22:17_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _idk if u took ur meds yesterday but u can use them twice in a row, but just not for a whole week straight bc then it might go wrong_

_22:18_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Oh, well I didn't take them yesterday but I suppose I could take them now. I'm sure you're tired too_

_22:18_

* * *

  
  


Please, please say he's not tired yet. Dimitri doesn't want him to go. 

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _yeah i am tbh and i gotta get up early tmrw too_

_22:19_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _but i suppose i could stay up a bit till ur tired too_

_22:19_

* * *

  
  


As overjoyed as he is, Dimitri feels that wouldn't be fair. If Claude has to sleep, then Claude has to sleep. Whether Dimitri wants him to or not. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Oh, I'm already pretty tired, so it's okay. Sleep tight :)_

_22:19_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _okay if u say so_

_22:19_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _sleep tight too :) cant wait til friday!_

_22:20_

* * *

  
  


Ugh, Friday. Currently, Dimitri is not looking forward to it. But if it makes Claude happy, he'll suffer. He'll go out there, meet Claude, pretend he's a fun person and hopefully please Claude. 

After he's finished with his soup, he considers getting back to his story, but then decides against it. Instead, he heads to his bathroom to take the two sleeping pills before heading to bed. It's a bummer Claude's gone to sleep already, now he's just left to his own devices. 

With wide open eyes, he stares at his ceiling and waits for sleep to come. 

Three nights, and then it'll be Friday. Can he take the pills for three days? He doubts he'll be able to get sleep if he doesn't take them. His mind is already spinning out of control. Having to deal with his mind for hours and hours won't be a joy. 

Isn't there anything he can do while he waits? To keep his thoughts distracted? He takes his phone and reads over his chat with Claude _again._ He knows it's probably a weird thing to do, but he misses Claude and his conversations with Claude make him feel warm and fuzzy inside. 

It's a nice feeling, one he'll never get used to. 

But as he opens the chat, he sees that Claude is online. Just to be sure, he blinks once, twice, but the status doesn't change. Claude is still _online._ Even though he told Dimitri he was tired. 

Why? Why would Claude lie about something so trivial? Is he trying to avoid talking with Dimitri? Did he think Dimitri wouldn't find out? 

Should he _say_ something? But Dimitri doesn't want to confront Claude. What if they end up fighting? Dimitri doesn't want to fight with Claude, not ever. So what should he do? Should he ignore it? The sinking feeling in his stomach, the insecurity about Claude's sincerity. The feeling of being lied to for whatever unknown reason. 

Dimitri doesn't like it. In fact, he hates it. He doesn't want to have to feel insecure about his friendship with Claude of all things. He already has enough things he's unconfident about, this is the last thing he'd want to add to the list. 

So should he say something after all? Claude told him he can say whatever is on his mind, and this is obviously going to be on his mind for a while. Until Claude explains himself. 

But on the other hand, Claude doesn't owe Dimitri an explanation. They're friends, nothing more. Claude can be online without talking to Dimitri. That's fine. Even if he said he'd go. That just means Claude's momentarily done talking with Dimitri. It happens, Dimitri shouldn't be surprised by it. 

Except the problem is that he _is_ surprised by it. He shouldn't be. People get tired of talking to a depressed person. Maybe Dimitri drains energy from Claude, just like how talking at all drains Dimitri's energy. So it's okay for Claude to have to charge up a bit before he faces another day of dealing with Dimitri. 

And yet, against better judgment, he can't stop his fingers from typing a message and actually sending it to Claude. 

Why is Dimitri like this? He should be hit in the face. With a brick. That's coated in a thick layer of iron. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _I thought you said you were tired?_

_22:42_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _yes i know lol i was tryna sleep but hilda is having a crisis and she dont let me sleep until its fixed so_

_22:43_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _did u take ur pills?_

_22:43_

* * *

  
  


Hilda again. It's always Hilda. Is she really that important? Is she so special to him? 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Yes, I did. Why do you sacrifice your sleep for her but not for me?_

_22:44_

* * *

  
  


Hold on. What in the world is he saying? _Why would he say that?_ Thinking it is one thing, but actually asking the question? To the man in question himself? 

How _idiotic!_

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _oh well thats probably bc u let me go and she didnt_

_22:44_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _shes pretty demanding like that_

_22:44_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _are u okay tho? Did i upset u? Bc im sorry about that, i didnt know hilda had a struggle either i wouldve stayed_

_22:45_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _No, it's fine. Good night._

_22:46_

* * *

  
  


Seriously though, what is he _doing?_ Why would he lash out like that first, and then wave it off like it was nothing? 

And to make matters worse, his eyes are starting to feel heavy. If he wants to apologize, he'll have to do it real soon. 

* * *

**_Cl_ _a_** ** _ude:_ ** _uh okay lol good night? Hope u feel better tmrw_

_22:46_

* * *

  
  


As Dimitri tries to decipher what the last message says, his eyes keep falling shut, and before he realizes, he drifts off to sleep. 

.

The following morning, the first thing Dimitri notices is the lack of sunlight in his room. It's light, but it's filtered somewhat. And it's very _white._

He groans at the realization of what that could possibly mean, but every fiber in him hopes it's not true; it snowed last night.

If that's really true, Dimitri might not be able to make it to mrs. Manuela's office today, because the buses might not drive. Well, depending on how much snow fell anyway. 

He rubs the sleep from his eyes before he gets up to look out his window. The sky is indeed completely covered by clouds, and the ground way below him is just as white as the sky. And it's _still_ coming down. 

For a minute or so, he just stares out his window and takes in the view. It looks pretty, even Dimitri has to admit that. The small snowflakes settling on the already thick layer of white. The trees across the streets are covered, occasionally dropping a bit of the weight. 

But the inconvenience it causes is limitless. Cars can't drive properly, pedestrians slip every other step, it's cold, it's wet, it sticks to clothing. 

But despite that, Dimitri wants to go out and have a walk in the freshly fallen snow. The crunch beneath his feet as he takes the steps always feels satisfying to him. 

Before he starts to get dressed, he checks his phone to see what time it is. He notices a notification from hAppy, which he opens. It's time to receive his challenge. 

_'Today, I challenge you to…'_

His finger lightly taps the screen.

 _'To say yes to something_ _you would usually say no to!'_

That's a weird challenge, Dimitri thinks. Doesn't that mean he's supposed to force himself to do something he doesn't want to do? It leaves him with a strange feeling, but he decides to take on the challenge after all.

And then he recalls last night's messages. 

God, Dimitri really is a hopeless mess. He should apologize to Claude quickly. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _I'm so, so sorry about last night. I don't know what came over me. Of course you have every right to spend your time the way you want to. I'm so sorry, I was completely out of line. I hope you aren't angry with me. Please forgive me._

_12:25_

* * *

  
  


Claude should be on his break now, so hopefully he reads the message before he has to go back to class. 

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _no its cool dont worry about it_

_12:26_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _i couldve said smth to u_

_12:26_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _but i guess ur not feeling upset anymore so thats good_

_12:26_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _also did u know it would be snowing? bc u couldve warned me i wouldntve gone to school today_

_12:26_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Oh, no, sorry, I didn't know. I just woke up so I didn't see it before either. Do you not like snow?_

_12:27_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ugh no this world is much better off without that white slippery cold crap_

_12:27_

* * *

  
  


Talk about surprising; Dimitri was sure Claude would be one of those people who'd play in the snow all day without feeling cold in the slightest. 

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _i swear my balls were already freezing off and now the stupid weather decides to SNOW of all things_

_12:27_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _how long til summer bc i cant wait any longer_

_12:28_

* * *

  
  


_Oh,_ Claude is a summer person. The complete opposite from Dimitri. Like with everything else. Despite that, it suits him really well. Claude himself is a warm and bright person, so of course he'd enjoy the summer more. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _That's still a few months away… But do you think this might be a reason to cancel our meet-up?_

_12:28_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _HAHAHA nice try buddy but no im not falling for that_

_12:28_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _im coming and thats that even if i have to sled the whole way_

_12:29_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _okay no thats a total lie i dont even own a sled_

_12:29_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _but u know what i mean_

_12:29_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Yes, I understand. You're really not going to let me get out of this one. Do you by any chance know if the buses drive today?_

_12:30_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _uhh no i have no idea wait lemme ask someone_

_12:30_

* * *

  
  


Ah, it's not Hilda this time. Could it be that Claude got even more wary of what's okay to tell Dimitri? That completely backlashed. He wants Claude to open up, not become more secretive.

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _ah ignatz says that only very crowded lines are driving rn_

_12:32_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _oh ignatz also says that it might not be possible to clear the roads bc of upcoming heavy snowfall_

_12:32_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _oh and hes still talking, now he says that anyone who doesnt need to go outside should stay inside bc being on the road is dangerous in this weather_

_12:33_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _i just heard him say smth about delivery stuff but he kinda lost me at heavy snowfall so idk what to tell u about that_

_12:34_

* * *

  
  


Goddamn, his groceries were supposed to arrive today. 

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _ffs today really cant get any worse_

_12:34_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _hey tell me something great to cheer me up_

_12:34_

* * *

  
  


What? What's he supposed to say? Dimitri doesn't know anything great that could cheer someone up. And definitely not someone like Claude.

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Uhm, that came kind of out of nowhere. I have no idea what to tell you._

_12:35_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _what do u wanna do friday?_

_12:35_

* * *

  
  


Ugh, Friday again. As excited as Claude is, that's how much Dimitri dreads it. Polar opposites. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I don't think there's much we could do if the weather doesn't let up._

_12:36_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _true true_

_12:36_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _then well just have to hang out at ur place :)_

_12:36_

* * *

  
  


No, no they can't. Impossible. Dimitri doesn't just let people into his home. Ever. Not Claude either. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _That won't be possible I'm afraid_

_12:37_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _oh, why?_

_12:37_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Uhm, my apartment is under construction. It's a giant mess. Even worse than myself, can you imagine? You can't come here, you might trip over something and hit your head so hard you could die. No, it's too risky. We shouldn't risk it._

_12:39_

* * *

  
  


That seems like a very valid reason. Even if it was a lie on Dimitri's part, he still feels it was for the better. Claude just shouldn't come here. Simple as that. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _HAHAHAHAHAH OMFG gimme a few secs im getting weird looks_

_12:39_

* * *

  
  


Dimitri is confused, very much so. But still, he gives Claude the 'few secs' he needs. 

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _wow i havent laughed that hard in weeks_

_12:40_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _okay so now the real reason? Or is it a secret_

_12:40_

* * *

  
  


Of course he would see through that. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _I just don't feel comfortable with the idea of you being in my home right now, I'm sorry. It's not because of you! I wouldn't be comfortable if it were literally anyone. But maybe it could change if we get along well_

_12:41_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _hahah okay okay thats fine, i respect that_

_12:41_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _but u dont need to lie that obviously just to get me off ur back lol it just makes me want to know what it is ur hiding_

_12:41_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _and like i dont let go of that stuff easily so its probs best if u just tell me_

_12:41_

* * *

  
  


Is Claude aware of just how hypocrite that is? He hides and lies however he sees fit, yet when someone else does it to him, he wants to know what they're hiding. 

Well, not like Dimitri has a lot to hide, other than the stuff Claude already knows about him. So it's just as well. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Okay, I'll keep that in mind._

_12:42_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _can u believe ignatz is STILL talking about the snow_

_12:42_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _now hes just telling random facts and i honestly dont know how to tell him that i literally curse that which is snow every chance i get_

_12:43_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Maybe you could try to switch the subject? But like, subtly?_

_12:43_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ah perfect yes, how would u do that?_

_12:43_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Oh, uhm… I'm not really the right person to ask such a thing._

_12:44_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _okay okay fine ill just be the bad guy myself_

_12:44_

* * *

  
  


Ignatz doesn't seem like a bad person to Dimitri, and now Dimitri feels bad about suggesting that Claude switch the subject. Maybe Ignatz really loves snow, and now Claude might tell him to just shut up. 

Just great. Dimitri should have said something and not left it to Claude. 

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _well thats fixed_

_12:45_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _did u know every single snowflake has a different shape bc i had no idea_

_12:45_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Yes. Isn't that almost common knowledge?_

_12:45_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _o excuse me for not knowing something so non-trivial i know other stuff okay_

_12:46_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm sure there are other people that don't know that_

_12:46_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _psh keep ur sympathy but at least i know how to braid a fucking basket_

_12:47_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _A basket?_

_12:47_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _yes a basket and u can put FRUIT in it_

_12:47_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Ah, so a fruit basket?_

_12:48_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _yes sure call it a fRuIt BaSkEt do u have anything to say about my spelling too or am i allowed to live_

_12:48_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _goddamn im surrounded by judgmental ppl_

_12:49_

* * *

  
  


Dimitri isn't sure if he should feel sorry for apparently insulting Claude's knowledge or if this is actually really funny to him. Somehow his brains go for the latter, and Dimitri can't stop himself from chuckling out loud.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I didn't mean to judge you, honestly. Although it did make me laugh a little. Where did you learn how to braid baskets?_

_12:49_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _my mom taught me when i was a kid and despite that i hated it it just kinda stuck to me i guess_

_12:50_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Wow, that's really impressive. My mother never taught me anything like that._

_12:50_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _oh my mom taught me so many things like cooking and crafting and all that stuff u dont need to know as a man_

_12:50_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _It's still good if you know how to do those things too. I can't cook for the life of me_

_12:51_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _what do u eat then_

_12:51_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Uhm, just heatable things like instant noodles or soup. Most of the time I don't eat anything though_

_12:52_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _yeah no wonder ur underweight oml how are u still alive_

_12:52_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ill look up some foods or recipes for u thatll help u gain weight_

_12:52_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _and then i challenge u to eat one of those meals at least once every 3 days_

_12:53_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I really appreciate your efforts, but I for real don't know how to cook._

_12:53_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _okay then ill teach u sometime_

_12:53_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _u know, if we get along well ;)_

_12:53_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _do u still have plans today? Or whyd u ask about the bus_

_12:54_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I was supposed to go and see mrs. Manuela today, but I'm not so sure if that's possible now._

_12:54_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _hm, well if not we can talk later when im done with class if u like_

_12:55_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _im not a pro tho and i still have lots to learn but if it helps for u to talk about it ill happily listen_

_12:55_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _That's really kind of you. I'll let you know :)_

_12:55_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _aight awesome, ttyl :) i gotta get back to class soon so byebyee_

_12:56_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Oh, okay. Bye :)_

_12:56_

* * *

  
  


Well, that wasn't a _no._ Not yet, at least. Dimitri would normally have rejected the idea immediately, but he does have a challenge to complete. 

So, what now? It's still a few hours before his appointment with mrs. Manuela. Should he send her a text, or should he wait until he has more certainty about the situation? 

Either way, he'll just go on that walk he decided on earlier. Some fresh air will do good. 

Dimitri exits the apartment building and looks around. There aren't many people out, likely because of the weather. That's perfect. 

Instead of walking down the end of the street away from the crowded center, this time he heads straight towards it. Maybe he can look around a little and memorize the various shops and restaurants for when Claude visits. 

He's really coming to visit. Dimitri is really going to spend time with a friend. What a weird thought. 

He spends approximately just over an hour wandering around the shopping district when he feels it's time to head back. His fingers and toes are numb from the cold, but he still leaves with a satisfied feeling. 

At least he feels like he put in some effort into their meeting. 

When he's done with his walk, he comes home to a new message. It's not from Claude, though. 

* * *

  
  


**_Mrs. Manuela:_ ** _Good afternoon, Dimitri. I know you hate talking on the phone, so that's why I'm sending you a text instead. I'm sure you've seen, but there's a lot of snow outside and bus traffic is minimal. I checked for you, and the lines you normally take aren't available today. It's unfortunate that we can't see each other today, but we can still reschedule the appointment to tomorrow or Friday, if that's alright with you. Just let me know what works for you, okay honey?_

_13:20_

* * *

  
  


In all honesty, Dimitri doesn't feel like going to see mrs. Manuela this week. He knows he shouldn't skip any appointments, but he already feels as if he's talked about his feelings and thoughts enough this week. And he already talked to her yesterday. So technically he had an appointment already. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Good afternoon, mrs. Manuela. Thank you for reaching out to me. Would it be okay if I just see you next week? Since it's not clear yet if the roads will be free tomorrow and I heard that there's more snow on its way._

_14:07_

* * *

  
  


At least, if he can trust Ignatz and Claude. 

The rest of the day passes slowly and very quietly. His phone buzzes only once, but it's only mrs. Manuela letting him know that it's okay to skip the appointment. 

A bit later in the afternoon, his delivery arrives despite the harsh weather. As he spends his time unpacking the box and clearing away his groceries, a message from Claude comes through. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _hey dimitri, i know i said we could talk but i actually cant tonight_

_15:32_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _hope u dont mind_

_15:32_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Oh, okay. Is everything alright?_

_15:32_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _yeah just someone at work called in sick so i have to take over their shift_

_15:33_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _maybe u can write while im not here tho :)_

_15:33_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I suppose that's what I'll do. Have a nice evening :)_

_15:34_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _u too and try not to miss me too much ;)_

_15:34_

* * *

  
  


Dimitri decides not to answer that. Instead, he walks over to his study to start up his laptop. 

His phone buzzes once more. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _here, in case u dont know what to do for dinner tonight_

_15:35_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _foodsfordima.DOCX_

_15:35_

* * *

  
  


...Dima? What does that mean? Is that-

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _oh oops i forgot to change the name HAHAHAH wow embarrassing pls dont mind that_

_15:36_

* * *

  
  


-a _nickname?_

Dimitri loves it. Claude should call him Dima every second and Dimitri would never tire of it. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _No, it's okay. I actually quite like the nickname to be honest. Don't be embarrassed_

_15:37_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _oh nice okay then ill call u dima :) its a lot shorter than dimitri_

_15:37_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _but ur distracting me i need to get dressed see ya!_

_15:37_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _u know, see ya bc ill be seeing u this friday_

_15:38_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Yes, I know, please stop reminding me_

_15:38_

* * *

  
  


Even if he says that, the idea isn't that scary to Dimitri anymore. It's true that he's nervous, but Claude's constant reminders have helped a little. Maybe that was his intention too.

Claude replies once more and then goes offline, so Dimitri utilizes the moment to look over the file Claude sent him. 

It's mostly just products that he should put on his shopping list next time he goes shopping, and a few ideas for smoothies that have a lot of healthy calories. 

And all the way at the bottom, Claude wrote the message that working out helps a lot too. 

Dimitri can't believe Claude went through all that trouble to help him again. He has to have a better reason to help other than 'simply because he doesn't see why he shouldn't'. There just isn't any other way.

But alright. Just for the sake of completing his challenge and not letting Claude's generosity go to waste, Dimitri orders the recommended products online. Like he does with everything. And then he looks up some exercises he can do within the safe walls of his own home. 

Of course, he could work out more effectively in a gym, but Dimitri cannot imagine himself frequently visiting a gym and make a fool out of himself. That's an absolute no-go.

For dinner, he takes one of the new cups of noodles and prepares it. After he's finished eating, he finally settles behind his laptop and starts writing down more notes on the world he's creating. 

For starters, he finally thought of the name of the continent, which will be _Fódlan_. It has a nice ring to it, Dimitri thinks, and it sounds a bit exotic too. Yes, he's happy with that. 

The names for the three countries are still unknown, and he has no idea yet either, but he does know that all three will have a different rulership. One will be a kingdom, one will be an empire, and the last one will be an alliance formed between multiple leaders and their territories. 

And the monastery where all the students from the different countries gather will be right in the center of Fódlan. He already knew the name for the building, Ingrid and he had thought of it back then. 

Garreg Mach Monastery. 

It'll be a humongous building, old, but very well-structured. With classrooms, obviously, but also dorm rooms where the students sleep and study, training grounds with occasional tournaments, a dining hall that fits every student and teacher and any other worker, a library with hundreds of books and maybe more… The possibilities are endless. 

When it's about ten p.m., Dimitri checks his phone once and sees that he forgot to register that he completed his challenge. 

Damn, that's a bummer. He should have registered it immediately, rather than allow himself to get distracted. 

And to his other disappointment, Claude hasn't messaged him anymore either. Now that Dimitri thinks about it, Claude hadn't told him when he'd be back. 

So should he wait? Or would it be better if Dimitri let him get his rest when he gets home? 

Maybe he should just give him space. After yesterday, the last thing he wants is Claude to feel forced upon by Dimitri's insistence. 

Therefore Dimitri decides to take the sleeping pills once again before he goes to bed. He's really glad he let Claude convince him to take the medications. At least he gets the sleep he needs now. 

But now he finds that by not seeing mrs. Manuela this week, he'll have to wait even longer before he gets his hands on antidepressants. Hopefully he won't have a panic attack anymore before his next appointment. 

Although it would have been nice to be able to feel calm coming Friday. What is Claude going to think of him? 

Dimitri doesn't even want to give it any thought. He just wants it to be over with. Perhaps after Friday, Claude will find they're better off as texting buddies after all and then Dimitri can go back to quietly crushing on him without Claude ever finding out. 

If he hasn't found out already… 

Dimitri wouldn't be surprised if he already knows, but is just playing it cool to prevent Dimitri from shutting down again. 

Ugh, he doesn't want to think so much. He'll think good things about Claude, like the beautiful sound of his laugh, or how childish and cute he is when he feels insulted. His helpfulness, his kindness, his mischief. Dimitri really likes everything about him. 

Just how deep is he falling? 

After yawning once, he turns to lie on his side and like that, he's gone. 

.

Thursday is spent rescheduling his challenge, cleaning the apartment, occasionally chatting with Claude, exercising, chatting some more with Claude, reading, writing, thinking about Claude, eating, writing, talking with Claude on the phone, and then he sleeps again. 

And then it's Friday. 

Oh, boy. Saying that Dimitri is a nervous wreck is a severe understatement. He's been feeling nauseous ever since he woke up. He hasn't eaten or drank anything simply because he's worried he'll throw it all up again. 

Aside from that, he's spent an hour and a half in the shower, which is the longest he's ever taken just to wash. He brushed his hair, which he's not happy with because _of course today of all days_ it looks more like shit than usual. 

And then his clothes; he picked a sweater, paired with jeans _and_ a belt this time. He made sure to search his wardrobe thoroughly. The too large jeans look a bit off on his slender hips, but as long as he doesn't lift his arms, his sweater will keep that part covered. 

For better or worse, Dimitri drinks a lot of water to try and swallow down the constant lump in his throat. It doesn't work, and now he just has to pee a lot. 

He'll stop drinking water. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _There's really a lot of snow still. Are you sure you want to drive here today?_

_14:14_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _yup u cant change my mind_

_14:14_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _not even with the bad old snow_

_14:14_

* * *

  
  


As Dimitri was afraid of. It's really going to happen. Claude is about to step into a car and drive here. There's still snow everywhere, as it had fallen all day yesterday. Thankfully the weather is clear for now, but...

 _He could get in an accident,_ his mind helpfully offers. That thought sends him right into action.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I don't think it's a good idea. Please, please think it over. You might get in an accident._

_14:15_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _i told u u cant stop me if i get in an accident ill be sure to call u first okay?_

_14:15_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Claude, please. We don't have to meet today. There's no rush. I promise I won't back out if we set a next date but please don't drive right now._

_14:16_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _u dont have to be scared for me i know how to drive_

_14:16_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I have no doubts that you know how to drive but the buses aren't driving either and those people's profession is driving and they decided not to drive for a reason_

_14:16_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _and the reason is that theyre cowards_

_14:17_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Claude, no! Because there's snow everywhere and it's dangerous to drive in snow_

_14:17_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _no its bc a bus is much bigger than a car + a bus has passengers so if they do get in an accident therell be more victims than when i drive and since they ARE cowards, they dont wanna take the risk_

_14:18_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _i know what im doing_

_14:18_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _and i know what ur doing too_

_14:18_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ur trying to stall me arent u? Well guess what its not working anymore_

_14:19_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _im getting in the car NOW and ill see u in little over an hour_

_14:19_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _byebyee :)_

_14:20_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _No, that's not what I'm trying to do, I'm genuinely scared for your safety. Driving a car under these circumstances is just dangerous and irresponsible. Did you not listen to Ignatz? If you no need to be outside, stay inside. Please just listen to him. We can meet on a different day, I promise._

_14:20_

* * *

  
  


Claude's read the message, but he doesn't start typing before he goes offline. 

Is he actually serious? Does Claude really think Dimitri would beg this much just to get out of their meet-up? Dimitri is pathetic, but not that pathetic. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Claude, please. My parents died in a car crash and I don't know what I'd do if the same happened to you while you were trying to visit me of all things. I'd never be able to forgive myself so please. Please just reconsider. It's not worth it. I'm not worth it._

_14:21_

* * *

  
  


Dimitri waits, and waits, but Claude doesn't come back online anymore. Minutes pass with Dimitri doing nothing but stare at Claude's status, hoping it will change. 

But it doesn't. Anxiety fills Dimitri to the brim, to the point where he has to run to his bathroom and throw up. His already empty stomach clenches hard and relentlessly, not stopping until Dimitri is heaving above his toilet. 

A sheen of sweat is covering his forehead. Thoughts of what could happen to Claude on his way here won't stop appearing in his mind and he wills them away by shutting his eyes tightly. But it doesn't help. 

Visions of a beat up car crashed against Claude's, or Claude's car slipping and falling off a bridge, even Claude losing control over his vehicle and getting rammed off the road by a truck. 

His stomach clenches once more in an attempt to empty itself again, despite there being nothing inside to begin with. 

Dimitri trembles severely, not having the strength in his legs to get back up on his feet. So he sits, and waits for his body to relax. It takes long, extremely long. He wouldn't be surprised if it already happened. 

Claude losing his young life because Dimitri wanted a friend. 

That's the most awful reason to die that Dimitri could possibly think of. 

Why is Claude so stubborn? Why couldn't he just have listened to Dimitri? It's not as if Dimitri didn't try. He tried, but he got ignored. But he should have tried harder. He should have pressed, he should have been more strict. He should have given Claude no other choice but to stay home today. 

Why didn't he? 

As soon as he registers his breathing is getting out of control, Dimitri tries to remember what Claude told him last time. 

Claude, the young man who just died in a tragic accident. Dimitri will never know what Claude looked like. Why he had an accent. The color of his eyes. His cheerful laugh. 

And it's all Dimitri's fault. 

_"Hold your breath for one second",_ is what Claude told him. 

He holds his breath and then forces it into a rhythm that's manageable. He fails to keep it though, so his breathing becomes erratic once more. 

What is he supposed to do? How does he get out of this state by himself? He's having another panic attack, that's for sure. 

Once again, he tries to follow Claude's orders. It works and again, he forces himself to breathe slower. Slower, and with more air. 

He sucks up as much air as he can through his nose, and then exhales through his mouth. Right, that was the way to go. He repeats it as many times as he needs to before he comes back to his senses somewhat. 

The continuous buzzing of his phone catches his attention. 

As much as Dimitri would like to get up and see what's going on, his legs simply won't cooperate. So he hovers over his toilet a bit longer, focusing on the sound his phone makes. It helps. 

The buzzing stops, but starts again almost three seconds later. 

"Please be Claude," Dimitri whispers to himself. "Please be okay." 

He wipes his eyes and then closes them, not enjoying the burning sense in his eyeballs.

It's at times like these that Dimitri is glad he can't taste anything. The sour smell of stomach acid burns in his nostrils, but the taste in his mouth is no different than usual. 

With a trembling hand he flushes the toilet before he tries to get up on his wobbly and shaking legs. He stands still for a short moment, allowing his muscles to get used to carrying his weight again before he starts walking back to his kitchen, where he left his phone. 

**6 missed call(s) from:** **_Claude_ **

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _omfg dimitri are u serious_

_15:03_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _why didnt u say that sooner oml i wouldnt have gotten in the damn car_

_15:03_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _shitshitshit can u pick up if i call u now? Are u okay_

_15:04_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _okay i get it if ur mad like really but if thats really all pls pick up the phone_

_15:06_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _if u dont pick up next time imma assume ur not doing okay_

_15:09_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _okay ur not doing okay fuck what do i do_

_15:12_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ill just keep calling or smth fml what the fuck do i fucking do_

_15:15_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _shit dima im so fucking sorry i had literally no idea about ur parents omfg_

_15:21_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _pls pls message me when u can ill just sit here on a bench and wait and pray and hope_

_15:22_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I'm sorru for not saying snything sooner. I'm just realky glad you madr it here safely_

_15:38_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I'll fresh myaelf up for a bit and then I'll comr and find you. Sorry yoy had to wait for so long, you myst be freezing_

_15:39_

* * *

Once more, Dimitri wipes at his eyes to clear the blurriness. He made a few typos, so hopefully Claude understands what he meant. 

He stuffs his phone into his pocket before heading into his bathroom again. He flushes the toilet to make sure all of his vomit is out before brushing his teeth. 

He's scared to look at his reflection in the mirror; he's certain he looks like an absolute trainwreck. 

The phone in his pocket buzzes and Dimitri struggles with taking it out. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _no its fine dont even apologize this is all my fault_

_15:40_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _and yeah i am pretty cold do u have mittens or smth that ur willing to let me use for a bit_

_15:41_

* * *

  
  


Dimitri doesn't really own anything like that. The cold doesn't bother him that much that he has to cover every inch of his body in warm clothing. 

Although, he does own a certain scarf that hasn't been worn in a while. Maybe Claude wouldn't mind keeping it. 

All it does in here is haunt Dimitri anyway. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _I'll bring you a scarf. Hope that's okay_

_15:42_

* * *

  
  


Maybe it's a good thing Dimitri had the attack just now. He feels void of any extreme emotions and he can't even begin to feel nervous anymore. All he feels is relief that Claude made it here safely and a tidbit stressed at the fact that Claude is sitting out there on a bench, freezing his balls off again. 

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _yes anything is welcome_

_15:42_

* * *

  
  


That's good. Now Dimitri finally has a place for the piece of fabric. The scarf is important to him, and Claude appears even more important to him than he originally thought, so Claude should have it. If he wants it.

Dimitri isn't sure how that makes sense, but to him it does. He digs it up in one of the closets in his study. He doesn't have to look, he knows the fabric by touch alone. 

His father shared it with him often, every time Dimitri was too stubborn to dress warmly. He'd sit on top of his father's shoulders, using his part of the scarf as a cape while pretending to fly. 

That was the highest place in the whole world. 

But it's time to let go of that now. Maybe it'll help him sleep better at night. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _I'm leaving right now. Could you tell me where you are?_

_15:43_

* * *

  
  


No minute later, Dimitri receives a text with the names of a few shops Claude is sitting near. Thankfully Dimitri explored that area before, so he knows exactly where to find Claude. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _do u know where that is or do u need me to move somewhere else_

_15:44_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I know where it is. I'll be there in less than seven minutes._

_15:45_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _thats an oddly specific number_

_15:45_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I don't like to lie so I gave myself plenty of room_

_15:46_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _i knew that_

_15:46_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _that u dont like to lie i mean_

_15:46_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _might i say that ur also very bad at it?_

_15:47_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _That's nothing new. Maybe that's the whole reason I don't like it_

_15:47_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _its not like being a good liar makes it a fun thing to do_

_15:47_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _i mean its useful at times but eventually no one will believe u anymore even when u are telling the truth_

_15:48_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _That's understandable. It's hard to trust someone whose words you have to question often_

_15:48_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _do u question my words often?_

_15:49_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _No. Barely. Although I do wonder often why you hide things about yourself. But I suppose you have your reasons, so I won't ask. I'll wait for you until you're ready to open up to me, as long as it may take_

_15:49_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _u know u asked me this before but imma just ask u the same question_

_15:50_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _why would u go so far for me_

_15:50_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Well, it's a little embarrassing to admit if I'm being honest, but I do it because you saved me when I was about to lose myself. And I don't mean during the panic attack a few days ago. I mean the day after I was considering cutting once too deep just to be rid of it all. If I can somehow return the favor, I'd gladly do anything. Especially something as simple as being patient and wait for you_

_15:52_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _i swear im only tearing up bc of the cold wind this has nothing to do with u_

_15:52_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _That's okay. Would you like this scarf? It might help_

_15:53_

* * *

  
  


Before him, on a bench about three meters ahead, is a guy sitting hunched over his phone as he softly sniffles. 

There is no doubt; this is Claude. Dimitri is looking right at the person who made his life brighter just by being there. 

His heart pounds. He should say something, let Claude know he's here. Claude is still typing away on his phone and Dimitri can feel his own one buzz in his hold. 

Why won't his voice work? He wasn't nervous anymore, but looking at the sniffling and shivering man in front of him, it's as if he's lost the ability to speak at all. 

Claude is nothing like Dimitri expected. But in a good way.

Looking at Claude's hunched over form, it's hard to see his face or any other personal features, but what he can see takes his breath away.

His hair is dark brown and curly, and looking at his gloveless hands show that his skin is quite dark compared to Dimitri's own. Not extremely so, more _tanned_ sort of. 

Claude sniffles once more, which pulls Dimitri back to reality. Claude is cold, Claude needs scarf. Claude will freeze otherwise.

With jerky movements, Dimitri closes the distance between them. But as he's almost standing in front of the man on the bench, his brains start malfunctioning. 

What if it's not Claude? What if Claude moved and this is someone else? Dimitri shouldn't just talk to this person, he might be a total stranger. 

He also can't see what the obvious thing could be that Claude mentioned. This person still has all of his limbs and no other visible handicaps or disfigurations. 

So instead of talking to the man, Dimitri tries to _subtly_ walk past him so he won't seem suspicious as he tries to take his phone into his hand again. 

With now trembling fingers, he tries to unlock the device and open his chatting app, which proves to be much more difficult now that his fingers don't cooperate anymore. He almost drops the device but manages to catch it, while nearly dropping the scarf instead.

God damn it. 

Suddenly, he hears a snort coming from behind him. Dimitri doesn't want to turn around to look, he's much too embarrassed to see face whoever is sitting there. If he saw Dimitri's silly fumbling, obviously that's what he's laughing at. 

He just needs to text Claude and ask if he moved somewhere else. 

"You really are one hell of an awkward guy, huh?" 

Dimitri's head whips around, suddenly meeting eye to eye with the guy whose voice sounds _a lot_ like Claude's. 

"C-C-Claude?" 

"The one and only." 

Now that Claude is standing up straight, Dimitri can finally see him properly. He's not short, but shorter than Dimitri himself. He's also not chubby, what Dimitri expected at first. And his clothes look as if he just stepped out of a magazine, which Dimitri should have expected, but didn't. 

Dimitri thinks he saw that his eye color is blue or green, but he's currently afraid to meet Claude's eyes once more. So he just keeps his eyes glued to Claude's perfectly white sneakers and the tanned bare ankles above them. 

"U-uhm, hello." Smooth. Very, very smooth. 

Claude chuckles softly. "Hey there." 

What should he _do?_ Dimitri's just standing there, awkwardly, staring at Claude's feet instead of his own, clenching the scarf tightly in one hand and trying not to lose grip on his phone with his other. 

Dimitri decides that Claude should just be the one to make the first move. He's the one who's cold, so if he wants the scarf he should come get it himself. Dimitri cannot move, even if he wanted to. 

"So, uhm, want to go inside somewhere? As much as I appreciate the scarf you brought, I don't think that'll be enough for me to get warm again." 

Very uselessly, all Dimitri does is stick out the arm that holds onto the scarf into Claude's direction. 

Claude hesitates for a second before he steps forward to take the piece of fabric from Dimitri. 

"Thanks. It feels nice. It's soft." 

Dimitri knows that. He loved that scarf. He just can't do or say anything to let Claude know he hears him. 

"So, want to go there? I think they serve coffee." Claude's arm moves, but Dimitri can't see what he's pointing at. His point of vision is _still_ locked on Claude's feet. 

"Uhm, Dimitri? You there?" 

He's had that question before. He knows how to answer it. How did he answer it before? How should he answer it now?

Come on, brains! Work! 

"Uhm!" 

"Yes?" 

Now what?! 

"S-sure. Let's go." He finally moves, walking without looking at Claude and blindly following into the direction Claude just pointed out.

"Dimitri, wait you're gonna-" 

And like that, Dimitri's knee hits the corner of the bench _hard_ . It even makes a 'thump' sound and Dimitri tries hard not to show that it _hurts._ But it does, very much. 

"Oh my god, are you okay?" Claude tries to muffle his laugh, which Dimitri appreciates, but he's not very good at it. 

And when Dimitri doesn't say anything, Claude laughs even harder. Before, Dimitri loved hearing Claude laugh, but now that it's at his own expense, he doesn't like it so much anymore. 

"I'm sorry but that's-" He literally stops mid-sentence to laugh some more. "-that was so funny, oh my god." 

Deep breaths. Both to bite through the throbbing in his knee as well as to hide his humiliation. 

"Can we _please_ move on?" 

"Yeah, yeah. Give me… Give me a second. I'm sorry it just keeps replaying in my head." 

Claude is still laughing and Dimitri's cheeks feel warmer and warmer by the second. But at least the awkward tension is off of Claude. 

All that's left now is Dimitri's. 

"Okay, I think I'm done. Let's go." Claude brushes past the other side of the bench and moves ahead of Dimitri, allowing him to keep a tiny piece of dignity intact. 

When he's finally ready, Dimitri follows after Claude inside the coffee shop. The smell of fresh coffee beans hits his nose immediately and Dimitri wonders why he never told Claude he hates coffee. 

One of the employees greets them when they walk in, and like usually, Dimitri averts his gaze. 

"Good afternoon!" Claude greets back excitedly. 

_How?_ Is all Dimitri can think as he keeps following after Claude. The smaller man picks a table in the back, where almost no other guests are sitting. 

What an angel. 

"This table okay?" Claude turns around to see Dimitri's approval, which the blonde did _not_ anticipate. 

Now for real, they make eye contact, and Dimitri sees for the first time exactly how handsome Claude really is. Where he first couldn't muster up the courage to look _at_ Claude, now he finds himself being unable to look _away_. 

His vibrant green eyes are absolutely stunning, and that mischievous and charming smile will be the end of him. 

His smile briefly grows bigger, which makes Dimitri's heart pound almost painfully. "I'll just take that as a yes."

He takes off his now apparently oversized coat and takes a seat on one of the chairs. He left the scarf on, which Dimitri notices looks good on him. It even matches the colors of his shirt. 

Hurriedly, Dimitri also takes off his coat and takes a seat, but it's nowhere near as smoothly as the way Claude did it. 

Why does this feel so much like Beauty and the Beast? God, Dimitri feels like such a klutz in front of this… this… this _deity._

"Whew, it's warm here. That's nice. What do you want to order?" 

Claude hands over the menu after he picked out something himself. When Dimitri looks over it, most of the beverages are indeed coffee. Should he just go for water? 

_Is he supposed to make the order himself?_

"Oh, uhm, I don't really want anything." 

Claude looks at him questioningly, then thoroughly, as if he's trying to determine what's going on in Dimitri's head. Dimitri doesn't like that look. 

"I can go order for you, no problem." 

_What an angel._

"W-well, then… Do you think they have… tea? I don't really like coffee." 

"I'm sure they do. What flavor do you like?" He gets up from his seat. 

"Uhm, chamomile." 

The shorter man curtly nods and smiles before he pads off towards the counter. The line is rather long, and Dimitri is secretly glad that he gets to spend a bit of time without Claude being so close to him. 

_Why is Claude so good-looking?_ That should be illegal. There is no way that Dimitri has been acting so pathetically to a man as beautiful as Claude. Talk about humiliating. 

His cheeks grow warm at his thoughts, so he presses his cold hands against them to try and cool them off. Meanwhile, he keeps an eye on Claude. 

The tanned man is casually waiting in line among other customers. If Dimitri strains his ears, he believes he might hear it if Claude speaks. 

A girl in front of Claude looks around the space before her eyes land on Claude standing right behind her. She eyes him from bottom to toe, and then actually pulls her purse closer to her chest. 

How peculiar. 

Seems that Claude noticed it too, he as well eyes the girl carefully. 

"Oh wow, I love those shoes," he says when his eyes land on the girl's feet.

The girl looks surprised, before she also looks at her own feet. "Oh, you really think so? They were only sixty! I bought them over at the store on the corner." 

"Yeah, they match so well with the color of your shirt!" 

The girl smiles brightly at the compliments and Dimitri is thoroughly confused by the interaction. Wasn't that girl wary of Claude before? Why did Claude say something nice to her in the first place? 

They talk a bit more, and when it's the girls' turn, she turns to Claude again. "Come on, you'll be faster if we order together." 

"Sure. Thanks a lot." 

"No problem at all." 

The short girl working behind the counter approaches them with the most fake customer smile Dimitri's ever seen before. 

"Hi there, welcome. How can I help you?" 

Claude and the girl look at each other awkwardly before he gestures that she can go first. 

"I'll have a cappuccino to go, two sugar and extra milk please." 

The barista then turns to Claude. 

"I'll have a caramel coffee with whipped cream and a chamomile tea please." 

"Tea; with sugar?" 

"Three is fine, on the side." 

"Okay, follow me please." The short girl walks to the cash register and both Claude and the girl follow her.

"Separate, please," the girl calls before the barista put in the order. 

After the two have paid for their separate orders, the girl actually waves goodbye to Claude before she leaves the shop. He waves back, but his smile was anything but genuine, Dimitri could even see that. 

"Did you know her?" Dimitri asks as soon as Claude puts their orders on the table. 

What an intelligent question. As if he comes here on a daily basis.

"No, but I found out that that's the best way to deal with people like that. You know, kill 'em with kindness or what was that?" 

So Claude did that on purpose? _Because_ of the way she looked at him at first?

"If I were about sixteen, seventeen years old right now and a tad edgier, I would have picked a fight with her. But that never worked in my favor before, so I let go of that principle." 

"Why did she look at you like that?" 

"Are you really asking me that? I mean, I thought it'd be pretty obvious. I'm dark. People don't trust me because of my skin. Elderly people go to extremes to avoid walking past me, store clerks follow me around their store to see if I plan to steal anything… You know, that stuff." 

Dimitri is completely flabbergasted. Claude gets treated like that because of his _skin color?_ Truly? 

"Why are you looking like that? Don't tell me you've never heard this before." He laughs, but it doesn't reach his eyes. 

Dimitri doesn't like that laugh. At all. 

"Is… Is that why you were wondering if I'd still like you after I saw you?" 

"Yeah," Claude admits. "I wasn't expecting you to write me off because of something so minor, but I know by now that there are many people who don't see it as a minor thing at all. I was hoping you weren't one of them." 

Still confused, Dimitri just decides to have a sip from his tea. And then he realizes that Claude paid for the drink and that he should pay him back. He nearly drops the beverage in his hurry to take his wallet. 

"What are you doing?" Claude chuckles and it's the chuckle Dimitri does like. 

"H-how much?" 

"No, don't even go there. I'm not making you pay for a drink you originally didn't even want." 

"I asked you to order it, though." 

"You begged me not to come at all." 

Dimitri blinks. And then the realization dawns on him. He really did beg Claude not to come today. 

"No, don't be embarrassed. It's okay, you had a good reason. But I'm just saying, you don't need to pay. That's all. My treat." 

Dimitri disagrees, strongly, but he'll let it go for now. He'll find a way to pay his friend back, whether he wants it or not. 

"Uhm, Claude?" 

"Hmm?" 

"I think your skin is lovely." 

For a moment, both of them are completely silent after Dimitri spoke the words. 

Why won't Claude say anything? Why can't he smile his cheerful smile and thank the blonde? Or maybe he could ignore it happened and just start talking about whatever. 

Even Hilda would be an agreeable subject right now. But this silence is just hard to bear.

Claude is giving him that look again; that penetrating, analyzing gaze that just makes Dimitri squirm under it. 

"Wow, you're not lying." 

Lying? Dimitri doesn't lie.

"No, I don't like to lie." 

And then Claude smiles in such a way that Dimitri momentarily forgets how to breathe. His heart flutters, his stomach tingles. 

"Thank you. I didn't want to mention your appearance because I thought it'd make you self-conscious, but you don't nearly look as bad as you think." 

"T-thank you too…" 

After that rather uncomfortable exchange, they both stay quiet again as they sip their drinks. 

"Uhm, there isn't any sugar in there yet," Claude informs.

"Oh. I'll just add some then." Dimitri never puts sugar in his tea, since for him it doesn't add anything to it, but if Claude thinks sugar belongs in tea, he'll drink it with sugar.

"Well, you don't have to if you'd rather drink it bitter. I just thought I'd tell you but you probably already tasted it anyway." 

"Uh, yeah. It was very bitter. Sugar helps." 

"Wouldn't you need at least two sugars for a cup that large?" 

Don't ask Dimitri, he has no idea what he's doing. He's also seriously starting to question why exactly he's being so difficult right now. 

"Oh, right. How silly of me." He opens another bag of sugar and pours it into his tea before he takes another sip. "Mm. Much better." 

Despite his effort, Claude still looks at him as if he grew rabbit ears. What is it _now?_

"You… haven't stirred yet. What are you doing?" Again, Claude tries to hide his obvious laughter and Dimitri just wants to crawl into a corner and die.

He sighs deeply before he decides to just come clean about his condition. What's the worst Claude could do? 

"I don't usually drink sugar in my tea because I can't… really… taste anything…" 

The dark haired man eyes Dimitri's eyes first, then his mouth, then the tea, then back to Dimitri's eyes. 

"You… can't taste anything?" 

The blonde shakes his head. 

"So… How do you know what you like to eat and drink then? You said you don't like coffee." 

"I don't like coffee because it makes my breath smell… And I base my opinion mainly on scent and texture. I don't really like anything that's… How do I say it..? Jelly-y? Like pudding or cooked mushrooms. And I don't like things that have a strong smell, like onions and garlic." 

Claude's earlier contemplative face lights up immediately. "Oh! That's actually pretty cool. You could eat basically anything. Wait, can you tolerate extremely spicy food too?" 

"No, I can't. Spicy isn't really a flavor, it just makes your senses more susceptible to heat. Like mint does with cold, pretty much." 

"I didn't know that. You really do know a lot, don't you?" 

Dimitri's cheeks attain their favorite color pink once again at the remark. "N-not that much." 

"I think you do. It's awesome. Also, despite my fuck-up earlier, I'm still glad I came. You are definitely worth it." 

Pink turns to red in less than an instant. 

"I-I'm glad you came too. But you shouldn't put yourself in danger like that."

The darker man snickers and a dangerous glimmer appears in his earlier lazy eyes. "How'd you wanna let me go back home then?" 

Dimitri furrows his eyebrows in confusion, and Claude points out the window for clarification. 

The blonde follows the direction, and sees that more snow is falling at a rapid pace.

How _did_ he want to let Claude go home indeed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i had this idea for Claude's background which would involve him speaking another language  
> My first language is Dutch, so would it be cool if I had Claude speak Dutch too? Of course I'll make sure everything is translated but i dont wanna make things confusing or whatever
> 
> Lmk :) <3
> 
> Next chappie will follow up on their cute little date neither of them consider as one but we all know it's true


	10. What is happiness?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good day to y'all!! 
> 
> OMG FIRST OF ALL THANK YOU ALL SO SO SO MUCH FOR THE 100+ KUDOS it's amazing, I love each and every one of you 
> 
> I honestly thought I wrote a short chap this time but it's still nearly 7k words like idek how that always happens
> 
> Either way, we'll finally be seeing Claude's struggles! Yay more drama  
> Idk if it's even realistic tho but I'll let y'all be the judge of that 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!! <3

It's snowing again, so hard even that Dimitri almost can't see the other side of the street.

There is absolutely  _ no way _ that he'll let Claude drive through that. As stubborn as the man can be.

When he looks back at Claude, he sees that the tanned man is looking at his phone. 

Okay, that's good. Now Dimitri doesn't have to worry about keeping the conversation going. Although the atmosphere is not as awkward anymore as it was at first, Dimitri still finds himself being on edge. 

What does Claude think of him? Did he really mean it when he said that Dimitri doesn't look as bad as he thinks? He'd like that to be true. 

But he might also just have been polite because Dimitri gave him a compliment first. 

Whatever the reason, it still makes Dimitri feel giddy and warm. The chances of Claude feeling the same way about Dimitri as he does for him are extremely slim, so Dimitri knows better than to hope, but the idea on its own is nice enough. 

Dimitri's world of imagination is already broad, so surely he can indulge in imagining Claude smiling the way he does only because he likes Dimitri too. Even if that's completely ridiculous. 

"Oh, the weather channel says it's going to stop snowing for a few hours after about eleven p.m. tonight. So that's how long you'll be entertaining me," Claude quickly adds with another one of those sultry smiles. 

"O-okay!" Dimitri bursts out. 

Would a facepalm be inappropriate? When did he stop evaluating his answers before he speaks? Can he please start doing that again? 

Claude snorts. "Okay, perfect. So what do you think so far?" 

"What do you mean?" Dimitri is  _ not  _ going to misunderstand and give an answer that makes no sense at all. 

"Do you think we're getting along?" 

Ugh, why does Dimitri have to give his opinion? God, that's so unfair. Can't Claude speak his mind first, so that Dimitri knows what would be deemed appropriate to say? 

_ Do they even get along?  _ Right now, Dimitri just feels tense and awkward. He'd never go to a coffee shop himself, and being here reminds him exactly why. But still, being here with Claude isn't so bad at all. 

_ If _ Claude would just keep talking instead of asking Dimitri questions which make him re-evaluate every single word he's said. 

God, he doesn't know how to answer the question. His mind is working in overdrive and nothing that comes to mind is good enough to speak out loud. 

"Uhm…" 

Claude doesn't say anything, instead eyes Dimitri again and casually takes a sip from his coffee. 

God damn it. There's too much pressure.

"It's really cold outside."

...And he did it. He gave an answer that didn't make any sense, just what he was afraid of doing. It wasn't even an answer to the question. Why would he say that? Where did it even come from? 

But Claude's intense gaze lets up and a toothy smile appears on his handsome face. "How in the world does your mind work?" 

"It- it doesn't, actually. It's broken, I'm sure of it." 

The shorter man laughs out loud and Dimitri easily recognizes it. He's heard that laugh when they talked on the phone before. It's the laugh that makes Dimitri's chest swell with pride at being able to draw out such a lovely sound. 

He can't help but smile himself. 

For some reason, Claude's smile grows even bigger when he watches Dimitri. It makes him feel a bit self-conscious, so he averts his gaze from the shorter man's. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to stare. Your smile is just really charming." 

Dimitri can't believe his ears. And as soon as he looks back at the man in front of him, Claude acts as if he hadn't said anything and nonchalantly sips his coffee. 

Desperate to have a subject for Claude to talk about, Dimitri sets his brains to work. If they would just offer something. Something he can ask and Claude can talk about for hours.

"U-uhm. Can I… Can I ask you something?" 

"Of course," Claude answers as he sets down his cup. 

"I was wondering… How did you know like… well, everything about me? So soon, I mean. You explained how you figured out my behavior, but, like, you also knew I was a guy somehow." 

Claude has the audacity to show him a cheeky smile. Probably because Dimitri had been so convinced that Claude was a girl.

"Pretty simple, actually. I called you dude a few times and you never corrected me. Had you been a girl, you obviously would have told me at some point to stop calling you that." 

Wow, it was that easy? Dimitri could have done that. But of course, Dimitri isn't clever enough to come up with a practice like that. 

Once again, he has to commend Claude's crafty and intelligent mind. Even if he feels a tad annoyed that Claude never had the slightest problem with figuring him out.

"Although," Claude continues. "If I had been aware of your predicament, I would have told you. Really, it was never my intention to fool you." 

"No, no, that's alright. I know that now. I'm really sorry to admit that I kind of… did blame you… But that was just because of the shock! I was never truly angry or anything…" 

Wasn't the plan for  _ Claude  _ to talk, and not Dimitri? Why is Dimitri even running his mouth?  _ Why  _ would he make  _ himself  _ the subject, of all things? 

"I was seriously scared when you didn't reply to me. But I'm glad that's all over with and that you don't detest me, even now." 

'Even now'. Is Claude still worried about his skin color? 

Now that he notices, Claude has been eyeing not only Dimitri, but literally every other customer. Who comes in, who leaves, whenever someone goes to the bathroom, who's currently ordering. 

He's watching  _ everyone  _ like a hawk. But why? Does he feel threatened? 

"I could never detest you. If anything, I admire everything about you. To the point where you could even say I'm jealous. You're so amazing. I wish I could be like you, even if just a little. Your confidence, your charm, your intelligence, your loveliness. All of it is just… incredible." Like with mrs. Manuela, as soon as Dimitri starts talking about his admiration for Claude, he doesn't stop. The words keep flowing out of his mouth without a filter.

And it's absolutely mortifying. 

Yet, he can't force himself to look away from Claude's face to see his reaction. The blonde vaguely remembers Claude telling him that he doesn't get surprised easily. Does that mean he might have been expecting this too? 

But Claude's eyes widen as Dimitri's words sink in. He blinks. Once, twice. Opens his mouth, closes it again. 

And then he actually  _ averts  _ his gaze, away from Dimitri. 

"You don't even know what you're talking about," is what eventually comes from his mouth.

It doesn't sound hostile, or bitter, or even upset. It's just a statement. He's just letting Dimitri know, in the same way he told him that there wasn't sugar in his tea yet. 

And still Dimitri feels as if he swallowed a rock. What does Claude mean, 'Dimitri doesn't know what he's talking about'? 

Has Claude been lying after all? Or is Dimitri so estranged from social contacts that anyone seems incredible to him? Maybe that Dimitri doesn't know the true meaning of those words, because he's depressed and Claude thinks he can't feel joy?

Just what does it  _ mean? _ Should he ask? Claude probably already sees him as a dumb idiot anyway.

"...What do you mean by that?" 

The darker man meets his eyes again, but this time Dimitri is the one to avert his eyes. He doesn't know how to act, what to say or what to do anymore. He's feeling incredibly tense all of a sudden. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. That being whatever it is you're thinking right now. It's just…" Claude lets out a deep sigh. "Can we go for a walk?" 

Dimitri gulps, but nods still. His tea isn't finished yet, but neither is Claude's coffee. Somehow that doesn't feel relevant right now. 

The two of them silently put on their coats again, and Dimitri waits for Claude to walk ahead before he follows. 

His painful knee starts to throb again, but he deliberately ignores it. He still isn't over that embarrassing scene, but he's not willing to remind Claude of it. 

Claude says goodbye to the staff for the both of them as they exit the small shop. When the door closes behind Dimitri, he suddenly feels the rock inside his stomach again. 

Why is he even nervous? Didn't Claude say it wasn't what he was thinking? But did Claude even know  _ what _ he was thinking in the first place? 

What  _ was  _ he thinking about? 

"Want to head that way?" 

Dimitri just nods, because he's worried he might say something wrong again. Maybe he just shouldn't say anything anymore. 

They start walking in complete silence, only the occasional nose sniff coming from Claude's direction breaking it. 

It hasn't stopped snowing yet, so Dimitri wonders why Claude even suggested they go for a walk. He obviously hates snow. 

"So," Claude starts, but he doesn't continue. 

"Uhm-" 

"Yeah. I know. I'm stalling. Look, what I meant was that… It has nothing to do with you, let me just make that clear. The thing is just… The image you have of me isn't correct. I wouldn't say that I'm not confident or smart, but I'm not… lovely. Or anything like that. I just pretend to be, so that people accept me easier. You saw that scene just now, with that girl." He takes a short break from talking, maybe to give Dimitri a chance to say something. 

But Dimitri has nothing to say about that. He understands; he's wanted to do the same. To just act like a completely different person to impress others. Although he doesn't get why Claude would need to pretend. People would like him either way. 

"Like I said before, people are quick to judge me for my skin. That's why I pretend to be a lot nicer and friendlier than I'd say I am, so that they'll forget the color. It usually works, I'm good at making friends. As long as I utilize my observation skills and speak the words others want to hear, connecting with them comes easily. But that's all on the surface. I honestly struggle with connecting on a deeper, more personal level. So I hide myself, my feelings, everything, to make room for 'that guy everyone adores'. It's not me." 

"Who are you then?" 

He laughs, but it's not a happy sound. Dimitri doesn't like it. 

Claude simply shrugs then. "I don't know. I don't know who I am. Where I'm from, I wasn't accepted. I was too pale. Here, I'm not accepted. I'm too dark. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. So I try to mold myself into a person other people want to see, to try and fit in as good as I can. It's the sole reason why I even wanted to study spychology; just to be able to manipulate people's minds and my own behavior. But no matter what I pretend to be, or what changes I make to my personality, I'll always be an outcast. A stranger." 

Dimitri can relate. He feels like an outcast too. But at the same time, Dimitri doesn't know what it's like to be discriminated for his skin color, or his origin. They're alike, yet so very different.

"You're not a stranger. You're Claude. And I think you're lovely. Maybe you have only been acting. Maybe I don't know who you are. But I… I see you as my precious friend. You were here for me. You didn't have to. I think… I think that says something about who you are. Or maybe it doesn't, I don't mean to put you in a box or anything! I'm just trying to say that even if you don't see me as your friend or someone you can be yourself with, you're still my friend and I absolutely adore you, no matter who you turn out to be in the end. I just hope that you'll keep me around long enough to see it." 

Dimitri's cheeks feel as if they're on fire, but thankfully the sky is already darkening. The Christmas lights around them have switched on, and they give off a beautifully bright light. 

Claude's clear green eyes reflect the golden color of the lights in a mesmerizing way, but Dimitri can't find the courage to keep his eyes locked with those insistent green ones. 

All he can think of is why in the world he would say something like that. Something so personal, right after Claude had explained that Dimitri doesn't know Claude on any personal level. 

"Can I…" The darker man clears his throat. "Can I tell you something? I mean, it's a secret that I haven't willingly shared with anyone ever before. I'd like to know how you feel about me after I tell you." 

A secret he hasn't willingly shared with anyone? He was forced to tell someone then? 

"Yes. You can tell me. Although my view of you won't change." 

A brief smile slips past Claude's hardened features, making him look like the relaxed, easy-going person he was before the conversation took this dramatic turn. 

No, he still is. Just with more depth that Dimitri could have ever imagined. 

"Okay. I think I'm fine with telling you because I feel like you wouldn't judge me for it. Whenever I talk with you, I somehow feel as if it doesn't even matter what I say, because you'll accept me anyway. I may be wrong about that, though I hope I'm not. But since you were able to let me in, I suppose it's only fair of me to at least try to do the same. See, aside from my skin color, there is one other thing that I will be discriminated for if people knew. It's a lot easier to hide though, which is what I've been doing since I found out about it." 

Meanwhile they've started walking again. The freshly fallen snow crunches beneath Dimitri's footsteps. 

Knowing better than to assume at this point, Dimitri just listens to Claude speaking and occasionally nods to let the shorter man know he hears him. 

Somehow he feels it's not entirely fair that Claude is telling him this because he feels he owes it. Dimitri never felt forced to talk about his problems, so neither should Claude. But as he ponders over it, the shorter man continues his story.

"I haven't even told my mom about it. I haven't actually told anyone, except Hilda. You know her, I mentioned her before." 

Dimitri nods again, but he feels a sense of jealousy at hearing Hilda's name come from Claude's mouth. Of course she knows. 

"Maybe I should tell you this first. Hilda and I go back quite a few years. We started as friends and we got along great. We hung out together all the time, and people were quick to say that we'd be a nice couple. I guess that's why I, too, thought we'd be good together. To uphold the perfect image everyone had of me. So we tried it, I was the one to ask her out, and she was ecstatic. It was obvious she was head over heels for me, the way she looked at me, talked to me. Talked  _ about  _ me. But I…" 

Claude takes a deep breath. 

While Dimitri wants to hear what Claude has to say, he doesn't like hearing all this about Hilda. He never expected Hilda and Claude to be dating. The same painful pang of jealousy stabs his heart, but he tries not to pay it any mind. It's probably harder for Claude to talk about than for Dimitri to listen.

"I never really felt the same for her," Claude eventually confesses. "I enjoyed her company, I liked her, but I wasn't in love with her. I thought that, maybe if I gave it some time, my feelings would change. They didn't. The longer we dated, the further Hilda wanted to take us. Kissing became touching, and even then she'd want to go further. I won't go into any more detail, promise, but you know what I mean. I let her, because I was still convinced that my feelings for her would start to develop soon. They still didn't. When I refused Hilda for the third week in a row, she asked what my problem was. Like with everyone, I hid my thoughts from her and I just told her that I hadn't been feeling well. But it bothered me, and honestly it took me pretty long to figure out myself what the problem really was. Although even when I realized it, I denied it until I couldn't anymore." 

Once more, Claude takes a deep breath. During the time when the shorter man had been talking, they settled on a bench located near the entrance of a park. The decorative lights everywhere almost hide the completely black sky above them. It's freezing, though Dimitri isn't bothered by it. All he can focus on is Claude's soft and warm voice. What is he going to tell him? 

How should Dimitri react once Claude reaches his conclusion? He'll just be his sincere self and tell his friend what he honestly thinks. Claude did say he wanted to know what Dimitri would think of him. 

However, Dimitri is certain that nothing Claude is going to say will be able to change his feelings. 

He's still in love with the shorter man. Possibly even more now that he's seen him. 

"I'm actually… well… gay." 

Dimitri nods once more as he quietly waits for Claude's story to continue. His own silence is greeted with Claude's, however.

"Okay," Dimitri says, to let Claude know he heard him. Maybe Claude needed confirmation.

But Claude still says nothing. From the corner of his eye, the blonde sees Claude's head turn towards him. Their eyes meet. 

"...Okay? That's all? Just 'okay'?" 

Dimitri blinks stupidly, not understanding Claude's reaction. 

"Uhm, yes? I'm not sure what you want me to say…" 

"I- Wow. I don't even know what to say. Why aren't you like… I don't know, reacting more… outraged? Insulted? Disgusted? Why are you so casual? I just told you I'm gay. Not even bi-sexual, actually gay." 

...That was the secret? That Claude's gay? Dimitri was expecting something much, much darker. But he shouldn't judge Claude's feelings. If Claude thinks this is a big deal, then Dimitri will just have to show compassion and try to ease his worries a little. 

"W-Why would I be disgusted? Or outraged? There's nothing wrong with being gay. I honestly don't quite understand why you're keen on hiding it." 

A deep sigh comes from the man next to him. "I'm not looking for any supportive words here. Just tell me honestly what you think." 

Once more, Dimitri's cheeks heat up. He could never tell Claude honestly what he thinks! That would mean he'd have to tell Claude that he's secretly really glad about his issue. Not that he's glad he has an issue with it, but he has  _ a chance  _ with the most beautiful man he's ever laid eyes on.

Nope, he's not telling him that. 

"I'm not really… I mean, it's true; there isn't anything wrong with it. Maybe that's just something from where you're from? I can't imagine anyone here making a problem of it. Homophobia is practically non-existent." 

Claude refocuses his gaze back to his clenched-together hands. He'd been squeezing his fingers and fiddling with them since they sat down. So even Claude gets nervous.

Even more than before, Dimitri wants to take those fingers into his own warm hands and massage them until they're relaxed again. 

Would Claude be okay with that? Claude likes men, after all. And Dimitri is a man. Oh, but maybe Dimitri isn't Claude's kind of guy. Someone like Claude probably wants someone equally perfect. 

And that's, well, not Dimitri. 

"...So you really don't mind?" Claude's voice is soft, and painfully unsure. 

It doesn't suit him, Dimitri thinks. Claude should be confident and proud. 

"No. I really don't mind." 

"You're not grossed out?" 

"No. I'm not grossed out." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes. I'm sure. Did you really think I would be disgusted?" 

"I had no idea what to expect. I mean, I don't know, I always just felt so… odd. I thought you'd think I was odd too. Although knowing you, that was just stupid of me to think that. You're really amazing, you know that?" Claude finally looks back at Dimitri again. 

His eyes are bright, much brighter than any stars hidden in the sky or Christmas lights around them. And that charming, handsome smile does weird things to Dimitri's heart. It seems to stop first, before hammering relentlessly in his chest. 

And Dimitri actually has a  _ chance  _ with this man _. _

It just seems too convenient. Too good to be real. The  _ guy _ Dimitri fell in love with, turns out to be into guys too? 

That can't be right. 

"I-I don't think I'm that great…" 

"No, don't do that. Don't deny that again. Remember in one of our conversations? I told you I'd have you tell me that you're an amazing person to my face. I think now's a good time for that." 

The blonde's brains get to work, and he does remember Claude saying that. Although back then, Dimitri had still been convinced that Claude was a girl, so it kinda felt like that was a different person. 

"N-no, I don't really remember that…" 

A soft huff escapes Claude's nostrils. "You're still a terrible liar. But alright, I get it. It's not a good time yet. Seriously, though. Thank you. Telling you this really helped." 

"Uhm… You should- Uhm, I think you should tell your mother as well." 

"I don't want to tell her. She's expecting grandchildren from me." 

"You can still have children if you're gay." 

"I'd have to adopt. She'd want my own." 

"That's not impossible either. You could-" 

"Why are you so insistent about me telling my mom?" Claude's tone of voice changes a little. Dimitri definitely caught the hint of annoyance, but he refuses to be deterred by this. 

"Because I never got to tell mine." 

Claude's eyes widen again before he averts his gaze. His hands clench together, his fingernails leaving indentations in his skin. 

"Fuck, I'm sorry, that was incredibly tactless of me. You're right, I should tell her while I'm able to. I'm just scared to."

"That's okay. You probably didn't mean any harm with it. Do you… Sorry if this is a personal question, but do you maybe not get along with your mother?" 

He shakes his head. "No, that's not it. I love her to death. She's the most amazing woman in the world. But she's had her fair share of shit to deal with and the last thing I want is to add another thing about myself to that pile." 

The blonde only nods, because he doesn't know what to say to that. He doesn't know what shit she's dealt with, or what piece of Claude is on that pile already. 

"This took quite a dark turn, huh? But, uhm, if you don't mind me asking, you mean that you never got to tell your mother that you're also… gay?" 

...Shit. Dimitri really did say that. What is he supposed to say now? Claude will catch him lying easily, especially now that he's penetrating Dimitri's soul with his gaze again. 

"Oh, uhm, well, that's… Haha, funny story, uhm, sort of? I mean, I honestly don't know? Haha." 

That was some fine convincing acting right there. He deserves an Oscar. 

Claude doesn't say anything, just squints his eyes, making Dimitri feel caught in his lie. Well, technically, he  _ was  _ caught in his lie. Why did he even try? 

"Okay, I'll just tell you," he concedes finally. 

Claude shows a triumphant smile which Dimitri could curse right now. 

Should he come clean about it all? Or be vague? Knowing Claude, he'll see right through his vagueness anyway. 

"I don't really know if I consider myself gay, because I did date a girl before who I had feelings for. But… like… lately… I've been… f-falling for… uhm… you, kind of… so…" 

Why? Just  _ why? _ Claude said 'if you don't mind me asking', so why couldn't he just  _ mind? _ He minded! He did, he minded! 

"A-actually, I do mind you asking. I'd rather not talk about this anymore, it's rather painful." Painfully humiliating, that is. 

Abruptly, before Claude has a chance to even open his mouth to talk, Dimitri stands up with his back facing Claude. "Should we head back? Y-You seem a little cold. Or, no, I'm cold! Yes, extremely so. The snow has let up too, so that's great! You should have no trouble getting home safe now. I'll walk you to your car!" 

Oh, god. What is he doing? As if he hadn't embarrassed himself enough yet! Can he dig a hole in the thick layer of snow and just suffocate or freeze to death? That sounds quite nice, actually. He's broken out in a sweat and his body feels hot all over.

"Dimitri? What are you saying? Do you really… Do you actually want me to leave already?" 

No, no, please, not that pleading tone. That's the last thing Dimitri needs right now. 

"I'll just pretend you didn't say that," Claude continues. "Please don't send me home yet." 

Why does he want to stay so badly? Didn't Dimitri make him uncomfortable just now? 

"Dimitri?" 

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to say that. Or, actually, I did, but not- I mean that I wanted to wait for, well, I'm not sure what for, but just not yet. I'm sorry about that." 

"No, don't apologize. It's okay. I actually don't think you're really falling for me, especially because you've had a girlfriend before. You're probably just confusing your affection for something more because you were lonely and I just bonjoured into your life. But you don't need to be embarrassed about that, it's pretty common. I'm sure that once you make more friends, you'll-"

No, that's all wrong. Why would Claude say all that? Claude may be smart, but he can't read into Dimitri's heart. 

"Claude. I know what I'm feeling. Don't deny my feelings, please." 

"That's not what I'm doing. I'm not denying, I'm explaining them. You're confused, is all." 

Dimitri is often confused, but there is no way that his feelings for Claude aren't what he thinks they are. Sure, the shorter man has a point; Dimitri had been lonely and craving contact with someone. And perhaps that is how it started. Those feelings, that is. 

But they've grown. They've evolved. Dimitri is not craving just anyone's attention anymore. All he wants is Claude's. He wants Claude to like him, show affection to him and only him. And how much he'd love to be able to shower Claude in love and affection in turn. Dimitri has plenty to give, and Claude seems like he needs plenty.

They're a perfect match.

"This might be the one and only thing I'm absolutely confident about. You can't tell me that I only think about you every time I breathe because I'm confused. Or that I'm misunderstanding the reason why my heart  _ pounds  _ when you literally do anything. That these feelings of affection and love I have for you is because I have no one else to give them to. I refuse. I refuse to believe that. And I wish you wouldn't believe so either." 

Claude stays quiet for a lot longer than Dimitri is comfortable with. He looks pensive, pondering. Struggling, even. And he's quiet. His eyes are furrowed and he refuses to make eye contact with Dimitri.

What has he done? Why couldn't Dimitri let him keep thinking that the blonde was confused? Why did he have to clear this up, of all things? 

Wasn't he supposed to  _ mind? _ He minded! 

"S-Sorry, I-" 

"If you're really going to apologize for that, I'll never take you seriously again." 

Instead of finishing his intended sentence, Dimitri forces his jaws together. Surely Claude didn't mean to say it in such a harsh way, right? He wishes he didn't. 

"If you're going to apologize, I'll think you didn't mean it," the tanned man clarifies. "That telling me was an accident, or that you don't mean to feel that way. So don't apologize, please. Just let me have this." 

The blonde feels extremely grateful for the explanation. He was scared he messed up good before, but now he feels as if he actually did something right. 

There's a smile on Claude's handsome face, one he tries desperately to conceal, but it keeps making its way back no matter how many attempts he makes to hide it. He still refuses to make eye contact, but now that Dimitri has a chance to examine Claude's face without being stared at, he sees a faint pink blush coating Claude's cheekbones. 

Claude is  _ blushing  _ because of Dimitri's words. 

So, does that mean that Claude is happy? Or could it be that he's embarrassed that a loser like Dimitri actually has his eyes on him? 

What if it's the latter? Dimitri isn't allowed to apologize, so what should he say then? Should he even say anything right now? All he wants is to just watch Claude. To see his beautiful smile, those cute blushing cheeks. 

He looks so off guard, Dimitri realizes. And it's perfect. 

But the realization also made him quite weary of Claude's sudden vulnerability, so he forces himself to look away from the deity that's named Claude and briefly check their surroundings. 

There isn't anyone else around, not even inside the park they're near. The cold weather must have locked everyone inside their homes, warm and comfortable. 

This setting resembles a scene from a sappy romance movie, Dimitri finds. The Christmas lights, the snow, the dark sky above. Claude, sitting on the bench in front of Dimitri, who's still standing. The solitude, the cold, the trees surrounding them. 

His own clammy hands, his rapidly beating heart, warm cheeks, racing thoughts. It's all there. 

Except, Claude still hasn't really responded. Dimitri's laid out everything, all of his feelings, and Claude is quiet. Dimitri should say something, this silence is slowly killing him.

"Uhm, C-Claude?" 

What is he even hoping for? Well, that's an obvious question. He's hoping Claude will feel the same way and that they can start dating. Dimitri would spoil the life out of him. 

But what if he doesn't? There's no doubt Dimitri will be disappointed. But he won't give up. As long as Claude is willing to give him a chance, Dimitri will keep trying to grasp it. 

"Oh, right, you probably need an answer. Sorry, I was a little lost in thoughts." Claude pats the space on the bench directly next to him, indicating he wants Dimitri to take a seat next to him again. 

The taller man is quick to oblige, practically launching himself next to Claude.

"Well, this is fucking tough, but I guess I'll just tell you. The thing is, I've been locking away my feelings for men for a while. I've never indulged in those interests. I didn't dare imagine myself dating a guy, because I was scared I wouldn't be able to let go of the idea anymore. That's why I never even wanted a boyfriend. Despite you saying it's okay and accepted here, I still just want to be normal. I want to be happy with a girl, start a family, you know. The stuff everybody's after." 

"...How can you become happy with a girl if that's not what you want?" 

"I'll force myself. It's not the first time I've done that." 

"...It didn't work with Hilda." 

"Because I started to feel guilty for lying to her. I didn't want to deceive her anymore, so I told her the truth." 

"...Why are you under the impression that you won't feel guilty next time?" 

"Because I wasn't prepared to deal with it back then. I know better now." 

"...You'll just pretend even harder." 

"Yeah. Exactly." 

"...That's bullshit. If you study psychology, you should know that's now how happiness works." 

"It's not bullshit. The human brain is an amazing thing. If I pretend hard and lie to myself enough, I'll eventually believe my own lies. How do you think hypochondriacs happen?" 

Dimitri shakes his head. There is no way that someone as bright and intelligent as Claude can be so delusional. Did the trauma do this to him?

"Is that really what you want? To pretend to be happy until your brains fool you into thinking you are?" 

"If that's what it takes to get there."

Why is this man so stubborn? And where does he get those strange ideas?! 

"Why do people get depressed if becoming happy is as easy as you say? Do you really think that if I just pretend that my parents are still at my home, that eventually I'll believe they never passed? That I'll get my life from before the accident back, just by imagining it? Problems don't disappear by ignoring them! You can't fool yourself into being happy. That's just plain stupidity." 

"Wow. You really want me to go out with you that bad?"

"This isn't about me! You're the one running from his problems! You tell me all those things that are supposed to make me feel better, so why don't you tell those to yourself? Why are you so keen on being someone you're not?! You'll never be happy that way! You can't fit in with everyone. You can't, I can't, no one can! Because everyone has something that makes them stand out from the rest. Whether it's gender, sexuality, age, origin, body size, whatever! Everyone is special for their own reasons. And that's the only thing you have in common with everyone else in the world. You, Claude, you're beautiful, you're smart, you're kind. You have a mother you love, you have friends, you can afford to go to college. Should I go on? I don't know what more you want before you think you have what you need to be happy." 

Dimitri is slightly out of breath when he finishes his rant. Quite possibly, his worst fear is coming true; this might turn into their first argument. 

He didn't have to run his mouth like that. He could have shown sympathy, agreed with Claude and supported him in his decision. That surely would have prevented an argument. 

But that's not what Claude needs, or what Dimitri wants. Dimitri wants Claude to be happy, genuinely happy, and Claude's way isn't the road to take. It might work for a bit, but he's said it himself; he started feeling guilty. And the feeling of guilt can lead to more serious stuff than pretend-happiness. 

Dimitri is the perfect example of that. 

Claude might end up just like Dimitri. Depressed, socially secluded, lonely. Eventually even suicidal. And that's the last thing Dimitri wants. 

Claude shouldn't want that either. So what Claude needs isn't a 'friend' that'll support his idiotic ideas. He needs someone who'll make him face the truth. And Dimitri is willing to, even if that means Claude and he will never meet again. Even if they won't talk anymore, Dimitri would never regret speaking his mind right this moment. 

"What I mean is… you deserve better than that." Would it help if he sugarcoated his words a little? 

Claude is probably pissed right now. Dimitri deserves that, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't try to make up again. 

"I mean, you shouldn't be okay with pretend-happiness. Not when you can have the real deal. A-and I'm not saying I'm the one thing you need to be happy. You don't even have to consider dating me, although I would... like that. But you don't have to! Ugh, I keep running my mouth. I just mean that you should do what makes you happy. That's all. Now, please excuse me while I go drown myself in the snow over there." 

Before Dimitri can get up, Claude's hand takes hold of his lower arm to keep him seated. His head is lowered, eyes fixed on his shoes. 

When Dimitri looks closer, he thinks he can see a stream of water running down Claude's cheek, but he doesn't want to acknowledge the idea that he's the one who made Claude cry. He gazes away.

"So what do you suggest I should do then?" Claude's voice is so soft, it tugs on Dimitri's heartstrings. 

"I think you should start by telling your mother that you're gay. For your sake, not for mine. I think that maybe… that might bring some clarity to your head. She knows you a lot better than I do, so I'm sure she probably knows better what to tell you. Sorry, I honestly don't really know what to say. Maybe… indulge in your interest in men? Just… I don't know… find things you like about them? Mrs. Manuela said that I should embrace my feelings for you, so maybe you should embrace your feelings too?" 

Claude nods, but Dimitri highly doubts he actually made sense. Claude's hand is still resting on Dimitri's lower arm, squeezing slightly. The blonde feels that if he moves, he'll scare Claude away, so he stays perfectly still. 

With his other hand, the tanned man wipes away the stray tears on his face and once more, Dimitri's heart clenches with the feeling of guilt. He never wanted to make Claude cry. And even a psychological genius like Dimitri can tell that those are not tears of joy.

"I think…" Claude starts. He sniffles once before he continues. "If I'm really going to do this. Allow myself to fall in love with another guy, I mean. I want that guy to be you. I don't know how long I'll need. Or what I even need. But I'm just going to be selfish for once and ask you to wait for me." 

"Of course I'll wait. Take as much time as you need. If there's anything else I can give you, don't hesitate to ask. It's okay to be selfish sometimes." Dimitri has to fight the urge to take hold of the hand that's still squeezing his arm. 

Claude's fingers look painfully red, and his skin is dry and cracked open. Chillblains, Dimitri muses.

"Then… Could you hug me?" 

"Yes!" Dimitri nearly shouts.

...Would it hurt to not react in an embarrassing way just  _ once? _

But still, Claude chuckles and gently squeezes Dimitri's arm once to reassure him. At least, that's how Dimitri interprets it. 

So, how should he go about this? Maybe he can just shuffle a bit closer to Claude first, see if he really wants a hug. Maybe he'll change his mind once Dimitri gets too close. 

But as Dimitri is wondering, Claude already moves. He turns his body towards Dimitri's and wraps his arms around Dimitri's middle tightly. His face is resting on his shoulder, and Dimitri can feel Claude's warm exhale tickle the skin in his neck, like his dark hair tickles his cheek. 

This is really happening. Claude is hugging Dimitri. It's tight and warm and slightly uncomfortable because Dimitri doesn't know what to do, but god, he loves it. He never wants Claude to let go of him again. 

"You're not hugging me," Claude whispers. Once more, his breath brushes over Dimitri's skin and it sends shivers and goosebumps all over his body. 

Focus, Dimitri. 

With a jerky movement, Dimitri carefully locks his arms around Claude's shoulders. The shorter man's smaller frame fits perfectly in Dimitri's arms. They're sitting thigh-to-thigh, chests touching, arms embracing each other, and Dimitri has never felt so comfortable and uncomfortable before at the same time. It's warm, but also scorching hot. It's tight, but suffocating. 

Before he can help himself, he presses a kiss in Claude's hair. It's something he used to do with Ingrid whenever they hugged, and it somehow became a habit. 

Hopefully Claude doesn't register it. 

"I felt that," he mutters. 

"W-whatever do you mean?" 

"You know what you did. I can feel your heartbeat." 

Of course he can. That traitor organ. 

"Sorry, I don't know why I did that. Please ignore it." 

Claude huffs a breath, which induces more goosebumps on Dimitri's skin. 

"I'm just wondering why I've been denying myself this. Fuck, I'm so warm and comfortable, I don't wanna let go anymore." 

"Then let's just stay like this," Dimitri suggests in a whispering voice. 

"Yeah. I'd like that. A lot." 

Dimitri feels the same way, and he squeezes Claude's body into his arms a bit tighter to let him know. Claude's arms squeeze back, a content hum escaping his mouth. 

Yeah, Dimitri can stay like this for a long time, he's sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chap I'm going to do another little extra to celebrate my 100 kudos achievement :)


	11. Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo and SORRY im so LATE!! 
> 
> Omg 
> 
> So this chap was SO hard to write, honestly
> 
> I literally rewrote the park scene TWELVE times and I'm still not satisfied with it
> 
> Please pardon me if there are cringey or cliche scenes in here, I usually try to prevent any from slipping in
> 
> Alsoooo a character will be introduced!! Yay for more friends!! 
> 
> Either way, THANK ALL OF YOU DEAR LOVELY READERS who have kudo'd and/or commented, you all have a special place in my heart <33
> 
> Therefore, as promised, i wrote a little extra again :) 
> 
> Please enjoy!!

"Uhm… Claude?" 

"Mm-mmh. Not yet." 

Still attached to Dimitri's middle, Claude readjusts his head, burying his cold nose further into Dimitri's collar. He started to shiver a short while ago. First, only briefly every few seconds, but it's becoming more and more frequent as more time passes.

While Dimitri wants nothing more than to keep Claude in his arms, he knows the temperature is decreasing; even the blonde can feel coldness goosebumps from on his skin. 

He should take Claude somewhere warm, even if that means letting go. 

Even though he knows this, Dimitri is still struggling very much with actually following through. It's just too amazing to be able to hold Claude like this. His scent, his touch, his breathing… Dimitri doesn't want to miss any of it. Despite the numbness in his leg from the awkward position, or the cramp in his arm, the last thing the blonde wants is to let go.

But Claude's shivering has gotten so bad that he doesn't even stop anymore. So with great reluctance, Dimitri manages to uncurl his arms from Claude's shoulders.

The smaller man makes a soft, protesting sound, which Dimitri tries hard to ignore. 

"You're shivering. We should get you someplace warm." Dimitri manages to gently push Claude out of his hold.

The sight it leaves him is nothing short of breath-taking; Bright green eyes blink at him in a confused manner. The usually tanned cheeks and nose are a nice rosy color, and his lips are pouting slightly. His hair is a little messy, even more than it was before. His body is still shivering, which causes him to shrink down in posture a little in an attempt to hold on to his own body heat. 

Dimitri's heartbeat both stops and increases at the same time. How badly he wants to pick Claude up and hold him close to himself, warming him right up with nothing but the increasing temperature of his own body. Perhaps he'll need to shed the thick clothes off the both of them first, and then...

No, no. Don't go there. Claude is not ready for any of that. He needs time to accept himself, his feelings. And he needs time to fall for Dimitri first. While it's not entirely certain how long all that is going to take, Dimitri is willing to wait. 

Especially now, now that he's managed to tuck away his nerves and fears and taken hold of Claude's ice cold hand. The icy fingers briefly squeeze Dimitri's, but the trembling doesn't allow the gesture to last.

Yup, he definitely needs to warm up soon. Maybe Dimitri's own warmer hand can help a little bit. 

"Uhm… Is- Is it okay if I warm your hands a little? Mine are still warm, so… Oh, but I'm sweating a little because I'm nervous. Maybe I shouldn't hold your hands, because that's kinda gross. Uhm, yeah… Sorry about that." He retracts his hand from Claude's again, not giving the shorter man a chance to object. 

"Why'd you let go though? I was fine." 

"Well, like I said, my hand is a bit sweaty, so…" 

"Not the hand. Although your hand is nice and warm, give me that." He takes Dimitri's hand again, holding it with both his. "I meant, why did you push me away?" 

Claude's hands are a bit smaller than his own, Dimitri notices. It's cute. The rough and damaged skin on the back of both Claude's hands bothers him much less than he thought it would. He finds himself gently running his fingers over the sore skin, hoping to relieve it from any pain there might be. 

"...Dimitri?" 

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear you properly. Could you uhm… maybe repeat the question? Sorry." 

Claude huffs a breathy laugh. "No, it's fine. I was just having silly thoughts. Wanna go somewhere? Before my ass is frozen stuck to this bench." 

Dimitri nods eagerly, for he is unable to say anything. Claude mentioning his ass has put images in the blonde's head. He is not willing to risk speaking his thoughts right now, so he'll keep his mouth shut. 

It's not as if he hasn't said or done enough embarrassing things already. He should stop doing that.

They both stand up, Dimitri wobbling a little from both the numb feeling and the sore knee. 

Their hands are still connected. 

The realization of Claude possibly becoming Dimitri's boyfriend in the near future makes Dimitri's head spin. What would it be like? How different would it be from being with Ingrid? Aren't they moving too fast? This is the first time they've seen each other, but they're already holding hands as if they're a couple. 

Isn't that weird? Shouldn't they go on dates first? 

What if Claude decides he doesn't want to date Dimitri in the end? 

It's a devastating thought, but it's a possibility. But isn't there anything Dimitri can do to ensure his chances? 

And what's going on in Claude's head right now? He's quiet. _Too_ quiet, for Dimitri's liking. 

He should say something. He needs clarity, but he doesn't want to put any unwanted pressure on Claude. What should he do? This is all so difficult. 

Claude is beginning to lead them back further into town, but Dimitri has a feeling that once they come across somebody else, Claude will let go of him immediately. 

He doesn't want to let go yet; he's already had to stop hugging Claude. So instead of following Claude, Dimitri lightly pulls on the smaller hand holding his, guiding them towards the entrance to the park instead. 

"I doubt it's going to be warm there," Claude states. 

"Uhm… Yeah, I know, I just… I wanted to spend a bit more time with you alone before we go back. But that's a bit selfish, isn't it? We should go back to the coffee shop instead. Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking." 

"Can you stop that?" 

Dimitri remembers that question. It sent him straight into panic mode the first time he got it, and it puts him through the exact same torture once more.

He's probably doing something wrong. Maybe Claude doesn't want to hold hands. Or he possibly doesn't want to spend more time with Dimitri. Or what if he feels Dimitri is coming on too strong? He is straightforward, he knows that, so what if that's the problem? He should keep more things to himself. Think, rather than speak. Or at least change the order in which he does those two things. 

His fingers are being squeezed, which draws his attention back to the gorgeous deity walking besides him. He almost can't meet the piercing green eyes, but he forces himself to.

"What's going on in that broken mind of yours?" 

"Oh, uhm, nothing really... I'm sorry, I just- Ah, that was the problem, wasn't it? I keep apologizing again." _Of course_ that was the problem. 

Claude shows him a sympathetic smile. "Yeah. That one was number twelve. Although, I gotta say that you're definitely improving. You're doing great. And… how'd you say it? It's okay to be selfish sometimes? That. So don't worry." 

"The App told me that," Dimitri confesses. 

Claude raises an eyebrow in question.

"Back when I was struggling with treating myself," Dimitri explains. "It told me that it's okay to be selfish sometimes. I didn't really understand what it meant at the time, but I suppose it's true after all." 

The shorter man nods in understanding. "Right. Makes sense. How are the challenges going anyway?" 

"I haven't really tried any anymore… I was a bit too focused on meeting with you and then I just… kind of… skipped them all…" 

"That's alright. One step at a time. If you ever need help, I'm here for you." 

"Thank you. I really, truly appreciate it." 

That's what Dimitri says, but is he showing it enough? He hasn't done anything to repay Claude. He should have bought a gift. He should have prepared something. Oh, god. How dare he meet Claude without buying him _anything?_

Shame on Dimitri. 

"You okay there? Your face looks as if you're in dire need of a toilet." 

With that comment, Dimitri relaxes every single muscle in his face, realizing that he probably did look as if he needed to take a shit. And of course Claude picked up on it. 

"Kind of, but I was just thinking that I should have bought you something so I could give it to you today. I honestly don't know why I didn't, I thought of it for a long time before." 

"Maybe because you were stressing over the fact that I was coming over in the first place," Claude suggests. 

"Oh, right. Duh." 

Maybe Dimitri should learn the habit of smacking his head whenever he says something stupid. Although it might cause serious brain damage, with the amounts of stupid things Dimitri says in a day.

Claude chuckles softly as he intertwines their fingers. He does it so naturally that Dimitri second-guesses whether Claude really feels uncomfortable being with a guy. The hug was perfect, and the way Claude's fingers squeeze his own makes it seem as if Dimitri's already the so manieth Claude's done this with. 

But there's no way Claude lied about his feelings. 

It's better not to think about it, Dimitri concludes. He'll just take everything Claude is willing to give, and he won't ask for any more. Not until Claude has given the green light. 

But still, Dimitri wants some sort of indication on where they're headed right now. 

"S-So, uhm… Where are we going now?" 

The shorter man snickers quietly. "I thought you knew where we're going. You're the one that led us in here in the first place." 

It takes a few seconds for Dimitri to understand that his question was misinterpreted. He feels like an idiot, being vague about something as important as the future of their very relationship. 

"No, I meant… I was aiming for… well… us, if you will…" 

Claude stays quiet, but then Dimitri thinks he can literally see the lightbulb light up inside that amazing curly head. 

"Oh! Yeah, that's a good question. I think it all rides or dies on what my mom will say once I come clean. Which I will, tomorrow when I see her. But yeah, until then, I can't say anything for sure." 

Dimitri nods. Yeah, that does make sense. 

He's glad he managed to convince the tanned man to tell his mother about his true feelings. It'll be good for the both of them, Dimitri thinks. Or, well, he hopes. Maybe Claude and his mother will get in a fight because of Dimitri's meddling. 

"I'll let you know, though. How it went. I think you deserve to know." 

Dimitri nods once more. That sounds fair. 

He is curious to know what their conversation will be like. But if anything, he just hopes the outcome will be positive. For both Claude and Dimitri. 

How he'd love to be able to call Claude _his_ boyfriend. And to devote himself and his life to Claude too… He would. In a heartbeat. 

"Sometimes I like to bury myself in soil and pretend I'm a carrot." 

Dimitri nods again before the words sink in.

"Wait, what? What did you say just now?" 

The tanned man laughs out loud, his bright expression conquering every single Christmas light lighting up the trees around them. He looks like an angel. A god. A perfect being. 

"I was…" He can't stop laughing and Dimitri revels in the joy of being able to witness it. "I was just checking to see if you were actually listening to what I was saying or if you were lost in that labyrinth of silly thoughts of yours. But knowing that you actually heard me is fucking hilarious." 

With his free hand, Claude wipes at the corner of his eyes. The blonde is incredibly glad knowing these are happy tears, rather than the ones he saw before. 

For the first time, Dimitri feels as if it's okay to let himself go a little too. Or maybe Claude's words or laugh is just too funny not to laugh at, but he's actually joining in Claude's laughter.

It comes out a bit strangled, and it sounds really weird to Dimitri. He doesn't laugh out loud often, and this is a perfect reminder of why. But Claude heard it and he's laughing even louder now, which in turn, makes Dimitri laugh louder as well. 

It's a bit silly, the way they're strolling in a dark park, holding hands and stupidly laughing at each other, but Dimitri hasn't felt this much joy in a _long_ time. It feels _so good_ to let go for once. 

"No, stop it, my cheeks hurt." Claude squeezes his face to try and morph his smile away. 

"You look… That looks ridiculous, don't do that to your handsome face." 

"Then stop laughing already! Oh my lord." 

They roll into another laughing fit. 

When they both finally calm down, they find they've wandered quite far from the entrance of the park. They've reached a large clearing, a pond located right in the middle. 

"Wow, that looks beautiful." 

Dimitri nods. "Yes, it does. Although the night makes it a little creepy. It's better during the day. We'd be able to see all the snow and such too." 

"We should come back sometime during the day then. Hey, is the water frozen?" Claude steps forward, almost disconnecting their hands. 

With a jolt, he returns to Dimitri's side, seemingly wanting to stay linked. He readjusts their hands with a sweet smile. 

Dimitri squeezes Claude's fingers, which have warmed up significantly since their laughing fit.

Claude pulls on Dimitri's hand as he walks over to the pond. He gently tries out the thickness of the layer of ice with his foot, nudging it. 

"Look at that, it's so thick. I think I could stand on it." 

"Claude, please be careful." 

"Don't worry, I'll be fine. Just hold my hand so I won't slip." 

Doubtful, but Dimitri complies. If Claude does slip, he'll just have to make sure to catch him. 

"I'm not getting on the ice with you," Dimitri warns. 

Claude, who is currently standing on the ice with both feet, looks back at Dimitri with a frown. "Aw, come on. Please?" 

That _tone._ Why does it make Dimitri's heart so weak? 

"I probably shouldn't… We might break the ice if we stand on it together." 

"Dude, don't be like that. It's not like your tremendous body weight is going to break it." Claude winks and smiles at the blonde. 

Honestly, if he hadn't made Dimitri's knees weak with that smile, Dimitri would have felt insulted. But obviously Claude is just teasing him, and he shouldn't take it so seriously. 

"I suppose you're right... Oh, what the hell." 

He steps onto the ice, along with Claude, and a loud crack can be heard from underneath them. 

Neither of them move anymore, anxiously awaiting another crack in the ice. But it doesn't come, and Dimitri feels Claude's hold relax in his again. 

"Well then, that wasn't so bad. Let's move further! Come on." Claude pulls on his hand again, urging him to follow after the shorter man.

Dimitri isn't one to take risks. In fact, one could easily consider him a coward, given he always plays things safe. 

Claude seems to enjoy doing dangerous things and testing limits. 

The blonde doesn't want to be the one to put a stop to Claude's experimental and curious personality traits, so he'll be the one to relent _again._

With as much caution as he can muster, Dimitri follows Claude further onto the ice.

"It's really dark here," Claude notices.

"Well, I don't think it's possible to install street lanterns on ice." 

"Oh, _haha,_ thanks for clarifying that. I had no idea." 

Knowing by now that Claude isn't really as salty as he sounds, Dimitri feels it's safe to laugh a little. Claude's smaller hand squeezes Dimitri's.

Bless whoever invented hand-holding. 

Even more when Claude slips in his carelessness, tightly gripping Dimitri's hand in order not to fall flat on his face. The blonde himself slips a little from the sudden impact, but manages to stay upright. 

Claude snickers. "That was close. I'm surprised the ice hasn't cracked yet. Do you think it'll hold out even if I jump?" 

"Please don't jump, Claude. If we both fall in the water now there will be no one to get us out. Let's just go back before any accidents happen." 

"Are you threatening me?" 

"What? No! I didn't mean- I just meant… Can we please go back?" 

"You're so funny," Claude laughs. "Are we going back to the coffee shop then?" 

"If that's okay with you." 

"No, I'm good. Let's move further!" 

Once more, the tanned man pulls on Dimitri's hand to drag him further out on the ice. 

"Claude, we should really head back. Uhm… Is there a problem with the coffee shop? We could go somewhere else too if you prefer that." 

"Your place?" 

_Goddamn it._ He should have seen this coming. Claude is likely going to refuse going anywhere but Dimitri's apartment. He knows Dimitri can't say no to him and he's definitely making use of it. 

"We _are_ getting along, aren't we?" The shorter man continues. 

"Well, yes, I'd say so… But I really didn't count on having company. I don't have anything to eat, or any drinks…" 

"That's fine. We can order pizza or something, I don't mind." 

Does he always have an argument ready? How unfair is that? 

"...But I haven't cleaned… or tidied…" 

"Do I seem even a tiny bit like a tidy person to you? Trust me, it can never be worse than my room." 

"But I'm a terrible host…" 

"I'll decide that for myself, thank you." 

God, this man really doesn't know how to relent. Surely Claude understands that he's putting Dimitri in a really uncomfortable position, so why doesn't he stop? Is he that eager to have his way? 

Perhaps his pushy side is something Dimitri appreciates less about the shorter man. But it's a part of him, so Dimitri will just have to accept that too. Claude as a whole is still perfect to him. Surely Claude has a good reason for why he's learned this kind of behavior. 

Maybe he uses it to convince other people to like and accept him. 

"O-okay, if you really want to…" 

Dimitri will allow Claude to manipulate his way into his heart if that's the road Claude wishes to take. He already accepts the tanned man, so in reality Claude doesn't need to push or convince him. But that's for Claude himself to find out in due time. 

_If only_ Dimitri had the confidence to convince Claude of his feelings too. Meaningful words come easy to him, but it's the actions that count in the end. Had Dimitri been more confident, he would have invited Claude over himself. 

Letting Claude into his _home_ requires a whole different kind of courage. He'll be showing Claude the shithole he locks himself up in. The space where Dimitri cried, hated himself, and even hurt himself on almost a daily basis. 

And Claude is actually _eager_ to see it. 

He cleaned up all of the blood in his bathroom didn't he? He picked up all of the shards of his broken phone near the wall, right? Did he use any dishes? Did he _wash_ them too? 

Oh god. What if there's still vomit on or around his toilet? He flushed, but he didn't check the floor or the seat. 

"Uhm, you doing okay over there?" 

Dimitri zones back in, looking right into Claude's eyes. The shorter man has moved to stand right in front of the blonde, but he has a bit of a worried look on his face. 

"Sorry, I was being pushy again, wasn't I? We don't have to go to your place if you really don't want to." 

Great, now Dimitri has to make the final decision again. He _hates_ that. Obviously Claude will be disappointed if he says no. But the idea of having Claude over scares him. 

What should he _do?_

In terms of their future, it would be good to let Claude into his life. So he should have Claude over. 

And besides, he already came all the way out here to meet Claude. Surely having him see his apartment isn't as bad. 

"N-no, it's okay. We can go to my place. I mean, if you don't mind the mess and all." 

Even in the dark, Claude's smile is painfully visible. It seems to brighten up their whole surroundings. 

He made the right decision, Dimitri believes. Claude is happy and that's what's important. Claude seems to know what's good for Dimitri too, so he'll have to trust the shorter man in that. 

Meeting with Claude is one of the best experiences he's had up to now. Claude makes him feel as if he's a normal human being. He doesn't seem bored, or impatient whenever Dimitri speaks. He gives him the time he needs to make up his mind. He asks questions that lure Dimitri out of his shell in order to answer them. And it feels _okay_ to say whatever is on his mind. Because Claude doesn't judge. Claude accepts him, just the way Dimitri accepts Claude. 

As they shuffle back to the side of the pond, Claude tightens his hold on Dimitri's hand. This time, Dimitri is the one walking in front. He feels Claude slipping a few times, but he manages to grip onto Dimitri's arm to catch himself every time. 

"Whoa."

"Oof." 

"Sheesh." 

"Goddamn." 

Dimitri holds in his laughter with every exclamation of distress that comes out of Claude's mouth whenever his feet slip again. Dimitri is sure to keep him upright, so he doesn't worry about the possibility of him tripping. 

"How are you so strong?" Claude asks once they've set foot on the snow covered grass on the side. 

He runs a hand through his curly hair. Now that they're back in the light, Dimitri sees a faint blush coating Claude's cheeks and nose. His hand is warm, so Dimitri hadn't expected Claude to be cold. But then again, Dimitri's own hand probably warmed the smaller holding his. 

"I'm not sure… I never really worked out or anything." 

Claude eyes the blonde carefully, taking him in from head to toe. Dimitri shifts on his feet, feeling self-conscious under Claude's watchful gaze.

"Really, never?" He asks eventually. "Because your shoulders are still really broad." 

"Ah, maybe something I inherited from my father. He was a tall and broad man." 

Claude looks pensive, but doesn't comment any further. The scarf around Claude's neck catches the blonde's eye, now that he mentioned his father. It does look good on the shorter man.

Subconsciously he reaches out to touch the fabric. Claude just watches him as he takes a gentle hold of it. 

"Whose scarf was this..?" It's barely a whisper, as if Claude was scared to ask the question. 

Should Dimitri answer that? Maybe Claude will feel uncomfortable knowing it belongs to a deceased person. Maybe he wouldn't want to keep it if he knows. 

But maybe he wouldn't mind. Claude doesn't seem like he'd be disrespectful enough to simply hand it right back to Dimitri. 

"It... was my father's, actually. Sorry if it's weird that I gave it to you." He lets go of the scarf again, giving Claude the chance to take it off if he wishes to do so. 

But Claude doesn't. He doesn't even look uncomfortable. 

"That's… I'm a bit at a loss for words. Is it even okay for me to wear it?" 

Dimitri nods, eyes not leaving the piece of fabric. "I'd like you to have it. Uhm, if you even want it, I mean. You don't need to keep it if you don't want it." 

"I- Wow, thank you. I don't know why you would want to give me something so important, but thank you. This is way better than any bought gift. I don't know if I can give you anything of equal value though." He laughs a bit nervously, gently kneading the fabric with the hand Dimitri isn't holding. 

"You've already given me that. Much more, even. So please don't worry about that. You're more important to me than anything, even if we only just met for the first time. I don't know how to say it… I just feel so good being with you, talking to you. You give me all these feelings I honestly thought I'd never be able to feel again. As if I'm someone… _special._ I know I'm a piece of work. I have lots of issues and I require much more than any other person would be willing to give, and yet you're still here. You're doing all these things, going out of your way, for my sake. I couldn't ever thank you enough for all you've done, so hopefully the scarf could get across my feelings a little." 

Without any sort of warning, Claude closes the distance between them again. His arms wrap around Dimitri's waist tightly as he lays his head against his chest. 

"I'll cherish this scarf forever. Thank you for falling for me, honestly. I don't think there's anyone who would ever feel this strongly for me. You're so fucking precious. I'll do whatever it takes to get you back on your feet, I promise. You deserve the whole world, Dimitri. And I'll try everything to be able to share mine with you." 

Wordlessly, Dimitri closes his arms around Claude's shoulders, squeezing him tightly. He doesn't need to say anything, he's sure Claude knows that nothing would make Dimitri happier than for Claude to be his. 

.

"This is a fancy looking building," Claude comments once they've reached Dimitri's apartment building. 

"That's only the outside. The inside isn't nearly as great." 

They're not holding hands now. Dimitri already expected that though, so he's not troubled by it. In fact, he was the one to let go first so that Claude didn't have to break the connection. He knows Claude might have felt uncomfortable with other people seeing him hold hands with another guy, but he might have been scared to upset Dimitri. 

This is fine. After their emotional hug before, they made their way back in silence, but they were both smiling like complete idiots. Dimitri may or may not have spared a few too many glances at Claude's utterly delighted face, but at least he now knows in perfect detail what it looks like. 

And the image will stay in his brains forever. 

Dimitri heads in first, since he has the key to the front door of the building, and opens it for Claude. 

"Elevator?" 

"Yeah. Floor seven." 

"Gotcha." 

Claude steps into the small space first, followed directly by the taller man. He presses the button with number seven and then they patiently wait for the elevator to arrive.

"Are you nervous?" Claude asks. 

Dimitri nods, not elaborating. _Of course_ he's nervous. There's a chance of vomit staining his bathroom floor. 

"I know this is the most stupid thing to say to someone who's nervous, but there's no need to be," Claude tries to reassure. 

But, as he already implied, the words don't help to ease the nerves away. It's like telling a sad person to cheer up, or an enraged person to calm down.

"Thanks, that doesn't help." 

Claude laughs out loud, making Dimitri's heart beat faster. It's such a lovely sound, he could listen to it forever. 

He's starting to understand Claude's humor a little, so making jokes is starting to come a bit more naturally to the blonde. 

What Claude seems to enjoy the most is Dimitri roasting himself, and that's easy because he's an idiot. 

"I won't say anything about your apartment. Would that help?" 

"I- Yeah, I think so. It would make me a bit less self-conscious." 

"Yeah, I figured. I won't say anything. Although, am I not allowed to give compliments either?" 

"Well… Honestly, I don't really like being called out on anything, even if it's positive. So, if possible, please don't comment on it at all." 

"Okay, got it. Being self-conscious is a shitty feeling, I know." 

The ding of the elevator chimes through the small space, indicating they've arrived on the seventh floor. 

With every step closer towards Dimitri's front door, his nerves start acting up more. By the time they reach his door, Dimitri's hands tremble so badly that getting the key in his lock becomes a real challenge. 

"Would you like me to do it?" 

The blonde nods as he hands the key to Claude, who puts it in the lock without any trouble. 

"Thank you, that helps." 

"It's okay, I'm the one making you nervous in the first place," Claude laughs. 

While that's true, Dimitri wouldn't want to put all the blame on Claude. For the main part, it's his own stupid brains that cause him to react so strongly. 

He swings the door open, hesitating on whether or not to let Claude enter first. It would be more hospitable, but he doesn't want to risk the chance of Claude heading into his bathroom first thing. 

They both make a move to get in, and then simultaneously step back again. Flustered, Dimitri gestures for Claude to enter first after all. 

The shorter man raises an eyebrow, wordlessly asking if it's really okay. 

And then Dimitri decides against it, entering first with a quiet apology. It draws a snicker from Claude, which gives Dimitri the idea that he's been forgiven for his lack of manners.

He nearly races towards his bathroom, turning on the lights and scanning his toilet and the floor around it for any signs of leftover anxious vomit. Thankfully, there isn't any, nor is there any blood to be seen, but the sour stench still coats the air inside the space. In an attempt to mask the stench, Dimitri nearly empties a whole bottle of air freshener. 

"Ah, understandable," comes from the hallway. "Do what you have to." Claude's voice is teasing and on the verge of laughter, which makes Dimitri's cheeks burn. 

"N-No, it's not like that..! I-" He cuts himself off, not wanting to admit the state he was in this afternoon. 

It's better to just have Claude think he took a smelly shit before. That sounds more human than throwing up merely because of anxiety.

When he leaves the bathroom again, Claude is casually waiting for him in the pitch-black hallway. 

"Oh, sorry, I should have turned on a light or something…" 

"It's fine, you were in a hurry." 

The blonde leads the shorter man into his living room, turning on the lights and the heating. He makes sure to turn it up a notch higher than he normally does. He feels that Claude would appreciate the effort. 

The shorter man looks around curiously, but as agreed, he doesn't say anything about the interior. Not like there is much to talk about; Dimitri hasn't spent much money or time decorating the place. 

He has a simple sofa, a small table and a tv in front of it and a reading light next to the seat. 

"U-uhm, I'll take your coat." 

Claude jolts into action, shrugging off his oversized coat. He hesitates on whether or not to take off the scarf as well, which makes Dimitri's heart swell in affection. 

"It's okay, you can take it off," Dimitri assures. 

Claude smiles, but decides to leave it around his neck. "No, it's okay. It's a bit chilly inside, so it'll help me with warming up." 

His heart keeps swelling, to the point where Dimitri feels like it might burst. Claude is so extremely thoughtful. 

"Okay. Thank you. Uhm, would you like a drink?" 

"Sure. Do you have tea?" 

Dimitri walks over to his kitchen as Claude takes a seat on the sofa, snuggling in the corner. How cute. 

The taller man rummages through his cabinets to collect everything he needs in order to make two cups of tea. 

"Claude..? I'm sorry, I just realized I don't have any sugar." 

"Oh. What else do you have?" 

"...water." How embarrassing. 

Dimitri doesn't usually buy any drinks. He either drinks water or chamomile tea, the latter because it helps calm him. 

"Water is fine," Claude assures. 

And so Dimitri fills two glasses of water and joins Claude on the couch, handing Claude one of the drinks. 

"So, what challenges did you skip? Or rather, which one did you skip that you'd like to try after all?" 

Dimitri cannot express his gratitude for Claude's talking. He was feeling a little tense because of the lack of a subject to talk about. 

"There was one… Uhm, I think it was called 'reaching out to an old friend'. I skipped it because I was feeling down after finding out about your gender, but after I was a little bummed out because I think I could have completed it. If I tried. If I had the courage to try, I mean." 

Claude nods, then puts his glass on the small table and turns to face Dimitri. "Okay. You should try it then. You don't need to just do your challenges when they pop up, you know. You can write them down for yourself and try them whenever you feel like it, not necessarily when the App tells you to. You're not bound to the App after all." 

"That makes a lot of sense. I wonder why I hadn't considered that." 

"Maybe because the App is sort of like a guidance device for you. It tells you what to do and how much time you have to complete the challenge. It's not surprising that you don't deviate from the rules your therapist set up for you. And there's also the fact that you're just a straight up good boy who doesn't defy rules." 

"Yeah, that's probably it…" 

Claude laughs softly, which makes Dimitri smile. 

"It's a good thing, no worries. Although you should loosen up a little sometimes. Either way, do you want to try out the challenge? Maybe you'll be more comfortable if you don't have to do it while you're alone." 

Dimitri ponders it over. Does he want to get back in touch with an old friend? Of course he does, even if it's just to apologize for his awful behavior right before they broke off. 

And it _would_ help to have Claude with him while he tries it out. 

"Isn't it a bit rude to start talking to someone else while you're here though?" 

The tanned man shakes his head. "No, not at all. I said I'll help you with anything, so I'm glad if I'm able to. And aside from that, I think this particular challenge will help both your growth and the chances of our potential relationship succeeding. I mean, if you can get back in touch with your other friends, I won't have to be too worried about what might happen in case things were to go wrong between you and me. Not that I'm counting on it, but you never know. It's not like we've known each other for that long after all." 

"R-right. Yeah, that sounds reasonable. Do you think we're… well, going too fast?" 

"Nah, not really. If there's a connection, there's a connection. Sure, it formed quite fast between us, and it _is_ unstable given that you've lost your touch dealing with other humans and I've never allowed myself to really feel the way I want to feel, but we might work. And I'm willing to gamble on that chance, small as it may be." 

"So am I." The words seem a bit minor compared to Claude's meaningful ones, but Dimitri truly does feel the same way. 

"Perfect. So let's get this back-up friend thing going so I'll be more comfortable with us taking the risk." 

The blonde can't help the smile that forms on his face. Claude really does want to fall for him, just like he said he did. Dimitri shouldn't mess up now. He'll do anything it takes to increase their chances of succeeding, and he'll believe that Claude knows what it takes. 

But who should he contact? He knows who he's choosing between, that much is obvious. Either Ingrid, Felix or Sylvain. But who of the three? 

"What's up, buttercup?" 

"Oh, sorry. I was just wondering who to text." 

"Hmm, good one. You had three friends right?" 

Dimitri nods, after which Claude continues.

"Okay. So we're probably after the person you had the deepest connection with. Or maybe the one you feel would be most forgiving towards your 'behavior'. I still think they're at fault for giving up on you. But yeah, I don't think I can help you with this one, since I probably don't know them." 

Right. Although, Claude's advice does help a little. Dimitri doesn't deem Felix the most forgiving person, so he's not the one to contact first. He thinks he even recalls Felix calling him a boar at some point. 

Then… Ingrid. He does feel as if he had the deepest connection with her, especially because they grew romantic feelings for each other at some point. But that might also be a reason for Ingrid to shut him out if he tries to get back in touch with her. 

Sylvain then. If Dimitri is correct, Sylvain likely still hasn't changed since back then. He'll still be easy-going, relaxed, and hopefully the most forgiving of the three. 

"I think Sylvain is the safest option," Dimitri tells Claude. 

Said man nods, both to show he heard and to encourage Dimitri to take his phone. 

So Dimitri does, and he goes straight to Sylvain's contact. But what if his number is unavailable? Maybe Sylvain's changed his number over time. 

And what is he going to say?! 'Hello Sylvain, what's up old friend?'. That sounds disgusting. He shouldn't send that. 

But what _should_ he send then? Just 'hello'? 'How have you been?'? 

His chat with Sylvain is empty, since he's using his new phone. The messages weren't transferred over, or perhaps his phone deleted them because it's been years since it was last opened. Either way, the emptiness gives Dimitri a weird feeling. As if he's about to send a message to a stranger. 

Maybe he is. 

"You okay?" 

For a moment, the blonde forgot about Claude sitting next to him. He could just ask him. 

"I don't know what to say, if I'm being honest." 

"Understandable. It's been quite some time since you last spoke to him, right? Maybe just start with something simple. A greeting, maybe? And let him know who the message belongs to." 

Dimitri types a greeting, and signs the message with his name, but it's still weird to him. He deletes it, types it again, deletes it again. 

He bites his lip. Why did he think this would be easy? He really wants to get back in contact with Sylvain, as well as Ingrid and Felix, but how could he ever make up for what he did? Can he really just waltz back into their lives, calling himself their friend when he's been neglecting them all this time? 

"Would… you like me to do it?" 

Dimitri's eyes meet Claude's within a millisecond. "You mean it?" 

"Yeah. I mean, I know I'm supposed to let you do as many things by yourself as possible and all, but I don't really believe in that. I think you should get the support you need until you're comfortable enough to try it out on your own. That goes way against everything I've learned though," he admits with a sheepish smile. 

In all honesty, Dimitri doesn't care about what Claude's learned. He completely agrees that he should get the support he needs. 

Without another word, the blonde practically shoves his phone into Claude's hands, earning a chuckle from the tanned man. 

"Do you want to read it before I send it?" 

The taller man shakes his head. "No, I'd rather not. I'll probably overthink it. You just send it and keep the phone until you get a reply. And then you read that first too and see if I can read it and if not, I'd like you to delete it. Uhm, if you're okay with all that, I mean." 

Another chuckle leaves Claude's lips. "Okay, you got it." 

He starts typing into the phone with quickly moving thumbs. Dimitri is not surprised anymore that Claude managed to reply to him so fast every time.

"Well then, that's that. You sure you want me to keep the phone?" He asks once he's done. 

Dimitri's eyes refuse to leave the device in Claude's tanned hands, but he still nods. He believes he'll be less stressed about it if it's out of his own hands. 

But as time passes, Dimitri finds himself getting more and more antsy. He thinks he heard his phone buzz, but Claude is still talking. While he doesn't want to be rude and interrupt Claude's story, he is practically dying to know if he got a response from Sylvain.

"...should I check?" 

"Yes. Please. I'm dying." 

The shorter man snickers as he takes the device into his hands again. 

"He did reply…" The last letter is stretched, indicating Claude isn't done talking yet. 

Dimitri is feeling incredibly anxious. What if Sylvain isn't as forgiving as he thought he'd be? 

But Claude smiles and hands him his phone. "You got nothing to worry about." 

With increased heartbeat, Dimitri receives his phone.

* * *

**_Sylvain_ **

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Hey Sylvain. How are you? I know it's been a while, but I hope you're doing alright._

_Dimitri._

_19:08_

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _what_

_19:22_

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _is this happening_

_19:22_

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _Dimitri is that really you? Omg dude how have YOU been it's been forever_

_19:23_

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _i can't fucking believe it i miss you so much_

_19:23_

* * *

  
  


Overwhelmed by emotions, Dimitri's eyes tear up. He doesn't know whether to smile or bawl his eyes out, so in the end he does neither. He just sits there, staring at his phone, wondering why Sylvain isn't cussing the life out of him. 

"He's not angry," Dimitri whispers more to himself than Claude. 

"No, he's not. See that? He actually misses you." 

"He misses me," Dimitri repeats. 

He can't even begin to comprehend the words. Sylvain misses Dimitri. Even after what he did, all the horrible things he said. Sylvain still _cares._ He hasn't forgotten him. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I miss you too._

_19:36_

* * *

  
  


A tear rolls down his cheek, despite his attempts to blink them away. Before he can wipe it off, Claude's sleeve has already made its way to his face, gently rubbing his cheek clean.

"Do you want some time to catch up with him? I'll order some food for us in the meantime." 

"You don't mind?" While he appreciates the sentiment, it doesn't feel right to neglect Claude in order to catch up with Sylvain. 

Claude came all the way out here to see Dimitri, so it would be rude to swap him for Sylvain now. 

"No, of course not. It's obvious how much you needed this, so use this moment and do what you have to. I'll order some food and maybe you can turn on a movie or something for me to watch. I don't mind, really." 

"I'll try not to take too long." 

"Do what you have to," Claude repeats. "Want pizza?" 

"Pizza sounds good." 

"Any preference?" 

"None with garlic or onions, if possible." 

"Got it. I'll just move to the kitchen to give you some privacy." 

"You don't have to-" He wants to say, but Claude already has his back turned to him. 

He's not upset, is he? No, no. Surely he isn't. 

His phone buzzed in his hand a minute or two ago, so he unlocks the device as quickly as he can. 

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _omfg i'm so glad to hear from you after all this time_

_19:40_

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _how are you?_

_19:40_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I'm doing better. I'm sorry for what I said to you and the way I treated you. You didn't deserve any of that. I'm honestly surprised you aren't angry with me_

_19:43_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _If you really aren't, I mean. I wouldn't blame you if you are._

_19:43_

* * *

  
  


Shit, he double-texted. And he stupidly assumed that Sylvain isn't angry. 

Anxiously, Dimitri waits for Sylvain to come online. He can hear Claude's now familiar voice coming from the kitchen as he orders food for the both of them. 

Ah, he should have told Claude that he can't finish a whole pizza on his own. Maybe not even more than two pieces. Oh well, he'll just throw it away then. 

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _okay idk why you even think i'd be mad, i mean if anything i thought you'd still be mad with me_

_19:44_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Oh, that… I'd like to apologize for my outburst back then. It wasn't fair or me to blame you, or Ingrid or Felix for what happened. None of you were at fault and you were only trying to help, yet I was too blinded by grief to notice. So, for that I'm sorry. Thank you for not being angry_

_19:45_

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _no don't apologize, i understand sorta why you reacted like that_

_19:45_

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _anyone in your situation would've gotten pissed when hearing to 'just move on already' from someone you consider a friend_

_19:46_

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ngl we were all a bit fed up with your negativity which led to felix snapping like that, but we were in the wrong, not you so please don't feel guilty_

_19:47_

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _we deserved those words, harsh as they were and honestly we were scared to contact you again after and now i feel like shit for not reaching out to you much sooner_

_19:47_

* * *

  
  


It's exactly like Claude said. They'd given up on Dimitri after all. But that's all in the past, right? Dimitri said harsh things to them, and he's nothing if not glad that Sylvain doesn't blame him. He doesn't know if Felix would feel the same way as Sylvain, but that's exactly why the blonde had picked Sylvain to contact in the first place.

"Still doing okay?" Claude asks as he settles down next to Dimitri again.

"Yeah. He's really not angry. He doesn't even blame me for what happened, so I hope we can maybe become friends again." 

"I think you can. Actually, I'm sure that you can. Aren't you?" 

Is Dimitri sure that he can be friends with Sylvain again? Well, no, not entirely. 

"Confidence would be a good look on you." Claude's words penetrate through Dimitri's cloud of insecurity. 

"Isn't that a good look on anyone?" 

"Hm, maybe. But it'd look good especially on you. I mean, you're already handsome. Imagine if you actually believed that yourself." 

"I can't imagine that. It's a ridiculous thought." 

"No, don't say that. You're handsome. And you can pick up your friendship with Sylvain too." 

"I-I'd like that to be true," Dimitri admits. 

"Just go ahead and try it. You'll see." The shorter man gets up from his seat and walks over to the tv. "Can I watch something? Unless Sylvain is busy, of course." 

"No, go ahead. Here," Dimitri as well gets up to turn on his television and start up Netflix. "You can pick something you like." 

He doesn't use it a lot himself, but this way, Claude can watch whatever he enjoys. 

They settle down on the couch again, Claude sitting significantly closer to Dimitri than before. 

If he wanted to, he could lean against Dimitri with one tiny shift in position. Not that Dimitri would mind. On the contrary; he'd love for Claude to curl against his side. 

But Claude stays right where he is, even after he started up a movie. "I don't mind being distracted by anything while watching a movie, so don't worry about bothering if you want to tell me something." 

"Oh, okay. That's good to know." 

Maybe Claude needs some stimulation? If Dimitri would put his arm around Claude's shoulders, maybe… 

The taller man stretches his arm in an attempt to be subtle, but the sleeve of his sweater crawls up his wrist as he moves. A small red cut becomes visible only very briefly, but it's enough to send Dimitri into near-panic mode. 

Claude looks at him questioningly, but doesn't comment, even when Dimitri doesn't elaborate. 

Phew, that was close. Or maybe it wasn't, Claude is much more perceptive than Dimitri gives him credit for. Maybe Claude saw, but he doesn't say anything out of politeness about the sensitive subject. 

But that's okay. As long as Claude doesn't say anything, Dimitri won't have to worry about explaining himself. 

He decides to just turn his attention back to his phone, where he realizes he hasn't replied to Sylvain yet. 

Oops. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I would really appreciate it if it's possible to move on from that. I said some unforgiving things, which I hope you can still forgive me for._

_19:53_

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _yeah of course all was forgiven the second it came out of your mouth, could you find it in your heart to forgive me too?_

_19:55_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I never had a grudge, honestly. I was only really scared that you were angry with me, which is why I was scared to reach out to you again_

_19:55_

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _wow i guess we're both idiots then huh? I was sitting here waiting for you because i was scared you were angry with me_

_19:56_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _I suppose we really are two idiots then. Have you been doing alright?_

_19:56_

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _yeah i've been good, same old same old but what about you tho? In more detail pls_

_19:56_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Right, sorry. I've had a rough time since then, but I feel as if I'm slowly crawling back up now. I'm seeing a therapist since a few weeks ago, which I should have done much earlier to be honest. But yeah, I'm okay right now._

_19:57_

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _i'm super glad about that, tho honestly i kinda got the idea you're doing better, otherwise you probably wouldn't have messaged me_

_19:57_

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _we should hang out soon, i wanna see you again because i really missed you, you know_

_19:57_

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _i'll invite ingrid and felix too! You talking to them?_

_19:58_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Oh, no, I'm not. I was a bit scared to contact either of them, they're a bit more intense than you. I hope it's okay if we can meet up alone first? Not that I don't want to see the others, but I'd be more comfortable moving one step at a time_

_19:58_

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _yeah of course, no problem_

_19:59_

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _I don't even blame you for feeling that way_

_19:59_

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _i'm not looking forward to them finding out i'm talking to you right now tho, but i'll cover for you buddy no problem_

_20:00_

* * *

Reconnecting with Sylvain is much, much easier than Dimitri could have ever expected. Unfortunately, Sylvain had to leave a short while after eight, so Dimitri settles for watching the movie Claude picked out. 

Sometime during the movie, the doorbell rings, indicating that the pizzas arrived. 

Dimitri shifts in his seat uncomfortably, leading to Claude shouting that he'll be right there to the pizza guy. 

"Thank you so much." 

Claude only laughs and shakes his head as he walks to the door. "You'll be paying then!" 

Oh, right. Duh. Dimitri rushes to fetch his wallet and then speeds over to Claude, making sure he stays out of sight from the delivery guy. 

"Here," Dimitri whispers as he gives Claude a fifty-euro bill. "Tell him to keep the change." 

Claude looks a bit dumbfounded, but still complies.

The pizza guy says his thanks and leaves again, Claude bringing the two pizza boxes back into Dimitri's kitchen. 

"That was a big tip," Claude comments as he opens one of the boxes. 

"Uhm, yeah, it's alright. He came all the way out here in a snowstorm, so…" 

Claude squints his eyes at him, but relents quickly enough. 

They continue watching, eating their dinner on Dimitri's couch. Claude almost said something about how good the pizza tasted, until he realized that Dimitri can't actually taste it. He just continued eating. 

It's a little bit funny to Dimitri, but he doesn't decide to comment any further. He eats the two slices he predicted he would be able to finish and Claude is the one to set the boxes on the kitchen counter, much to Dimitri's dismay. 

Even more to Dimitri's dismay, it's nearing eleven, which means Claude will be leaving soon. 

"Is it still snowing?" He asks hopefully. 

He's not sure what they're supposed to do if it keeps snowing all night, yet he still hopes for it. 

Claude looks out the window, and then shakes his head. "The weather channel says it's going to be clear until at least tomorrow." 

"So… You could stay a bit longer, right..?" 

Claude smiles affectionately. "So precious. But I don't know if I should though. I'm getting a bit tired and I don't want to risk getting in an accident. Plus, maybe my mom is still up. I'd like to talk to her as soon as possible." 

Right. He should be going home. Yet, even while knowing this, Dimitri still can't help but feel disappointed. Suddenly watching the movie seems like a huge waste of precious time he could have spent talking with Claude. 

"It's alright. I'll let you know how our talk went. But, even if it doesn't go well, can I still come over another time?" 

"Yes! Uhm, I mean, I would love that." 

"Perfect. I'll text you okay? When I get home and after I talked to my mom." He starts putting on his coat. 

Disappointment settles in Dimitri's gut as he watches Claude. He can't believe he's leaving already. There were so many more things he would have liked to talk about. 

"What's your favorite color?" Dimitri asks quietly.

Claude looks up at him. "Blue." 

"Blue is a nice color. How old are you?" 

Claude's lips curve into a fond smile. "I'm nineteen. I'm turning twenty this summer." 

"You are like the summer." 

"Weird way of saying that I'm hot." 

"Never mind. Go away, go home." 

Claude laughs loudly before he steps closer to Dimitri. "You really are precious. Thank you for today, seriously. I guess I've been delusional this whole time, so I'm glad you managed to open my eyes. I don't think I would have listened to anyone else though. Most people wouldn't understand the desperate feeling of trying to be happy when it feels impossible. But if anyone knows, it's you. I'm glad you found the courage to come and see me, even if you were terrified." 

He takes a hold of Dimitri's hand, while the blonde is still busy with letting the words sink into his mind. He stands up on his tippy-toes, bringing his face even closer to Dimitri's. 

"Uhm-" 

Claude's lips softly brush over the skin of Dimitri's cheek before he kisses it, seemingly setting the whole area on fire with only a gentle touch.

"And thank you for the scarf. I still can't believe you gave it to me, but I promise I'll take good care of it." 

"U-uhm, y-yeah. Sure. Yeah. O-okay." Dimitri's brains are having a complete shut-down from Claude's kiss on his cheek. 

"You're adorable. Be good while I'm gone, okay?" 

Instead of saying anything, Dimitri nods eagerly. Obviously nothing understandable would have come out of his mouth anyway. 

"Byebye." Claude smiles his signature bright smile and Dimitri just stares at him unintelligently. 

The sound of his door snapping shut jolts him back into reality. 

Claude just left. Dimitri is back on his own again, inside his apartment that's a little too warm for his comfort. 

But instead of feeling depressed, he actually feels okay given the circumstances. Sure, he's all alone again, but he feels all giddy and delighted. 

He heads into his living room to turn off the television before he tidies up his kitchen. It's not enough to last him the half- hour it takes Claude to drive home, so he decides to wait for the text while he lies in bed. 

Social interaction really drains his energy, Dimitri finds as he's comfortable in his bed, feeling his eyelids getting heavier. He refuses to fall asleep before the redeeming text though, so he holds out until then. 

In the meantime, he reads his conversation with Sylvain again. How amazing is it that he got back in contact with him? And that's all thanks to Claude.

Or actually, it's all thanks to hAppy, isn't it? Maybe that silly App actually does its name justice after all. Who would have thought?

The device vibrates in his hold, and Dimitri doesn't need to guess that he got a message from Claude.

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _i made it back home safely :)_

_23:42_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _and mom is still up so im gonna have a talk with her right now_

_23:42_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _please send thoughts and prayers_

_23:42_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _Thpighrs sns lrauees_

_23:43_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _thanks, that helps HAHAHAH ill let u know tmrw bc ur probably tired rn_

_23:43_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _goodnight dima :) <3 _

_23:43_

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ <2 _

_23:44_

* * *

  
  


Dimitri doesn't remember falling asleep, but when he wakes up, the first thing he does is check his messages. 

He feels like the luckiest person in the world as he reads the last message Claude sent him.

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _so i just talked to her and she cried and i cried but hers were happy tears and idek what mine were but i was a mess but long story short_

_1:28_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _she's actually genuinely happy for me and she said she really wants to meet u_

_1:28_

* * *

  
  


**_Extra : _ **

"Mama?" Claude walks into his living room, heart beating in his throat. 

He knows his mom is still up; the lights were on. 

Is he really going to do this? 

"Hmm? What is it, love?" His mother, Tiana, asks right as she puts a pie in the oven.

Yep, he's really going to do this. 

"Uhm, can I talk to you about something? It's pretty serious." 

She wipes her hands off on her apron before she faces Claude. She smiles, but Claude can see a hint of worry in her kind eyes. 

"Okay, well, first of all, what are you doing baking a pie at midnight?" 

She looks at the clock, then back to Claude. "It's not midnight yet," she deadpans. 

"No, but- no, never mind. That's not what I wanted to talk about. Although that does smell good." 

"Right? It's breakfast pie. My own recipe." She looks proudly at the oven. 

"Can't wait. But are you up for a talk right now?" 

"Yes, love, of course. What's got you looking so troubled?" 

"Honestly, it's something I've been dealing with for a while. I don't even know where to start explaining. I know you've had a hard time raising me on your own, practically. Dad's never around, so everything came down on your shoulders, and I hate how much of a brat I was before I realized how good of a mother you really are." 

"Baby, that's what being a mama is all about. I love you to death." 

"I know. I love you too. There's just something that… I don't know. Something you might not love about me." 

"Don't be silly." 

"I'm not being silly. I'm really scared to tell you. I just don't want you to be disappointed in me." 

And there it is; the lump in his throat, making his voice all hoarse and ugly. 

"I could never be disappointed in you, my love. Why do you even think I would be? You're the love of my life, and you always will be, no matter what." 

"Ah great, here it comes. Please ignore that." 

"Sweetheart, don't cry. There's no need to cry. Just tell me what's on your heart. I promise you, I won't be disappointed." 

"Say that after you heard what I'm trying to tell you." The young man sniffles softly. 

"Okay, I'll tell you after too then." 

Claude takes a deep breath. Telling Dimitri was _much_ easier. 

"I'm just going to say it." 

His mom nods. "Of course." 

"I'm falling for someone." 

A smile gets plastered to her delicate face immediately. "Oh, sweetheart. I'm so happy for you! Please don't tell me it's Hilda though. Oh, Claude, please don't tell me it's Hilda after all." 

Knowing how much his mom actually dislikes Hilda, this reaction doesn't come completely unexpectedly. Thankfully, he can safely tell her that he's not, in fact, falling for Hilda.

"No, it's not Hilda. It's uhm… Do you remember when I was talking on the phone with someone until pretty late?" 

Seeing his mother's delighted reaction to his first statement ushered some confidence into his being. Maybe this won't be so dreadful after all. 

"Yes… Yeah, I think I remember that. Do I know her?"

Claude bites his lip as he gathers enough courage to confess his inner turmoil.

"No, you don't. And it's well… not a… you know… her." 

His mother's eyebrows scrunch up in confusion. 

"Uhm… His name is Dimitri. I actually went to meet him for the first time today. He's… he's great. I like him. A lot. And he likes me too. Even more than I like him. And uhm. There's a large possibility that we might start dating. Unless you disagree with that, of course." 

By the time Claude is done with talking, his eyes are producing tears at a rapid pace. His throat feels tight and he's unsure of how to act in front of his mother's own piercing eyes. 

"Do you really mean that?" 

Can he still go back? No, he spilled too much. She'd never believe him if he brushes it off like a joke. 

So he nods, not trusting his voice enough to speak up. 

"Oh, baby." She bites her lip in an attempt to stop her own tears from falling. 

For a second, Claude takes the tears as a bad thing, fearing she might start sobbing in disgust. 

But instead, she approaches him with her arms spread wide, silently asking for a hug which Claude is extremely happy to provide.

"I'm so glad you finally told me. I was worried you'd never find the courage, but I'm so glad you did." 

"Wait, you knew?" 

"I had an idea. I think I realized after seeing you torture yourself by being in a relationship with Hilda for so long. But baby, I'm happy for you. Genuinely happy. You deserve all the good things in this world. And if Dimitri is one of those, then you deserve him too." 

Instead of answering, Claude just holds his mother's smaller body tighter.

"I want to meet him first though. Before you two start dating. No more Hildas, not on my watch." 

The young man releases his tight hold, wiping at his eyes. "Yeah, okay. If that's all it takes." 

He'd gladly do whatever his mom orders him if it means he can give his all to Dimitri after. 

"Did you really want my permission first?" 

"Well, yeah. Honestly, I didn't even want to tell you, like… ever. It's all because of Dimitri, really." 

"I'll be sure to thank him when he comes over. Hell, I'll drop to my knees and worship him." 

"He wouldn't want you to do that. You'll humble him." 

"What should I do?" 

"Just don't mention his parents. And don't touch my new scarf." 

"Oh, did the boy go shopping _again?_ Where are you planning to leave all those clothes?" 

"I'll be wearing that scarf every day, so don't worry." 

"Well, if you say so. I love you." 

"I love you too, mama. Thank you for being amazing." 

"That's what I'm mama for, love." 


	12. Good job

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey y'all!! Here is another chap!
> 
> Introducing not only Sylvain, but ANOTHER character :D
> 
> I was happy about that bc I hadn't meant to introduce that one but I just feel like I nailed them
> 
> Either way, there's going to be like 2 chats simultaneously at some points, so I hope it's not too confusing to read  
> But just to clear it up anyway; the sole name on top of the message indicates which conversation it is
> 
> Furthermore, enjoy!! :) hope y'all like the bit of fluff I put in there

The delight Dimitri is feeling right now is undescribable. Claude's mother actually accepts it. 

She accepts Claude's biggest secret. 

So, that should mean that they can start going out, right? Or should they see each other a few more times? But they can also meet  _ while _ they're dating… 

No, he's being too hasty. There's no reason to rush anything. Dimitri still has plenty to work on regarding himself, so maintaining a romantic relationship might be just a bit too much right now. Despite how much he'd like to be closer to Claude. 

Claude… God, he's so amazing. He's gorgeous, he's thoughtful, he's funny. Dimitri could go on and on about everything Claude is, but there is but one word to describe the tanned beauty; perfect. 

Yup, Dimitri should definitely work on himself first. Claude said he'd like to fall for Dimitri, so the blonde should do everything within his power to accommodate Claude's wish. If Dimitri would improve, it would definitely make it easier for Claude to fall for him.

But where should he  _ start?  _

He should start with taking better care of himself. Claude looks like he puts quite some effort in his looks, given that he looked as if he stepped right out of a magazine. So Dimitri should  _ try  _ to match that. 

But he doesn't know what Claude likes in a guy. Would it be weird if he asked? But what if Claude himself doesn't even know? 

The tanned man didn't seem to be repelled by anything regarding Dimitri's looks. But surely there are plenty of things Claude would change if he could. 

Distracted by his inner turmoil, the blonde completely forgets to reply to Claude's good news. He puts his phone away and gets up from his bed, ready to start his Saturday. 

As he checks his cupboards for today's breakfast, one thing he needs to change becomes very apparent; his diet. 

Thankfully, Claude has given him a start with that by sending him the list of ingredients that can help him gain weight. He's pretty certain he hasn't ordered the products yet, so that's what he does first thing. He heads back into the bedroom to unlock his phone.

A notification from hAppy tells him he has yet to receive today's challenge. Might as well do that first. He taps the notice to see what today's message will be. 

_ 'Today, I challenge you to…'  _

He continues.

_ '...To  _ tell _ yourself you're doing a good job every time you do!'  _

To tell himself he's doing a good job when he does? When he does a good job, it means? That can't be too hard. 

Dimitri accepts it and the clock shows him he has little over ten hours to complete it. Technically, it would mean he has to wait until the last minute to register that he's completed it, otherwise he might miss a few 'good jobs'. 

Ugh, is he really supposed to  _ tell _ himself he did good? Like, with using his voice? Isn't that weird? And that also means he has to remind himself constantly in his mind, otherwise he might forget about it. 

But Claude said that trying is what matters in the end. And since he already accepted the challenge, he might as well try to complete it. 

Is… this a good-job-moment? Is he supposed to tell himself he's doing good by trying to complete the challenge? 

"...G-good job," he whispers, almost scared that someone might hear him despite being completely alone. 

Yeah, that was weird. Very weird. Is this really going to help him? He doubts it, but he also doubted that complimenting a stranger would get him anywhere. 

He couldn't be more happier about that particular challenge, and especially because of the way it turned out. So that's why, as silly as it may be, Dimitri will pat himself on the back every time he feels he does something good. 

It takes a few seconds to remember why he needed his phone. It wasn't to complete hAppy's challenge… Oh! Right, order new groceries. 

He starts up the App of the store he always orders his groceries from and one by one, he puts the products on the list Claude sent him in his shopping basket. And he also makes sure to add a few other things, like many different drinks and snacks, for Claude if he comes over again. When he's at the end of the list, the last message catches his eye once more. 

It says that exercise helps him gain weight, and somehow the smiley face attached to that simple line tells Dimitri exactly what he needs to know. Or at least, he likes to think he knows what it means. 

Claude likes muscles on a guy. 

He commented on the blonde's broad shoulders too, so that finalizes it. Dimitri needs to work out and build muscle, and then Claude will find him more attractive. 

"Good job," he tells himself with a bit more confidence. There's even a smile on his face. 

He completes the order and sends it, receiving the confirmation almost immediately. He made use of the deluxe delivery for the first time, so now his groceries will arrive today. 

"Uhm… good job, again?" It just went back to sounding weird.

He shouldn't be complimenting himself so often, it's wrong. It's not like he put in that much effort to deserve it; all he did was make an order. Why would he even tell himself he did a good job on that? Silly. 

So. Exercise. Hmm.

He could go for a jog, right? But people will see him outside… And the gym is probably crowded. Not to mention he needs a subscription to use it. 

Okay, no jog then. It's not like he'll get that many muscles by running anyway. Well then, maybe… Push-ups! Yeah, doing those will grow some muscles in his arms! 

He walks into his living room, where he has enough space to lie face down on the floor, and pushes himself up. Once, twice… He doesn't manage to get more than four, which is pretty lame. 

He thought he'd be able to make at least ten, or even more. And worst of all, he's actually panting hard and his upper arms feel sore already. But that's okay, he'll try again in a few minutes. It's all about training. 

Let's see, what else can he do here in his home? Sit-ups? Jumping jacks? He might as well try. 

Sit-ups are easier than push-ups, he finds, but he's not good at those either. And jumping jacks make him feel strangely self-conscious, so he stops doing that after a record of two seconds. 

...This is not going well. Does he really need to hit the gym in order to work out?  _ Really? _

This is torture! 

He flops down on his couch, phone in his hand. He intended to use it to look up some exercises he could do in the safe environment of the inside of his home, but the new message he received from Claude distracts him immediately. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ okay im just gonna assume u didnt reply bc u were so happy that u forgot to msg me ;)  _

_ 8:32 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ but thats okay i still cant believe shes actually okay with it either _

_ 8:32 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ good morning btw! How are u? _

_ 8:33 _

* * *

  
  


Oh, shit. He forgot to reply. Talk about incompetent. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I'm so very sorry, I completely forgot to respond! Perhaps you're right about the reason, but that doesn't make it okay. I'm really good, and super happy for you. How are you?  _

_ 8:46 _

* * *

  
  


It doesn't take long before he receives a reply. He should be used to it by now, yet the butterflies in his stomach are going berserk as soon as he sees Claude's status change to  _ online. _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ yeah im good, like really good _

_ 8:46 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ what u doing today?  _

_ 8:46 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Oh, nothing much, really. I was going to do some exercising and stuff. _

_ 8:47 _

* * *

  
  


That's subtle enough, right? He did some exercises before too. Oh, but he should have asked Claude what he'd be up to today… 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ pls dont tell me thats bc of what i said about ur weight right hahahaha bc ur fine really, i actually thought itd be worse _

_ 8:47 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ No, not really… I mean, I would like to gain weight anyway, and you said exercising helps. I also ordered the products of the list you sent me the other day :)  _

_ 8:48 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ awesome! Do u know how to cook tho?  _

_ 8:48 _

* * *

  
  


Always hitting right where it hurts. Of course Dimitri doesn't know how to cook, and of course that thought hadn't crossed his mind before. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Uhm… I could try? _

_ 8:48 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ hahahahah well its not like the taste can put u off ;)  _

_ 8:49 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Right! I hope it'll go okay _

_ 8:49 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ if u want i can come over and teach u some stuff? I dont work until tonight _

_ 8:50 _

* * *

  
  


Have Claude over  _ again? _ His heart starts pounding in his chest at the idea. He'd love for Claude to come over again. If he left now, Claude would be here in thirty to forty minutes. Although, Dimitri might need a bit more time than that to get ready. 

He hasn't dressed yet, but he should probably shower too. Oh, no. He didn't shower before he went to see Claude yesterday. He went to see him with greasy disgusting hair. Not showering has become such a terrible habit that he felt as if the one shower he had last week could last him a lifetime. 

Disappointment and disgust with himself settles in his stomach like a brick. How could he have been so careless? This is definitely not a good-job-moment. Was the challenge to reprimand himself whenever he does something stupid too? It should be. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I'd love that, although I don't think I can today… But maybe tomorrow? If that's okay with you, I mean. _

_ 8:51 _

* * *

  
  


This is probably the best thing to do. His groceries have yet to arrive as well, and he doesn't know when they'll be here. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ aw okay _

_ 8:51 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i cant tmrw tho i already have plans :( _

_ 8:51 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Oh, okay. That's alright, maybe we can meet next week then. _

_ 8:52 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ yeah sure sounds great, lmk when tho bc i might have to plan around it _

_ 8:52 _

* * *

  
  


Claude truly is a busy person, Dimitri discovers. While he would like to know what's taking up so much of Claude's time, he's also worried that it might be Hilda. Not that he has a problem with her! He doesn't even know the girl. But he might be a little jealous of her. Well, maybe a little much. 

...Who is he kidding? He'd kill to be able to call himself Claude's best friend and hang out with him whenever he'd like the way she does. 

But Dimitri still has  _ ways  _ to go, so that won't be happening in a while. And if he can't get his shit together, it might not even happen at all. 

And then the penny drops. If there is anyone Dimitri knows who can make good impressions on literally  _ anyone,  _ it has got to be Sylvain. He can just ask him! 

"Good job," he mutters. 

Despite finding it silly, he finds that it  _ does  _ help to tell himself those exact words. He already doesn't hear them often, but he  _ never  _ hears them from himself. Unless it's meant sarcastically. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Well, maybe next Saturday? Would that work for you? _

_ 8:52 _

* * *

  
  


As soon as he sent the message, he opens the conversation with Sylvain. A smile makes its way to his face involuntarily, but he can't even feel bothered to try and hide it. He can casually text Sylvain again, and it's  _ okay  _ to do so.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Good morning, Sylvain! I'm sorry to bother you this early in the morning, but if it's not too much trouble, could I ask you for some advice?  _

_ 8:53 _

* * *

  
  


And for good measures, he adds another message.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ From Dimitri _

_ 8:53 _

* * *

  
  


Was this really the right decision though? What if Sylvain doesn't want to help him? What if he feels annoyed by Dimitri's request? They only got back in touch last night, and Dimitri is already asking for favors.

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ Oh, never mind. I'm sorry to have bothered. Please ignore all that! I hope you'll have a good day today  _

_ 8:54 _

* * *

  
  


Ugh, how many texts is he going to send? If Sylvain wasn't annoyed at first, he definitely is now. 

"Not a good job.  _ Terrible  _ job." 

In the meantime, Claude has messaged him, so he opens that conversation instead. Texting Claude makes him feel happier and much more confident. 

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _ yeah sure! Im coming over again then right?  _

_ 8:52 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ If you're okay with it. I don't want you to be bothered by the drive here _

_ 8:55 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Oh, I know! I'll pay for the gas. Actually, I'll pay double, and for your time too! _

_ 8:55 _

* * *

"Good job." 

Claude shouldn't have to pay for the gas, or waste all that time for nothing. He could spend it better by studying or literally anything else that doesn't have to do with Dimitri.

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ dude what? _

_ 8:56 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ im not an escort HAHAHAHAHA u dont have to pay for me to come over _

_ 8:56 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ No, that's not how I meant it! I just think that you don't have to come here for nothing. You wasted plenty of time on me yesterday too, so _

_ 8:57 _

* * *

  
  


God, what a stupid thing to say! Even Dimitri should have realized how easily that can be misunderstood. His cheeks are warm from the familiar sense of embarrassment. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ no bby dont do that, dont say those things _

_ 8:57 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i mean do u even realize how much u helped me yesterday  _

_ 8:58 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ my time was not wasted and u are absolutely worth spending time with  _

_ 8:58 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Do you really think so? _

_ 8:59 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ uh yeah! Duh dude i literally told my mom im gay bc of u like i would NEVER have decided to do so otherwise _

_ 8:59 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ and its bc i wanna give u and myself a chance at being in a happy relationship  _

_ 8:59 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ bc i think we both deserve it by now :) <3 _

_ 9:00 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I would really like to believe that :) <3 _

_ 9:00 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ hey are u smiling rn _

_ 9:00 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Yes, very much so actually. Are you?  _

_ 9:01 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ send me a pic? :)  _

_ 9:01 _

* * *

  
  


Dimitri nearly drops his phone at seeing Claude's request. Send a picture? Of his  _ face?  _ He could never make a picture of his face. Never. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Uhm, sorry, I hope you don't mind if I don't.  _

_ 9:02 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ aw bby dont be shy, ur really handsome when u smile ;)  _

_ 9:02 _

* * *

  
  


Claude really needs to stop calling him 'bby' for Dimitri feels like he might faint. Hold on, is Claude _flirting?_ Oh, no. Dimitri couldn't flirt back if his life depended on it! 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I don't really think so, if I'm being honest. But thank you!  _

_ 9:03 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ goddamn are u really gonna make me wait a whole week til i can see u again? Thats unfair dima :( _

_ 9:03 _

* * *

  
  


If anyone is being unfair, it's definitely Claude right now. How is he supposed to say no? He wants to appease Claude so bad, but not at his own expense. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Well, at least you'd still be excited to come see me next week right?  _

_ 9:03 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ okay yeah fair point i guess _

_ 9:04 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ okay ill admit defeat this time but dont expect such an easy victory next time around  _

_ 9:04 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Thank you, maybe next time you ask I'll be more comfortable to send you one :)  _

_ 9:04 _

* * *

Emphasizing the  _ maybe. _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ ill hold you to that ;) hows the exercising going?  _

_ 9:05 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Oh! You're terribly distracting Claude. I completely forgot about it _

_ 9:05 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ HAHAHA again, im sorry bby i wont distract u anymore _

_ 9:05 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ have fun! Tho i wouldnt mind if u paid me some attention every once in a while ;) _

_ 9:06 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I will, I promise! I probably won't take long anyway _

_ 9:06 _

* * *

  
  


He noticed when he was talking with Claude that he got a message from Sylvain as well. Although, if he's being honest, he's scared to open the conversation. No doubt Sylvain is angry about his selfish request. 

So what should he do? He could just ignore Sylvain's rage and look up some exercises online. But Sylvain probably saw he was online, so he's likely expecting an answer. Or rather, an apology. 

He does owe Sylvain an apology. At the least. And maybe he should buy him a gift to make it up to him for everything he's already said to him before. 

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ wow bro calm down lol i thought we established peace between us _

_ 8:57 _

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ what's got your panties in a knot? _

_ 8:57 _

* * *

  
  


Sylvain is… not mad? Yeah, sure, they somewhat made up, but does that really mean Dimitri can selfishly ask for favors already? As if they're  _ friends  _ again, just like before? That's simply too good to be true.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Well, yes, I believe we did. Although I wasn't certain whether it was appropriate to ask you for favors already. That's terribly selfish of me, so I'm sorry about that _

_ 9:08 _

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ lol dude of course that's okay, if anything i'm glad to be able to help you with whatever is on your plate _

_ 9:08 _

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ and also i'm feeling very honored to have you recognize my talents in giving advice, ingrid and felix have long given up on asking me anything lol  _

_ 9:09 _

* * *

  
  


Honestly, that's not very surprising. Even if Sylvain has good advice sometimes, it's rather unethical more often than not. But still, Dimitri couldn't really ask Claude for advice on how to impress the man himself, and Edelgard simply isn't an option. Though it's questionable he'd get any helpful advice from her in the first place.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ You have helped me numerous times before, which I'm very thankful for. So, if it's not too much trouble, I would gladly hear your advice on my current predicament _

_ 9:09 _

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ yeah dude of course _

_ 9:10 _

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ wanna talk in person? I can come to you _

_ 9:10 _

* * *

  
  


Ugh, it wouldn't be fair to reject Claude first and have Sylvain come over instead. But he  _ would  _ like to see his old friend again. Does he need to ask for Claude's permission first? 

But wait, he said his goodbyes to Claude, yet he's still online. What if Claude sees? Would he be hurt, just like Dimitri was when Claude said he was going to leave but didn't? What kind of a horrible friend is he? 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Uhm, I'll have to think about it for a bit. I'll tell you in a minute or so! _

_ 9:11 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude_ **

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I'm so sorry for not leaving when I said I was going to! I promise I didn't mean to lie, but I had a question for Sylvain and we talked a bit after. I hope you don't feel as if I was trying to avoid talking to you because that's not at all what I was doing. I will exercise! _

_ 9:12 _

* * *

  
  


Why is he stupid?

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain_ **

**_Sylvain:_ ** _ yeah sure take your time, i still need to shower and do my hair and stuff anyway _

_ 9:12 _

* * *

  
  


Okay, at least that's one problem almost fixed. How is he supposed to decide whether or not to meet up with Sylvain? What if Claude finds out? He'd be angry, Dimitri is sure of it. So that would mean he shouldn't meet with Sylvain. 

But Claude did seem supportive of Dimitri getting back in touch with his old friends, he even said so himself. So what should he do? 

* * *

**_Claude_ **

**_Claude:_ ** _ wait what? Why are u apologizing hahaha ur so silly _

_ 9:13 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ its all good dima, no worries so stop freaking out _

_ 9:13 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Thank you. I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me… I just really hope you're not upset or anything _

_ 9:13 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ hahah no im not, but thanks for being so thoughtful of my feelings  _

_ 9:13 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ everything alright again between u and sylvain?  _

_ 9:14 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Yes, everything is fine. I thought he'd be angry with me asking for a favor but he didn't mind at all :)  _

_ 9:14 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ see there u go! I knew u could do it _

_ 9:14 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ were u going to see him today?  _

_ 9:14 _

* * *

  
  


This is perfect..! He never told Claude why he couldn't have him over, so it's perfectly fine to lie, right? No. No, of course it's not. But Claude wouldn't be able to find out… 

Argh! Why does he have to be honest at all times?! He'll just lie. Just this once. He wouldn't hurt anyone with it. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Yeah, we'll be meeting up later. I hope you don't mind _

_ 9:15 _

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain_ **

**_Me:_ ** _ I'd like to talk with you in person, if you really are okay with it.  _

_ 9:15 _

* * *

  
  


This is really okay to do, right? Claude wouldn't find out about it, would he? But what if he does? Oh, no, he should have just been honest. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude_ **

**_Claude:_ ** _ awesome! Im happy for you :) but hey dont worry about anything okay? Yall are friends and he feels the same way  _

_ 9:16 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I truly hope so, although I'll still be nervous haha _

_ 9:16 _

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain_ **

**_Sylvain:_ ** _ perfect! Do you still live with your delightful and charming auntie?  _

_ 9:16 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ You don't have to call her that, I don't live with her anymore so she can't go through my phone now _

_ 9:18 _

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ thank the stars and heavens and whatever is up there for that _

_ 9:19 _

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ fuck she was a witch, wonder why no one's burned her alive yet _

_ 9:19 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Yes, she was definitely not a very pleasant human being. But it's okay now, I haven't spoken to her since I moved out of her house _

_ 9:20 _

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ you did great buddy, kudos _

_ 9:20 _

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ and respect that you still call her a " not very pleasant human being" when she fucked up your life even more than it already was _

_ 9:20 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ She was the one who took me in when I didn't have any other place to go… so I don't want to be too disrespectful of her. But I understand you haha  _

_ 9:21 _

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ well auntie cornelia aside, where will i find you? _

_ 9:21 _

* * *

  
  


Dimitri considers sending Sylvain his address, but then settles for asking to meet in the same cafe he and Claude went to. It was a warm and cozy place, and at least he won't have to worry about the lack of drinks and snacks. 

Oh, but his groceries might arrive while he's out… He might have to go to his neighbors to collect them. Maybe… Just maybe, Sylvain will collect them for him before he leaves. Sylvain wouldn't mind, right? Claude opened the door for the pizza delivery guy too. 

Ugh. Why can't he just muster up his own courage? 

He quickly switches from conversation, because Claude sent him another message as well. It's been a  _ long  _ time since Dimitri's had two conversations at the same time. It's not easy being mister popular. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude_ **

**_Claude:_ ** _ thats okay, being nervous is healthy _

_ 9:16 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ as long as it doesnt turn into anxiety bc thats not so good _

_ 9:17 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ if u feel like ur gonna have an attack, pls just call me okay? Or ask me to call u thats fine too ill try to calm u down as good as i can  _

_ 9:17 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Thank you, Claude. You're so kind, I can hardly believe it. Thank you for all that you do for me  _

_ 9:21 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i do it with pleasure, my dearest dima <3  _

_ 9:22 _

* * *

  
  


His dearest Dima… Dimitri could definitely get used to being called that, though he doubts he ever could. If the muscle hammering in his chest is any indication. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I will still try to make it up to you, my love <3 _

_ 9:22 _

* * *

  
  


Is that a weird thing to say? Isn't that too chummy? Why did he do that? That's embarrassing and cringey and holy shit does he regret calling Claude that. Surely Claude is laughing that endearing and lovely loud laugh of his right now. While that's not necessarily a bad thing, Dimitri just wishes it would be at an actual  _ joke _ and not the way he feels about Claude.

Because he  _ does  _ see Claude as his love. But maybe the 'my' was a bit possessive. And the 'love' was a little cliche and perhaps even too much for the stage they're in right now. 

Yup, this is why he needs Sylvain's advice. So before he gives Claude a chance to say anything, and before he even reads Sylvain's messages, Dimitri puts his phone away and gets ready to take a shower. He could definitely use one. 

As the hot water cascades down his body, his mind wanders and wanders. How is it possible for his life to become so  _ good  _ in only just one week? First he gets to know Claude, now he's back in touch with Sylvain… What did he do to deserve all that? It couldn't last. There's going to be something that will ruin all this. 

And Dimitri has a nagging suspicion that that something will be  _ him. _

He'll just have to try hard not to destroy anything he's trying to build for himself right now. Even if it's unclear how he's supposed to do that, he'll have to be prepared to do everything it takes to keep his current two friends with him. 

Hopefully even make more. 

But that's idle dreaming. He should know better than to wish for more happiness. Maybe he's starting to become greedy, but he has to be careful or he might lose it all. 

He turns off the shower, wiping it dry and gets himself dressed. He's going for the casual thick sweater paired with comfortable joggings again. It's only Sylvain, and Sylvain used to dress in casual wear like this all the time. 

He brushes his hair, then his teeth, and then checks his messages again. Hopefully Claude hadn't responded to that humiliating message, but at the same time Dimitri wants him to. 

For better or worse, Dimitri opens the chat with Claude first. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ wow that gave me butterflies but god ur such a sap _

_ 9:23 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ hey whered u go all of a sudden? _

_ 9:25 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ oh ur probably embarrassed hahaha u cutie  _

_ 9:25 _

* * *

  
  


That wasn't even so bad. He'd expected way worse, given Claude definitely has a teasing side to him. But he went easy on the blonde this time, which he is incredibly grateful for.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Sorry, I was getting ready to go see Sylvain. Although, you're right, I was definitely embarrassed by saying that _

_ 10:18 _

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain_ **

**_Sylvain:_ ** _ oh okay that's a bit further from my house than your auntie's but still doable _

_ 9:23 _

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ what time works for you? _

_ 9:24 _

* * *

  
  


Oh, Dimitri should probably have answered that before he went to shower… Stupid. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Whatever works for you is fine. It's only about a five-minute walk for me anyway _

_ 10:19 _

* * *

  
  


In the meantime, Dimitri decides to have his long-due breakfast. He settles for two slices of bread, because he thinks his stomach can handle it. He even puts a slice of cheese on them. 

As he eats, he messages back and forth with Claude a little before Sylvain gives him a time to get together. 

Not going to lie, he is starting to feel nervous now. He's seen Sylvain countless times, for countless hours, yet seeing him again after everything that happened just makes the whole ordeal uncomfortable. 

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ will 11 work for you?  _

_ 10:27 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Yes, I think I can make eleven.  _

_ 10:28 _

* * *

  
  


That's soon. That's  _ too soon. _ It's almost half past, so that means he'll be seeing Sylvain in only thirty minutes. But he already said it works, so now he has to follow through. God, he just keeps saying the wrong things today. 

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ sweet! I'll go get ready and i'll see you in half an hour _

_ 10:28 _

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ oh man i'm so excited to see you again dimitri you have no idea _

_ 10:29 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I'm excited to see you too. I honestly thought we'd never be able to hang out together _

_ 10:29 _

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ same here, but hey that's all over and done with now _

_ 10:29 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I'm really glad it is :)  _

_ 10:30 _

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ yeah me too bro i'm fucking stoked  _

_ 10:30 _

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ hey but i'll see you in a bit! Like although i roll outta bed looking handsome af, i still need a bit of time to make myself look perfect you know ;)  _

_ 10:30 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Of course, Sylvain. Don't let me stop you. _

_ 10:31 _

* * *

  
  


And now it's  _ less  _ than thirty minutes before he'll see Sylvain. Dimitri doesn't really know how long Sylvain will have to drive in order to get here, but it's probably less than the time Claude needs. 

Oh, dear. What if Sylvain will be here early? Dimitri cannot, will not repeat what happened with Claude yesterday, where he sat waiting in the cold for half an hour. No, definitely not. Dimitri will be sure to be early this time. 

He puts his used plate in the sink, cleans it and stashes it away before he gets ready to go out. He knows he'll be early, but he'll be more comfortable knowing that. 

Exercising will just have to wait until another time. Perhaps tomorrow, if he feels like it. 

He grabs his keys, wallet and phone before he walks out and locks his door behind him. As he leaves the apartment, he just notices his neighbor is coming home, likely from doing some grocery shopping. 

Should he say hello? She already saw him. And he saw her. So he should say hello, right? But he never said anything to her before, even pressing the elevator doors closed in her face quite often.

"Good morning! It's really cold again today, isn't it? Although I hope the snow won't leave soon, it gives such a pretty sight!" 

She spoke. Of course she did. He's been staring at her for at least ten seconds as he tried to decide what to do. But she spoke and Dimitri is supposed to say something back now. He can't just speed off without saying anything. 

"Oh, dear. You look as if you lost your tongue! Are you alright? Did I scare you?" She giggles and her voice is gentle, soft, sweet. 

She seems so harmless. 

"U-uhm, please forgive me for my terrible manners. I d-didn't mean to be rude. My sincere apologies." 

She giggles once more. "Don't be silly! I'm the one burdening you with a conversation out of nowhere. Although, it is nice to have heard your voice for once. You never say anything when I greet you." 

Yes, Dimitri is aware of that. And he feels ashamed of his anti-sociality, but for some reason the woman didn't sound accusing of his rude manners. She just pointed it out. 

"I know, and I'm sorry about that. I'm not very good with people…" 

"Oh, is that so? I suppose I'll leave you to your business then. Good bye, and enjoy your day!" 

She turns back to what she was doing, which was putting her key in her lock, and turns it to open her door. Right as Dimitri walks past her with a silent goodbye from himself, he hears a loud noise coming from behind him. 

"Oh, goodness, me! Why am I such a klutz?" 

The gentle lady literally dropped one of her bags of groceries, spilling all of the contents all over the floor. 

If there is anything Dimitri isn't, it's unhelpful, and so he walks back over to his neighbor to help her collect the fallen items. 

"Thank you so much. You're really sweet." 

"Y-you're welcome." 

"May I ask, what is your name? Mine is Mercedes, it's very nice to meet you." 

"Oh, uhm, my name is Dimitri. It's nice to uhm, meet you too." He hands her the few cans and packages of food that she dropped, which she takes with a grateful smile. 

"Thank you once more Dimitri. Please, let me know if I can ever do something to repay you for your kind act. Oh! I know! You live alone, don't you? Why don't you join my husband and I for dinner sometime?" She claps in her hands, almost dropping the bag once more. 

"Oh, that's very kind of you… But I'm good, thank you." 

"Alright, that's fine. But the offer still stands for anytime! My husband is an amazing cook, I promise," she says with a giant smile.

It makes Dimitri want to smile too, and he's sure it slips through his facade a little. 

"Bye now, Dimitri. And thank you once more!" 

"Uhm, yeah, you're welcome. Bye." 

He speedwalks down the hallway and towards the elevator without looking back even once. His cheeks are on fire and his heart is pounding in his chest. 

Was he rude? He probably was. Mrs. Mercedes was being very kind to him, but he was rude. Although, she didn't seem to be offended by him at all. Maybe she is really just the kind woman she appeared to be. 

But he could never just knock on her door and ask to eat dinner with her and her husband. That's just weird, even if she offered. But it was still very kind and thoughtful of her. 

Maybe next time he sees her, he might actually return her greeting. 

By the time he's at the cafe, it's nearly ten minutes before eleven. Sylvain isn't inside yet, and Dimitri considers waiting for his friend outside, on the bench he found Claude the day before. 

He knows he'll be uncomfortable waiting inside, and he might even be asked to leave if he doesn't order anything. 

Yup, he'll wait outside. 

During his wait, he decides to tell Claude about what happened in the hallway. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ and u didnt take her up on her offer?  _

_ 10:49 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Of course not! I couldn't just go knock on her door and ask to eat with her and her husband. Did you misread? I never greeted her when she said hello! That's rude!  _

_ 10:50 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ well yeah i read that part but like, she still offered despite that _

_ 10:50 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ and u told her ur not very good with ppl and u were probably a nervous wreck _

_ 10:50 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ maybe she put 2 and 2 together and figured out that ur a little socially anxious _

_ 10:50 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Then why would she invite me over for dinner? She should know I'd be terrible company _

_ 10:51 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ maybe shes a motherhen person _

_ 10:51 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ look, i doubt she invited you over so she could butcher u up and have her husband cook u for dinner _

_ 10:52 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ That thought hadn't crossed my mind yet, but thank you very much for adding to my fears _

_ 10:52 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ HAHAHA yeah sure no prob _

_ 10:52 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ but u know i was just thinking and maybe u could ask her or her husband to teach u how to cook with the ingredients? Since u gotta eat and i cant see u until next week  _

_ 10:53 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Your thinking does not line up with my comfortabilities _

_ 10:53 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ good thing i dont do it often then hahaha tho i really found this one a good idea _

_ 10:53 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ oh i know  _

_ 10:54 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i challenge u to have ur neighbor teach u how to cook _

_ 10:54 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Challenge skipped _

_ 10:54 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ :(  _

_ 10:54 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Did you truly expect anything different?  _

_ 10:55 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i expected at least a reschedule  _

_ 10:55  _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ in all seriousness tho, whats the worst that could happen?  _

_ 10:55 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I could burn her or my kitchen down, Claude. Please don't tell me that's not a big deal _

_ 10:56 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ okay yeah but heres the thing _

_ 10:56 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ she or he will be there to keep an eye on u and make sure that u dont set anything on fire _

_ 10:56 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ hence the 'teaching'  _

_ 10:57 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ You have a point but my clammy hands and sweaty back refuse to give in  _

_ 10:57 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ aw poor bby ull be fine tho! She was kind wasnt she _

_ 10:57 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Yes, she was. But still, I just don't want to bother her or her husband and ruin their day or dinner  _

_ 10:58 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ if she invited u, she wont see u as a bother, sweet dima _

_ 10:58 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ u oughta stop thinking for other ppl bc u dont really know whats going on in their head _

_ 10:58 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ u know, dima, if someone invites u and u dont show up, thats mean _

_ 10:59 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Claude, please don't do this _

_ 10:59 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ do what? _

_ 10:59 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I think you know exactly what  _

_ 11:00 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ haha yeah okay u got me _

_ 11:00 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i still think u should just take her up on her offer tho, itll be good for u to get in contact with new ppl  _

_ 11:01 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ im super proud of u for reaching out to sylvain, like seriously ur doing so good bby _

_ 11:01 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ but wouldnt u like to have idk more ppl to talk to? And especially ur neighbor theres nothing easier to just walk out ur door and move like three steps and be there _

_ 11:02 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ That sounds nice but I just don't think it's for me. I only just got back in touch with Sylvain, I think that's plenty to start with. And there's also you and I really want to make things work between you and me so I don't want to distract myself and possibly neglect you in the process _

_ 11:04 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ yeah okay, i understand _

_ 11:04 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ im sorry for trying to push u again idk why i keep doing that either _

_ 11:04 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ its wrong i know but like whenever i think of what might help u i just want u to try it and see for urself but like i dont consider ur feelings and i should  _

_ 11:05 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I would appreciate it if you could do that more. It's not that I'm extremely bothered by it, because I know you have good intentions, but I'm not good at crossing my boundaries _

_ 11:05 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ yeah i know bby, ill try to work on that _

_ 11:05 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Thank you. I know it's a whole list, but if you think there's anything I should work on too, you should let me know _

_ 11:05 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ that list isnt even as long as u think and most of it is ur anxieties which were already working on so u neednt worry about that  _

_ 11:06 _

* * *

  
  


Eyeing the time, Dimitri looks around to try and spot a familiar redhead. It's already past eleven, and though Sylvain being late isn't unheard of, Dimitri still worries something might have happened on his way here. 

But he puts his hopes on the fact that Sylvain is late more often than on time, and he waits patiently. Three more minutes, he tells himself. Then it'll be ten past and then Dimitri will feel like he has a right to be worried. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I'm glad you think so. I feel as if I've improved quite a lot since I sent you that first message :)  _

_ 11:07 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ yeah u did im in fucking awe _

_ 11:07 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ like fr im so proud of u and ur still making progress like absolutely amazing _

_ 11:08 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ It's all thanks to you though. Had you been less kind, I probably wouldn't have lasted this long or tried so hard _

_ 11:08 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ nah its all thanks to urself really _

_ 11:08 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ ur the one who sent the first msg _

_ 11:09 _

* * *

  
  


One more minute…

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ That was because I needed an easy way out of my challenge. I never imagined how well that could have worked out for me in the end, and yet I'm feeling happier than I have in a very long time _

_ 11:09 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ see, still u ;)  _

_ 11:09  _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i will not be convinced otherwise dima _

_ 11:10 _

* * *

  
  


It's ten past. Dimitri looks around once more, yet there still isn't a redhead to be seen. 

What should he do? Text him? But what if he's had an accident? He wouldn't be able to text back. 

Okay, he'll text him, and then wait five minutes for an answer before he'll ask Claude to call the emergency line. 

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain_ **

**_Me:_ ** _ Is everything alright? Can you still make it here?  _

_ 11:10 _

* * *

  
  


This is the exact same feeling of anxiety he had when he was waiting for Claude to drive here. What if Sylvain got in an accident? It'll be Dimitri's fault. 

He likes to think he's calmly waiting for an answer, but the harsh breathing ringing in his ears is unmistakably his. Shit. Not in public, please. 

Just breathe. Inhale, exhale. He does it on a daily base, so he should know how to do it. Yet, when it comes down to it, finding a good rhythm just isn't possible. He breathes in, then breathes out way too fast. 

And he's suffocating. He sucks in air, yet it doesn't seem to reach his burning lungs. His throat feels tight, his eyes are tearing up. 

God, please, not in public. 

"Hey, Dimitri? There you are! Why aren't you inside? It's freezing out here." 

He hears the voice, that oh, so familiar voice, but he can't respond. 

"Dimitri? Hey dude. You doing okay?" 

It's okay now. It's Sylvain, right there! Stop panicking, there's literally no need! 

His throat burns, his mind is foggy and his lungs are  _ screaming  _ for air. 

"Wow, fuck dude. Are you okay? Hey, Dimitri, buddy? Can you answer me? Fuck what the hell?" 

Just breathe. Sylvain is right here, he can feel his hand on his back, rubbing circles. 

"S-S-Sylvain?" 

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm here. Fuck. Uhm, Dimitri? What do I do? Does this happen often?" 

"C-C-Call… Cl-Claude…" 

"Who? What?" 

He seems to notice Dimitri's phone lying in his lap, because he snatches it right from him. 

"Claude… Claude… Claude… Oh, duh, he's right here." 

The hand still rubs circles on his back, quietly grounding Dimitri. Why is this happening? He was fine! Can he please just breathe again? 

"Claude? Hello, this is Sylvain speaking. I'm Dimitri's friend. ...Oh, you heard about me? Nice! ...Yeah. ...Yeah, I just arrived. ...Uhm, so the problem is that Dimitri seems to have forgotten what oxygen is, for he is repelling it all. ...What? ...Oh, no. Sorry, he's just not breathing. Or, rather, breathing too fast. ...I don't know if he can talk to you right now, he barely managed to tell me to call you. ...Okay so I'll just put you on speaker then? ...No, I wasn't aware that this was an emergency! Fuck. Yeah, hang on. ...Alright, it's on speaker. Please work your magic on him." 

_ "Dimitri? Dima? Can you hear me? Can you try to hold your breath for me?"  _

That's Claude's voice… Claude is on the phone right now. Just listen to that. Just follow the instructions. 

_ "Dimitri. Hold your breath for just one second. Hold it in for me, okay?"  _

Just hold in the breath. Just hold it. Claude says so, so it's okay to do it. 

_ "Okay, baby, just-…Shit. Dima, hold it and breathe in with me. Let's breathe together. In-"  _

Dimitri follows.

_ "-and out. Let's try that again. In-"  _

It's getting better.

_ "-and out…"  _

Sylvain was silent during the whole ordeal, silently watching. God, Dimitri feels humiliation right now. Sylvain should not have to see this, ever. 

When breathing comes naturally to him again, he finally wipes his face dry from any remaining tears. Sylvain's hand never left his back. 

"T-Thank you," he breathes into the phone Sylvain is holding near him. 

_ "You seriously need those medications soon. You should see your therapist as soon as you can."  _

Dimitri is aware. He doesn't want to experience another panic attack ever again.

"I'm sorry, Sylvain." He sniffles once. 

"No, it's okay. You just scared the shit out of me, is all."

_ "Sylvain?"  _

"Hm? What?" 

The phone leaves Dimitri's face again, but he can still hear Claude's voice clearly. It's as if all of his senses are hyper focused on the device. 

_ "Uhm, did you hear, well, that..?"  _

"What?" 

_ "What I called Dimitri?"  _

"Oh! Yeah. But don't worry, I'm all for rainbows and other gay shit." 

_ "Gay ...shit."  _

"Yeah, of course! I won't tell Dimitri you called him that. No worries." 

_ "I'm not bothered if Dimitri heard. I'd just appreciate if you wouldn't… well, tell anyone else."  _

"Sure thing. Your secret is safe with me. But I might just spill Dimitri's secret to some other people but they got nothing to do with you." 

_ "I guess that's fine. Maybe. Either way, thanks for calling me. I was wondering how he was holding up, but seemed he was doing worse than he let on. Have fun though!"  _

"Thanks! Will do. Want to talk to Dimitri before I hang up?" 

_ "No, it's okay. Just spend your time together, he needs it."  _

"Alright. You're a pretty cool guy, Claude. Maybe Dimitri would let us meet sometime."

_ "I'm not sure how I feel about that, but yeah, maybe."  _

"Ouch, offensive." 

_ "I refuse to show you my face now that you know my secret."  _

"Pfft. Fine then. I'll just get Dimitri inside 'caude he's shivering pretty bad. Talk to you when Dimitri lets us meet!" 

_ "Talk to you never again!"  _

The device is being put in Dimitri's pocket as Sylvain pulls his limp body from the bench. 

"Claude seems like a cool dude. He just needs to loosen up a little. But that's an easy peasy job for you, isn't it? You always know how to make people comfortable around you." 

He does? That can't be right. 

"You know, because you never judge. You're just all polite and friendly. It's great. Sorry for being late, by the way. I really hope that didn't put your panties in a knot just now." 

"Can you  _ please  _ stop saying that line?" 

Sylvain laughs and it's bright, it's cheerful and it's so familiar that it makes Dimitri's eyes wet once more. 

"I missed you, Dimitri. Seriously. And I'm sorry about what happened."

"I missed you too, Sylvain."


	13. Up and down again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI ALL!! 
> 
> Please accept my sincere apology for skipping last week, we had a cultural tradition and I just didn't have time to write :'( 
> 
> However I'm back and introducing more characters!! Yay 
> 
> Hope y'all like the chap tho it gives off filler vibes, idk

The blonde and red duo quietly makes its way towards the small coffee shop across the road. When they enter, the smell of freshly made coffee fills Dimitri's nostrils. 

Sylvain greets the barista with a big smile and a wink that makes Dimitri want to crawl away and hide. He should have known Sylvain would do that. 

But still, Dimitri stays close behind the redhead as if to hide himself from view from everyone in the little cafe. Maybe that's what he's trying to do. Good thing Sylvain is about as tall as himself. Claude wasn't a good wall to hide behind. 

"Should I order? I wanna see that cutie from up close. You can take a seat." 

"Oh, sure. I'll have-" 

"Chamomile tea with no sugar, right? I gotcha." Sylvain shows another one of his charming smiles before he walks over to the girl tending the counter.

How does he always do that, Dimitri wonders. Could he look just like that too? So handsome and charming if he knew how to smile properly? Well, he's always been envious of Sylvain's easy attractiveness. It's as if his friend doesn't need to put in any effort whatsoever, yet he still makes girls swoon with nothing more than a smile. 

Not that Dimitri has any interest in making girls swoon over him. Just one, single guy that he's fallen in love with. 

While he's aware that Sylvain said he's completely alright with homosexuality, Dimitri still feels a little anxious about bringing up the subject. He's the one who asked Sylvain out here for advice, so he'll have to tell him everything. 

He takes a seat at the same table he and Claude sat at yesterday as he waits for Sylvain to find him. 

From what Dimitri has seen, Sylvain hasn't changed much. His hair is styled differently from what it used to be, and he's a bit taller, but that's about it. Oh, and his voice is deeper too. 

Hopefully Sylvain's personality didn't change much either. That same thing can't be said about Dimitri, because he's changed a whole lot, but maybe hanging out with Sylvain can bring him back closer to his younger self. He'd like to be that guy again. 

Sylvain returns, holding two cups and sets them on the table before he takes a seat himself. 

"Well, that didn't work out. The manager actually chased me off. Oh, but Dimitri, this table is so secluded. Kinda romantic." Another obnoxious wink. 

Dimitri had forgotten about Sylvain's terrible flirty personality directed at almost anyone. Usually, Ingrid would have been around to scold him, or Felix would have kicked or punched him, but now there's no one to actively put a stop to Sylvain's behavior. 

That's why the blonde decides to utilize his personal specialty to deal with Sylvain's flirting; pretend it never happened.

"It's great to see you again, Sylvain. Although, I'm really sorry about that scene just now, I-" 

"Yeah bro, what was that even? I don't think I've ever seen you like that." Sylvain's signature fake smile makes way for a worried frown.

"Well, no… It, or rather the panic attacks, started somewhere around last week. It never happened before then. I honestly don't know why it started recently." 

Sylvain nods, looking to be deep in thoughts. He stirs in what smells like a hot chocolate, but doesn't attempt to take a sip yet. 

"I'm really happy to see you again, Dimitri. But you're… I don't know how to say it. You've changed. And not in a ...good way." Sylvain's voice is soft, quiet. Hesitant.

Dimitri supposes that's a very nice way of saying he looks like a wreck, but it still stings to be told that. Claude had never seen him before the accident, so Claude doesn't know better than the skinny, unhealthy looking blonde. But Sylvain knows him to be entirely different. 

And while Dimitri knows how he changed, he  _ caused  _ this version of himself, he'd rather Sylvain didn't mention it. Like Claude did. 

But unfortunately Sylvain doesn't have a filter and he tends to be quite tactless with what comes out of his mouth. Regarding his friends, anyway. He's a lot more polite when he feels like he has to impress someone. 

"I know." 

What else is he supposed to say? He is perfectly aware of his state. Surely Sylvain didn't expect Dimitri to look like a perfectly put together human being after everything.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to- Sorry. What did you need help with?" At least the redhead feels called out on. 

Glad about the change of subject, Dimitri straightens his posture in his seat. 

"Well, see, I know I'm a mess. It's really obvious." Dimitri hates the way Sylvain nods in agreement, but ignores it. "But I want to start taking care of myself again, so I can hopefully impress someone. I-I don't quite know where to start, however. I was wondering if you could help me. If you want to! It's okay if you don't. Actually, sorry to have wasted your time." 

And he assumed  _ again. _ He's asking for a favor, he shouldn't get ahead of himself and assume Sylvain will help him so easily. God, and they haven't even talked for five minutes yet, but already he's made a fool of himself. Why is Dimitri stupid? 

"Woah, woah. Hold on, don't jump to wrong conclusions. And sit your scrawny ass down, at least let me answer first before you flee." 

Dimitri obliges, taking his seat again. 

"I'm happy to hear you're ready to take care of yourself. I mean, I don't really know what state you've been in these past years, but I can see you haven't been doing well. Uhm… Well of course I'll help so don't worry about that. But what do you want to change first? Like, your appearance or your… uhm… weird habits?" 

And now it's not so strange anymore that Claude picked up on Dimitri's issues so soon. If Sylvain can confidently call him out on his weird habits, then surely there's nothing subtle about it. 

"Any suggestions are extremely welcome."

The redhead breathes a laugh through his nose. "Yeah, you're definitely in need of some Sylvain-therapy. But first, before we start, who are you trying to impress and why?" 

"Claude because I'm head over heels in love with him."

Sylvain's eyes widen in surprise. "That… was a clear answer. And confident too, look at you go! I thought there wasn't any left at all. Claude was the dude on the phone right? Yeah, he seems cool, I approve. For now, at least. Right! I think we should start with your appearance. Once you feel like you're as handsome as me, your confidence level will rise through the roof, I promise." 

For a second, Dimitri imagines himself with red wavy hair and long curly eyelashes and he almost can't suppress the laughter that bubbles up in his chest. He takes a moment to stabilize his voice before he answers.

"Okay, sounds good. What do you suggest we do first?" 

"Hmm…" Sylvain's brown eyes look the blonde over carefully, his finger tapping his chin as he thinks. 

"Is that a bad sign?" 

"Kinda. I mean, I understand why you don't know where to start. There really is a lot to work on. But you got me back in your life, so you needn't worry about a thing! Just leave it all to me, my friend." 

"Yes, thank you. I'm putting all of my faith in you, so please take this seriously." 

The redhead laughs cheerfully, reminding Dimitri once more just how charming his friend is. Not quite the same kind of charming as Claude, the butterflies in his stomach don't stir when he looks at Sylvain, but still charming. 

"I will. I don't think we can afford to fool around much more, lest you want to look like a complete Halloween prop. No offense." 

"Too late. I'm already offended. Just please fix me." 

"Got it, got it. What does Claude like?" 

What did Claude like again?

"Uhm… Clothes, shoes, dinosaurs and dragons." 

"...Okay let me rephrase; what does Claude look for in a partner?" 

_ Oh.  _ Duh. 

"He doesn't know… But I think he likes uhm… muscles?" 

"Don't ask me, I don't know the guy. Wait, did you just say  _ he _ doesn't know?" 

Dimitri sighs, already knowing he'll have to explain Claude's problems to Sylvain. 

"Claude has been discriminated for his skin color all his life, so he's been hiding his sexuality in fear of being discriminated for that as well. So until now, he hasn't indulged in his interests in men, but he said he'd like to… uhm… fall for me. So I want to try and be someone to him who's worth overcoming his fears and struggles for. If that makes sense." 

"Wow, so you're both a mess." 

"I- Yes, pretty much." 

"Quite the challenge you're giving me. But hey, I'm nothing if not perseverant. Muscles he likes, you say? We'll hit the gym then! Easy." 

"I don't have a membership…" No, not the gym already.  _ Please. _

"You can get one there, no prob. As you can see, I'm fit as a fiddle myself. I go two to three times a week, for at least an hour and a half, so I'll just pick you up and take you with me whenever I go. Usually Tuesday evening, Wednesday afternoon and either Saturday or Sunday whenever I have time. But I'm pretty flexible in my schedule if that doesn't work for you." 

Sylvain definitely doesn't waste any time. God, this is happening fast. How is Dimitri going to get out of this? 

"I can literally see the gears in your head working to give me excuses not to go. But this is what you want, isn't it? It'll be worth the trouble in the end. Just look at me." He actually gets up from his seat, with much more noise than necessary, and lifts his shirt to expose his abs. 

_ Why, Sylvain?  _

"See? You can have that too!" He nearly shouts before he sits back down, wearing a shit-eating grin. "Sorry, a gorgeous girl just walked in. She saw me and she looked like she was making a puddle in her panties. I think I'm gonna ask for her number." 

Does he have no self- respect at all? Feeling the need to sell himself like that, in such a cheap way, to meet with her once for sex, only to forget her name the following day. He was like this before, and Dimitri is willing to bet on his own pathetic life that Sylvain hasn't changed that part of him at all. 

But who is Dimitri to judge? If Sylvain is pleased with that lifestyle, he shouldn't hold back for Dimitri's sake. As long as Sylvain just doesn't forget that he's supposed to help the blonde. 

"Sure, I'll wait." 

"Awesome. Be right back." 

Sylvain ruffles his hair and straightens his shirt again before he slips out of his seat and heads to the counter once more, where the 'gorgeous girl' is standing, waiting to order. 

Dimitri's gaze doesn't follow him all the way, scared of making eye contact with a stranger. Instead, he turns his face to look in front of him, and sips his tea. It smells familiar, but it tastes like hot nothingness. Like pretty much everything, aside from the temperature. 

He's doing the right thing by asking Sylvain for help, right? Even if going to the gym is something he did  _ not  _ want, it will help him get what he wants in the end; a healthier looking body and hopefully Claude. It will take time, however, and Dimitri has no idea how much. Months, maybe even years, depending on how much time and effort he's willing to put into it. 

As he waits for Sylvain to come back, he takes his phone from his pocket. When he sees the hAppiness icon, he suddenly remembers he has a challenge to complete. 

_ Good job,  _ Dimitri. He keeps forgetting things. Why is his memory so bad? It wasn't always this bad. Sure, he tended to forget things, but certainly not as often as he has. And why is he only wondering that  _ now? _

Since Sylvain still isn't back, Dimitri decides to distract himself. 

* * *

**_Claude_ **

**_Me:_ ** _ Thank you again for your help before.  _

_ 12:03 _

* * *

  
  


And now he waits for both Sylvain  _ and  _ Claude. Maybe that wasn't the best choice, but all is well when Claude messages back a solid two minutes after. 

Bless him for being a fast replier.

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ its okay but u shouldve lmk u werent doing okay _

_ 12:05 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ if sylvain hadnt come when he did someone mightve called an ambulance on u u know  _

_ 12:05 _

* * *

  
  


Is he upset? He seems a bit upset. Or maybe annoyed is a better word. But why? 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ You're probably right about that. I should have thought about that, sorry.  _

_ 12:06 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ no its fine but u should just take better care of ur mental wellbeing _

_ 12:06 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ like idk whats going on with u if u dont talk _

_ 12:06 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i cant read minds _

_ 12:06 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Uhm, I'm sorry if I'm wrong, but are you okay?  _

_ 12:07 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ yes im good _

_ 12:07 _

* * *

  
  


Dimitri waits a bit after the last message, but Claude doesn't say anything anymore. In fact, he even goes offline. 

So he's definitely upset about something, right? What should Dimitri do? Apologize? But he apologized already, and apologizing again might trigger Claude even more. 

Whenever Ingrid acted like this, Dimitri had to ask over and over what was wrong, and eventually she'd relent and spill a paragraph of at least a hundred words on what he did wrong the past three days. 

Might as well try. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Are you sure? I don't mean to be pushy or anything, but I get the feeling something's wrong. You can tell me _

_ 12:08 _

* * *

  
  


Thankfully, Claude comes back online and starts typing, but then Sylvain returns to his seat.  _ Worst timing. _ What is he supposed to do now? It'd be incredibly rude to ignore Sylvain and talk to Claude instead, especially because Dimitri was the one who asked him over. But putting his phone away while Claude is typing and not look anymore  _ right after  _ saying Claude can tell him is probably the most stupid thing to do right now. 

But maybe Sylvain will be offended and leave and then Dimitri still won't be able to impress Claude. 

_ Fuck. _

"Everything okay? You look like someone laid their excrement in your baked delicacy. And yes, that is the fancier version of Felix' famous line." 

"Yes, everything is fine." His phone buzzes, but he tries everything not to look at it while he's engaged in a conversation with Sylvain. 

The redhead eyes the device in Dimitri's hand and raises an eyebrow questioningly. 

"Uhm… I think Claude is a little upset. So I asked what was wrong and I think he just told me." 

"Good thing he's not a girl then. 'Cause he'd make you apologize for something you have no idea you ever did. If you even know it was a thing. You know, maybe guys are much easier to date when you think about it. Whatever happens, sex is the answer, the solution and the salvation." 

"Sure. Because guys can't feel anything other than horny." 

"Exactly! Now I know why you've decided to swing the other way. Good call." 

"Sarcasm, Sylvain. I'm not after a relationship where sex is the solution to any problem that occurs." 

"Oh, right. You're one of those 'communication is key to a healthy relationship' people. Well, let me tell you, sex is important too." 

"Well, yes, but an emotional connection is more important. In my opinion." 

"Pfft. Who needs that when you can be connected in other ways. Better ways." 

Arguing with Sylvain about this subject proves futile once again. And boy, have they had this conversation many times. The first time was when Sylvain had told Dimitri to fix Ingrid's issues with his dick, rather than supportive words.

Dimitri, nor Ingrid had been pleased with that advice, but what's new? 

And after that, they had this discussion about every single time Sylvain complained that he'd been dumped by his newest girlfriend. Or when Sylvain claimed that all and every relationships are doomed to fail, to which Dimitri responded that only  _ Sylvain's  _ relationships were doomed to fail, merely because of his vision on how relationships work. 

But it seems that Sylvain  _ still _ hasn't changed his mind, so Dimitri will let it go once again. Maybe one day Sylvain will open his eyes too. Or maybe he never will. Dimitri just hopes he won't have to be alone when he's nearing the end of his life. 

"To each their own, I suppose." 

"Yeah, probably. But listen, I was just talking to the girl over there and I swear, she was much prettier from afar. So when I went over, I said that you wanted her phone number instead. 'Cause I wouldn't use it anyway." 

"And you think I would?! Please tell me you're not serious. You didn't say that. God, no. Please." 

"I know I'm laughing right now, but yeah, I am actually serious. Here you go." 

He slides a piece of paper over the table with a series of numbers written on it. With one fluent motion, Dimitri slides the paper right back to Sylvain, who just laughs again.

"Doesn't it feel good though? Knowing she'd be interested in getting to know you? Surely that's gotta do some good things to your self-esteem." 

…Hey. That's true. Dimitri hadn't considered that, but what Sylvain says is that a girl found him attractive enough to give him her phone number. With the intention of having conversations and maybe more. 

Not that Dimitri is interested. His heart is in the palm of Claude's hand and it won't be going anywhere anytime soon. But still, the idea is pretty nice. 

"See? See, I told you! That smile on your face tells me e-very-thing, Dimitri. And that's  _ before  _ I worked my magic on you. Claude won't know what hits him next time he sees you." 

So maybe Dimitri hasn't fallen as low as he thought he had. Maybe he isn't as ugly as he considered himself to be. Claude telling him he's handsome is one thing; he knows Dimitri is struggling with insecurities. But that girl had never seen him in her life. 

"Hello? You there?" 

But if that's the case, maybe Claude didn't lie for good measure. Maybe Claude really finds Dimitri handsome. Imagine if that's really true. 

"Dimitri!" 

The blonde jolts back to reality. "Oh, sorry! What did you say?" 

"So, why's he mad?" 

"Huh?" 

"Claude," Sylvain elaborates. 

"Oh!" Immediately, Dimitri grabs his phone again to see Claude's messages. 

"I'm gonna head to the bathroom for a bit. Hope he's not mad at you." 

"Oh, sure. I'll try to be quick." And Dimitri hopes so too.

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ no its fine its not about u _

_ 12:09 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ dont worry okay? _

_ 12:09 _

* * *

  
  


What is that supposed to mean? Of course Dimitri is worried! Claude just confirmed that something  _ is  _ wrong after all. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Okay, but can I help?  _

_ 12:18 _

* * *

Shit, he's totally late with replying. Maybe Claude is already fed up with him for having to wait so long. 

Before he's even gotten a response, Sylvain is already back. Best to just put his phone away then. But he'll make sure to check once in a while, just to see if he can help Claude somehow.

"And?" Sylvain asks as soon as he sits down again. 

"He said it's not about me, but that does mean he's upset about something." 

"Hm. Maybe because he slipped up when he was talking to you just now. You know, calling you 'baby'." He wiggles his eyebrows and Dimitri fights the urge to throw a napkin at his annoying smirk. 

"Do you really think he'd be upset about that? It didn't bother me…" 

"He seemed a bit ticked off after.  _ And  _ that wasn't your fault, it was his own. So, problem solved. He's not mad at you, he's mad at himself." 

Dimitri nods, but he is still unsure. Would that really be a reason for Claude to be angry with himself? He called him 'bby' in chat more than once, so it wasn't accidental. 

"So I was thinking, since you're not yet happy about hitting the gym with me, we can go do some clothes shopping! You brought your card, right?" 

"Y-Yeah, yeah I brought it with me." To prove it, Dimitri takes his wallet and pulls out his bank card. 

"Awesome. I'll go pay for the order." Without hesitation, Sylvain reaches for Dimitri's card and takes it. 

Just like old times, Dimitri muses. Where he was surprised Sylvain is still so casual, he's also glad about it. He used to pay for everything, lending his friends his card for whatever they needed and being happy to provide where their own parents lacked the finances. 

And even more, he  _ knows  _ his friends never used him just for his money. They never went around and wasted big amounts, simply because they could. 

The most expensive thing they've ever bought of Dimitri's money was a fancy dinner in a high-quality five star restaurant with the four of them. And after, they went to McDonald's to stuff themselves on cheeseburgers and chicken nuggets because they were still hungry.

Those were the good times. Hopefully they can return someday. 

"Let's go!" Sylvain's familiar voice chimes through the space. 

Before Dimitri gets up, however, he quickly checks his phone to see if Claude replied yet. 

But there are no notifications. 

He's having a bad feeling about this all, but he just doesn't know why. If it's really the silly reason Sylvain gave him, why wouldn't Claude just tell Dimitri that? No need to be secretive, even if that's Claude's signature quality. 

"Wanna go over there? Those clothes look pretty neat." Sylvain points at one of the buildings further into the shopping district. 

The clothes do look nice, although Dimitri wonders if they're really suited for him. And if they  _ fit. _

But Dimitri is already dragged towards the store, so he lets himself get pulled along. Sylvain knows what he's doing, he tells himself. And he repeats it in his head, until he  _ sort of  _ believes it. Sort of. 

As soon as they enter, Sylvain looks around, touches a few clothings, turns around and drags Dimitri outside again. 

"Not your thing, trust me." 

"O-okay." Sylvain knows what he's doing. Sylvain knows what he's doing. 

After entering and leaving a few more clothing shops, they finally find one that satisfies the redhead. 

They enter and it's a nice, warm temperature inside. 

"Welcome~" the young woman sing-songs when she notices them. 

"Oh, hi there." Sylvain greets back. 

If Dimitri wasn't so distracted by  _ who  _ the girl is, he would have felt annoyed at Sylvain's flirty tone. 

But that's  _ Dorothea  _ right there, Edelgard's best friend. And she saw him. 

Why he feels like a deer caught in headlights, Dimitri doesn't even know, but he does, and he's ready to run. 

"A-are you sure this is a good store?" 

"Yeah, it's perfect. Do you like this pullover?" 

Sylvain is completely and utterly oblivious to Dimitri's inner turmoil, which isn't unexpected, but the blonde is certain that Claude would have picked up on it. 

He should have gone clothes shopping with Claude. 

"Uh, yeah, it's nice." 

"Great. What's your size? Probably the smallest… Oh, here's one. You should try it on later. Let's collect some more stuff first." 

Can they please leave? Dimitri feels more uncomfortable by the second, not knowing how to act at all. He's feeling watched, self-conscious and anxious. His back starts feeling hot all over and his armpits are getting wet. 

"Oh, how about this?" Sylvain leads them to a rack with trousers. "Black or gray?" 

"Uh, both." 

"Sure thing! Oh, let's buy some for when you get more buff." He walks around the store and grabs the same clothing items, but a larger sizes. 

In all honesty, Dimitri doesn't even register any of the clothing items. He vaguely saw the color, but his brains are working overtime trying to look natural as Dorothea still watches him. He really dreads having to go to the counter to pay. It'll be the perfect opportunity for Dorothea to speak her mind, which she undoubtedly will. 

"Do you need new underwear too?" 

Meanwhile, Sylvain's arms are completely filled with pieces of clothing. Dimitri is slightly amazed he can hold on to all of them. 

"No, that's fine." He is  _ not  _ having Dorothea see and touch his underwear. 

"Alright. Let's go to the fitting rooms then." 

"I-I'll try them on at home! It's okay. We've already been at it for hours, so…" 

"Oh, right, you don't like shopping when it's for you. Fine, fine. Let's go pay then. I want to see pics, though. I wanna know how they look on you, since this isn't what you normally wear. Although everything is better than that," he says as he points at Dimitri's sweatpants. 

Point made. 

"I don't know about the pictures… But I'll tell you if I like it or not." 

"Okay, fair enough. Card ready?" 

"Yeah." 

And here it is. The moment he's been fearing. Hopefully, and this is a once in a lifetime thought, Sylvain will flirt the life out of Dorothea in such a way that she completely forgets Dimitri is even there.

"Hi, are you ready to pay or would you like some advice?" 

"So professional," Sylvain nearly purs. "Very classy." 

As much as Dimitri wants to barf in disgust, he wants to barf from anxiety too. No one would blame him if he actually did, he's sure of it. 

"Well, I do work here." Dorothea giggles. 

Sylvain starts putting all of the clothing articles on the counter, which isn't nearly big enough. 

Dorothea eyes the counter, and Sylvain's arms, which are still holding onto some of the fabrics. "Oh, wow. That's a lot~"

"That's what she said." Sylvain winks and smiles his signature smile. 

They both laugh.

So far, so good. Maybe Dimitri will get away unscathed after all. 

He puts his card in the reader as Dorothea takes the security tags out of the fabrics before she puts it in a bag. Sylvain is still distracting her perfectly by telling her how beautiful her green eyes are. 

_ Hurry up.  _

"Pay by card?" Dorothea's voice suddenly sounds a lot closer than it was at first. 

When Dimitri looks up from the reader, he looks right into Dorothea's eyes.  _ Shit. _

"Y-yes, please. Thank you." 

"Go ahead.  _ Dimitri. _ " 

Sylvain looks between Dimitri and Dorothea with a confused look, asking with his eyes why the young woman knows Dimitri's name. 

Undeterred and extremely eager to get out of the store, Dimitri inserts his code amd waits for the transaction to finish. 

He's not even slightly worried about the possibility of his card declining, despite not knowing how much money is on his account. All he can think of is Dorothea's piercing eyes, boring into him and seemingly  _ wanting  _ to make him feel uncomfortable. 

When the transaction is finished, Dimitri takes his card back and puts it in his wallet. Silently, Sylvain picks up most of the bags that are set on the counter while Dorothea takes the three that are left. 

She's enjoying this, Dimitri now realizes. She's absolutely delighted by Dimitri's discomfort. He doesn't know how much Edelgard shared about their last conversation, but there's no doubt that Dorothea is blaming him for what happened. 

As if he didn't feel guilty enough about it yet. 

"So," Dorothea says as she pulls away the bag Dimitri was reaching for. 

He quickly retracts his hand, fearing the dreadful confrontation he'd been anticipating the second he saw her. 

"When are you going to apologize?" 

"Uhm…" 

"That's not an answer. When?" 

"W-well, maybe when I see her…" 

"Maybe?" 

"Uh, sure. I think?" 

"Do you have any idea how much you hurt her? She  _ cried.  _ What kind of a man are you? It's not like she's had it easy. Her mother died  _ too,  _ not just yours. Don't be so selfish, acting as if you're the only victim here." Her voice is pure acid, eating its way through Dimitri's ears.

"I-I'm sorry, you're right…" 

"At least you have your daddy's bank account to rely on," she continues. "Edie had to take a  _ job  _ because her dad is struggling with his finances. Would it hurt you that much to give them something? I mean, look at you! Spending eight-hundred euros on clothes while they're struggling. Shame on you." 

"Hey, lady, you work here don't you?" Sylvain suddenly interrupts. 

Her venom-filled eyes focus on him now, giving Dimitri some space to breathe. He needs to breathe.

"Yes?" 

"Then act like a professional and butt the fuck out. What Dimitri does has nothing to do with you, mrs. Store Clerk. You should just stand there, smile prettily and  _ serve  _ your customers. Maybe spare some of your small paycheck for your  _ dear  _ Edie, since she's struggling so much." 

A few bags are being forced into Dimitri's trembling hands before an arm wraps around his shoulders. Sylvain gently pushes him out of the store. 

The blonde barely registers what happens after. His head is filled with negative thoughts, the feeling of guilt eating away at his heart. Why didn't he help Edelgard? He could have. But he didn't know she didn't inherit any money. He assumed she did, since their parents were married. And how was he supposed to know her father struggles with his bills if Edelgard never told him? She never said anything, so how was he supposed to help? 

Would it be too late to help now? Would Edelgard even accept his help now? But what if she refuses his help?

"Dimitri, please stop crying. What she said was bullshit, okay? You've struggled plenty yourself, she has no fucking rights to guilt-trip you over Edelgard. Who does she think she is? Man, the prettiest always have the sharpest tongues. I don't know what happened with you and Edelgard, but I sure as hell don't think Edelgard sent her after you. She's way too proud to have anyone help her out, especially when it comes to money." 

What Sylvain says makes sense. Dimitri knows Edelgard is too proud to accept money from anyone. And yet he can't stop trembling, heaving, sweating. 

"Do I need to call Claude? Would that help?" 

Dimitri shakes his head. Claude is upset, the last thing he wants is to bother him with his problems right now. 

"Okay. Uhm, do you want to go home? I'll take you home, just tell me your address." 

And after Dimitri tells him, they're on their way again. The bags are starting to become heavy and Dimitri doesn't look forward to having to store all the pieces of clothing in his wardrobe later. 

"What time is it?" 

"It's almost five. We were at it for a pretty long time, huh? I'm kinda hungry." 

_ The groceries! _

"Shit." 

"Hm? What's wrong?" 

"Uhm, I might have to go to my neighbors to collect my package." But he  _ really  _ doesn't want to. 

"Sure. I'll wait inside then." 

If only Sylvain was Claude, then he'd offer to go to his neighbor and fetch his package. 

"D-do you know how to cook?" 

"Dimitri, friend, do I seem like a guy who knows how to cook?" 

Ugh. But maybe if Sylvain is there, having mrs. Mercedes teach him wouldn't be so bad. He could ask her, and then he can make Claude proud when he tells him about it later. Hopefully Claude's mood will improve too. And maybe Sylvain wouldn't mind either, since he'll get to eat for free like the scavenger he is. 

"I suppose not." 

At least he's feeling calmer now that his mind is distracted enough from Dorothea's words. He expected a confrontation, but he wasn't prepared in the slightest. He didn't know what to say, or how to defend himself, and in the end Sylvain had to do it for him. 

"Well then. Wanna order something? I'm seriously starving." 

They enter Dimitri's apartment building and head over to the elevator. Dimitri pushes the button with numer seven and the elevator takes off. 

"A-actually, if you don't mind, I'd like to ask my neighbor if she could… uhm, teach me how to cook. Claude recommended some ingredients that will help me gain weight, but I don't know how to use them." 

"Wow, talk about dedication. Oh also, if we're gonna work out, you're gonna have to consume lots of proteins. Like meat. Lots and lots of meat, but there are personal trainers that can help you with that stuff." 

"Right." 

"You busy tomorrow? 'Cause I can come pick you up so we can go together." 

"I'm sorry, I'll be busy tomorrow. Oh, and I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Wednesday, so…" After what happened today, Dimitri feels it's been well enough for now. 

He just wants to spend his day talking to Claude and do nothing else. 

"Nah, that won't do. You gotta start now or you never will. Procrastinating is not the way to go." 

Yeah, Dimitri misses Claude. At least he was understanding of Dimitri's struggles. Although, that's to be expected from someone who studies psychology. It just reminds Dimitri more of how much he should appreciate Claude.

"I don't have any clothes to wear…" 

"From the looks of it, you got plenty." 

"Sweaters are too warm." 

"Then wear a short-sleeved shirt. Duh." 

"I don't want to." 

"Why not?" 

"They make me uncomfortable."

"Why?" 

"Because." 

"Invalid reason. Why don't you want to wear short sleeves? Trust me, there's plenty of guys with skinny arms. You won't stand out." 

"It's not about that." Although, that's become a thing now too. 

"I'll lend you one of my shirts. They might be too big but it'll hide your small frame. Maybe." 

"That's not it either." 

"Then what is it?" 

"My lower arms," Dimitri confesses, almost whispering. "Or, rather, just one. My left." 

There, that should be enough, right? Surely Sylvain understands now.

"Oh, fuck. Uhm… Yeah. There's like… sweat bands? Maybe you can cover your wrist with one." 

"It's not just my wrist." His cheeks are burning. He feels so ashamed of his self-harm, even if it's just Sylvain he's telling. 

At least Sylvain didn't ask to see the scars to prove that he can't wear short sleeves.

"...oh." 

"Yeah." 

The rest of the way to Dimitri's front door is quiet. Sylvain seems incredibly uncomfortable, and the blonde regrets telling him. Even when he opens the door to let Sylvain inside, not a word is said. 

"Please don't mind the mess. I'll be right back." Dimitri bows politely, why, he has no clue, before he closes the door again to instead knock on mrs. Mercedes'. 

His fist halts in the air, right before it makes contact with the front door next to his own. 

Why did he think this would be easy? What is he even going to say? He should rehearse it first. 

'Good evening, sorry to bother. I'm Dimitri, from next door. Did the mailman deliver my package here?'

And then she'll say yes and she'll hand him the package, to which he'll say; 'thank you very much. Apologies, but are you busy? If possible, I'd like to take you up on your offer from this morning. Instead of the dinner, is it possible you could teach me how to cook? It would be greatly appreciated.' 

He repeats the lines in his head, messes up the order quite a few times, but doesn't stop rehearsing until he gets it right. 

When he's as ready as he can be, he knocks on the door and waits anxiously until the door opens. 

When it does, and Dimitri just about finishes rehearsing the first lines, the person revealed in the doorstep isn't exactly the small, kind-looking lady he saw this morning. Not even close. 

"Hello," the tall man greets. "Can I help you?" 

"Uhm… Uhm- Is… Hello. Uhm… Sorry, wrong door. Good bye." 

He bows again -seriously, why?- and speeds off towards his own door. It's closed, however, which Dimitri didn't expect and he slams right into it head first. 

"Ow." He checks the door next to him, and the man is still watching. Can this get any worse? 

As Dimitri waits for Sylvain to open the door, he keeps looking over to the man. Why won't he go back inside? Can he just  _ go away?  _ At least stop staring?  _ Please? _

"S-Sylvain?!" Now, please? 

"What's wrong, darling? Who was at the door?" The familiar voice of mrs. Mercedes sounds from next door. 

She pops her head out beside the tall man and looks across the hall before her eyes land on Dimitri. 

"Oh, Dimitri! We took your package this afternoon. Did you come to collect it? Hang on, I'll go get it for you." And like that, she disappears back into her apartment, leaving Dimitri and the tall man staring at each other once more. 

He's probably not the talkative one in their relationship, Dimitri supposes. 

Feeling very intimidated, Dimitri gazes away first, not wanting to trigger the man into any aggressive fits by maintaining eye contact for too long. 

"Honey, can you take this? It's a bit heavy," sounds from inside mrs. Mercedes' apartment. 

The man turns around without a word and Dimitri is fearing the worst; the man will be bringing the box over and he can't even enter his apartment to hide. 

He knocks on his own door again in a panic, hoping that Sylvain will open the door before the man comes out. He can keep the box for all Dimitri cares. 

"I think he's scared of me," Dimitri hears the man say in a hushed voice. 

"No, you're imagining it, love. Dimitri is scared of everyone! Don't take it so personally, he's a good boy." 

Well, she's not  _ wrong. _

"Just go out there and give him the box, I'll be right there with you in case something goes wrong." 

"Okay." 

Together, mrs. Mercedes and the man who is presumably her husband come out again. Needless to say, Dimitri feels a bit more comfortable knowing mrs. Mercedes is there too. 

"Here you go, darling. Oh, and have you thought about my offer yet?" 

Wordlessly, the man hands Dimitri the box, which he takes with a small nod. The man nods in return. 

"U-uhm… If- If it's not too much trouble…" Shit, what was the line?  _ What was the line?! _

"Go on," she urges. 

"Well…" 

Right then, Dimitri's own door opens, revealing Sylvain. "Dude, why'd you lock yourself out? Oh, excuse my terrible manners. Hi, I'm Sylvain, Dimitri's good friend." 

With his arm stretched out, Sylvain approaches mrs. Mercedes, completely ignoring the fact that her husband is literally  _ there. _

"Hello, Sylvain, it's so nice to meet you! My name is Mercedes, and this is my husband Dedue." 

She gestures to the man, who merely nods at Sylvain. He really doesn't speak a lot. 

"I'll set this inside, please excuse me." How relieved he is to have an excuse to leave the setting. 

Worried as he may be about Sylvain flirting with mrs. Mercedes, it'll also be his own fault if mr. Dedue decides to beat the living shit out of him. That's not within Dimitri's control. 

When he passes his bedroom to head to the kitchen, he notices that his wardrobe is opened, pieces of clothing scattered everywhere. Looks like Sylvain was already busy with putting away the new clothes for Dimitri. He'll be sure to thank Sylvain later. 

He puts the box on his kitchen counter before he heads back out to fetch Sylvain. 

"-so what he was probably trying to say, is that he'd like it if you could teach him how to cook. He's a bit socially awkward, but he's a great guy." 

_ Sylvain..!  _ Dimitri could kiss him. 

"Of course! Maybe because I mentioned how good of a cook you are," mrs. Mercedes probably tells mr. Dedue.

"Maybe," the man's own low-pitched voice sounds. 

"Well then, why don't we go inside? We'll have dinner with the four of us, how lovely!" Mrs. Mercedes is really enjoying this too much, Dimitri finds. 

"That sounds absolutely amazing, ma'am. Great idea. Let me go get Dimitri and… your apartment? Or his?" 

"Oh, please, Sylvain, call me Mercedes! You're making me feel so old," she giggles. "But ours is fine. Knowing the kitchen will help with teaching. Leave the door open, love. They'll follow." 

"Right." Mr. Dedue follows after her, leaving the door open like she instructed.

Dimitri sneakily takes the few steps outside and joins Sylvain, who grins at him like a little kid. "Dude, Dimitri. You never said your neighbor is that  _ gorgeous!  _ How could you keep that from me? Let's go, hurry!" 

"Uhm, you can go in first." 

And so he does, and Dimitri follows. 

While they have supposedly the same apartment, he finds that mrs. Mercedes and mr. Dedue definitely have a nicer one than Dimitri. It feels so  _ homely. _

"Please don't mind the Christmas tree, I just love how it looks! I don't ever want to take it down again, but Dedue always makes me by the time it's March." 

"Oh, that's completely fine, Mercedes. I love Christmas trees." 

Sylvain is such a liar, he hates Christmas. Anything to appease the woman, Dimitri muses. He just hopes Sylvain realizes she's  _ taken. _

"Come with me," a low voice tells the blonde. 

"O-oh, right. Pardon me." While Sylvain and mrs. Mercedes talk about the lovely Christmas tree and the other decorations in the living room, Dimitri follows mr. Dedue into the kitchen. 

Dimitri wasn't sure what to expect from the man, but it surely wasn't his endless patience and calm demeanor, no matter how often Dimitri fucks up anything. 

He's not very talkative, but neither is Dimitri, so that works perfectly. The blonde hasn't told mr. Dedue about his literal lack of taste, hoping the man wouldn't find out himself. 

"And while you season, you should always taste the food. Before and after," mr. Dedue instructs. "And taste the seasoning as well, to see if it goes with the dish." 

He looks expectantly, so Dimitri assumes he wants him to taste something.

Not knowing what he's supposed to be tasting, Dimitri randomly picks a leaf from what he remembers is celeriac and puts it into his mouth. 

"That's… not the part we'll be using, Dimitri. Please refrain from eating any more weeds."

From the living room, Dimitri can hear Sylvain snort loudly and mrs. Mercedes is giggling, not any less loud than Sylvain. 

Talk about humiliating. God, Dimitri could just smack himself. 

The rest of the teaching session goes by fine in Dimitri's opinion. He's decided to tell mr. Dedue about his lack of taste after all, and mr. Dedue became even more understanding than he was before. If that was even possible. 

Dimitri finds he likes the man, and mrs. Mercedes too. They're both extremely friendly, mrs. Mercedes more hospitable than mr. Dedue, but he finds he appreciates mr. Dedue's silence a lot. 

"How lovely! We should do this more often, don't you think?" Mercedes looks around the table expectantly.

"Yes, absolutely," Sylvain answers immediately. "And Dimitri actually cooked something edible, I'm so proud of you friend." 

"Sylvain! Don't be rude, Dimitri tried his best!" 

"He broke the lid of a cooking pot." 

"Which I will pay for," Dimitri intercepts.

"Don't be silly! It was time we got a new one, right honey?" 

"Yes." 

"See! Not a problem, Dimitri, not at all. Would anyone like seconds?" Mrs. Mercedes gets up from her seat. 

"If it's not too much trouble," Sylvain immediately replies as he hands her his plate. 

"Of course not! Dimitri? Would you like some more?" 

"Oh, no, thank you very much. I've had enough." And he really did. He ate more than he has in years. 

His stomach is absolutely stuffed and he's more than a little worried he might throw up again.

When everyone is done eating, Sylvain offers to wash the dishes together with Dimitri. With great reluctance and many protests, mrs. Mercedes finally gives in and lets the red and blonde duo do her dishes for her as thanks for the food. 

"Think you can you cook food now?" Sylvain asks as he rinses off a plate.

Dimitri nods, rather pleased with his efforts. Credits to mr. Dedue though, he is a great teacher. 

"Awesome. I'm glad. It was really good too, though I'm not sure how much of it was you and not Dedue." He gently prods Dimitri with his elbow in a teasing manner. 

"I did something! Like, uhm… I added water to the soup." 

"Nice. Well the soup was liquid so you did great." 

"Yeah. And I peeled the potatoes." 

"I didn't see a single peel in my potatoes, another splendid effort." 

"Thank you. It… was actually pretty nice. I think I had fun. Mr. Dedue and mrs. Mercedes are really nice too." 

A hard, wet slap on his back. "That's what I wanna hear! If you're gonna eat with them again, invite me, will you?" 

"She's  _ married,  _ Sylvain. Please contain yourself." 

He laughs loudly. "You jerk, that's not what I was aiming for. Didn't you notice I only complimented her appearance once? I genuinely had a great time too. Much better than the dinners at my place." 

He hands another plate to Dimitri, which he takes so he can dry it off. He easily remembers the dinners at Sylvain's place. His father would always sit at the head of the table, his mother to his right. Next to her sat his brother Miklan, and to his father's left sat Sylvain himself. 

Saying those dinners were awkward is a severe understatement. His father hated conversation, so everyone was completely silent. And weirdest of all, his father was the one to allow everyone to start eating. Whenever Sylvain had misbehaved in school, his father wouldn't allow him to eat until the rest was finished with their dinner. Miklan would eat extra slowly, so Sylvain's dinner would be ice-cold by the time he could start. 

It was weird hearing that, since Dimitri as a guest was never mistreated in any way. The Gautiers always seemed very kind and hospitable, but that was probably only to the outside world. 

It's not surprising that Sylvain found tonight's dinner a welcome change of pace, and honestly, so did Dimitri. He finally had a decent meal, he's full, he met some amazing people, and he acquired cooking skill. 

After they're done with washing the dishes, mrs. Mercedes invites them to stay a bit longer to enjoy the company and talk some more, so they sit down at the dining table once more. 

Mrs. Mercedes shares the story of how she and mr. Dedue met. Apparently they were high-school sweethearts, which Dimitri finds truly endearing. They got married after they were together for only two years. 

"We just love each other so much!" Mrs. Mercedes explains. 

While mr. Dedue isn't very talkative, he nods occasionally to agree with his wife, a vague smile and a faint blush on his face. 

Before mrs. Mercedes can conjure a bottle of alcohol, Dimitri decides that it's gotten late enough. Surprisingly he doesn't relent, even when both Sylvain and mrs. Mercedes utter their protests. 

"Thank you so much for tonight. I had a great time," Dimitri tells the pair as both he and Sylvain step out. 

"Yeah, it was great. Thank you for having us both," Sylvain adds.

"And thank you for teaching me. Maybe… I could return the favor sometime…"

"Mmm, food without seasoning," Sylvain teases. 

"Never mind! Leave it." 

Mrs. Mercedes giggles softly. "No need for such politeness, I had a wonderful time having you! Don't hesitate to come over again, really. We'll have you anytime!" 

Mr. Dedue nods in agreement. 

"Thank you, so mu-" 

"We'll definitely take you up on that!" Sylvain chimes in. 

"Please do! Bye now!" 

They all wave their goodbyes as the duo walks back to Dimitri's own apartment. 

They enter with a final good bye to Dimitri's neighbors before both doors close again. 

"Wow, can you imagine that? Marrying someone after two years." 

"It's hard to imagine," Dimitri agrees. "But they are a great match for each other." 

"Yeah. They're practically perfect. Think you'll ever find your perfect match?" 

"I think I already found him." 

"Damn, you're in deep, bro. Be careful or you'll get hurt." 

"He wouldn't." 

"I'd hope so." 

They step into Dimitri's bedroom, since Sylvain was busy with clearing in Dimitri's clothes. 

"I'll go put away my groceries real quick. Oh, thank you for your help, by the way. I really appreciate it. I promise I'll make it up to you!" 

"You already did by introducing me to your lovely neighbors, so don't worry about it." 

Sylvain may say that, but Dimitri's head is already busy thinking of gifts he could get Sylvain. 

He walks over to the entrance, but then notices Sylvain's phone screen lighting up, showing his newest messages. He can't help but read what it says.

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ look i get it okay?  _

_ 22:48 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ u want ur group of friends back together and im not part of it obviously, makes sense _

_ 22:48 _

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ but he needs me and im not planning on letting him fall just bc u got other plans for him _

_ 22:49 _

* * *

...what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVED the don't eat the weeds scene in FE so i wanted to include it so bad, idk if i did it justice but i laughed just thinking about the scene hope you did too :)


	14. Still down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLOOO hello 
> 
> In this chap we'll be seeing a little more about Claude's past!! Idk if y'all were even interested but it's there 
> 
> Hopefully it's not boring tho bc even if it's 8k words still nothing significant happens?? How do i do that? 
> 
> ALSO I FEEL LIKE I DON'T DO THIS ENOUGH BUT THANK EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU WHO'S KUDO'D ME AND EVEN MORE THOSE LOVELIES WHO COMMENT ON MY CHAPS Y'ALL HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART I LOVE YOU <33
> 
> thank you for your attention :) please enjoy!

Carefully, Dimitri turns back towards Sylvain, who is casually reorganizing Dimitri's wardrobe.

What do those texts mean? Who is the person talking about? 

Not wanting to assume, Dimitri tries hard not to feel like the texts are about him. But the way the unknown number types reminds him too much of Claude. 

Surely that's not possible, right? How would Claude get Sylvain's phone number? 

...Maybe because he could see Sylvain's number yesterday, when he typed in the first message. 

No, no. No. It's not Claude. That'd be insane. Dimitri is just feeling too self-conscious for no reason. Maybe he's still on edge because of Dorothea earlier. Not everything is about him. 

"Want a drink?" He asks instead. 

"Sure! Soda's fine." 

"Got it." Dimitri pads towards the kitchen to start unpacking his box filled with groceries.

Thankfully, he ordered plenty of drinks and snacks and he's glad about that. Now he has a good amount of time to stay in his kitchen, away from Sylvain, to think about what the texts were about. 

"Good job." Oh, but wait. It's too late to complete the challenge now. 

God damn it. Well, not like he actually completed it. He missed a lot of 'good-jobs', and even more 'not-a-good-jobs'. He'll try again another time. 

He takes his time unpacking the box, not quite sure where to put all of the stuff. His cabinets have never been this full, and the box isn't even empty yet. 

"Need help?" Sounds from his bedroom. 

Subconsciously, Dimitri flinches at hearing Sylvain's voice. He just feels so incredibly uncomfortable about this situation. Should he just ask Sylvain what the texts were about? But then he'll know Dimitri read his texts, which he'll undoubtedly be displeased about. 

Oh! He could also just ask Claude, right? 

"No, thank you!" 

He hurries to take his own phone out of his pocket and unlocks it. Claude actually messaged him sometime this afternoon, and once in the evening, but Dimitri had been too occupied to read them. 

That's kinda shitty… He should have been more attentive. What would Claude think of him right now? Not that he's boyfriend-material, that's for sure. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ no its fine really i got this _

_ 13:49 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ tho if u got time sometime today do u wanna talk on the phone with me?  _

_ 13:49 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ hey hope ur having a good time :) _

_ 18:22 _

* * *

  
  


Dimitri's heart clenches painfully as he reads the messages. He misses Claude, which makes him feel even worse about not sparing the twenty seconds to read and reply. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to take so long with replying. Today's been a bit crazy. Are you okay? I miss you _

_ 22:56 _

* * *

  
  


He lays his phone on the kitchen counter, waiting for a response while he continues putting away his groceries. It's already late, but there's a chance Claude is still up. 

And if he is, it could mean that it  _ was  _ Claude on Sylvain's phone. Dimitri just can't shake off the uneasy feeling. He's probably being unreasonable, but it just makes him feel weird. 

His device buzzes and Dimitri nearly drops the bags of potato chips he's holding. He puts them away before he eagerly takes his phone back into his hands. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ its okay u said ud be busy today _

_ 22:59 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ were u having a good time tho? _

_ 22:59 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ is sylvain still with u? _

_ 22:59 _

* * *

  
  


Every message seems more suspicious to Dimitri. As much as he tries to be open-minded, he's already convinced it was Claude who texted Sylvain. Why else would he ask about him? 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Yeah, I had a good time, more or less. Why do you ask? If Sylvain is still here, I mean _

_ 23:00 _

* * *

  
  


It wouldn't make sense for Sylvain to still be here at eleven p.m., Claude's gotta know something. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ did smth happen? And well i just asked cuz of the phone call _

_ 23:00 _

* * *

  
  


Hmm. It might just be Dimitri's terrible habit of overthinking, but he doesn't believe a word of what Claude's saying. And it also doesn't help knowing that Claude has the tendency to hide some things and lie about others.

Would Claude admit to it if he asked? Or should  Dimitri try to be more subtle about his approach?

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ A lot happened, I'll tell you about it later. Sylvain is still here. _

_ 23:01 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ oh okay do u think u can talk when hes gone? _

_ 23:02 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Yes, I think so. Are you doing alright? _

_ 23:02 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ yes dimitri im good jeez _

_ 23:02 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ didnt i tell u not to worry?  _

_ 23:03 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Well, yes, but you were upset before and I was worried about you. I mean I know you're going through a lot and now I'm here laying all of my problems on you as well so if there's anything I can do, I'll gladly drop everything and help you however I can _

_ 23:04 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ aw ur so sweet :) i know u would _

_ 23:04 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ but really dont worry, im good _

_ 23:05 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i was just hangry before _

_ 23:05 _

* * *

  
  


The lack of any 'bby' or other expression of fondness pierces Dimitri's heart. He said he misses Claude, but he didn't return the exclamation of affection. 

Was it really because he misspoke during Dimitri's panic attack? Could that really be the trigger for Claude to become distant again? It's as if they're right back at the beginning, Claude saying whatever is necessary to appease Dimitri, rather than telling him the truth. 

This isn't fair, Dimitri had nothing to do with Claude's mishap. Even if Claude is annoyed with himself over it, it's not appropriate to take it out on the blonde. He  _ liked  _ being called that. 

But at the same time, maybe it  _ was  _ Dimitri's fault. He was the one with a panic attack, he was the one to involve Claude in it. It's not that strange for Claude to start feeling annoyed with Dimitri's antics. Maybe he's actually getting tired of the blonde. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I miss you _

_ 23:05 _

* * *

  
  


There, now Claude can't brush it off. Call him needy, call him clingy, but Dimitri is not going to let go that easily. They were making progress. They were heading somewhere. 

What is Dimitri supposed to do if Claude is going to revert so easily? He couldn't possibly keep both himself _and_ Claude on their feet. He needs Claude's efforts too. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ ur the one who chose to see sylvain instead of me today lol u had ur chance  _

_ 23:06 _

* * *

  
  


Dimitri thinks he can actually  _ feel  _ his heart break at those words. But he's overreacting. He's being dramatic. Claude told him so. He's being silly. His mind is broken. Claude doesn't mean it like that. Dimitri is just overthinking this all. 

Sylvain and Claude didn't text each other behind Dimitri's back. Claude isn't annoyed with him. He was just cranky because he was hungry. Maybe he's cranky right now because he was hungry. He just needs to eat something. He needs some time and some space. 

Dimitri needs to give that to him. He should not be selfish right now, he has to take a deep breath and give Claude what he needs. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Okay. Have snickers or something _

_ 23:06 _

* * *

  
  


The disappointment is evident in that message, and Dimitri is hoping Claude can see it too. He doesn't want Claude to feel bad or anything, he just wants Claude to see Dimitri cares. 

Although, seeing that Claude doesn't even reply anymore before going offline, maybe his choice of words wasn't the most ideal. 

Stupid, stupid! Why did it turn out like this? What did Dimitri do wrong? What can he do to make it right again? 

He hears footsteps approaching him, but he can't focus on anything other than Claude's offline status. Surely he'll come back online soon, right? He wouldn't leave Dimitri on read like this. 

"You good?" Sylvain asks as he joins the blonde in the kitchen. 

He glances around at the mess Dimitri left when he prioritized talking to Claude over storing away his groceries. He picks up a few bottles of soda and starts putting them in the fridge. 

Dimitri shouldn't let Sylvain do all the work, but he can't stop blaming Sylvain for Claude's change in mood. Even if they didn't text, it was still because Sylvain heard Claude's mishap that he reacted this way. 

He's finding it very hard to be friendly right now, especially with his worsening mood. 

"Not really." 

Sylvain perks up, making eye contact with the blonde from where he stands. "What's wrong?" 

"Claude is acting weird." 

Sylvain's eyebrows furrow. "Weird how? Is he still not over his mistake from this morning?" 

Is that really what it is though? Dimitri doesn't even know. All he knows is that Claude isn't acting like himself and Sylvain is being particularly suspicious, even though he's not even doing anything wrong. 

Maybe Dimitri is just tired and worn-out by today's events. A panic attack, meeting with Sylvain, spending hours shopping for clothes, getting verbally assaulted by Dorothea, learning how to cook and having dinner with his neighbors… Maybe it's all just too much.

"I don't know. Maybe I'm overthinking." 

"Sounds like something you would do. Do you want me to leave so you can get some rest or something?" 

He would like that. He's tired enough as it is. He'll just clean up everything tomorrow. Hopefully Claude will act normal again then too.

"If you don't mind…" It's still a crappy thing to do; kicking out your friend.

"No, it's cool, I get it. I was just finished with your wardrobe anyway. We still gonna work out tomorrow?" 

Ugh. Dimitri does  _ not  _ want to. 

"Is it okay if I let you know tomorrow? Maybe I'll be in a better mood then." 

"Okay, just let me know before nine a.m. And try to get some proper sleep, you look like you need it. Badly. Sorry for wearing you out like that." The redhead chuckles apologetically. 

Not knowing what to say to that, Dimitri just nods. His head is starting to ache and the idea of lying in bed right now makes him even more tired than he was.

"Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow then! I'll just see myself out, don't worry about it. Get some rest! See ya." Sylvain starts heading towards the front door to put on his coat.

Dimitri hesitates on whether or not he should see Sylvain out or if it would be okay to just start his go-to-sleep-ritual. Sylvain can find his way back, right? Claude did too. 

Deciding to be a somewhat decent host after all, Dimitri walks after Sylvain to see him off at his front door. 

"Aw, look at you. Still coming to see me out even though you're already half-asleep. Just go to bed, bro." 

The blonde shakes his head. "No, it's okay. Do you know your way back?" 

The redhead nods. "Yeah, I think so. Oh, by the way, I saw you hid some of your old stuff in your closet. I didn't wanna intrude, so I didn't look, but maybe you wanna sort through that. It'll be good for you. Anyway, thanks for today, aside from that vicious yet beautiful brunette, I think we had a good time. Let me know if you wanna work out tomorrow, yeah?" 

"Yeah, I will. I had a good time too, aside from the clothes shopping. Thank you for coming over today." 

"Of course, bro! See ya!" 

"Bye, Sylvain." 

The door closes, Dimitri gently resting his forehead against the painted wood. Today was a very,  _ very  _ long day. 

While he had a great time having dinner with Sylvain and his neighbors, he still feels as if he had a bad day. He's drained from energy, had insults thrown at his head and any progress he'd made with Claude has been reverted. 

Would Claude still want to talk right now? Does  _ Dimitri  _ even want to talk right now? He feels as if there's lead in his shoes when he makes his way back to his kitchen, where he left his phone. 

Claude replied. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ sorry idk whats up with me today _

_ 23:18 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ im just feeling triggered by the smallest things _

_ 23:18 _

* * *

  
  


'The smallest things' being Dimitri? The blonde never meant to trigger Claude. He should apologize. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I'm sorry for triggering you, I didn't mean to. And I'm sorry for having you calm me down this morning, I should have been able to pull myself together myself. I'll do better next time, I promise _

_ 23:25 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ no dont do that this isnt ur fault _

_ 23:25 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ can u talk? _

_ 23:26 _

* * *

  
  


Honestly, Dimitri isn't sure if he wants to talk. At least not on the phone. Even if it's Claude, and even if Claude has something important to talk about, the mention of a phone call just fuels him with anxiety. 

They've done it before, sure, but that doesn't matter to his rapidly beating heart or sweaty armpits. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Could we just text?  _

_ 23:27 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ yeah i guess thats fine too but i was kinda looking forward to hearing ur voice _

_ 23:27 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ either way what happened today?  _

_ 23:27 _

* * *

  
  


Dimitri is confused. Very confused. Claude seemed annoyed with the blonde before, yet now he's being weirdly affectionate again. Can't Claude just tell him honestly what's bothering him? How is Dimitri supposed to help if he doesn't know what's wrong?

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Is it okay if we talk about you first? I truly don't understand your mood swings _

_ 23:28 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ uh theres not much to talk about is there?  _

_ 23:28 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i was a bit stressed after ur panic attack bc i slipped up and i was worried about u bc u didnt tell me how anxious u were _

_ 23:29 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ idk what more u want from me _

_ 23:29 _

* * *

  
  


There it is again. Claude is just telling Dimitri what he thinks he wants to hear. But this isn't what Dimitri wants; all the blonde wants is for Claude to be honest and open up with him. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ The truth would be nice _

_ 23:29 _

* * *

  
  


It's really a good thing Dimitri didn't agree with the phone call. He would have never been able to speak his mind if they were talking on the phone. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ im telling the truth? Do u really trust me so little _

_ 23:29 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Can you really blame me for that? You keep hiding things and now you're acting weird for whatever reason and I just want to know why _

_ 23:30 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ im not the one acting weird here, u are _

_ 23:30 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i literally told u just now why i was in a bad mood idk what more u want _

_ 23:31 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Why would you still be upset by that at the end of the day? And you're still not in a good mood  _

_ 23:31 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ oml do u really wanna fight over a bad mood? Not like u havent had any urself _

_ 23:32 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ god we talk for a week and u already know me inside out? Sorry for not wearing my heart on my sleeve the way u do _

_ 23:32 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i didnt stay up for u and wait to be attacked like this wow _

_ 23:32 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ u know what nvm im just gonna sleep rn _

_ 23:33 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ ciao _

_ 23:33 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ No, Claude please don't leave. I didn't mean it like that! I'm just worried but I won't mention it anymore I promise so please don't leave me _

_ 23:34 _

* * *

  
  


Once more, Dimitri's last message is left on read and Claude's status tells the blonde he's offline. A knot forms in his throat, making it hard to swallow. 

This is  _ not  _ what he needed after today. He needed comfort, the kind that only Claude could give him. But he fucked up. He kept pushing Claude, even though he  _ knows  _ Claude doesn't like being pushed. And he didn't even have a good reason for doing it. 

Feeling utterly defeated, Dimitri throws his phone on his couch before he starts his bedtime ritual. He brushes his teeth, changes into nightwear and flops onto his bed, slowly crawling under his blankets. 

His head rests on his pillow, he's in a perfectly comfortable position; one arm under his head, the other loosely resting over his waist as he lies on his side. But even as he keeps his eyes shut for minutes on end, sleep doesn't find him. 

His mind keeps displaying the same terrible scenes from today, not allowing Dimitri any kind of rest. Tired as he is, he knows it'll be a long night of falling in and out of sleep for only a few minutes before his brains start entertaining him again with his failures from over time. 

How he should have refused his parents right away when they invited him along on their trip. The way he lashed out at his friends, driving them away from him. What he should have said different in his argument with Edelgard. That he should have appreciated Claude more when he still had the chance.

No doubt that Claude is pissed at him right now. It's perfectly justified too; the blonde should have just told Claude about his day. He could have made him proud by telling him that he completed the challenge Claude personally gave him. That he's grateful for everything Claude does for him. And most of all, that it's okay for Claude to have a bad day without having to indulge in Dimitri. 

But he didn't. He was stupid, ruined his chances with Claude, and now he can forget about any kind of relationship happening with the tanned beauty. Not even as much as a shallow online friendship. 

Should he go take his sleeping medications? He's been taking them for a few days, though. It's probably not a good idea to take them again. 

But even if he does, and he will get addicted, what does that matter? He'll be able to sleep, right? He'll just take them for the rest of his life, it's not so bad to be dependent on medications. Old people depend on theirs too. 

The blonde whips his blankets off his body, getting up to head over to his bathroom. As he crosses his hallway, however, he notices a sound coming from his living room. 

He stays still for a moment, carefully listening and trying to figure out what it might be he's hearing. Before he can, however, the sound stops. 

Was it his phone? He did leave it there. Maybe it ran out of battery. 

He enters his bathroom, taking the bottle with pills from his cabinet and swallowing two of them. 

The sound is coming from his living room once more when he makes his way back to his bedroom. Curiosity getting the better of him, Dimitri first pads over to his phone and grabs it before he heads back to bed. 

It's vibrating and through sleep blurry eyes, Dimitri sees Claude's name on his screen. Claude is calling him after all. 

He stands still as he watches the device, feeling the way it vibrates and listening to the humming sound coming from the object in his palm. 

He makes no move to slide the green button to the pick-up-slot, and just waits until it quiets down again. 

He's been called three times now, he sees. Maybe Claude is worried Dimitri is hurting himself. Maybe he should hurt himself, and then take a picture and send it to Claude, showing him exactly what he's doing to the blonde. 

But that would be a cruel thing to do, wouldn't it? To both Claude  _ and  _ to himself, because he promised he wouldn't hurt himself anymore. He's not going to start now.

Therefore, without thinking, Dimitri merely types a single message and sends it; 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Did you text with Sylvain? _

_ 1:18 _

* * *

  
  


Well, at least he'll get his answer now. It's been itching him since he saw the texts on Sylvain's phone. And Dimitri thinks that, if Claude has any sense of remorse, he won't lie about this. He'll just tell the truth. 

As he awaits Claude's reply, he settles back into the heap of blankets. 

The device buzzes next to his sleepy head, and it takes a few seconds for Dimitri to realize what that means. He got a text back from Claude. 

Failing to unlock the device twice in a row, Dimitri finds himself getting a bit annoyed. He almost decides to give up, but then his lock screen disappears and the device reveals its usual black background. 

_ Finally, _ Dimitri muses before he opens Claude's most recent message.

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ did he say anything? _

_ 1:20 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ So you did _

_ 1:23 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ he texted me first _

_ 1:24 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ he told me not to tell u tho so howd u know? _

_ 1:24 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Bs, why would he text you? _

_ 1:24 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ why would i text him?  _

_ 1:24 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Because you're gay and Sylvain is very good-looking _

_ 1:25 _

* * *

  
  


What is he  _ saying?! _ He needs to stop. He should apologize. Claude just came back around to talk to Dimitri again, likely because he felt bad for the things he said before, so Dimitri shouldn't ruin this right now. Claude might really never forgive him. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ wtf why would i know what sylvain even looks like?  _

_ 1:25 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ actually dont answer that i dont wanna argue anymore _

_ 1:25 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ im sorry about what i said before u didnt deserve that _

_ 1:26 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I didn't _

_ 1:26 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ no u didnt i just fr had a shitty day today and i didnt wanna bother u with that bc it has nothing to do with u _

_ 1:26 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ but if u really want ill just tell u bc i guess u kinda deserve to know especially after the shit i just said to u _

_ 1:27 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ my mom came to me with some shit first and then u messaged me so i was doing a bit better again but then u had ur panic attack and i slipped up and i felt like 'oopsie' gotta be more careful but then sylvain started texting me?? he started saying stuff like that u were confused and u know the same thing i said when u confessed ur feelings to me that u were feeling attached to me bc i was nice to u after u were alone for so long _

_ 1:28 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ and honestly i kinda get what he was after bc like he knows u to be straight and all that and i dont blame him but it just got me pretty down bc i didnt expect to be hated so soon already u know? it just kinda broke me in a way that i already was familiar with but i just cant get used to it _

_ 1:29 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ and he told me that i needed to take a step back and give him the reigns now bc he was gonna be the one to fix u up again and hed have his friends help him and ud all be back together and i get that he wants that and i want that for u too but like _

_ 1:29 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i want to have a place in ur heart too  _

_ 1:30 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ and i wanted to call u and listen to u talk about ur day and make jokes and hear u laugh bc i love hearing u laugh but i messed up and i hate that i acted so mad at u bc u literally couldnt help it _

_ 1:30 _

* * *

Where does Dimitri even begin with responding to all that? He's glad Claude finally told him, but the arguing from before has left his heart clenching painfully. 

He thinks back on how often Sylvain left Dimitri on his own today. Did he use those times to text Claude without Dimitri noticing? The time he went to flirt with that girl, when he went to the bathroom right after, when he walked around across the clothes shop. Even when Dimitri went to pick up his groceries at his neighbors' place. While he was busy cooking with mr. Dedue, when he was organizing the blonde's wardrobe. 

Why would Sylvain do such a thing? Wasn't he okay with homosexuality and rainbows? Then why?

_ Or is Claude lying?  _

He hates that nagging voice in his head that doubts Claude's words. He wants to believe Claude, but he doesn't want to accept that his best friend tried to peel Claude away from him. Sylvain was so casual all day too. He's been a good liar all his life, but would he lie to Dimitri too? 

His head is just spinning with all this information. He's glad Claude doesn't seem to have his anger directed at Dimitri anymore, but he's not sure if finding out that his friend has been going behind his back to send hateful texts is any better. 

Even worse, his eyelids are starting to feel extremely heavy, likely because of the sleeping pills. He won't have a lot of time to form coherent sentences and send them to Claude in time before he falls asleep. Should he call him then? It would be easier than moving his fingers over the small blurry letters that are his keyboard. 

Thankfully, his sleep-deprived mind doesn't see a problem with phone calls now that there's the panic of not being able to respond to Claude's heartfelt messages. 

He presses Claude's contact and touches the calling icon, waiting for Claude to pick up. 

It doesn't take long, like always, and Dimitri is greeted with the heavenly sound of Claude's voice. 

_ "Hey,"  _ he says in a soft voice.  _ "I'm really sorry about all that. You're probably tired after today."  _

"I took medicine," Dimitri mutters into his phone. He's not sure if Claude understood the words, but he knows he's running out of time so he decides to just pour out his heart and hope that Claude hears him properly. 

He likely won't get to repeat the words.

"Uhm. It's okay. I mean, I shouldn't have pushed. And I'm sorry that Sylvain did-" he yawns. "-did that to you. And I missed you." 

What even is he saying? That's not at all what he had in his mind. He still has to say how wrong Sylvain was to try and pull them apart. How much Dimitri appreciates Claude and that it's okay to have a bad day sometimes. Dimitri has plenty of those too, so he knows. He still has to say how much he loves Claude's laugh too, and that he wishes to be able to hear it every single day. 

But he doesn't. He's so tired that moving his lips seems like it takes the greatest effort in the world and keeping his eyes open proves impossible. 

Claude chuckles softly and Dimitri's heart speeds up at hearing it.  _ "I missed you too. Fuck, I really missed you."  _

"I missed you too." 

_ "I missed you too."  _

"I r'lly miss'd you too." 

Claude chuckles again.  _ "You're really tired, huh? Forgetting what you just said. Get some sleep. Although, is it okay for me to assume we can talk tomorrow?"  _

Dimitri nods, not realizing Claude can't see him. He yawns again. 

_ "Sleep tight, Dima. I missed you."  _

"Mm, m'ss'd y' to." 

His mind already drifts off to sleep at the sound of Claude's soft laugh. He really loves that laugh. 

  
  


**_Extra_ **

Claude is casually sitting on the couch in his living room, eating the breakfast pie his mom made last night. He's watching cartoons while occasionally texting Dimitri when his mom walks into the space. 

"Claude, do you have a moment?" 

"Yes, mama?" He asks innocently. 

His mom looks displeased about something, but if Claude had to guess, it's probably because he's on his second piece of pie already. 

Nevertheless, he keeps eating from it, quietly sneaking glances at his mom's figure as she joins him on the couch. 

"This scarf you brought with you yesterday," she starts.

Claude chews and swallows before he nods. "Yeah?" 

"It looks really expensive." 

"Uh, yeah, I guess. It's really soft, though, isn't it? It's also super warm, so I promote it to my new favorite scarf." 

"That's… really nice." She rests her hands on her knees as she turns to face Claude from a better angle. 

This isn't good. His mom is never nervous, and she definitely seems nervous. He doesn't know what he did, so he feigns nonchalance. As long as he doesn't show any guilt, maybe his mom will relent herself before even bringing up her current predicament. 

But he isn't so lucky today, it seems. 

"Could you put your phone away? I want to talk to you and I'd like to have your full attention." 

He does, he lays it on the coffee table as he grabs the tv-remote and mutes the device. He, as well, turns to face his mother. 

"Okay. What's up?" 

"I'm just going to be blunt here. Where did you get that scarf?" 

"Dimitri gave it to me." 

"Dimitri  _ gave  _ you a scarf that expensive? Even though you only met him yesterday? Claude-" 

"What? He can't give me gifts because we hadn't seen each other before?" He knows what his mom is getting at. He knows it perfectly well. 

It annoys him. Not only because the last time he did that was years ago, but also because he doesn't even blame her for suspecting it. 

"God, Claude, I really thought we were past this…" 

He hates the disappointed tone in her voice. She's not mad, she's not sad. Just downright  _ disappointed _ . But he didn't do it. He didn't  _ steal  _ Dimitri's scarf. 

"God, mama, I really thought you trusted me. I told you, I  _ promised  _ you, I wouldn't steal ever again. I took a job, I'm earning money. I don't need to steal things anymore because I can pay for them myself! I didn't steal the scarf, he gave it to me." 

She's still not convinced. Obviously. Why would she? Claude's been a rat all his life. He's stolen things together with Hilda. He never backed down from lying to his mom whenever he brought home another piece of clothing he couldn't ever afford. 

And he'd always 'received' those things. They were always 'gifts' from someone else. Until he was caught redhanded and his mom was called by the police to come pick him up at the station. The look she'd given him was devastating, heartbreaking even. She was so goddamn disappointed. And he didn't blame her, he was disappointed too. 

Yet, he was back at it a few weeks after. Persuaded once again by Hilda that he  _ did  _ need that t-shirt, because his arms looked good in it. It was expensive, he could never afford it if he had to pay for the piece of clothing. But it didn't  _ look  _ expensive, so he thought he'd get away with it if his mom would find it. 

He didn't. The day after, when he came back from school, he found a police car at their front door. It was suspicious, yes, but he was so worried that something had happened to his mom to even think they were there for him. 

His mom had been the one to call them. They arrested him. Took him to the police station and put him in a cell for three whole days. It had been horrible. He cried, punched a wall so hard he broke two fingers and he'd sworn to himself and to his beloved mother that he would never,  _ ever  _ steal anything again. 

That was ultimately the time he learned that his mom was not one to be messed with, so he didn't. He made sure to be a good son, one that was deserving of her care. 

He still is that son right now. He didn't steal the scarf. He could never do that, not to his mom, not to Dimitri. 

"Mama, I promise, with everything that I have, and I swear on everything that I own, I did  _ not  _ steal that scarf. I'll ask Dimitri right now. Here, I'll text him and I'll show you." 

He picks up his phone and starts typing, the message completely irrelevant to what they were talking about in the first place. Poor Dimitri is so nervous to meet with his friend, the last thing he wants is to give the blonde anxiety over what's happening over here. But it doesn't seem like he has a choice in the matter.

"No, actually, don't do that. Don't involve him in our struggles. Look, baby, I want to believe you. I  _ truly  _ do. And I love you no matter what. But if it turns out that you stole that, and Dimitri  _ will  _ notice when he comes over, I won't hesitate to call the police on you again." 

"You don't think I know that?" Claude bites. "I learned my lesson back then. I just wish you'd have a bit more faith in me." 

"I have faith in you, love. But this is just-" 

"Yeah, it's impossible that someone cares about me enough to give me something valuable," the young man finishes for his mother. 

Why he's getting so triggered, he's not sure. Maybe because Dimitri hasn't responded to him in a while. He hopes the blonde isn't having another panic attack. The message he sent wasn't  _ that  _ embarrassing.

"That's not at all what I was going to say, and I wish you wouldn't put words in my mouth. I wanted to say it's unreasonable. You go over once and he gives you that? How old is he, anyway?" 

"Oh, so because I didn't steal it, he's my eighty-year old  _ sugar daddy? _ I'm only spending time on him because he's rich and I'm after all the expensive gifts he can buy me? Give me a fucking break! Do you also think I came out yesterday only because I found me a sugar  _ daddy  _ and not a  _ mommy?"  _

"Honey, can we please talk about this rationally?" 

"I'm rational! I'm perfectly rational! You're the one coming with all these weird, disgusting accusations! And you know what? Even if Dimitri turns out to be my eighty-year old sugar daddy, it's still none of your business. I bet you wouldn't complain if he was rich enough to pay off all of our debts," he mutters under his breath. 

He's already sick of this shit. If his mom is gonna be like this whenever Claude shows a bit of himself, his  _ real  _ self, who could he show himself to then? If his own  _ mother  _ is judging him, who wouldn't? He loves her to death, and she's probably acting like this because she's obviously struggling with comprehending this major change about her son. He only came out to her yesterday, after all. 

But  _ still.  _ She doesn't have the right to judge Dimitri too. Dimitri is amazing, strong, determined and so kind, he doesn't deserve that. 

"Is that what this is going to be like again? I say one thing and you're gonna go off like a ticking time bomb? You're not in puberty anymore, Claude. You're an adult. We can talk about this when you've calmed yourself down." 

She gets up again and heads into the kitchen, not paying Claude any more mind. Fine with him, he was busy watching cartoons anyway. He unmutes the television, letting Spongebob Squarepants' obnoxious laugh irritate the hell out of his mom. 

Yes, Claude is definitely petty like that. There was no reason for her to just waltz in here and accuse him of not only stealing, but also taking advantage of Dimitri's kindness. 

He's aware that Dimitri is rich. It wasn't difficult to pick up on. After the blonde had asked him how he'd treat himself, and commented that all would be fine, even if it was expensive, Claude hadn't suspected anything yet. But when he said that he was asking it for  _ himself,  _ it rang a bell inside Claude's head. 

He didn't want to let it get to his head, he really didn't. But knowing that Dimitri has  _ money,  _ it did things to Claude. Things he's not proud of admitting, and he wouldn't ever admit them out loud, but they are the things that made Dimitri truly attractive to him. 

Because for one, Dimitri looks just as much as the mess he is. And for two, his amazing personality is buried somewhere deep under a thick layer of anxieties and insecurities. The blonde isn't physically attractive, not now, anyway, and his odd behavior is questionable. 

So what else does Claude have to latch onto other than a future where he can live his life in comfortable wealth and luxury? All he'll have to do for such a future is to shower Dimitri with love and affection. Bonus is that Dimitri will shower him in love and affection in return. 

And well, if Claude can dig out that personality, and make Dimitri look as amazing as his potential shows he can look, he'll have zero complaints. Zero. 

But that doesn't mean the money is his only motivation. He likes Dimitri, he really does. He enjoyed talking to him even before he realized he was rich, so that has to mean something. And his heart does funny things when Dimitri shows he's happy. It's kind of… addictive in a sense, seeing him like that. Even more to be the  _ cause  _ of those happy feelings. 

The hug was amazing, and Claude knew at that point that he'd been neglecting himself for far too long. Dimitri can take care of him, he firmly believes that. He seems like the clingy, touchy kind of guy. That guy who can never sit next to you without touching your hair at least once or reaching for your fingers whenever they're not occupied. 

And Claude needs that. He wants exactly that kind of affection. The physical, the emotional, the  _ spiritual. _ Okay, that's deep. But still, Dimitri can make him happy. And that's what's important in the end. Whether his mom agrees with Claude's motivations and priorities isn't even relevant. 

Claude simply refuses to be in a relationship like his mother and father's. A relationship where you see each other only on birthdays and Christmas. One where you have to go so long without the other that you forget what it's like to feel their touch. 

No, Claude is not having that. He'll be with someone who'll have time for him, who doesn't need to be away for weeks, or months, because of their job. Someone who wouldn't leave him to raise kids on his own, their only contribution being the payment of some monthly bills while they waste the rest of their salary wherever they may be. 

Claude never understood why his mother settled for his father. She knew he'd be away most of the time, yet she decided to have his baby nevertheless. Did she think it would distract her from the void in her heart? And look what kind of a baby she got in the first place. 

Dimitri still hasn't replied, so Claude turns off the tv and moves away from the couch to his bedroom. He still has some homework to catch up on, and he won't have time to do it tomorrow. He'll keep his phone close, just in case Dimitri replies. 

He's been working on one of his papers for a solid twenty-five minutes when his phone vibrates. 

Dimitri confirms to him that, yes, he was indeed embarrassed by what he'd said, which makes Claude smile. He wouldn't ever mind being called 'my love', but it's still funny that Dimitri got himself worked up over his own choice of words. 

He's proud that Dimitri decided to meet with Sylvain today. Although, he would have liked to go and see the blonde himself. He'll just have to be patient and wait until next week to see him again. 

God, that feels like a long time. 

They send texts back and forth, until Dimitri suddenly disappears again. While Claude doesn't want to complain or anything, he would appreciate it if Dimitri would just tell him whenever he's busy or not able to reply for a while. And possibly also how long it'll be until he can talk again. 

He swears once more that it's Dimitri who's attached, not Claude.

He returns to his paper, working on it for a few more minutes until his phone vibrates again. Dimitri just told him about what happened to him when he saw his neighbor, and Claude feels his chest swell in affection.

Even if it's not cute to lose your cool over meeting your neighbor. He smiles as he replies, telling Dimitri that he's fine and that he shouldn't worry so much. His neighbor seemed like a nice lady though, and Claude has no doubt that, if Dimitri would open up a little, she would be a great asset in his life. 

After all, only few people are so hospitable to invite someone into their home when they haven't even returned a greeting. 

Once more, Dimitri disappears, not replying anymore for a few minutes. Goddamn. Maybe Claude should comment on that soon. 

Claude is extremely careful with any criticism he gives Dimitri. It's obvious Dimitri doesn't handle it well, so Claude tries to minimize it as much as possible. And when he does criticize, it's in such a way that Dimitri doesn't even see it as criticism. It's been working great until now, but Claude wants to see if Dimitri has built some confidence over the past week. If he has, he should be able to take some critique. 

But now is not a good time, because he's being called by none other than Dimitri himself, worrying Claude a little. Dimitri isn't one to randomly give him a phone call, and it's time for him to have met with Sylvain too. 

He picks up, and he's greeted with an unfamiliar voice. 

_ "Claude? Hello, this is Sylvain speaking. I'm Dimitri's friend."  _

That's weird. And worrying. But he won't be phazed. "Oh, hey there! Dimitri mentioned you to me." 

_ "Oh, you heard about me? Nice!"  _

"Yeah, I did. He was glad he could see you today." 

_ "Yeah."  _

"You with him now?" Stupid question, he quickly realizes. 

_ "Yeah, I just arrived."  _

"So, why are  _ you _ calling me?" 

_ "Uhm, so the problem is that Dimitri seems to have forgotten what oxygen is, for he is repelling it all."  _

"Dude what?" 

_ "What?"  _

"Is Dimitri okay? I have no idea what you just said." 

_ "Oh, no. Sorry. He's just not breathing. Or rather, breathing too fast."  _

Is this guy an idiot? "Get him on the phone!" 

_ "I don't know if he can talk to you right now, he barely managed to tell me to call you."  _

"Look, I don't need him to talk to me, he needs to hear me." 

_ "Okay, so I'll just put you on speaker then?"  _

For fuck's sake! "Are you even aware that this is an emergency?!" 

_ "No, I wasn't aware that this was an emergency! Fuck. Yeah, hang on. ...Alright, it's on speaker now. Please work your magic on him."  _

Well, shit. This isn't good, Dimitri's been in this state for way too long now. God, Sylvain is an idiot. 

Claude can faintly hear Dimitri's harsh breathing in the background as he tries to get through to Dimitri. Once he has Dimitri's attention, he tries to get him to breathe normally again. Like the first time, it takes a few tries, but Dimitri manages after a few minutes. 

He can't help his blushing cheeks however, after realizing he just called Dimitri 'baby' with his  _ voice  _ and that Sylvain heard that. Sylvain  _ heard  _ that. 

So, because Sylvain heard, Claude wants to clear up a few things. Sylvain, although he seemed to be an idiot, is surprisingly relaxed. It makes sense for a stress tornado like Dimitri to be friends with a guy like that, but soon enough, Sylvain triggers him again. 

He was already in a bad mood. 

Does Claude want to talk to Dimitri? Absolutely. But he doesn't want to get inbetween him and Sylvain, so Claude decides that it's better if he leaves the two of them be. Dimitri will reach out to him if he's not okay, anyway. 

He turns back to his paper once more, realizing that Dimitri will probably be gone for the rest of the day. He feels a bit bitter about it, especially because Claude's been Dimitri's main focus the past week, and now he's been replaced. 

But it's fine. Dimitri needs it, and indirectly, Claude does too. If they want their relationship to work, Dimitri is going to need more people he can depend on other than just Claude. 

Right then, his phone vibrates  _ again.  _ This paper is never going to get finished at this rate. 

He unlocks his phone and immediately opens his new message from his notifications, assuming it was Dimitri. 

But it wasn't, and he frowns as he reads over the words. 

* * *

  
  


**_Unknown number:_ ** _ hey there claude! Sylvain here. Can we talk for a bit? _

_ 11:32 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ sure i guess, whats up? _

_ 11:32 _

* * *

  
  


He edits the contact name right away.

* * *

  
  


**_Dumbassylvain:_ ** _ well i was wondering, what's your relationship with dimitri?  _

_ 11:33 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ wasnt that clear yet? _

_ 11:33 _

* * *

  
  


**_Dumbassylvain:_ ** _ haha maybe but i just wanna be sure _

_ 11:34 _

* * *

  
  


**_Dumbassylvain:_ ** _ you guys dating? _

_ 11:34 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ not yet _

_ 11:34 _

* * *

  
  


This doesn't sit well with him. Not at all. Claude isn't sure if Dimitri gave his number to Sylvain, or if the guy went behind Dimitri's back to reach out to him, but he's not enjoying this. 

No doubt he has himself to blame, he was the one who slipped up after all, but that doesn't mean Sylvain can just go around and text him like this. Especially about this subject. 

Claude hasn't even figured out whatever this is between Dimitri and himself. How is he supposed to sell this to Sylvain? The last thing Claude wants is to leave a bad impression on the guy. After all, he is Dimitri's friend. 

* * *

  
  


**_Dumbassylvain:_ ** _ not yet? So you're gonna? When?  _

_ 11:34 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ idk dude cant u like leave us to figure it out ourselves? Ill let u know when the time has come k?  _

_ 11:35 _

* * *

  
  


First his mom, now this? Can he please get a break? He can feel his mood worsening. 

* * *

  
  


**_Dumbassylvain:_ ** _ well the funny thing is _

_ 11:35 _

* * *

  
  


**_Dumbassylvain:_ ** _ dimitri's not gay haha _

_ 11:35 _

* * *

  
  


Ah, here it is. Of course this comes up. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ lemme just stop u there _

_ 11:36 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ i get what ur after but like i said can u let us figure it out ourselves?  _

_ 11:36  _

* * *

  
  


**_Dumbassylvain:_ ** _ look all i'm saying is that dimitri's not the guy for you  _

_ 11:36 _

* * *

  
  


**_Dumbassylvain:_ ** _ i just wanna warn you for future heartbreak bc it's gonna happen bro _

_ 11:37 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ im not ur bro and like i said 2 times already; l e t u s f i g u r e i t o u t o u r s e l v e s _

_ 11:37 _

* * *

Claude's patience is seriously running thin right now. He throws his phone aside and tries to focus on his paper, but obviously it's not going to be finished today. He just can't redirect his focus to his paper, instead he keeps wondering if Dimitri knows about what Sylvain is trying to pull here. 

He doesn't want to believe it, but it's this nagging thought that won't leave, no matter how much he tries to convince himself otherwise. 

He'll have to wait and see, but for now, he'll try to ignore the nagging thoughts until he can pretend they're not even there. 

He's good at that, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so obviously this was like pt.1 of what happened between claude and sylvain   
> Lmk if you wanna see pt.2 or if you're just like 'yeah i know what went on so you can skip that' 
> 
> Thank you! :)


	15. Hopelessly in Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sincerely sorry for being late!! Oh my gosh
> 
> ALTHOUGH LATE MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY UPCOMING NEW YEAR!!! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chappie! Tho it feels a bit rushed imo but it might just be bc i wanted PROGRESS im a slow writer
> 
> Imma stop the rant here, enjoy!! :)

It's way past nine when Dimitri finally wakes up. Once again, he's reminded by why he shouldn't take the medications if he wants to get up early. 

But in all honesty, he didn't set his alarm either. He already knew yesterday that he wouldn't go and exercise with Sylvain today, he just didn't have the heart to flat-out refuse. Or the courage to tell it to Sylvain's face for that matter. 

He checks his notifications and he's greeted with a new challenge from hAppy, a message from Sylvain and some from Claude. 

Saving the best for last, he starts by opening Sylvain's message first. Apparently he'd been texting Claude behind Dimitri's back. He should probably tell Sylvain off, but how is he gonna do that? The last thing he wants is to fight with him two days after they got back in touch.

But he also can't do nothing. Sylvain attacked Claude, so Dimitri should stand up for the latter. It's the least he can do. 

* * *

  
  


**_Sylvain:_ ** _ hey my dude! Looks like you didn't make 9 so just lmk when you wanna go instead _

_ 9:08 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Yeah, I'm sorry, I overslept. Yesterday had been a bit much. I'll let you know though _

_ 10:43 _

* * *

  
  


Before he can properly confront Sylvain, Dimitri first has to fix things with Claude. Even if they somewhat made up yesterday, he still feels as though there's some bad energy left between them. And that way, he'll be able to tell Sylvain exactly what's going on between Dimitri and Claude, if they still have anything going on, that is. He just needs to make his feelings clear, once and for all, so that Sylvain can't misunderstand.

Not feeling like doing any challenge before he's dealt with the tasks at hand, he deletes hAppy's notification and moves on to Claude's messages. He'd be lying if he said he's feeling calm though. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ gm bby i know i told u i didnt have time to come over today but if u have time, can i come after all? _

_ 8:24 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i was supposed to spend the day with my mom but im not seeing that happening rn and i wanna talk to u in person if thats okay _

_ 8:24 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i kinda feel like we have a lot to talk about and its better to do that face to face _

_ 8:25 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ u know to prevent misunderstandings from ocuring _

_ 8:25 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ if thats even spelled right i have no idea _

_ 8:25 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ imma just stick to easy words, thats what i get for trying to impress u with fancy new vocabulary _

_ 8:26 _

* * *

  
  


Dimitri doesn't understand what he was worried about anymore when his eyes read over the messages. Claude seems to be himself again, which the blonde is incredibly glad about. And above that; he wants to come over today. 

Even if it was only two days ago that they first and last saw each other, it feels as if it's been a week or more. Dimitri is definitely eager to see the tanned man again, so he hurries to type his response. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ I would love for you to come over! I'm glad you seem to be doing better today, it's truly a relief that you don't appear angry anymore. I hope nothing too serious is going on between you and your mother. I'd hate it if it were because I suggested you come clean to her. And yes, I agree; we should probably talk about what happened face to face. Also, it's spelled 'occurring', but you were close :)  _

_ 10:49 _

* * *

  
  


That's a huge text, holy crap. And he said 'I' so many times. That's embarrassing, he shouldn't mention himself so often. 

Did he always do that? 

He scrolls back to all of his previous messages and notices that yes, he does mention himself a lot. A familiar warmth spreads on his cheeks. Why would he do such a thing? 

When he scrolls back, he sees that Claude replied already. Dimitri doesn't know what he'd do if Claude was a slow responder. He can't even imagine the agonizing minutes, maybe hours that he'd have to spend waiting if Claude were anything like Felix back in the days. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ cool, its appreciated _

_ 10:50 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ i mean im more excited than that message implies hahaha i cant wait _

_ 10:51 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ what time works? Or should i leave rn _

_ 10:51 _

* * *

  
  


Good question, Dimitri finds. He hasn't had breakfast yet, nor has he washed and dressed. But at least his hair is washed this time. He still finds it hard to believe he actually went to meet Claude with gross hair. Either way, he can use the half hour it takes for Claude to get here to get dressed, so that's not really a problem. But he probably can't make himself breakfast  _ and  _ get dressed in that time.

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Have you eaten yet?  _

_ 10:52 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ yeah earlier _

_ 10:52 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ ah did u maybe just wake up? I can wait no prob _

_ 10:52 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ but like i could just come over rn and make u smth too  _

_ 10:53 _

* * *

  
  


Just when his cheeks have regained their regular temperature, they start heating up again at Claude's last remark. Claude will prepare Dimitri's breakfast? That's so… so  _ domestic.  _ Not that he hates it, not at all. Claude is likely a much better cook than Dimitri in the first place. 

He takes a deep breath before he types his reply. 

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ You don't have to! I mean, that's not why I asked, anyway. But if you really don't mind, then uhm, I'll gladly have you prepare something for me _

_ 10:53 _

* * *

  
  


That was just painfully humiliating. He should find a way to unsend messages because this can't go on any longer. Not only his cheeks feel hot, his ears and neck feel just as warm. 

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ hahah aight ill be there in a bit then _

_ 10:53 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ do i need to bring anything? _

_ 10:54 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Uhm, no, I have everything. Do you remember where I live?  _

_ 10:54 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ yup and also the roads are completely cleared from snow so no panic attacks okay? _

_ 10:55 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ Haha, I'll try. Thank you. I can't wait to see you either _

_ 10:55 _

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _ np bby <3 _

_ 10:55 _

* * *

  
  


**_Me:_ ** _ <3 _

_ 10:55 _

* * *

  
  


Well then, now he'll have to get dressed. The first thing he thinks of is a pair of sweatpants, but as he goes through his wardrobe, he sees that Sylvain cleared them all out.  _ Every. Single. Pair.  _

He's not sure why, but he starts feeling anxious at the sight. His closet is filled with clothes he doesn't remember seeing, ever. How is he supposed to know what to wear? No doubt they look better than sweatpants and a sweater, but  _ still.  _

His clammy fingers move over the different kinds of fabrics, touching them and feeling how unfamiliar they are. Dimitri doesn't like unfamiliar. He likes known, he likes comfortable. He has no idea what fits him, he doesn't understand color matching, and now he realizes that he generally has no idea how to dress himself properly. 

Black? Is black okay? Maybe grey? Or dark blue? Do dark blue and black go together? Should he wear accessories? Like  _ what?  _

Dear lord baby Jesus, please stand by him. Already nineteen years old and Dimitri still has no idea how to dress himself. 

How long he spends staring at the new content of his wardrobe, he's not sure. But knowing that Claude is on his way finally sets his ass into motion. He settles for a black turtleneck sweater, which is too tight for comfort, and a dark grey pantalon, which is too goddamn  _ loose _ around his slender hips. 

Again, the lack of a belt ruins it. But it seems that Sylvain is still an angel despite his evildoing, because there's a bunch of belts in different colors hanging on his clothing rack. He quickly grabs a black one and wraps it around his waist, tightly enough that his pants stay in place. 

Well then. This is definitely not the kind of style Dimitri would have gone for, it's too chic for his liking, but maybe Claude will appreciate it. He hopes desperately that Claude will appreciate it. 

Unsure of how much time he has left until Claude arrives, the blonde decides to brush his teeth to make sure they're at least clean. Since Claude hasn't rang the bell before then, he also takes some time to look himself over in the mirror. 

Carefully, his eyes move from his arms to his chest, which is  _ very  _ accentuated by his choice of top. That can't be right. It shouldn't be that apparent. He has to change again  _ right this instance.  _

He steps out of his bathroom with the intention to dive into his closet once again when the doorbell rings. He literally freezes in his steps, silently debating whether he should tell Claude he'll be right there as he goes to switch garments. But it's cold outside, and he wants to see Claude again as soon as possible. 

Like a deer caught in headlights, Dimitri stares at the door which Claude is waiting behind. Seconds pass, and he still can't make up his mind. When the bell rings once again, Dimitri finally springs into action and opens the door for Claude. 

"Took you long enough," are the words he's greeted with. "It's goddamn cold." 

The bright ray of sunshine behind Claude makes his silhouette seem to glow in golden light. Dimitri is completely awestruck as he looks the tanned man over. Somehow he doesn't remember him to be this beautiful, even though he knows very well that Claude is, in fact, mesmerizing. 

His cheeks are a slight pink from the cold, and he's wearing his father's scarf, in which his mouth and nose are buried. Or rather, it's not his father's scarf anymore. It's Claude's, the one Dimitri gifted him. It still looks great on him, and Dimitri feels warm with affection at seeing him wear it again. He should buy Claude more gifts, so that he can wear them and Dimitri can feel warm and proud every time he sees Claude with them. 

He's scared to make eye contact with those bright green orbs of Claude's, however, because his choice of clothes is making him self-conscious to the brim. He awkwardly runs his hands over his abdomen to straighten out his turtleneck, even though there was nothing wrong to begin with. 

"Uh, wow. You look… wow." 

That has got to be the first time Dimitri catches Claude at a loss of words. His eyes find Claude's in an instance, silently asking him if he really means what he just said. 

The shorter man clears his throat somewhat awkwardly before he blinds Dimitri with one of his handsome bright smiles. Seems that Claude is much better at getting his shit together than Dimitri, because Dimitri still doesn't know what to do or say. 

"You look amazing. I approve," Claude says as he gestures to Dimitri's outfit. 

"Uh, thank you very much," Dimitri mumbles. "You look beautiful. Like always, probably. Anyway, please come inside, it's cold." 

He quickly steps aside to make room for Claude so he can enter, which he does. He shrugs off his coat and Dimitri grabs it for him so he can put it away. 

"Thanks for having me, by the way. It was kinda short notice, so I was worried you already had other plans." Claude's voice sounds from the living room. 

After Dimitri is done struggling with hanging up Claude's coat and scarf, he joins the tanned man further inside his apartment. 

"Oh, well, it's not like I'm that busy anyway… Would you like a drink? I can make you proper tea this time!" Without waiting for an answer, Dimitri excitedly pads over to his kitchen to make Claude a cup of tea.

Thankfully, he can be a proper host this time, since he now has everything he needs in order to do so. 

Claude laughs softly. "Sure, thanks." 

From the corner of his eye, Dimitri can see Claude taking a seat on the sofa before he gets up again. Confused, Dimitri turns to him, wondering why he didn't stay put. 

"I was gonna make you food," Claude reminds him with an embarrassed smile of his own. 

Oh, right. Dimitri forgot about that too. But Dimitri forgets about a lot of things, so that's not surprising. 

"Do you have eggs?" He asks as he opens the fridge. 

Dimitri can't help the thought from slipping into his mind again; this situation feels so domestic. He could absolutely get used to this. 

At Claude's now close proximity, Dimitri's eager heart makes itself known once again by beating so fast, it almost seems to want to jump right out of his chest. He briefly wonders if it's visible through his tight top. 

Desperate to ignore it, Dimitri continues on with the tea. He made sure to have more than one flavor, so that Claude could pick his favorite. He holds out the box to Claude. 

"Uhm, here. I wasn't sure which flavor you liked, so…" 

"So you just bought one of every kind," Claude finishes with a laugh. "Of course, who wouldn't? Just chamomile would have been fine, though." 

He takes one bag and hands it over to Dimitri. His fingers momentarily touch Dimitri's palm, which seems to send a shock of electricity through the blonde's entire hand.

What's up with  _ that?  _ He nearly pulls his hand away immediately at the sensation, but makes sure to take hold of the small bag before he does. Even when he's busy filling the kettle, the spots on his palm where Claude's fingers touched are still tingly and warm. As if his body is constantly making him aware of Claude's touch and how much Dimitri wants it. 

Are Claude's fingers feeling all tingly too? Or is that just wishful thinking? 

"Hey, Dimitri?" 

The blonde quickly shifts his attention from the kettle to Claude, anxious because of his tone of voice. 

The tanned man doesn't look up from where he's stirring eggs and ham and cheese in a pan when he speaks up again. 

"I'm really sorry for the way I acted yesterday. No doubt you were feeling like shit because of that." 

"Yes, a little…" That's quite the understatement.

"Yeah, I figured. I'm sorry, it wasn't your fault. You had nothing to do with it." 

Dimitri stays quiet for a second, unsure of how to reply. He wants to ask a lot of things, like; what happened between you and your mother? Or; what exactly did Sylvain tell you? But most of all; do you still want to fall for me, despite everything? 

"Why don't you tell me about yesterday?" Claude suddenly asks. 

"Oh, uhm…" That was quite the unexpected question after that apology just now. Dimitri hadn't even sorted out his thoughts on the whole matter.

Claude chuckles as he stirs the eggs again. It smells really good. 

"If it's okay with you, can we talk about my day after? I don't want this to be all about me when you made so much progress yourself yesterday. I wanna hear about it." 

"Oh. Well, if you insist… So you know everything up until the… panic attack, right?" 

Claude nods as he gently shakes the pan so the pieces of egg fall into a small bowl. He takes a fork before he gestures for Dimitri to follow him to the couch. Before he does, the blonde finishes the tea and brings it over.

"Thank you, it smells really good," Dimitri says as he takes the food from Claude. "But so Sylvain and I went into that small coffee shop after… you know… And we had a drink together and talked a bit. Then Sylvain saw a girl so he went and flirted with her or something, I didn't really pay attention. And when he came back, I asked if he could help me with… uh. Stuff. And he said he would, so he took me clothes shopping, hence the…" He gestures at his shirt and pants. 

Claude nods, but his lips form a slight pout. 

"Is- is something wrong? I knew it looked weird! Please hold on, I'll go change real quick." The blonde makes a move to get up again, but Claude grips his arm to keep him seated.

"No! No, that's not it, sit down and eat. You look good, really good. It's just… I wanted to take you clothes shopping," he mutters. 

"Oh… Then, maybe, we can shop for clothes later. I-if you like! It doesn't have to be now, but…" 

"You already have new clothes, though. It's fine, we can buy your summer wear together instead. Would that be okay too?" 

The blonde nods eagerly as he stuffs his mouth with Claude's food. He finds that he doesn't really like the texture of scrambled eggs, but  _ Claude  _ made this for him, so he loves it. He'd eat it any day. 

"Is it good?" The shorter man asks before he catches himself. "Oh, no, never mind. That was- Yeah, stupid question, sorry." 

Dimitri can't help but smile at Claude's mishap. It's obvious he tends to speak before he thinks, yet Dimitri has the feeling that he's not always so careless. Maybe, just maybe, it's because he's comfortable around the blonde. He has no proof to back up that statement, but it's a nice thought. 

"I love it," Dimitri answers, which makes Claude smile too. 

"I'm glad. So, what happened after you went shopping?" 

The blonde swallows before he continues the recap of yesterday's events. He's deliberately keeping silent about quite a few things, such as his suspicions of Sylvain using their time apart to send Claude messages, or Dorothea who attacked him at the clothes store. He is very happy to tell the tanned man about meeting his neighbors though, and as expected, Claude seems to be proud of his efforts. 

"Awesome, look at you go! I'm impressed, Dimitri. Great job." 

"It was only because you suggested it, though…" Dimitri can't help but feel embarrassed by Claude's praise. 

He feels so self-conscious when he's called out on anything, he really doesn't like it. But since it's Claude, maybe his pink cheeks aren't that much of a problem. Claude already knew he blushes a lot anyway. 

"No, don't humble yourself. That was your doing." 

"Sylvain was the one who asked her, though…" 

"And yet, you're still the one that cooked with mister Dedue, are you not?" 

The blonde nods carefully.

"See? That's what I mean! You did amazing, I'm proud of you." 

"I broke her lid," Dimitri admits with a quiet voice.

"You did what?" 

"I broke the lid of her pot and I ate weeds." 

"...why did you?" Dimitri can literally hear the laughter in his voice as he asks that question. 

"I didn't know it wasn't edible! And the lid… well… I just grabbed it too hard or something. The handle came right off." For good measures, Dimitri demonstrates the way he'd picked up the lid,  _ and  _ he reenacts the sound it made when it fell apart.

In an attempt not to laugh out loud, Claude took a sip from his tea, but as he hears the 'pop' sound from Dimitri, he snorts right into his cup, splashing the content all over his face. 

"Ah, goddamn, it's everywhere." The area around Claude's mouth is completely covered in tea, the liquid dripping from his chin.

"Oh! Let me get you some paper towels," Dimitri says as he jumps up from the sofa. 

He rushes over to the kitchen to grab some tissues and anything else he can find that can dry off Claude's handsome face. 

"Here," he breathes when he's made it back to the deity with the tea-soaked shirt. 

"Yeah, thanks. Ugh, it's all inside my nose too. Good thing it wasn't that hot anymore," he laughs. 

"Are you hurt? I think I have something to cool burns." 

"No, I'm fine. It wasn't hot, there's no burn. Sorry for interrupting your story. Please continue." 

"Hey, Claude?"

"Hm?" 

"Uhm… You say I apologize a lot, but… So do you, actually. There's no need, I'm not angry or hurt, so maybe you could also stop apologizing?" 

Claude's eyes widen at Dimitri's words. "I do?" 

The blonde nods affirmatively. 

"I honestly didn't even realize that. Maybe I was subconsciously apologizing because I keep thinking you're sensitive. But I won't do it anymore now. Thanks for bringing up the courage to tell me." 

Realistically speaking, Claude can't be blamed for thinking that Dimitri is sensitive. Because truth be told, he is. But he knows that Claude doesn't mean any harm. He's aware that Claude only breaks down parts of him so he can rebuild them again, only more solidly. There's no venom in his words, no ill-meanings. Only constructive criticism.

"Honestly, I'm finding it much easier to talk to you than anyone else. I just feel really comfortable with you. I hope that's not weird or anything…" 

When Claude is finished with cleaning himself up as much as possible, he shakes his head. "That's not weird. I feel comfortable with you too. Maybe we're just a good match then, huh?" 

He playfully punches Dimitri's upper arm, laughing as he does it. 

The blonde really,  _ really  _ wants to believe that. He wants it to be true so badly, it almost hurts. But only time will tell. For now, they should build trust, comfort, joy and happiness with each other. And, in Dimitri's honest opinion, that seems to be going quite well. 

"Yeah, maybe.-" 

Except now Sylvain has started to butt in. If Claude and Sylvain have been texting, there's a big chance that Sylvain might keep bothering Claude until Dimitri tells him off. 

From what it seems like, there's no bad vibes between Claude and Dimitri anymore. So it should be okay to assume they're going to continue down the road they've been walking on. But assuring is better than assuming, so Dimitri will clear up the air once and for all. 

"-Uhm, Claude?" 

"Hm? What's up?" 

"I'm just asking because of yesterday, so please don't think that I'm second-guessing my feelings, but… are we still, uhm… you know… going somewhere..?" 

"Oh, right, we haven't exactly established where we're headed, have we? Since I said that depended on what my mom would say. Well, I think I can say with confidence that you wanna start dating, right?" 

With a fierce blush on his cheeks, Dimitri nods. No use in trying to cover up his feelings now. And it's a relief that he doesn't have to say the words out loud. 

"You're so cute. But you don't think it's too early?" 

"You're right, it's kinda early, isn't it? I'm sorry, I'm being too hasty, it seems." 

Claude shakes his head. "No, that's not what I meant. I just wanna be certain that you're a hundred percent positive that you want to start dating. I mean, I know you're insecure and stuff, but the last thing either of us needs is to take a leap of faith and then discover that it's not what we wanted after all. I want to give us a shot, so you say the word." 

"You do?! Really?" 

A chuckle. "Yeah, I do. I mean, there's loads of hardships waiting for us, but I'm ready to finally give the both of us what we deserve." 

Give us what we deserve… That sounds about right. Dimitri's been locking himself up long enough now, deprived of almost everything but money. It's time he got out and spread his metaphorical wings. And for Claude; he's been neglecting his needs, and that should end too. He deserves a relationship where he can be happy, one where he can be himself without being discriminated. They both deserve it. 

"I want to. I'm more than a hundred percent sure. I'll spoil you rotten, I promise. There's nothing I wouldn't do to make you happy, Claude. I mean that from the bottom of my heart." 

A tanned hand covers his own, pale one, holding it tightly. Dimitri feels his heart pound so hard, he can actually hear it. He knows his face is red, and his hand is starting to get sweaty, but he's not uncomfortable at all. A little embarrassed, sure, but not uncomfortable. If anything, he's happy. He's genuinely happy. 

"I'm not so sure about the spoiling me rotten part, Dimitri," Claude says in a teasing voice. "I can be quite demanding." 

"No matter, I'll give you all you want. Is there anything I can give you right now? I'll do it, no problem." It's as if the words come out on their own, Dimitri's anxious brain not getting a say in what's being said. 

But it feels right. He  _ would _ spoil Claude to the point where even Claude wouldn't know what to ask anymore. He'd turn him into the most demanding, entitled brat in the world and Dimitri wouldn't have it any other way. Because there's no one in existence who would give Claude as much as Dimitri would. 

The tanned man laughs loudly, toying with Dimitri's fingers absentmindedly. God, he's so beautiful. His brilliant green eyes sparkle with joy, the edges crinkling slightly. His smile is so attractive, Dimitri could stare at it for days and never get tired of it. 

"Is that a promise, mister Blaiddyd?" 

"Absolutely, mister… uhm…" Shit! He doesn't even know Claude's last name! 

"Riegan," Claude whispers helpfully.

"Mister Riegan. Riegan, really?" 

"Yup! It's my dad's name." 

Claude never mentions his father. The blonde can't help but wonder if their relationship might not be good. He swallows the question though. He doesn't want to ruin their happy moment with any sentimental questions. Even if Claude has yet to talk about his day. 

"Alright, I have a request then." 

That was soon. But Dimitri can handle it. He hopes. "Oh, s-sure." 

"Hug me?" 

"H-hug?!" They hugged before, so Dimitri has literally no reason to freak out. "Uhm… Okay, yeah I can do that." 

Idiot. 

Dimitri pulls his hand out of Claude's hold, which earns him a small pout. He wants nothing more than to kiss it away, but Claude asked for a hug and not for a kiss, so he'll have to hold back for now. At least until Claude's asked for a kiss, because after that, there will be no stopping the blonde anymore. 

He truly intends to spoil Claude rotten, but only with Claude's permission. 

Instead, Dimitri wraps both his arms around Claude's slim waist, pulling him close to his own body. The shorter man is warm, even warmer than the first time, which now reminds Dimitri of the fact that they're not wearing their winter coats this time. Claude will be able to feel his bony frame and Dimitri is anything but pleased at that. 

But, as Claude wraps his own arms around the blonde's shoulders and buries his face in his neck, all thoughts disappear from Dimitri's mind. The only thing he can focus on is Claude, his touch, his warmth, his scent, held tightly in his arms, and knowing that he can now call Claude his boyfriend and actually treat him so. 

"Is it too early to say that I'm hopelessly in love with you? Because I think I'm hopelessly in love with you." 

Claude hums softly. "Please tell me that as often as possible. I doubt I'll ever get tired of hearing that." 

"I'm hopelessly in love with you," Dimitri repeats. 

"Mm, again." 

The blonde chuckles fondly. "I'm hopelessly in love with you." 

"You're so warm," Claude sighs. 

His arms wrap tighter around Dimitri's neck, fingers gently scratching the hairs on the back of his head. The action gives Dimitri goosebumps on his arms and a pleasant shiver runs down his spine. 

Just like before, they're in a rather awkward position, so Dimitri pulls loose for a moment to lay Claude's legs over his own. Now even closer to each other than before, Dimitri pulls Claude tighter against his chest. 

He can feel Claude's ribs underneath his fingertips, running over them, memorizing them. His hands wander, moving over his spine, tracing the different bumps. All the while breathing in his sweet scent and feeling his dark hair tickling his cheek. It's perfection.

"We still need to talk about something," Claude mutters. "Something important." 

Dimitri doesn't need to guess what important something Claude means. It's obviously Sylvain and his misbehavior. While Dimitri isn't sure why all of a sudden Sylvain would pull a stunt like that, the blonde  _ is  _ certain that Sylvain is a good guy. He's never deliberately hurt anyone for no good reason, so Dimitri can't imagine Sylvain wanted to hurt Claude on purpose. 

"You're right. Can we talk like this though?" 

"You mean while hugging?" 

"...yes." 

Claude huffs a breathy laugh against Dimitri's neck and the blonde immediately regrets wearing a turtleneck.

"Okay, if it works. So, you know what I'm aiming for, don't you?" 

"Yes, Sylvain, right? I swear to god that I was not aware of what he was doing." 

Claude readjusts his face so that he can talk freely. "I didn't think you did, don't worry. I'm just… I'm a bit shocked that he lashed out so quickly. Is that a habit, or..?" 

The blonde shakes his head. "No, he never did anything like that before. He was always a bit overprotective over the three of us because he is the oldest. He sort of acted like a big brother." 

"Hm. Odd. Then my guess is that either he's very convinced that you're confused or I somehow left a bad impression on him. Well, even if I didn't before, I'm sure I did now. I wasn't exactly nice to him, hope you don't mind." 

Claude wasn't nice to Dimitri either, so that's not very surprising. And the blonde can't say Sylvain didn't get what was coming for him. 

"I don't, I think he deserved that. Uhm…" 

"Hm?" 

"Would you be opposed to talking it out with Sylvain? I mean, after I talked with him. I'll see if I can get him to at least apologize." 

"Ugh. I don't know, Dimitri. If he's going to go all homophobic on me, I'd rather not talk to the guy ever again. Maybe it's best if you didn't either, but that's up to yourself." 

"Sylvain isn't homophobic. He once showed me his guilty pleasure when we were younger and there were no women involved there. So if he's not, would you give him another chance? Please? I promise he's not a bad guy, he just doesn't understand in which ways I've changed. I'll explain it all to him though." 

Even if Claude was trying to hide it, Dimitri still felt his shoulders shake from laughter when Dimitri mentioned the guilty pleasure. So that should mean that Claude doesn't hate Sylvain that much. Hopefully Dimitri can convince the redhead that he's not the same person he once was, and that Claude is absolutely someone he wants to keep in his life regarding his future. 

"Okay, okay. I'll do this for you, since you asked. But I'm only giving him one chance. If you can't convince him, I'm done." 

The blonde can't help but smile. It won't be hard negotiating with Sylvain. And until then, Dimitri will revel in the indescribable feeling of holding Claude in his arms, warm and cozy. 

"I'm so hopelessly in love with you, Claude. You have no idea."


	16. A kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY HELLOO 
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy the chapp 'cause I'm not sure if I do lol 
> 
> <3 thanks for reading but moreso tHANKS FOR 180 KUDOS OML 
> 
> And of course SPECIAL CREDITS to all you lovely commenters bc i LOVE your comments!! i literally don't sleep at night bc i wanna know if anyone said anything
> 
> Idk if that's weird, probably is

"Wanna go out?" Claude asks after finishing his second cup of tea.

Confused, Dimitri blinks at him. "I- I thought we were?" 

The shorter man smiles. "I mean go outside. Do something. Maybe we can go see the park again, since it's day now." 

_ Oh.  _

"Uhm, sure." Even though Dimitri would rather stay inside, huddled up in the warmth, holding Claude. 

"Sweet! I'll go put these away," he informs before he takes both cups and the bowl the blonde's breakfast was in. 

"You don't have to! Please, I'll-"

"Nah, it's fine. I do this at work too, just stay there. I won't take long." He walks off towards the kitchen, intending to put the used dishes in the dishwasher. 

Is it normal for Claude to feel so comfortable in Dimitri's apartment already? Not that Dimitri minds, but it makes him feel as if he's doing a terrible job as a host. He should be the one serving Claude, not the other way around. And yet, he can hear Claude humming a song as he puts away the dishes, not seeming to be bothered by anything in the slightest. 

Perhaps Dimitri is overthinking things again. 

"So, what are you gonna do tomorrow?" Claude asks as he approaches Dimitri. 

"Tomorrow?" What's special about tomorrow? 

"Uh, yeah. You got class, buddy." 

Ugh, right,  _ class.  _ Dimitri can't see himself, but he's sure he's making a face. If Claude's amused laugh is anything to go by.

"I know you don't wanna go, but you probably should. How else are you gonna get a degree?" The shorter man sits back down next to Dimitri, taking his pale hand into his tanned ones. 

The blonde sighs. "I don't really  _ need  _ one, though. And I'd rather just… stay home…" 

"Yeah, I figured you'd feel that way. But staying cooped up inside your home isn't good for your mental health. Maybe you forgot that I do have class tomorrow, and Sylvain likely does as well. Or he has a job, or whatever. It wouldn't be a smart thing for you to be alone for so long, not without any proper distraction, anyway. Which you also don't have." 

"...So I should go back to college?" 

"I think you should." 

"...Where people bully me and make my life even more miserable than it is?" 

Claude bites his lip then, likely not expecting Dimitri to respond like that. But that's just how it is. He doesn't have friends in school, his classes aren't particularly interesting to him, and overall he just hates being there. He's always alone, feeling like everyone is talking about him or judging him. He doesn't know how to act and there's nowhere for him to hide. To someone like Dimitri, college is plain  _ hell.  _

"Then, do you need more time? Before you feel like you'll be ready to go back?" 

The blonde shrugs. "I don't think I want to go at all anymore. It's a waste of energy." 

"I see. What would you rather spend that energy on?" 

The blonde shrugs once more, this time staying silent. He doesn't know how to answer that question. There's nothing in particular that Dimitri feels enthusiastic about, other than Claude. 

"What do you like?" Claude then asks. 

"You." 

A soft laugh. "Okay, but we knew that already. What else? You can take your time." 

What  _ does  _ he like? Nothing in particular comes to mind. He only knows what he  _ doesn't  _ like, and that's a whole lot of things. In general, Dimitri feels unmotivated, lifeless,  _ numb.  _ Scared to try new things, and simply not feeling like doing anything he's familiar with. Every single thing feels like a chore. It's only when he can talk to Claude, he feels joy. As if Claude himself gives him life. 

Which is why the only things he likes doing involve Claude, and obviously he can't engage in any of those things from Monday to Friday. 

"...You," he repeats. There just isn't anything else. 

Claude thinks for a bit, seemingly making a mental note. "What  _ don't _ you like then?" 

"That's many things," Dimitri warns. When Claude nods encouragingly, the blonde starts naming them. "I don't like going out in general, but if I have to, I absolutely despise crowded places. I don't like college, I don't like eating. I dislike cleaning. I don't like taking care of myself, I hate myself and my life. I mean, literally everything but you." 

"Why do you hate yourself?" 

Isn't that  _ obvious?  _ "Because nothing good ever comes from me." 

"That's not true. You did great this week, remember?" 

"I didn't. Every good thing I did was because someone else helped me. I can't ever do anything by myself and I'm really just a failure. Actually, can we not talk about this? I don't want to talk about this." A familiar lump settles in his throat, causing his voice to break near the end of his sentence. 

Dimitri is painfully aware what Claude is doing. He's turning this into some kind of therapy session. That's the last thing Dimitri needs right now, when all he wants is to spend his precious time with Claude cuddling with him and telling him how amazing he is and how fond Dimitri is of the man. 

He doesn't want to talk about himself.

Claude stays quiet for a moment, too long for Dimitri's liking. The blonde isn't meeting his eyes, instead settling for staring at his own feet. He tries desperately to swallow away the sore lump, which isn't actually helping at all. 

"Alright. You're seeing your therapist this week, right?" 

Dimitri only nods, not trusting his voice. 

Claude's hand gently squeezes Dimitri's. "Please talk to her about this. I know it's a sensitive subject, but if you don't want to talk about this with me, talk with her. And ask for those meds." 

Dimitri already knows he won't be bringing up the subject himself. After all, mrs. Manuela and he had agreed that they would look at some driving instructors to find one suitable for Dimitri's needs. 

He still nods though, just to get Claude off his back. 

"Alright. Let's go then." Claude gets up from the sofa, gently pulling on Dimitri's arm to have him stand up too. 

In all fairness, Dimitri doesn't want to go outside anymore. His good mood is thoroughly ruined and he doubts that going to the park is going to help fix it. He still can't meet Claude's piercing green eyes, so he keeps his gaze on his feet, now joined by Claude's own. 

"Dimitri, come on." He pulls again, a bit harder this time. "It'll be good for you to get some fresh air after that." 

Dimitri doesn't need fresh air. He wants to breathe in the air that closely surrounds Claude, so that he can sniff in his sweet scent and feel warm and fuzzy inside. Claude should understand, he knows how Dimitri feels. 

"You said we'd go," the tanned man presses. "I wanna see the view." 

"...Go then," the blonde mutters. "If you wanna see so bad, just go see it." 

The pulling on his arm stops abruptly, which Dimitri takes as his que to pull his hand out of Claude's hold. 

The shorter man puts his hands on his hips, sighing, but trying to do it softly, so that Dimitri wouldn't hear. Too bad though, Dimitri's senses are hyper focused on Claude standing in front of him, actually feeling threatened. Claude is currently a danger to his emotional wellbeing, knowing that Claude could hurt him  _ really  _ bad, if he wanted to. 

If Claude is going to be angry again, he might as well. Dimitri doesn't want to argue with him face to face, especially not after finally establishing the relationship he's been yearning for all this time. Why did it even come to this? Dimitri was so happy not ten minutes ago, he felt that nothing in the entire world could break him. 

But Claude did, which made Dimitri realize just how much influence this man has on him. Which is why Claude is supposed to make him happy, not sad. He's supposed to build him up, not break him down.

"Dima," Claude says, waiting until Dimitri looks at him. "What are you thinking about right now? You can tell me." 

The blonde looks away again, not feeling like accusing Claude of his current predicament. But Claude isn't having that, as he gently touches Dimitri's cheek and turns the blonde's head back towards him. 

"Talk to me, Dimitri. I can't read your mind. I don't know what you're thinking about if you don't tell me. I can't help you if I don't know what you're struggling with." 

"I'm just… I wanted to- Never mind. Sorry." 

"It's okay, just tell me. I'm listening." 

The blonde grits his teeth. He doesn't even know how to say what's on his mind right now. All he knows is that he doesn't feel like going outside, much rather staying in and cuddling with his boyfriend. That would surely help his sour mood. 

"...Can we stay inside?" 

Claude inhales through his nose, thinking. He searches Dimitri's face closely, but the blonde doesn't know what he might be looking for.

"Well, okay. If that's really what you want, we'll stay inside. No use in making you go against your will either." 

"...Thank you." He's truly glad that Claude relented this time. 

"Yeah, of course." The brunet retakes his seat next to Dimitri. 

Neither of them talk for a while, the silence slowly becoming suffocating. Dimitri wants to say something, anything to relieve this painfully awkward atmosphere that's surrounding them. 

Should he just apologize and tell Claude they can go outside after all? Would it be a good idea to ask Claude if he wants to watch a movie or something? They wouldn't have to talk then. Or maybe it's best if he just talked to Claude about his thoughts and feelings. That's what a healthy relationship is about, after all. 

"I'm… really sorry." He waits for Claude to respond, not knowing what else to say for now.

"What for?" 

"...Being me." 

Claude turns to him. "No, Dimitri. Don't you  _ ever  _ apologize for who you are. You're not at fault for anything that happened to you. You couldn't have prevented it. The only thing you can do now is move forward. What happened is in the past. It's over, nothing can be changed about that. But your future doesn't have to be the same. We can change your future, but that will require effort and pain and struggles. You may not be able to see it now, but it will get better.  _ You _ will get better." He takes Dimitri's hand into his own, squeezing gently.

"...I could have." 

"Could have what..?" 

"...Prevented it. I could have prevented my parent's deaths. If I just-" He exhales a trembly breath. He's thought it many times, but he's never said it out loud. "If I had been honest with them right away." 

"Why? What happened?" 

"They- They were going on a trip together, down south. They'd be away for a few days, and they'd asked if I wanted to come with. ...I told them I wasn't sure yet, and that I needed some time to think about it. They asked again a day later, and that's when I told them I wouldn't go. So they departed after that. ...They never even made it to their hotel, because a drunken driver rammed into their car. My mother died immediately from the impact, my father didn't. He had to watch her dead body as he took his last breaths." He stops talking to take a breath himself, yet finds that he can't. His throat feels too tight. "I-I already knew. I knew I wasn't going with them when they asked me the first time. There was absolutely  _ no reason  _ for me to hold them back. And yet, I…" 

He wipes his eyes, now wet with tears. 

"But you didn't know. If you'd known what would happen, would you have prevented it?" 

"Of course! I would give anything,  _ anything  _ to get them back! It's been  _ so hard _ without them, and-" For the first time in years, Dimitri breaks down openly in front of somebody else. 

He feels exposed, embarrassed, torn apart by his own emotions, and he cries. Ugly sobs force themselves out of his tight throat, making his shoulders shock violently. 

Claude's warm body presses against his side as he gently pulls Dimitri's head against his chest. His fingers glide through Dimitri's blonde locks as his other hand rubs soothing circles over his back.

"But you didn't know," the brunet echoes. "You can't hold yourself responsible for this, Dimitri. You're only torturing yourself. This isn't the kind of life your mom and dad would have wanted for you, is it?" 

The blonde shakes his head, sniffing quietly. "My father- He wanted me to take over his company. He was going to teach me everything, but he never got the chance." 

"It's not too late for that, you know. You can still learn and do what your father envisioned for you. Wouldn't you want that?" 

"I do. I do want that, but I don't even know where to start…"

"Well, getting your degree would be a good starting point. Just focus on that, one thing at a time. I think your father would be proud, knowing you can stand on your own feet, even after he had to leave you. Don't you?" 

The blonde nods, feeling Claude's fingers on his scalp. It relaxes him, drying out the tears. The knot in his throat is slowly untangling itself. He wraps his own arms around Claude's waist, focusing on Claude's breathing, his even heartbeat and his warmth. 

"I do,-" he admits. 

What Claude said makes a lot of sense. Of course his father would hate to see Dimitri in this state. He'd always look so proud whenever anyone said how much Dimitri took after him. And now he doesn't anymore. 

He realizes now that he wants to again. He wants to be like his father, take pride in his own existence. He wants to be kindhearted too, and confident, and generous. 

"-but I can't do it by myself..." 

"I know. But you're not by yourself anymore now, Dima. I'm here with you, and I'll try to support you however I can. We'll manage together, you hear?" 

He sniffs again, using one of his hands to wipe any stray tears off his cheeks. "Yeah, together."

Something other than Claude's fingers briefly touches his head. The tender gesture makes him feel all warm and loved. 

"There we go. You're so strong, baby. Just don't lose yourself anymore. Talk to me, about anything you need to get off your heart. I'm right here." 

"Okay. I will. Thank you, Claude. You're perfect." 

"Anything but," the shorter man laughs. 

"No, you are. You're perfect." 

.

"Wow, you were right," Claude comments. "The view is definitely prettier during the day." 

The pair has made it to the pond in the middle of the park, looking over the water. It's not frozen anymore and most of the snow has melted now, leaving many white heaps scattered all over the grass. 

"Too bad the snow has almost disappeared. I'd almost wish for new snowfall again. You know, if I didn't know you hated it." 

The shorter man laughs, squeezing Dimitri's fingers. "I wasn't actually talking about the pond though." 

Confused, the blonde turns to look at Claude. Beautiful green eyes stare right into his own, and a charming smile captivates him. 

He can't help the blush that creeps onto his cheeks when he realizes the meaning behind Claude's words. 

"Uhm… well, that's…" 

A laugh escapes Claude's lips once more. God, Dimitri loves hearing that sound. His heart speeds up in fondness, pounding in his chest. 

"You're so cute. Can I tell you a little secret?" 

"Y-yeah, of course." 

"I say things that make you blush on purpose." 

"That's really mean, Claude. I wish you wouldn't." 

The shorter man snickers as he lifts Dimitri's arm, maneuvering his body underneath it so that his arm is resting over his shoulders. 

"I mean well, Dima." 

"I sure hope so." 

"You got nothing to worry about. Promise." 

Dimitri leans closer to Claude, pulling him tighter against his chest while he does it. He silently wonders if Claude would mind it if Dimitri were to plant a small kiss against his temple. They're in public after all, but on the other hand, they're already half-hugging and holding hands, both were on Claude's initiative. 

In the end, he decides against it. In time, he tells himself. Until he has Claude's permission to give kisses, he'll restrain his need to press his lips against Claude's anything. 

Kind of weird, now that he thinks about it. He'll make sure not to let Claude know just how badly he wants to. The tanned man would only tease him for it anyway. 

"What you thinkin' 'bout?" 

Dimitri's body tenses at the question, his cheeks back aflame. "Nothing, really…" 

"You liar," Claude accuses, but he's smiling, so he meant nothing by it. 

"...Just how badly I'd like to kiss you. That's all." He's sure his whole face is red by now, as well as his ears. 

"What's stopping you?" Claude's face turns towards his own again, eyes wide in wonder.

"Uhm, I wasn't really sure if you… wanted to…" 

The shorter man looks around the open space before he turns back to Dimitri. "Well, there's no one around, so…" 

Is that- Is that a yes? Does that mean Dimitri can kiss Claude right now? No, he shouldn't assume. Maybe Claude is just teasing him again.

"So..?" 

"So get over here, silly." 

He first pulls his scarf down, uncovering the lower half of his face, which makes Dimitri realize that this is really,  _ truly  _ happening. He's going to kiss Claude. Those pink, shiny lips that have been driving him crazy whenever they smiled. Or even when they don't, Dimitri finds he can stare and fantasize about them non-stop. 

"Don't be so nervous, you're rubbing off on me," Claude laughs. "Uh, did I say that right?" 

Dimitri can't help but laugh as well, thinking that Claude is absolutely adorable when he tries out new vocabulary. "Yeah, that was correct." 

"Nice. Can you like, lower your face a little? 'Cause you're tall." 

He pulls his scarf down once more, seeing it's gone back to its original position. Then he rests his cold hand against Dimitri's warm cheek, which makes the blonde flinch, but only slightly. He finds the coldness a welcome feeling against his heated face. The blonde wraps his free arm around Claude's waist as he keeps his other around his shoulders, pulling him flush against his own body. 

They both lean into each other, smiling, blushing. Dimitri has to lean down a bit more, since he is quite a bit taller than Claude. Claude's eyes flutter close first, leaving the rest to Dimitri, who crooks his face just a little so he can slot their lips together perfectly. 

The first touch is a bit foreign, but when Claude presses his lips harder against Dimitri's, he feels as if every single butterfly in his stomach wakes up and goes completely out of control. He exhales through his nose shakily, moving his lips against Claude's soft ones in a gentle manner. 

The tanned hand that was resting on his cheek moves towards the back of his head, steadily holding Dimitri in place as he presses even closer against the blonde. 

They kiss and kiss, for minutes without stopping. Not even separating to breathe. Claude seems desperate, finally giving in to his desires after hiding them away for so long. He pulls at Dimitri's hair, moving his mouth against his frantically, almost roughly. 

But that's all fine with Dimitri. He's happy to give Claude whatever he needs, and anything he wants. He'll adjust, however necessary. And besides, he'd never complain about having Claude this close to him,  _ wanting  _ him. He wants Claude just as badly. 

At the sound of children's loud laughter, Claude pulls away quickly, as if burned by Dimitri's touch. He nearly stumbles back if it weren't for Dimitri holding on to him. 

"You okay?" Dimitri asks, worried. 

"Uh, yeah. Sorry, I just-" 

The blonde shakes his head, reluctantly letting go of Claude when the children's voices seem to be coming closer. 

"It's okay, really. If we'd gone at it for a bit longer, I might have fainted anyway," the blonde admits sheepishly. 

His lips are tingling warmly, and he feels high on the butterflies seemingly coursing through his entire body. The only thing he'd wish possible is to be able to taste Claude. Fuck any kind of food, all he wants now is Claude, and he'll try to taste him whenever possible, even if he knows he never will. 

The brunet laughs heartily, slightly out of breath. "You certainly look that way. Although I don't think I look any different right now." 

He licks his slightly swollen lips, then sucking on his lower one. The blonde has to resist the urge to kiss him again right now, knowing that other people are approaching. 

"Hey, Dima?" 

"Yeah?" 

He leans in once more, standing on his tippy-toes as he rests his body against Dimitri's for support as he presses his lips against the blonde's in a soft peck. 

"I'm goddamn in love with you too," he says with a fond look in his eyes, making Dimitri's heart pound in his chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I have 0 exp in kissing myself so idek what it's like) 
> 
> ALSO you may or may not have noticed but I'm kinda running out on hAppy challenges even tho that's what this fic was supposedly gonna be about, oops
> 
> But like if you have an idea, please let me know! I'll try to include them :) <3


	17. Boyfriends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OML I'M SORRY GOSH I'M SUPER DUPER LATE 
> 
> first of all thank ANYONE who was waiting for my update seriously i don't deserve you
> 
> Second of all this chap was supposed to include the important convo AND dimitri's day in school but it didn't happen bc my pacing is SO SLOW
> 
> So here's 6k words of our two favorite bois spending time together and being sweet :)) hope you enjoy

After the trip to the park, the couple finds themselves back inside Dimitri's apartment. They cuddle for the most part while telling each other about themselves. Or, well, Claude telling Dimitri about himself. The blonde doesn't have much to share, other than the things Claude already knows about him. 

"I practiced archery in middle school," Claude says with a proud smile on his face. 

His hands are holding one of Dimitri's, stroking and massaging his fingers absentmindedly. Dimitri's free hand is resting on Claude's thigh, a very bold move, if he may say so himself.

Dimitri can't hide his amazement. He's sure he's regarding Claude with stars in his eyes. 

"That's amazing! Do you still practice it now?" 

The brunet shakes his head at that. "Nah, I quit when we moved here. I needed my spare time to learn English properly." 

"Oh, right, that makes sense. Do you miss it?" 

Claude shrugs. "Not really. It was a different time. A different life. I'm satisfied with my current one, so I don't wanna dwell on all that too much." 

Satisfied, he said. Not happy, he's satisfied. Dimitri doesn't like it. 

"Maybe you could pick it back up? I'm sure there are archery clubs around." 

"Hm. Maybe. I'm just gonna focus on graduating first though. I'll see what happens after." 

The blonde nods, not knowing what to say to that. He wants to encourage Claude not to let go of his past completely, but it doesn't seem like Claude shares that idea. 

"Hey, how's the writing going?" Claude asks suddenly.

"Oh, uhm… It's not… I'm not really that far yet…" 

"But you haven't given up yet?" 

"No, I'm just… struggling a little with the characters and the storyline," Dimitri admits in a soft voice. 

"That's okay, you know. I'm sure writing is super hard. I actually tried it myself after you sent me the bouncy dinosaurs, but that was nothing to brag about." He laughs and Dimitri sees the joy in his eyes. 

He definitely  _ does  _ like that. The blonde smiles along.

Dimitri is incredibly curious to know what Claude wrote about, but he's a bit nervous about asking. He fidgets in his seat, but it seems that Claude already picked up on the unspoken words.

"I followed Hilda's advice," Claude explains. "Didn't work. Gave us a good laugh though, so I suppose that counts for something." 

Hilda's advice… Dimitri couldn't remember it for the life of him. 

"I think I forgot what her advice was," he confesses. 

"You sure are forgetful," Claude laughs. 

Dimitri feels his cheeks color, familiar warmth coating his face. "Yeah. Sorry. It didn't used to be this bad." 

Claude waves him off. "Don't apologize. I think it's because of your mental instability. It's pretty rare, but forgetfulness is actually a symptom. Once you get your medication, I think your memory will get better too." 

Something clicks in Dimitri's head. So he's not actually an idiot? That's reassurement if he's ever heard it.

"You were worried about that, huh? Understandable, really. I don't wanna imagine the idea of feeling my memory deteriorate. Sounds scary." 

How does Claude read Dimitri's face so easily? Not that he minds, it saves him many words. But Dimitri couldn't read Claude like that, so isn't that unfair? 

"It's fine if it gets better again." He can't wait to see mrs. Manuela again so he can finally get his medication. 

"Yeah, that's true. Are you okay?" 

The question surprises Dimitri. Did he seem off? Is his face looking blue? 

"Uh, yes? I'm better than I've been in a long time." 

The brunet chuckles. "Okay, just checking. Have you talked to Sylvain yet?" 

"No, not yet… But you have to work today, right? I was going to text him after you left." 

"Oh, alright. You sure you wanna talk over text though?" 

The blonde nods. "I'm not good at talking face-to-face. I'm a bit of a pushover, you see." 

That earns him another laugh from Claude, and Dimitri's chest blooms with warmth and affection. God, he loves that laugh. 

"Yeah, okay. That's pretty obvious by now. And talking on the phone isn't really your specialty either." 

Dimitri wonders what exactly his specialty is. 

"Will you stay for dinner?" He asks hopefully. 

Claude hums as he thinks over the answer. "I think I could, if we eat early." 

The blonde nods eagerly. "Of course!" 

He'd start dinner right now if he had to.

"Great! I'll check your ingredients, see if I can work with those." He gets up from the couch and Dimitri misses his presence instantly. 

"Y-You don't have to cook! I learned from mister Dedue, so-" 

"It's alright, Dima," Claude interrupts from where he's looking inside the fridge. "I wanna do this for you." 

"...but why?" 

"Because you've had to take care of yourself for so long. Let me take care of you this time." 

Dimitri thinks his heart just stuttered in his chest, from the way it speeds up so quickly. Claude is so perfect, Dimitri has no idea what he did to deserve the tanned beauty. He wants to protest, he really does, but he also wants to relish in Claude's care. 

He'll gladly be in Claude's care for the rest of his life. And honestly, how long has it been since anyone took care of the blonde? Maybe he should just appreciate Claude's generosity and accept it, rather than reject. 

"Thank you," he settles for. "That's really kind of you." 

"Duh! I'm a nice guy. Also," he starts before he pads back to Dimitri. "Wanna go to the grocery store? I have something I wanna make but you don't have all the things I need." 

"...Go grocery shopping? Together..?"

"Yes, Dima. Together." Claude smiles fondly as he sticks out his hand for Dimitri to take. 

As if he's hundred percent certain that Dimitri will take it and literally go to the grocery store with him. 

Dimitri has his doubts. Many doubts. He never goes to the supermarket. He doesn't know where everything is, he doesn't know who works there. And it's Sunday, so it's probably going to be crowded. There's going to be people everywhere. People staring, judging,  _ hating.  _

"Uhm…"

Claude waits patiently, hand still outstretched, easy smile on his face. 

Dimitri should be comfortable, knowing that Claude is willing to give him time. But every second puts more pressure on him. He feels as if their lives are on the line here, all depending on Dimitri's ultimate decision of going grocery shopping with Claude or not. 

_ It's not that hard,  _ he tries to tell himself, but all Dimitri thinks about are the possibilities of something going wrong. What if his card declines? What if he loses Claude inside? What if they can't find what they need, and they have to ask a stranger for  _ help?  _ What if someone suspects Claude and Dimitri are dating, and decides to comment on it?

What if Claude leaves him because of that? 

Dimitri would die, he's sure of it. Mrs. Manuela tells him often that the world isn't going to end if Dimitri makes a mistake, but he's not so sure about that anymore now.

_His_ world would definitely end if Claude leaves him. 

So, he decides, he doesn't want to go. He'll cook dinner for Claude instead, with the ingredients he does have lying around. He didn't go to mr. Dedue for nothing. Claude is the guest here, so it's only natural.

"I-I'll cook dinner," he states. Any ounce of confidence is hard to find in him, but it's better this way. 

No going out in public. 

Claude raises a sceptical eyebrow. "Damn, that went fast. What stops has that silly train of thoughts of yours rode past?" 

Is Dimitri supposed to answer that? Claude stays silent, so he supposes he is. 

"I just… I don't want you to leave me…" 

Claude's frown morphs into something more sympathetic. His outstretched hand runs through Dimitri's blonde locks gently, no more waiting for Dimitri to grab it. 

"I won't leave you, baby. Why would you think that, huh? Was it something I said?" 

As carefully as he can, Dimitri shakes his head. He likes Claude's touch, so he doesn't want to give Claude the idea that he wants him to stop by moving too much. 

"It'll be okay, Dima. I'll be with you, just like in the cafe. That was fine too, wasn't it?"

Well, yes, but Dimitri hadn't been so scared to lose him back then. And he was feeling numb from his panic attack. 

The hand disappears from his hair to stroke his cheek instead. He finds himself leaning into the touch. 

The blonde doesn't miss how Claude seems to be relenting on the pushing. By now, he'd expect to have to be defending his thoughts and feelings, but Claude is surprisingly gentle and accepting. 

A nice and welcome change of pace for once. Maybe that's a good reason to give in and go with Claude. 

"...you won't leave me?" 

"Of course not. We'll leave together, do shopping together, and come back home together. I promise." 

"Do you think I'm weird?" 

That earns him a soft chuckle. "No, I don't think you're weird. Just a bit silly." 

"A bit silly is fine, right?" 

"Yeah. A bit silly is perfectly fine." 

"You're perfect too." He nuzzles the hand on his cheek for good measures. 

"Not even," Claude laughs before he pinches Dimitri's cheek. "Are we going then?" 

The blonde pulls his face away from the offending hand, looking up at Claude disgruntledly. 

"I don't even know where the supermarket is," he whines, surprising himself. 

Dimitri  _ never  _ whines. How embarrassing. 

"I'm sure we'll find it," Claude assures. "Wait, don't you ever go shopping?" 

The blonde blinks at him. "...no? I just order them online." 

"You'd be damned without that phone of yours," Claude laughs. "I guess we could make the trip over to the store I live close to, if you want to." 

Before Dimitri can even say anything, Claude corrects himself. 

"No, wait. Let's not do that, we'll find one here." He takes his phone and starts typing, presumably looking up store locations near Dimitri's apartment. 

The blonde briefly wonders where the change in mind came from, but decides not to push. If it's important, Claude will tell him. Otherwise, Dimitri won't need to know, even if he'd like to. Claude is very insistent on being secretive, after all. Dimitri wouldn't want to take that from him. 

"Oh, found it. It's like a fifteen-minute walk, but we can take the car too. Probably easier with carrying the items back," Claude muses. 

Dimitri nods, hands starting to feel clammy. They're really going to go to the store, to buy stuff so that Claude can cook him dinner later. If anything, it sounds like a very coupl-y thing to do. As if they've been together for months. 

But it doesn't excite him as much as it scares him. Maybe he should fund his own personal supermarket where he'll be the only customer and he'll learn how to check himself out so he doesn't need employees to help him. Yes, that sounds perfect.

When he stands up, Claude immediately reaches for his hand, taking hold of it and squeezing his fingers. 

"Mm, sweaty," he teases with a snicker. 

Dimitri's cheeks are warm again, and he'd really like to let go of Claude's hand so he can wipe it off on his pants. But Claude's hold is tight, so maybe he doesn't mind the clamminess that much. 

"I'll do all the talking, okay? You won't have to do a thing, except keeping me company." 

Dimitri nods reluctantly. He can keep Claude company, it's the only thing he likes to do. But the  _ store  _ is the problem, not Claude. 

"We'll come right back after, right?" He hates how his voice sounds. 

He sounds so needy, scared and desperate. God, how humiliating. Claude must definitely think he's weird, even if he says he doesn't. 

"Sure. We won't linger." 

Dimitri wonders if Claude really wants to go to the store with Dimitri like this. He can't imagine the tanned man is excited, having to literally drag his own boyfriend outside for the  _ second  _ time today. 

Why can't Dimitri just man up and stop whining over stupid things? What's a trip to the grocery store? Normal people do it constantly, so why can't Dimitri go once? 

"I'm sorry…" 

"What for?" Green eyes turn to Dimitri's own, gazing at him carefully. 

"For being like this…" 

"Like what?" He turns back to his coat, grabbing it and putting it on and handing Dimitri his own. 

"Like… I don't know. Weird? Scared? Whiney? Mentally crippled to the point where I can't even breathe without feeling bad for the trees that went through all the effort to make oxygen, just to have some  _ loser  _ like me waste it?" 

Claude turns back to him, facing him again. Dimitri can see the edges of his lips are turned up, but the brunet is obviously trying to hide his laughter. 

"That's… oddly specific. Do you actually think about that stuff?" 

The blonde shrugs, looking away from his boyfriend. 

"Wanna know what I think?" Claude asks as he wraps his scarf around his neck. "I think, if a tree even has thoughts and feelings, that it would feel worse about keeping a criminal or murderer alive. Or, you know, any person who sees that specific tree as their public toilet. I think it'd hate that more than you breathing in its air. You, beautiful, kind, generous, you." 

He steps closer to the blonde, resting both hands on Dimitri's cheeks before he pulls his blushing face towards his own tanned one. 

Claude slots his lips over Dimitri's, pressing lightly before he pulls away again. It's chaste, over way too quick for Dimitri's liking, and he hates that he didn't register what was going on until it was too late. He didn't even kiss back. 

Claude still smiles at him, a loving expression on his face. Dimitri's cheeks heat up a notch. 

"Come on," the shorter man urges before he opens Dimitri's door and steps out. 

Dimitri follows him closely, closing and locking his door as soon as they're both outside. 

"Wanna invite your neighbors?" Claude asks. 

"Uhm… Do you- Do you want to?" 

The brunet shrugs. "I don't mind. But maybe it'll be nice to just be with the two of us." 

Dimitri nods eagerly. Very nice, he agrees.

The entire walk to the elevator, to the car, and to the store, Dimitri's hand itches for Claude's hold. He reminds himself that Claude doesn't want to be seen with him in public, at least not as his boyfriend, but that doesn't lessen the wanting feeling for Claude's touch. 

He's fallen really deep. He should definitely talk to Sylvain soon, because he hates the idea of his friend not accepting Claude as his partner. 

"Well, here we are," Claude announces with a bright smile once the automatic doors slide open and the couple steps into the warm space. 

Dimitri gives a small smile of his own, noticing how his hands are getting clammy again. He hides them in his pockets, intending not to take them out anymore until they're back outside. 

Claude takes a shopping basket and leads the way into the first aisle. Seems he knows what exactly he needs, because he nearly speeds past the first aisle, not sparing any of the items a second glance. 

Dimitri doesn't look at anything but Claude's back, following diligently. He is absolutely  _ not  _ going to be left behind. 

"I'm just looking for fresh vegetables and some spices," Claude explains once they've walked into the second, more spacious aisle. 

There's significantly less customers here, and it's only now that Dimitri notices that Claude was rushing so Dimitri wouldn't have to worry about any other customer paying attention to him. 

Bless this angel in any and every way. 

"W-what do you want to make?" Dimitri asks, for the sake of keeping the conversation alive.

"I'm gonna make a stew, it'll be great. I promise I'll keep your tastes in mind though. I won't use garlic or too many spices." 

They spend a few minutes in front of the vegetables, Claude picking what he says are 'the nicest and the ripest', and Dimitri just nodding whenever Claude asks if he's fine with a certain kind. 

Apparently meat stews and fish dishes are very common where Claude is from. The blonde can't help his poor heart from pounding at the idea of Claude wanting to share a piece of his first home with Dimitri.

He'll love the food, he knows that even before Claude's presented it to him. 

When Claude has gathered all the things he needs, the pair makes its way to check out. The line isn't long, thankfully, so they only have to wait less than five minutes before it's their turn. 

Claude, as promised, does all the talking with the cashier as he puts the items on the conveyor band. Dimitri takes his wallet and slips out his bank card. 

He feels rather useless, watching Claude do all the work, but the tanned man doesn't seem to mind at all, happily chatting with the cashier. 

Why can't Dimitri do that? He watches Claude make contact with the woman so easily, talking about the weather and how her day's been so far, and Dimitri couldn't even imagine doing that with a mere stranger. He never knows what's appropriate to talk about, or he worries about whether or not the other person actually  _ wants  _ to talk to Dimitri. 

So he just doesn't. Even as he slips past Claude straight towards the PIN card reader, he doesn't acknowledge the woman scanning their items. He wouldn't want to interrupt their conversation. 

"Pay with card, please," Claude says politely, and then the screen of the reader lights up, indicating that Dimitri can put his card in the device. 

"Oh, I didn't even notice! I thought you were by yourself," Dimitri hears the woman say. 

Claude laughs and answers, but Dimitri decides to just focus on submitting his PIN code and hoping and praying that the transfer will succeed. 

He doesn't want to listen to Claude telling the strange woman how much of a coward the blonde is and that he's anti-social to the brim because he's a failure. 

When he takes his card back, the woman is eyeing him. He feels uncomfortable immediately, especially when she asks  _ him  _ if he wants to have the receipt, rather than Claude. 

"U-uhm…" Shit! Would Claude want one? 

He didn't prepare for conversation. This shouldn't have happened, he was only supposed to keep Claude company, so why is he talking? 

"Sure, thanks!" Claude chirps in. He puts a comforting hand on Dimitri's shoulder and squeezes it assuringly. 

He practically presses the bag into Dimitri's hands, so the blonde has something to busy himself with as Claude interacts with the cashier once more.

The woman hands him the piece of paper, which he takes with a smile. 

"I hope he feels better soon! Have a nice day!" The cashier calls before she turns to the next customer. 

"Thanks, you as well!" Claude replies before pushing Dimitri out of the way so they can walk to the car side by side. 

Dimitri exhales deeply, releasing the breath he didn't realize he was holding. His cheeks are hot and his back feels wet underneath his warm winter coat, but he survived and Claude is still with him. 

"I told her you weren't feeling well today," Claude explains once they're out of earshot. "So I don't think she minded your lack of vocals." 

"Oh, thank you…" Dimitri can't help but feel guilty for thinking that Claude would talk badly about him. 

Of course Claude wouldn't expose Dimitri's issues to any strangers. Where did he even get that idea? Claude deserves better than that.

Dimitri sets the bag of groceries in the trunk before joining Claude in his car. He found that, while Claude himself is rather daring and dangerous, he drives very carefully. 

Maybe only because he's scared Dimitri will have another panic attack if he senses danger in Claude's car, but Dimitri is grateful all the while. 

Claude's voice fills the small space as he talks constantly. About his classes, about Lorenz and his obsession with comparing girls' scents with tea and about Ignatz, who he met only because he cheated off his exams last semester. 

Apparently Ignatz hadn't understood the material very well, for Claude's grade was worse than when he'd taken it with his own knowledge. 

May this be a wise lesson for Claude to just study instead of cheating off somebody else. 

And then Claude talks about the way Hilda had an allergic reaction to one of her skin-care products, which had made her whole face pink and swollen. Claude laughs at recalling the memory, and Dimitri can't help but smile a little too. 

Much too early, Dimitri finds, they're back at the parking lot in front of his apartment complex and they have to go outside once again. 

Dimitri takes it upon himself to grab the bag of groceries from the trunk, and together they head inside, back to Dimitri's place. 

"So, tell me honestly," Claude says as he takes off his coat and hangs it up. "Was that really so bad?" 

Feeling called out on, Dimitri blushes  _ again.  _ He shakes his head though, and Claude smiles. 

"Only because you were with me," Dimitri defends. He's sure it'd be much worse if he were to go by himself. 

Instead of answering, Claude picks up the bag resting at Dimitri's feet and plants a small kiss on the blonde's shoulder as he walks past. 

Completely dazed from the gesture, Dimitri just stares at the space Claude was in a few seconds ago. The spot where Claude's lips touched his shoulder tingles warmly, as if he's still there. He absentmindedly runs his fingers over the patch of fabric.

"Wanna cook together? I can teach you a few things," Claude calls from what Dimitri thinks is the kitchen. 

The blonde blinks, bringing himself back to earth. "Uh, yeah, that's fine!" He calls back before joining his boyfriend. 

Claude smiles sweetly when he looks at Dimitri, the blonde smiling back at him. He still can't believe that  _ Claude  _ likes him. It's unreal. 

"What should I do?" Dimitri asks, squeezing his fingers together because he doesn't know what else to occupy them with. 

"You could start with cutting… these," Claude holds out a bag of carrots. "Just peel them first with this knife and then cut them into cubes. It doesn't have to be neat, as long as they're about the same size so they'll cook evenly." 

Well, that doesn't sound hard. He rips open the package, sending three carrots flying around and onto the floor from the impact. 

"Maybe use a bit less force, though, Dima," Claude advises when he's finished laughing. 

Feeling sheepish, Dimitri picks up the fallen carrots and aligns them on his working space. He remembers mr. Dedue telling him that he has to wash his hands before he touches the food, which comes a bit late he realizes, but he still does it now, before he peels the carrots. 

Claude himself is busy with cutting onions and frying them after. He explains briefly to Dimitri what he's doing, and Dimitri finds that mr. Dedue had shown him the same thing. It's where you fry onions in butter until they're glassy, or something along those lines. 

Once Dimitri is finished with the carrots, Claude adds those to the pot and let's them cook a bit. 

"They're hard vegetables, so they take longer to cook than others," Claude explains. 

That makes sense, Dimitri finds. Claude instructs him on how to prepare the meat while he himself gets started on the potatoes, all the while talking to Dimitri about foods he personally loves or hates, and simultaneously the dishes Dimitri will never get to eat. 

Claude adds spices to his liking, since Dimitri doesn't really care, but he promises not to make it too spicy. 

Claude occasionally touches Dimitri, whenever he reaches for something and Dimitri is in the way, or when he slips past the taller man as he makes his way through the cramped kitchen, and Dimitri is living for it. Any spot Claude's touched, however brief, feels like it's on fire. 

He still feels a bit shy when it comes to simple touches like laying his hand on Claude's shoulder, or resting his hand against his hip or lower back, so Dimitri is grateful that Claude at least feels comfortable enough to do it. Maybe in due time, Dimitri will break through his anxiety restraints and finally give in to his desires, but that time is not now. 

Once the food is done, Claude makes two plates. Dimitri is scared that he won't be able to finish it all, but he doesn't want to ruin the comfortable atmosphere between them. He decides to just eat until he can't anymore. 

They settle at the small dining table, sitting across each other. The blonde can't express how thankful he is for Claude's talkative personality. He finds he can comfortably eat while nodding, humming or laughing softly at Claude's remarks. It's perfect and he doesn't even feel uncomfortable. 

He just hopes Claude doesn't feel uncomfortable either. 

After dinner, they wash the dishes together, which somehow turns into a water fight. Dimitri doesn't even know what happened, only that he accidentally got water on Claude's sleeve and he, for some reason, decided it'd be fair to sling the wet dish brush at Dimitri's face as payback. 

But still, it was fun and no hard feelings, until Dimitri feels guilty about letting Claude leave in a soaking wet shirt. It's time for Claude to go home, so there isn't much time to let Claude dry his shirt before he goes. 

"It's fine, Dima. I'll be wearing a coat  _ and  _ a scarf. I won't freeze." 

The blonde furrows his eyebrows in discontentment. "But it's really cold outside." 

"And my car is right down in the parking lot. It's not even five minutes 'till I'm there." 

"But your car is cold," he protests quietly. "And your coat will be ruined if the inside gets wet. You won't be able to wear it anymore today." 

Claude's lips curl upwards in amusement. "Okay, what do you propose we do then? I do have to leave, my shift starts at eight." 

"Oh, uhm…" Dimitri hadn't planned that far ahead yet. 

He should probably think first, before he speaks. 

"See, there we go. I'll be fine." The tanned man turns around to start wrapping his scarf around his neck, but then decides against it. He stuffs the piece of fabric in his coat's pocket instead. 

"You won't wear it?" Dimitri asks. His voice is pitched a bit higher, which he doesn't appreciate, but he can't help feeling surprised.

"I don't want to ruin the fabric by getting it wet with dish soap water, you know," he explains casually. 

While feeling relieved, Dimitri frowns again. "But then your neck will be exposed." 

Claude sighs, smiling. "I know, but again, it's only like three minutes. I'll live." 

And then a great idea pops up in Dimitri's head. "Maybe I can put your shirt in the dryer!" 

"Won't that take too long? Unless you'll give me a replacement shirt, then I'll leave this one here and I'll come pick it up another time." Claude smiles devilishly and it takes a moment before Dimitri understands what he means. 

"Y-you want a shirt?!" His cheeks are burning now. 

"Not  _ a  _ shirt, Dima. You know what I want. And it's either that, or I'm going home like this. You can pick." His smile doesn't let up. Instead, it seems to grow even wider, more amused too. 

Dimitri licks his lips nervously. He has plenty of shirts, lots of new ones too, so that shouldn't be a problem. He just doesn't think the size will fit. Claude is smaller than Dimitri, so the sleeves will undoubtedly be too long. 

"Y-you can pick something then, since I'm not sure what you'd like or what looks good on you." He rubs his cheeks harshly, trying to release the warmth of his skin. 

He's sure everything looks good on Claude, so he  _ kinda  _ lied. But surely Claude wouldn't mind that. 

"Sure! Don't mind if I do," Claude chirps as he lets himself into Dimitri's bedroom. 

Not knowing where the light switch is, Claude slaps the wall a few times. Dimitri can't help but laugh, which Claude laughs at too. 

The blonde switches on the light, and then guides Claude over to his wardrobe. Most of the shelves are filled with the clothes he bought with Sylvain, so Dimitri isn't worried about any scents or holes in the fabric. 

Claude takes his time looking over the different garments, and Dimitri feels his anxiety build up. What if Claude doesn't like anything? Is Claude judging his clothing? But he didn't pick those shirts, so is he judging Sylvain? 

God, can he  _ please  _ pick a shirt already? 

"Hey, where are your sweaters and hoodies?" The brunet asks. 

Dimitri blinks, confused. 

"Like the one you wore when we met," Claude elaborates. "It looked super comfortable." 

"I wore all those though…" 

"Duh. That's exactly what I'm after, Dima. It's wear-your-boyfriend's-hoodie-season. Please let me partake this time," he whines as he slips his arms around Dimitri's waist, looking up at the blonde with a mischievous smile. 

How is Dimitri ever going to say no to this man? He's completely weak for him. He even deliberately ignores the fact that Claude's shirt is nearly dried up already.

"Uhm- I'll go look for you. I think Sylvain moved my comfort clothes." 

"Thanks!" Claude reaches up to plant a tiny kiss against Dimitri's jaw, and the blonde literally feels dizzy when he pulls loose from Claude's embrace. 

That little devil truly isn't fair, Dimitri finds. But he won't complain, because maybe, once he's comfortable enough, he'll act that way around Claude too. 

He thinks about where Sylvain could have put his clothes, when he remembers that he has an extra closet in his study. Maybe that's where the garments went. 

He checks, and when he verifies his missing pieces of clothing inside the closet, he calls Claude over. The tanned man nearly skips over to him in excitement. 

He slips an arm around the blonde's waist again when he joins him in front of the closet, eyeing Dimitri's worn sweaters carefully. 

"Can I pick whichever I like?" He asks, rubbing Dimitri's back. 

"Yeah, go ahead." 

The brunet runs his fingers over a few different pieces, until he settles on a light-grey hoodie, carefully taking it out. 

"Can I wear this one?" 

"Yeah, of course. I'll give you some privacy so you can change." Before Claude can even think about telling him that he can stay, Dimitri exits the room and closes the door. 

It's not that he doesn't  _ want  _ to see, he's just scared he might faint. And they can't have that, because Claude is already late and he still has to drive home and get ready for work. 

The door opens behind him, revealing Claude in his hoodie, and the things it does to Dimitri are just unfair. The hoodie is, obviously, too big on Claude's frame, but somehow that just makes it even more perfect. A sense of possessiveness washes over Dimitri, something he's never quite felt before. That's  _ his  _ Claude, in _ his  _ hoodie. Yup, as it should be. It's perfect. It's absolutely perfect, and if Dimitri could listen and do what his inner voice tells him to do, he'd be kissing Claude senseless right now. 

But alas, Dimitri just remains frozen, staring at his boyfriend who just grins at him like the cheeky brat he truly is. 

"Look good?" He asks, pulling on the collar and bringing it to his nose. 

And then he  _ inhales  _ and Dimitri nearly passes out from high blood pressure. This is dangerous, he shouldn't be so affected. It's just Claude in his shirt, there's nothing wrong about that. If anything, it's  _ exactly  _ right, so why is his mind on a literal rollercoaster right now? 

"Uh- yeah. You look- It looks… Uhm, you're-" 

"Thanks!" Claude says with a cheeky grin. "I really like it, I don't own any hoodies myself." 

"Keep it!" Dimitri blurts out. "I mean, if you want, you can keep it. And more, you can have them all." 

Claude laughs loudly, and Dimitri notices that there's an actual blush on Claude's pretty cheeks as well. How cute. 

"I'll start with this one." Claude closes the distance between them again, hugging Dimitri tightly. 

The blonde freezes again for a moment, before he wraps his own arms around Claude's shoulders. Claude's clothed-in-his-hoodie-shoulders. And before he can stop himself, he presses a kiss in his dark curls, at which Claude exhales shakily. 

"Thanks for today, Dima. I had a really good time," he says, voice muffled. 

"Oh, uhm… I did too. Thank you for coming again." 

Claude pulls back enough to look at Dimitri, grinning at him. "I'll come for you anytime, baby." 

Dimitri should have seen it coming. He  _ knew  _ he worded it wrong. He groans at which Claude laughs loudly and beautifully. 

His face goes back to serious not long after. "If anything goes wrong when you're talking to Sylvain, just text me, okay? I'm only two texts away." 

Two texts, because that meant emergency, Dimitri remembers. 

"Okay, I will. Thank you, love." The blonde snaps his jaws shut right after he's said the word. 

If his cheeks weren't red already, they definitely would be now. But to his own delight, Claude's cheeks change color too, and his earlier filthy grin morphs into something much more gentle and sweet. 

"Uhm, I mean-" 

Claude doesn't let him finish. Instead, he reaches for Dimiti's head and pulls him down a little, so he can kiss him on the lips. Dimitri easily lets him, even pulling Claude closer against his chest to balance his stance. 

Their kiss is sweet, gentle and loving. Their lips slot together perfectly, moving against each other in perfect sync. Claude's hand is in his hair again, pulling and scratching softly. His other is on his shoulder, gripping it as if he's never intending to let go again. 

Dimitri would sure love for that to be their reality. But he knows that's not possible, so he settles for wrapping his arms around Claude's waist and holding him as close as possible. 

His body heats up more every second, burning from Claude's touch, his lips, his scent. From just about everything about Claude, really. He can only hope that Claude feels the same way for him. But if the way Claude's throat is making soft, pleased noises is any indication, Dimitri likes to believe that idea.

They part again, and Dimitri feels disappointed and relieved at the same time. Disappointed because, well, he could kiss Claude all day and all night. Relieved because he's sweating and hot and there's not enough time to indulge in all of Dimitri's desires right now. 

Or Claude's, from the looks of it. His cheeks are flushed, eyes sparkling, lips swollen and face happy, and Dimitri decides that this is the only acceptable way for every kiss to end. 

"Drive safe," Dimitri whispers. 

"Mm, yeah. I'll text you when I'm home." Claude smiles, stars in his eyes, and Dimitri's never felt this special before. 

Only in Claude's eyes could he feel this way, and in all honesty, he wouldn't have it any other way. He's Claude's, all his, and that's how he wants it to be forever. 

Sylvain's opinion be damned. 

"Bye, Claude." Dimitri leans in for another kiss, which Claude is happy to provide. 

"No, no, say what you said before," he whispers. 

"Drive safe?" 

"No, Dima. My nickname. Please?" 

Realization dawns, cheeks heat up, and lips smile. 

"Sorry. Bye, love." 

"Bye, baby. Be good." 

"Always. I'll miss you." 

"I'll miss you too. Let me know how it went?" 

"Yeah, I'll text you." 

"Okay. Bye." 

"Bye."


	18. A weird day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY HEY HEY I'M ON TIME TODAY
> 
> That rhymes!! Sweet
> 
> I'm actually really happy with this chap, bc i got to introduce so many new characters (hope i did them all justice) and dima finally catches a break
> 
> Hope you enjoy <33

Soon after Claude took his leave, Dimitri sits himself down on his couch, phone in hand. He's going to text Sylvain, because he's sure he won't be able to tell him what's on his mind if he were to talk to him over the phone or to his face.

But maybe Sylvain is busy… Maybe he doesn't have time to listen to Dimitri's drama. Maybe Sylvain didn't mean it the way he said it, and now both Dimitri and Claude are misunderstanding him. 

Hell, maybe it was actually Felix that took his phone. 

No, no that can't be right, Sylvain was with Dimitri the whole time. But then... maybe Claude lied..? 

No, stop! No second-guessing this. Sylvain went behind his back and texted Claude nasty stuff, and Dimitri needs to stand up for Claude.

There we go. 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Good evening, Sylvain. I'd like to talk to you about something serious, do you have time right now?_

_18:44_

* * *

  
  


After that, Dimitri stares at his screen until Sylvain's status changes to _online_ and then he patiently awaits Sylvain's answer.

Secretly he hopes that Sylvain won't have time so he can postpone this conversation a bit longer, maybe until he feels he's ready. But on the other hand, Dimitri will never be ready for a confrontation. 

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _hey bro! Yeah sure i got time, what's up?_

_18:45_

* * *

Drats.

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Did you text Claude-_

* * *

  
  


No, that's not a good start. He could easily say 'no' and then that'd be the end of it. He deletes the message and tries a different approach.

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Do you remember Claude?_

_18:45_

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _sure do bud_

_18:45_

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _he still upset or what?_

_18:45_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Well, no, not anymore. We talked about it and what happened that made him upset in the first place_

_18:46_

* * *

  
  


Sylvain's read the message, but doesn't start typing as quickly as he normally did. Dimitri can tell he's trying to be careful with his words. 

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _okay let's hear it_

_18:47_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Someone texted him to tell him that he needed to back off and leave me alone_

_18:47_

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _damn that's crazy_

_18:47_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Why did you text him?_

_18:48_

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _heh okay of course you'd come for my wig_

_18:48_

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _look, i'm not saying that i'm in the right where i stand, because it was totally lame and stupid of me to think i'd get away with it_

_18:49_

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _but i just don't think you've thought this through enough_

_18:49_

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _wow that's a lot of oughs, think someone who can't talk english can read that?_

_18:49_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _I don't care about your 'oughs', I just want to know why you think it's okay for you to try and tear Claude and me apart_

_18:50_

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _fuck i never thought you'd 'i don't care that you broke your elbow' me_

_18:50_

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _that hurts me right in the meow meow my dude_

_18:50_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Stop changing the subject, you hurt me first_

_18:51_

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _fine, thing is, you're not gay. End of story. You've been with ingrid for fuck's sake, what's she gonna say when she finds out you're all of a sudden into dudes?_

_18:51_

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _never once have you ever expressed any sense of attraction towards another dude, and now little claude comes along when you're in the shit and you love him? I mean, seriously bro_

_18:51_

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _i know we've been outta touch, so maybe i don't know what you've been up to 'till now, but this isn't a personality change you can just develop through trauma_

_18:52_

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _surely you see that too_

_18:52_

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _i'm just trying to stop you both here before either of you gets hurt_

_18:52_

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _because really, that's bound to happen, dimitri_

_18:53_

* * *

  
  


Dimitri doesn't know what to say. This is the same thing Claude told him when he confessed his feelings to his boyfriend. Why can't they just _see_ how much Dimitri cares for him? Why do they think it's always his mental issues, and not his own heart that's causing his feelings? 

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Even then, it's still not up to you to come in between us. You could have talked to me before you reached out to Claude. He was really upset because of you_

_18:54_

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _i could have, yes you're right, but it's not like you would have listened_

_18:54_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _You didn't try so you don't know_

_18:54_

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _okay then did you take my view into consideration then? Or are you still just gonna skip through your imaginary fields of flowers and rainbows, hand in hand with claude? You know there's a cliff waiting for you to fall in at the end_

_18:55_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _It's not imaginary. I care for Claude and I'd do whatever necessary to keep him with me_

_18:55_

* * *

**_Sylvain:_ ** _you're delusional buddy_

_18:55_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Better delusional than being a bad friend. Good night, Sylvain._

_18:56_

* * *

With that, he lays his phone on the coffee table in front of him. He read Claude's texts of him coming home safely somewhere during his conversation with Sylvain, but he didn't trust himself to answer properly. He's terribly agitated, and he knows he doesn't have much control over himself when he's emotional. 

A few deep breaths later, he decides to leave his phone on the table as he goes to make himself a cup of chamomile tea. Hopefully that can calm him down a little. 

With trembling fingers, he takes a cup from his cabinet and fills his kettle with enough water for two cups. In case just one doesn't do the trick. 

In all honesty, he expected the talk to be easy. Sylvain, the easy-going, relaxed guy, surely he'd listen to Dimitri's opinion. But the blonde highly doubts that he even got through. If anything, he feels he just messed up terribly.

Maybe he should let Claude know that the back-up friend thing is over now. Sylvain probably wouldn't want to be his friend anymore now. 

When his water is a deep brown color and smelling like chamomile, Dimitri takes his cup and moves back to the couch. He'll tell Claude what happened in a bit, after he's finished his tea. 

Meanwhile, he drowns himself in his new memories from today. How happy he felt with Claude. How warm Claude is. How much he truly is like the summer, with everything he does. He even got the blonde to go to a grocery store with him. 

He certainly is amazing, that tanned, crafty, sneaky, lovely man. There's absolutely no way that Dimitri is delusional. He knows the things he feels, he knows what he likes. He knows he wants to be with Claude, and not just because Claude was there for him when he was all alone. 

It's because he feels _good_ when he's with Claude. He feels normal, as if he isn't the biggest fuck up in the world. He feels happy, and he smiles way more than he has during his Personal Great Depression. He actually feels as if he'll be okay someday, with Claude right there by his side. 

He can't physically feel the tea calming him down, but it's the thought that matters, he thinks as he replaces the now empty tea cup with his cell phone. 

The first thing he notices is two new messages from Sylvain, but he's _not_ opening those. Instead, his finger easily finds Claude's name and opens that chat instead. 

A warm feeling blooms in his chest almost immediately, just from the thought that Claude is now officially _his._ His boyfriend, his love, his everything. 

The image of Claude wearing his sweater comes back to mind, and he has to try hard to get it back out again, even if there isn't anything wrong with thinking about it. Maybe he should have stayed when Claude was changing, though… He'd have even much nicer things to think about when Claude doesn't have time for him. 

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _hey bby im home :) <3 _

_18:49_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _I'm glad <3 Sorry for not replying sooner, talking with Sylvain didn't go as smoothly as I expected _

_19:04_

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _everything okay?_

_19:05_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _I honestly don't know… He's still convinced that my feelings for you aren't real. I'm not sure if I really want to be friends with him if he can't accept that we're together_

_19:05_

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _yeah okay makes sense, i dont blame u_

_19:05_

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _did u fight?_

_19:06_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _I wouldn't call it that, but it wasn't a pleasant exchange. I'm just going to leave it at this and if he wants to change his mind, he'll know where to find me. Although I doubt it because he is one stubborn man_

_19:06_

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _lol i think ur pretty stubborn urself too tho u know when u want to_

_19:06_

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _but hey im sure hell come back around, he was geniunely happy u contacted him after all_

_19:07_

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _or however u spell that again_

_19:07_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Genuinely. But I hope you're right. I don't like the idea of losing him again so soon._

_19:08_

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _thatll be all up to him now, nothing much u can do rn_

_19:08_

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _did u do all ur hw?_

_19:08_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _M_ _y what?_

_19:08_

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _ur homework lol since ur gonna go to class tmrw right_

_19:09_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Shit_

_19:09_

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _HAHAHAHAHA that one word says all i need to know_

_19:09_

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _talk to u later i guess?_

_19:09_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Ugh, yeah. I'm sorry, I completely forgot. Have a good day at work :)_

_19:10_

* * *

  
  


**_Claude:_ ** _yea ill try but hey its work so i cant promise ill have fun_

_19:10_

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _im only 2 texts away u know that right_

_19:10_

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _and if sylvain is gonna be difficult u can tell him to send me 3 texts and ill fight him for u_

_19:11_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _That made me laugh, thank you. I'll be sure to tell him_

_19:11_

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _good good_

_19:11_

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _ttyl baby, go do hw lol_

_19:12_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Oh, right. Bye love <3 _

_19:12_

* * *

Claude leaves again. Too soon in Dimitri's opinion, but he probably has to rush now to get ready _and_ be on time for his shift. 

He only has about three seconds to feel guilty, however, as another text comes in. Not from Claude, unfortunately. Instead, it's from an unknown number and Dimitri is _not_ feeling up to this right now. 

He considers blocking the number right away, even before he's read the text. Against better judgment, he doesn't. He decides to deal with that later, once he's finished with organizing his papers and doing any homework he might have missed. 

It turns out he missed a whole lot of homework, which he spends approximately four and a half hours on before he allows himself to stop for today. He's gonna have to find a balanced way to divide his time and attention between college and Claude, because this doesn't really work. He's exhausted from today, and that causes him to leave an entire paper unwritten.

He'll cross that bridge when he gets there. It's doubtful his teacher will chastise him, since he usually does everything she asks as best as he can. 

He sets his alarm on his phone, plugs it into the charger, and he himself gets ready to sleep, changing into pajamas and brushing his teeth before crawling under his sheets. 

Barely a second after his head touches the pillow, he drifts off to a dreamless sleep. 

.

Dimitri's alarm goes off only a few hours later, showing him it's time to wake up. Much too early in his opinion, he could have stayed in bed for another five hours, at the least. 

He groans and stretches his arms above his head, contemplating whether or not he should really go to class today. But if he doesn't, Claude would definitely be disappointed. He tried so hard yesterday to convince Dimitri to finish college, and Dimitri _had_ agreed. 

So he should go. Time to get up and ready. 

For breakfast, he makes a double ham and cheese sandwich, confident he can eat it all. Turns out he can't, and he has to throw the last piece into the trash, much to his own dismay. 

With a heavy sigh, he eventually leaves his apartment and heads over to the bus stop. He's early, so he checks what today's challenge is going to be. 

_'Today, I challenge you to…'_

Dimitri swallows. 

_'...To ask someone for help every time you're struggling!'_

_Ask_ someone for help? And expect they'll actually help him? And what after? Then he'll owe them, he'll have to help them in return, right? Otherwise, it wouldn't be fair. They'd have done Dimitri a favor and Dimitri hates asking for favors. 

...But he could still try. And if he at least tries, he can tell hAppy he completed the challenge, because that's what Claude said. 

And so, he accepts the challenge, and the timer appears on his screen. Before six p.m. tonight, he'll have to try to ask someone for help whenever he's struggling. 

Before the bus arrives, he takes his wallet from his bag. For some reason it feels like a lifetime ago since he last took this bus. As if he's a different person now.

Maybe his little 'sick' break did him good. Or maybe being in love with someone incredible has that effect on him. Likely the latter. 

He takes his usual vacant seat near the set of doors, hoping no one will take the empty seat next to him. He doesn't put his bag on the chair though, he's not rude. 

Surprisingly enough, Dimitri feels rather calm sitting on the bus today. He's reading over his conversation with Claude _again,_ feeling like smiling but hiding his face in his collar so no one will see. 

Amazing, what changes Claude has made to his life in the rather short time they've known each other. Dimitri feels much less bothered by it than he should, which causes him to remember his conversation with Sylvain. 

Both Claude and Sylvain have been under the impression that Dimitri only likes Claude because of his mental issues. But that doesn't have to mean anything, does it? Dimitri knows what he feels is real, right? 

How is he supposed to know for certain? Mrs. Manuela never said anything about needing to slow down and take time to figure out what his feelings mean. She said he should embrace those feelings, not question them. So that's what he did, but what if he shouldn't have? 

He'll just talk about it with mrs. Manuela next time he sees her. That will be in two days anyway, so not that long. And in the meantime, he'll love Claude the way he's been doing and enjoy his company and attention. There. Decisiveness. Feels good. 

He leans back in his seat, locking his phone for the rest of the ride. When the bus pulls up to the parking, Dimitri's belly starts to act up with nerves after all. The bus ride hadn't been bad, but now he remembers the group of bullies that are likely waiting for him. 

A deep sigh comes out of his mouth, a cloud of mist forming and vanishing in the cold air. It's just a few hours, then he can go home and spend the rest of his evening texting Claude. That's probably the only thought that'll get him through the day. 

Before he steps onto the school grounds, he looks around warily to try and spot the group that's been making his college life hell. When he can't see them anywhere, he makes a beeline for the entrance, planning on hiding in the classroom where his first class will be. 

"Dimitri! Dimitri, please wait a moment," a familiar voice calls out to him. 

He stops walking, deciding whether or not he feels ready for _this_ confrontation. But before he's made up his mind, a hand rests on his shoulder and turns him around. 

Lavender colored eyes bore straight into his, not allowing him to look away. 

"O-oh, Edelgard, hello." 

"Good morning, Dimitri. Good to see you're here again. Were you sick?" 

Not being a convincing liar, Dimitri just nods carefully, finally able to gaze away from his step-sister's eyes. She probably noticed though, but it's not really any of her business. Dimitri wonders what she wants, she never talks to him in school. 

"Well, I'm glad that you're better," Edelgard continues. "You certainly look like you feel better." 

At that, Dimitri can't hide his blush. He knows it's because of Claude, and just thinking about his lovely boyfriend makes him all giddy and happy. 

Edelgard smiles gently, a sight Dimitri is absolutely not familiar with. It nearly sends shivers down his spine, but he holds himself together. 

"Y-yeah, I suppose I'm doing a little better since…" Since _that_ day. 

The girl nods, pleased. "That's great news. So, you're probably wondering why I stopped you." 

When Dimitri nods again, she continues. 

"I actually… I wanted to apologize. For both the things I said, and what Dorothea did as well. That especially was completely inappropriate, and besides that, untrue. I hope you'll accept my apology." 

For a long moment, Dimitri is speechless. Edelgard just _apologized_ to him? This is world news. 

"Uh, sure. I'm... sorry too, I said some things I shouldn't have. It wasn't fair to you." 

"Please, if anyone was unfair, it was me. I treated you like a liability, when all you needed was help. If it's alright with you, I'd like to offer my help now. I know you're by yourself all the time, so would you like to join my friends and I during breaks?" She smiles.

Dimitri is taken aback by this sudden act of kindness from his step-sister. Never has she ever extended a hand to him like this, so he isn't sure about whether or not he should accept. Is she teaming up with Dorothea to try and make his life even worse than it was?

"Oh, come on, Dimitri. You look as if I offended you! Just follow me, I'll introduce you." She grabs his arm before he can pull away and heads towards one of the lunch tables occupied by a group of students. 

Dimitri's seen them before, since Edelgard hangs out with them every day, but he never imagined _meeting_ them. He doesn't know what to do. Should he pull his arm from her hold and make a run for it? Sounds like a good idea. 

But Claude's words come back to mind, telling him he'll have a good time in college if he has friends. 

So he lets Edelgard drag him over to the table, mentally preparing himself for meeting new people and having to engage in conversation with them. 

"Edie," the girl named Dorothea whines as soon as Edelgard comes within hearing range. "Ferdie is being obnoxiou-" 

Her mouth snaps closed when her eyes land on Dimitri. He feels uncomfortable immediately, trying to pull his arm away from Edelgard and fleeing after all. 

But Edelgard's hold is firm, and she sends a disapproving look at Dorothea. 

"Everyone," his step-sister announces, "this is my brother Dimitri. Be nice to him, he just recovered from sickness and this is his first day back in school." 

"But of course, Edelgard!" A man with bright orange, wavy hair booms. "And for the record, I wasn't being obnoxious at all. I merely said that-" 

"Oh, who are you kidding, Ferdinand? You're always obnoxious." A rather short boy with light blue hair interrupts with a laugh. 

Ferdinand gapes at him, momentarily at a loss for words before he shrugs and busies himself with his phone instead. 

Edelgard turns to Dimitri then. "Here, let me introduce you to everyone. You met Dorothea, right?" 

Dimitri nods, still feeling as if he swallowed a rock. He doesn't feel comfortable at all. Especially with Dorothea's gaze on him, scrutinizing, judging. 

He'd really, _really_ like to leave now. 

"She told me what happened in the store. Don't worry, I told her off, that's why she's being a little difficult right now. Don't pay her any attention, she'll come around. Next, here's Ferdinand. He's loud and honest, and a little naive sometimes, but he's kind. Ferdinand, say hi." 

Mentioned man looks up from his phone, showing a dashing smile as he scrambles up from his seat. He approaches Dimitri excitedly, hand outstretched. 

"Good morning, Dimitri! It's great to finally meet you. Edelgard has mentioned you once or twice, but I never really got a chance to introduce myself to you. I am Ferdinand Aegir!" 

Dimitri takes Ferdinand's hand carefully, but Ferdinand's grip is like iron as he shakes the blonde's hand almost roughly. 

"I-it's nice to meet you, Ferdinand. My name is Dimitri Blaiddyd." 

"Yes, pleasure to make your acquaintance! Are you all better now? I hope you weren't too sick!" Ferdinand looks him over carefully, eyebrows scrunched up in concentration. 

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine now." 

"Are you sure? You look a bit pale! Have you eaten? I brought sandwiches, they're amazing. Home made by yours truly!" 

He makes an attempt to dive into his bag to take out the mentioned sandwiches, but thankfully Edelgard stops him. 

"That's quite alright, Ferdinand. But very nice of you to offer." She glances over to Dimitri, smiling apologetically. 

The blonde returns her smile with a tiny one of his own. 

"Of course!" Ferdinand answers loudly. "Just tell me whenever you're hungry, I made plenty!" 

"Will do, thank you. This," Edelgard points at the blue haired male, "is Caspar." 

"Hey! How are ya?" Caspar grins at the blonde. 

"Uh, hello. I'm good, thank you. How are you?" 

Caspar looks a bit taken aback, and Dimitri immediately regrets his answer. Warmth coats his cheeks, despite the cold weather. 

"I'm good. Uh, thanks?" 

"He's only being polite, Caspar. I understand that your rowdy personality can't comprehend that, but it _is_ a thing, I'll have you know," Ferdinand butts in. 

"See, this is _exactly_ why people think you're obnoxious, Ferdinand!" Caspar shouts back, clearly agitated. 

Ferdinand gasps dramatically, readying himself for a proper comeback that doesn't seem to come as quickly as he'd like. 

These are definitely not people Dimitri would usually associate himself with, although the arguing does remind him a lot of his own group of friends, from back then. 

Edelgard squeezes his arm, redirecting his attention to her again. "In the back, with the black hair, is Hubert. I think you met him before, we've been friends since middle school." 

Whether Hubert doesn't hear her, or simply refuses to acknowledge Dimitri's presence, the blonde isn't sure. What he _is_ sure of, is that he's glad Hubert doesn't pay him any mind. 

From what Dimitri remembers, Hubert isn't a pleasant person. He'll be sure to try hard and avoid conversation with that man. 

"Oh well," Edelgard shrugs at the lack of verbal response from Hubert. "Usually, Petra and Linhardt join us as well, but Linhardt is currently tutoring Petra in the library. You'll probably meet them during the first break." 

Dimitri nods, showing his understanding, but doesn't reply. He's not sure what to say, and the many ears of the people surrounding them don't do his comfortability any good. He just won't talk until talked to, that's always safe. 

Dorothea snorts. "Oh, Edie. I _really_ doubt Linny is doing anything but nap in the library right now. Poor Petra." 

Ferdinand perks up immediately. "Hey now, Dorothea, you don't know that! Linhardt was the one who offered to tutor her, so he may as well stay true to his promise." 

Hubert mingles himself in the conversation, scoffing. "You're terribly naive, Ferdinand. As if Linhardt would ever do anyone a favor without gaining something from it himself. I dare believe he only offered just so he could sleep in the library." 

"Yup, true that," Caspar agrees with a nod. 

The bell rings, hallelujah, and Dimitri quickly says his goodbyes to Edelgard's friends before he speeds off. 

"Dimitri! Wait up! Where's your first class? Mine is on the first floor, maybe we can walk together," Ferdinand suggests, still smiling. 

Dimitri wonders if Ferdinand doesn't notice that Dimitri met all them against his will, and that he'd rather be left alone. 

"Oh, uhm, mine is on the second floor, so…" 

"I see! I suppose we can still walk together for a bit then. Hey, may I ask you a question? What was it like to grow up with Edelgard? Was she always as studious and serious as she is now? Or does she have a playful side as well?" 

Dimitri blinks, trying to figure out which question to answer first. "Uh, El was always like that, actually. She always strives to be the best, and she works really hard to get there." 

Ferdinand nods, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Mm, yeah, I agree. She's absolutely magnificent in that way, that's for sure! But I won't lose to her! Last semester, I had a better grade than her. Can you believe it? But I aspire to best her in every subject!" 

"That's… an astounding goal. I hope it works out." 

Ferdinand just hums, probably thinking about what next to say, as Dimitri sees the familiar faces of his bullies. His heart nearly stops beating at the sight, and he barely hears what Ferdinand is talking about as the distance between him and them grows closer. 

"...Dimitri? Hey, are you alright? You look pale, even more so than before! If you're feeling sick, we can go to the infirmary." 

The blonde shakes his head, willing his hands to stop shaking. He tries to divert his gaze to someplace else, but he _knows_ they're coming closer. 

Maybe they won't see him. Maybe they forgot about Dimitri's existence in the week that he was gone. That's perfectly possible, isn't it? He sure hopes so. 

"Dimitri, friend. Please respond." Ferdinand suddenly steps in front of him, eyes looking concerned. He holds up his hands in front of Dimitri's face. "How many fingers?" 

The blonde blinks, confused at first before he focuses on Ferdinand's fingers. "...seven." 

"Oh, great. Do you need to go to the infirmary? I'll accompany you, no problem!" 

Dimitri shakes his head, taking a deep breath. "No, that's quite alright." 

_'To ask someone for help every time you're struggling!'_

Is he struggling now? Should he ask Ferdinand for help? But what could Ferdinand even do for him? 

"...or, actually…" 

"Hm? What is it? Infirmary?" 

"Can we walk the other way? It-it's a bit of a detour, but…" 

"Of course, my friend! Lead the way!" Ferdinand grabs his shoulder and steers him the other way, back to where they came from. 

It's good that there are multiple staircases in the building, Dimitri has about four different ways to get to his classroom on the second floor. And it's extremely kind of Ferdinand to be willing to stick with him, even though it does take an extra few minutes for the both of them. 

"Thank you…" Dimitri mutters once they're out of earshot from the bullies. 

"No problem at all. But this is where we'll have to part, so I'll see you during first break! Bye!" Ferdinand waves happily before he turns the corner, heading towards his classroom. 

"...bye." 

Dimitri himself heads up another set of stairs and then walks into his classroom. Most of the seats are occupied already, and when he glances over at his usual seat, he sees it's been taken. 

Oh, god. Now what does he do? There aren't many seats left, and the ones that are still vacant he knows 'belong' to somebody else already. 

Deep breaths. Don't panic. Maybe he could still turn around and leave, and nobody will be any wiser. 

He is about to do just that when a voice calls out to him. He sees a freckled boy with silver blue hair stand up from the seat he was just occupying and carefully beckons the blonde over. 

Another deep breath before Dimitri makes his way over to the boy, who now smiles gently. 

"I'm really sorry for taking your seat," he begins. "I wasn't actually sure if you'd be back today, but here you go! I'll just sit somewhere else." 

The boy looks around with a slight frown, searching for a spot to sit down instead. 

Dimitri believes the boy's name is Ashe, a somewhat shy, but gentle boy who enjoys helping other classmates. Dimitri actually feels bad for chasing him off, since Ashe has never done anything to offend Dimitri. 

"Uhm, if you want, you could… sit next to me…" He squeezes his fingers, preparing for being rejected on his offer. 

But Ashe does none of that, his face actually lighting up with a dazzling smile and quickly taking the seat next to the one Dimitri usually sits in. 

"Thank you very much!" He says cheerfully before he takes out his books and lays them on his table. 

Dimitri takes his own seat next to Ashe as well, and does the same. 

It suddenly becomes very clear why Ashe had decided to sit here, seeing that the small ginger girl in front of them and he get along really well. They chatter casually about their weekend, Ashe telling the girl about visiting a bookstore and buying three new books, and the girl, Annette she's called, tells him about her new recipe for cupcakes. 

"I brought them with me, you should totally try one during break!" She wears a proud smile. 

"I'd love to. Your cupcakes are the best!" 

Annette giggles and Ashe joins in her laughter as well, and Dimitri can't actually believe how wholesome they both are. 

He's perfectly content with listening to their chatter as he starts filling in the pages he's missed during his absence. 

Suddenly Annette calls to his attention. 

"Hey! Uhm… If you'd like, I could give you my books! So you can copy the answers," she reasons.

A bit speechless and unprepared for conversation, Dimitri just gapes at her until his brains start working again. 

"Oh, if you want, I could fill in your other books for you!" Ashe chimes in. "You missed a lot last week." 

"Oh, great idea!" Annette exclaims. "I could help with that! And I took a lot of notes for upcoming economics test too, maybe we can go make some copies after first class." 

Ashe chuckles. "Only if he doesn't mind the unicorns and muffins you drew in them." 

A pink blush covers Annette's cheeks as she sputters something before pouting slightly. "They're cute though." 

"That they are," Ashe agrees with a smile. 

What are these people? Is Dimitri seeing things? There's no way that people are _actually_ this nice to each other. It almost makes him smile. _Almost._

Then they both turn back to Dimitri, asking for books of whatever class that they can fill in for him, leaving him with almost nothing to do. 

"You need to focus on catching up," Annette whispers. "Because this part is pretty difficult and you need the time to pay attention to the professor's explanation." 

Dimitri nods thankfully and does just that. Today is a weird day, he thinks as he tries to listen to what his professor is explaining. 

First Edelgard being all apologetic, and even introducing him to her friends so he won't have to be alone anymore. Now two of his classmates which he's _never_ talked to before, mind you, decide to be super friendly and helpful to him. 

Definitely a weird day, but not entirely unpleasant. Ashe and Annette are definitely helping him a lot by filling in the pages he missed. He honestly didn't even know who he'd ask to borrow books from, and now he doesn't even have to. And best of all, neither of them actually seem to mind. They're both writing eagerly, chatting with whispering voices in the meantime, and even including Dimitri in some of their conversations. 

"I don't really like sweet things," Dimitri admits sheepishly to Annette. 

The girl blinks. Once, twice, before her jaw literally drops open. "You _what?"_

Feeling like he said something outrageous, Dimitri shinks down on himself, feeling his cheeks color with shame. 

"Not everyone likes sugary treats, Annette," Ashe laughs. "But maybe if he tastes one of your cupcakes, he'll be sold." 

Annette's face lets up, and Dimitri feels as if he can breathe again. 

"Well my cupcakes _do_ taste good! You should both try one later." 

"In the back, are you having a tea party or something? Pay attention," the professor calls out. 

Both Ashe and Annette visibly scare and hurry to get back to work, not saying another word but still giggling and laughing occasionally. 

"I would sure like to have a tea party," Annette whispers, making Ashe laugh. 

"Now's not the time, it seems," he answers. 

"The disrespect," Annette whispers back, making them both laugh again. 

Dimitri wonders if they're just _trying_ to get caught again. They keep whispering and laughing together, seemingly ignoring the professor's stern looks sent their way. 

Faster than ever, first class is over and the _three_ of them walk over to the copier together to make copies of Annette's notes. 

Ashe really wasn't lying about the unicorns and the muffins. And Annette wasn't lying about them being cute. 

This time, Dimitri does let himself smile at the sight of the two of them trying to get the machine to work. Ashe keeps suggesting things, which Annette executes, but they can't seem to make proper copies. They end up blurry, or only printed on one side. 

"Who would have thought that a copier would get the better of us, Ashe?" Annette rests her hands on her hips, seeming to have given up. 

"No, don't give up yet! We can still do this," Ashe encourages before he starts pushing buttons instead. 

For some reason, the machine shuts down with a loud noise that a copier should definitely _not_ make. 

"Uh, what did you do?" Annette asks, eyes wide and on the verge of bursting out in giggles. 

"I honestly don't know," Ashe admits. 

Two pairs of eyes turn to Dimitri then, one scared and panicked, the other glistening with unshed tears of laughter. 

"M-maybe we should just take the notes and leave, before someone catches us here," Dimitri suggests. 

He firmly believes that's what Claude would do, and he'd likely get away with it. 

"Ooh, like a hit-and-run!" Annette shouts. 

"I think that's something else," Ashe laughs. "With traffic accidents, or something." 

Annette waves a hand. "Don't ruin it, it sounds cool enough and it's exactly what we're doing. Well, you did the hitting part, anyway. We just gotta run now." 

Ashe looks at her and presses his finger against his lips, gesturing for her to keep quiet about the incident. She just laughs though, barely doing anything to hide the noise. 

Dimitri finds that he likes hanging around these two. They're sweet, friendly and actually a lot of fun. Not the Claude kind of fun he likes most, but they're a close second. 

And for the first time since both high school _and_ college, Dimitri actually has to choose between two groups he'll spend his breaks with. 

While Edelgard had meant extremely well with introducing him to her friends and inviting him to eat lunch with them, he does kinda feel a bit unwelcome with them. Mostly because of Dorothea and Hubert. 

So he thinks it's best if he sticks around Ashe and Annette for now. They seem like they don't mind having Dimitri around and he's starting to be more and more comfortable with talking to them as well, rather than just listening. 

But for good measures, he sends Edelgard a text to let her know that he won't be imposing on her group, but that he's still grateful that she tried to help him that way. 

* * *

**_Edelgard:_ ** _Of course, Dimitri. That's no problem at all, I understand. But you're welcome to join us anytime, if you ever feel like it. And also, I'm glad that you're texting me again. I'll try my best to stay in touch with you regularly from now on too._

_13:04_

* * *

Today _really_ is weird. Dimitri can't wait to tell Claude all about it when he gets home later. He'd like to text him right now, of course, but he feels it'd be rude since he's sitting in Ashe's and Annette's company. He doesn't want to seem disinterested in Ashe's love for books, or Annette's addiction to sugar. 

"And, here we are!" Annette announces as she takes out a big colorful box from her bag. "My newest creations!" 

"Do you make up your own recipes?" Dimitri asks. 

"Yup! Or, well, when baking, you can't really decide on how much flour or sugar you want to put in, since it has to have the right consistency of everything. Otherwise the texture will be all bad and gross. But I really like to try new flavors and combine them! These," she points at the cupcakes in the box, "are banana and vanilla flavored cupcakes, with a chocolate glaze! Bon appetite!" 

She carefully picks up two cupcakes from the box, handing one to Ashe and the other to Dimitri. 

He never eats cupcakes, or any other baked goods. Sometimes the dough is either really dry, or very mushy, and Dimitri just generally doesn't like the texture of whipped cream. But Annette's cupcake smells really good, and she's looking at him expectantly, so he supposes he might as well just eat it. 

It's not like he can hate the flavor anyway. 

Ashe moans as he takes his first bite, grinning widely and sporting a chocolate moustache on his upper lip. 

"Oh my god, I _need_ a picture of that!" Annette quickly rearranges the cupcakes so that a few are in front of Ashe and then takes a picture of him. "Mind if I put it on my blog?" 

"Mm, go ahead," Ashe answers with his mouth full. After he's swallowed, "these are super good, Annette! I like these even more than the ones from before." 

While they talk, Dimitri carefully takes a bite from his own, trying not to spill the glaze all over himself. 

He sees Ashe take another cupcake and greedily puts the whole thing in his mouth, earning him a shriek from Annette. 

"Ashe, you animal! How can you enjoy them when you just stuff it into your mouth like that!?" 

"Ish gud!" He accidentally spits out a few crumbs, embarrassing himself and laughing at it together with Annette. 

Even Dimitri lets out a soft laugh. 

Annette takes a couple more pictures of Ashe, just to spite him for ruining the flavor of the cupcake, and Ashe spits out a few more pieces while he tries to get her to stop.

Dimitri wonders if they're always like this together. If anything, they seem like really good friends. He'd almost feel like he's imposing on their quality time, but then Ashe turns to him again, including him once more. 

He likes these two, he just decided. He'll try to be good friends with them. 

"What do you think, Dimitri?" Ashe asks, face earnest. 

Annette turns to him as well, expecting compliments, no doubt. 

"It- I really like it. You're incredibly talented, Annette." 

She squeals happily, beaming and grinning from ear to ear. 

"Why, thank you, Dimitri. I'm really glad you enjoy it, even if you don't like cupcakes!" 

The blonde nods, showing the girl a smile at which she grins back. 

The rest of the cupcakes are divided among the three of them, each getting four. But since Dimitri really doesn't like cupcakes that much, he gives one to each of them and only eats the two that are left. 

At least they're full of calories, he reasons. He could use those. 

"Mm, Annette," Ashe tells when he's swallowed his mouth full. "Tell him about your blog!" 

"Oh! Oh my god, Dimitri. Would you _please_ subscribe to my blog? It's full of recipes I tried for all sorts of pastries, and pictures of my own creations, and stories of me working and learning in the kitchen! Although... I mean, it's not really interesting if you don't like to eat it… Ashe, why would you say that? He doesn't even like sweets!"

Ashe just shrugs as he licks off his finger. "Maybe he knows someone who _does_ like them? And besides, more subscribers are good for your image." 

"Well, sure, but…" 

"I-I'll subscribe! Of course I'll subscribe. What's it called?" 

"You're an angel! Thank you so much. The page is called Annette's Tasty Pastry, you'll find it if you look it up on Google. I already have almost a thousand followers!" 

"That's impressive," Dimitri says. "When did you start?" 

"At the beginning of last year, actually. That was when I made my first batch of cupcakes without almost setting the kitchen on fire." She giggles. "My mom never let me before then, but I showed her my independence!" 

"She's thinking of starting her own shop as well, for deliveries and such," Ashe explains. 

"Well, it'd be even better if I could afford a small bakery or cafe! But that's still a long way…" She sighs dreamily, probably imagining a small bakery filled with her creations and enough customers to buy them all. 

"Do you accept donations?" Dimitri asks before his brains have caught up. 

She crooks her head. "Donations..?" 

Ashe slaps his hand on the table, startling both Dimitri and Annette. "That's a great idea, Annette! Maybe if you can raise enough funds, you could look for a place to start your business in!" 

"Oh, but it wouldn't feel right to just… you know, ask people for money…" She fiddles with her fingers, suddenly acting shy. 

Ashe hums in thought, silently agreeing with her. 

"Uh, well," Dimitri starts. "Maybe you could, I don't know… Maybe set up some… stand?" 

"Like a lemonade stand!" Ashe exclaims. "For your followers to come and taste your things!" 

Annette's eyes grow wide. "That's a fantastic idea, you guys! I'm getting _so_ excited right now. Dimitri, you're more than an angel. You're like… a hero angel!" 

"Mhm, I like that! You really are!" Ashe smiles brightly at the blonde. 

"Oh, no, I'm not… No." Heat crawls up his neck, coating his cheeks. 

Just when he was starting to feel comfortable with them.

"Mm, yes you are! Do you know how to bake?" Annette asks. 

Dimitri shakes his head. "No, I only recently started learning how to cook," he admits. 

"Aw, okay. If you ever wanna learn, I can teach you! Just message me on my blog, or… Oh! I'll give you my number! Ashe will give you his too!" 

"Yeah, here you go!" 

They both take their phones and tap on their screens a few times, giggling about how neither of them know their number by heart. 

Not seeing a reason to refuse, Dimitri does the same, handing his phone over to Ashe, who looks ready first. 

"...and here you go! Just send me a text whenever you like! I'm always up for a talk." 

The blonde nods. "Thank you, I will." 

"Or… we can make a group chat with the three of us!" Annette suggests. 

Ashe's eyes start gleaming at the idea. "That sounds perfect!" 

Annette grabs Dimitri's phone from Ashe's hands to type in her own number. She takes a bit longer than Ashe, Dimitri wondering what exactly she's doing. 

"There! I added your phone number to mine!" She informs before she gives his phone back. 

She also gives him a smile, one he can't really place, before she whispers to him, "I think your boyfriend texted you!" 

Blood rushes to Dimitri's face within record time, and he feels as if his ears might be steaming. 

Annette giggles loudly, a blush coating her own cheeks as well. "Sorry, I didn't mean to read any of your messages." 

Ashe looks between them, confused but amused all the same. 

"I-it's okay, don't worry about it." 

"Oof, thank god! I was worried you'd hate me now, you always seemed so gloomy!" 

"Wait, what happened?" Ashe asks. 

Annette looks at Dimitri, silently asking for permission to tell Ashe about Claude. 

The blonde nods carefully, which is all Annette needed to go full gossip-mode. 

"I swear I didn't mean to, but I accidentally read the first text that had come in because I added him to a group chat and it was from his _boyfriend!_ " She giggles again. "I bet they're super cute!" 

Ashe nods, smiling. "Yeah, I think so. But you still shouldn't read his messages," he then scolds. 

Annette pouts again, flattening one of the crumbs lying on the table with her finger. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, Dimitri." 

"No, really, it's okay. It's not a secret or anything." And Claude _is_ super cute, he nearly adds. 

"Then, do you have a picture?" Annette's cheerful mood has settled back in right away. 

"A picture..?" He doesn't. He actually _doesn't_ have a picture of his own boyfriend. 

Even Claude's profile picture isn't of himself. 

"I don't have a picture of him, actually," he confesses. 

What would they think of him right now? Who doesn't have a picture of his own boyfriend? 

"That's fine! We don't need to see what he looks like," Ashe assures. 

Annette pouts again. "I wanted to see though." 

"Maybe when Dimitri feels more comfortable with us, he'll show." 

"But I wanted to see it now before I forget," Annette grumbles. 

Ashe gives a laugh and pats Dimitri on his shoulder. "Don't feel obliged to show us anything, really. It's bad enough she read a private message in the first place." 

"But it was cute!" Annette defends. 

"Even then, it's personal," Ashe scolds. 

They go on about the subject a while longer, and all Dimitri thinks about is _how does he not have a picture of Claude?_

Well, he never asked, so that's one thing. And Claude never offered, so there's a second reason. But _still,_ isn't that unnatural? Maybe he'll ask Claude later. 

The bell chimes, signalling their break is over, and the trio gathers their stuff to head back to classroom for their final few classes of today. 

Ashe and Annette fill the silence with chatter and giggles the whole way there, and Dimitri is more than content to just listen. 

They retake their seats, Ashe sitting next to Dimitri again, since apparently he wasn't allowed to sit next to Annette anymore because they talked too much. 

Not like this helps, their teachers still gave about six warnings to the pair, only resulting in more giggling. 

When all classes are over, he says his goodbyes to the two, promising to text with them later and to subscribe to Annette's blog. He hesitates on whether or not to go over to Edelgard's table and tell them bye too, but settles on just waving at them from a distance. 

He receives a small, subtle wave from Edelgard, a nod of the head from Caspar, a shout and nearly a whole body wave from Ferdinand, even a casual wave from Dorothea, and no acknowledgment from Hubert. There are two new faces at the table, presumably Petra, who asks around before she waves at him as well, and Linhardt, who only looks up briefly to see what the commotion is about before he rests his face on his arms again. 

Dimitri can't help but smile, appreciating what Edelgard did for him today, even if he didn't accept her invitation. Hopefully she knows it's not her fault, but that he just doesn't feel comfortable around too many new faces. 

The busride back home is uneventful, and Dimitri is glad to close his front door behind him once he enters. While he's tired from all the interaction today, he can't wait to text Claude and tell him about everything that happened. 

He opens his chat app eagerly, seeing six new messages in 'the mad chatters'. At least they aren't lying. But he leaves that chat for later. Claude comes first. 

* * *

**_Claude:_ ** _hey bby hows your day going? Uve been quiet all day hope its nothing bad <3 _

_12:57_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _Not at all, love. My day was great, I have so much to tell you_

_16:51_

* * *

**_Me:_ ** _ <3 _

_16:51_

* * *

And, before he forgets, he registers in hAppiness that he completed his challenge.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos and/or comments are much loved and appreciated


End file.
